CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 5

"I hear you tell me and I don't believe it," says Diane as we walk to put our books in our lockers. "So, what about you and James?" She looks at me with a suggestive smile.

"He and I what?" I ask, not understanding her.

I lower my gaze to my feet to observe my sneakers. Immediately, I decide that I must buy new ones because these are already very worn out. I tell Ginger to go with me because if I go with mom she will manipulate me into buying shoes that are not my style at all, but her own.

"Thea, answer my question" I blink my eyes and look at Diane, trying to remember her question, but the truth is I wasn't paying attention to her. I smile tenderly at her to repeat it back to me. She, with pursed lips, asks me again: "Do you have a thing with James?"

I trip over my own feet at her unbalanced question.

"No!" I blush when I notice, from the looks of the others, that I have spoken louder than usual. I lean closer to her and whisper in her ear: "Of course not, Diane."

"Why not? He's gorgeous and you go on and on about him at all times."

We stop when we get to our lockers which are continuous.

"I don't talk about James all the time" I grumble, reluctantly opening my locker.

"Oh, sure you do" she turns to look at me with a creepy hinting face. "You keep saying things like: James explained math to me and he's a genius, James has a tattoo on his arm and it looks great, James invited me to dinner and it was hilarious, James laughs at my bad jokes in a very adorable way, James has a tattoo on his butt that I loved, James...."

"Hey, I didn't say that last part!" I retort. "I haven't even seen his butt."

"But you will see it soon and I'm sure that's what you're going to tell me when you see it."

"Diane!" I slam the locker shut. "I'm not going to see the but..."

"There's fighting in the school parking lot!" A boy shouts past. Immediately, I see Diane's eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

"Come on!" She grabs my arm to drag me into the darn fight, but I resist.

"I don't want to watch a stupid f..."

"It's James Harrison and Calum Burns!"

As soon as James' name leaves the boy's lips, my feet move on their own toward the parking lot.

"Hey, Thea! Wasn't it that you didn't want to see the fight?!" Diane asks behind me.

"Shut up, Diane!" I yell over my shoulder.

I run as fast as I can to the parking lot and, when I get there, I'm met with the sweet scene of James smashing a boy's face into the hood of a car.

Holy Macarena.

I stand motionless with my feet anchored to the hard concrete as I watch James finish that kid off. I can't believe that James is the same James who was sweetly checking my hand yesterday because he thought I had cut myself. The same James who at lunch always offers to carry my food to the table where we sit next to Diane and Ben. The same James I've been spending time with for the past few days.

I still freeze when his green gaze connects with mine. He too freezes, giving the other boy a chance to steady himself.

"Thea" I don't hear him, but I do read his lips pronouncing my name.

I glance to his side to find the beaten boy already poised to deliver a blow to James, who is still staring at me, totally motionless. I don't even think about it, reason about it or ponder it, I just act by moving my body to get in the middle of the fight and stop James from getting hit.

"Thea!" Those are the screams of James and Diane.

When I see the boy's fist almost in my face, a strong arm pulls me back and it's another body that gets hit.

James.

I stand with my trembling body behind James' back, but I catch a glimpse of him throwing another fist to knock the boy down. He falls to the ground, holding his bloody nose.

James turns to look at me with his body fully tensed.

"What the fuck, Thea! You almost got hit!"

"I was trying to help you!" I yell back.

"Well I don't need your fucking help!" He takes a step back, tangling his hair tightly in his hands. "You're crazy, Christ!"

"Hey, you idiot!" Diane steps in between the two of us. "She almost takes a punch to save your ass and you just insult her!"

The students around us seem happy with the show we're putting on for them.

"Didn't you see what she did?" He yells back, "I take one more second and that guy would have hit her! And she wouldn't have done me any fucking favors if that had happened!"

"Fuck you," Diane says to him in an angry whisper. Then she takes my hand to lead us out of there.

I just let go because I'm still so stunned by the fact that I almost got hit for wanting to save an idiot.

I groan, filled with frustration when a tug on my other hand forces me to turn around.

"Let go of me, both of you!" I yell angrily at them.

They both let go of me immediately.

"Come on, I'm taking you home," James says, still looking at me angrily.

"Hell no" I tell him without measuring my words. My anger grows even more when I see the smile that forms on his lips because of my rudeness.

"Let him take you," Diane whispers in my ear, "Maybe today is the day you can see the tattoo on his ass."

But which side is she on, his or mine?

"Mouse, come on" he insists and even takes my hand, but I jerk free from his grip.

"No."

A gasp escapes my lips as, without seeing it coming, he reaches over to me and hoists me onto his shoulder as if I were a rag doll.

"With those screams you are attracting more attention" he says in a very calm voice, the opposite of me who keeps shouting and shouting loudly.

"Put me down!" I slap his back while ignoring the many whispers from all the students. "James, put me down!"

My breathing is completely shallow as he sets me back down. He quickly wraps his arms around me on his bike to prevent me from escaping.

"Let me take you home" he whispers with his face very close to mine and that's when I notice the blood on one of his eyebrows.

"You're hurt" and I point to his injured eyebrow, suddenly my defenses are down and all I want is for him to be okay.

"Never mind, are you okay?" I nod a little calmer, "Come on, Mouse, let me take you home."

"It's okay," I nod without taking my eyes off his wound. "But let me fix you up when we get to my place."

He nods with a smirk on his lips.

Idiot.

***

Seeing James, all manly, sitting on my bed with blue sheets and very colorful room, feels too weird.

Like, it's not a very common combination.

"I like your stars" he comments, looking up at the stars stuck to the ceiling of my room.

I blush at the idea that he might find it childish.

"You must be wondering what a sixteen year old girl is doing with such childish things?"

"Hey, I'm not thinking that, Thea" I approach him with the absorbent cotton already wet with hydrogen peroxide. He stares at me when he whispers tenderly: "I was serious, I like your stars."

I give him a small smile because I suddenly feel very shy.

"Thank you."

"So you're sixteen" he comments as I wipe the absorbent cotton over his wound. He doesn't flinch and I wonder how used to physical pain he is not to squeal even though it probably must be burning.

"Almost seventeen, how old are you?" I ask, still focused on his wound.

"Nineteen. You're a year ahead of me, aren't you?"

I nod.

"When I was in elementary school, they moved me up a year."

"Me too" I look at him, not believing him. "I'm serious, Mouse, I'm not lying," he replies with a small smile on his lips. "But I guess it didn't do me any good to be a year ahead if I was going to lose three years later."

I remain silent because I don't know what to say to that.

When I'm done, I throw the cotton in the trash and sit back down next to him.

"Why were you fighting with that boy, James?" I dare to ask him.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter" I try to keep my voice hard. "Tell me."

He looks at me sideways.

"He says my father is a drug dealer."

Oh, wow.

"And is that true?" I ask quietly.

He looks at me in disbelief, shakes his head and snorts angrily.

God, Thea why can't you ever say the right words?

"No, James" I don't even think it as I settle onto his lap, stopping him from leaving. "Wait, don't go."

I hold onto the fabric of his shirt so I don't fall backwards, but soon I don't need that support because his strong hands come out to hold my hips tightly, almost possessively.

I swallow hard as I become aware of the closeness of our faces.

"My father is no drug dealer," he tells me in a hoarse voice.

"But he's been in jail, you told me" I try to be gentle with my words. "Why?"

"Do you really care?" He asks without a hint of expressiveness on his face, unreadable, he is totally unreadable.

"Yes, I care."

"Why do you care?" I look at him with confusion, not understanding his question. "Why do you care, Thea?"

I repeat the question to myself mentally, trying to find an answer.

I finally sigh, giving up.

"Because I care about you, James."

His eyes study my face closely, as if he's trying to find some kind of sign that tells him my words aren't true. He finds nothing because I have told him the truth.

"My father was a cargo pilot for DeClouds. On one of his trips to Europe, they found a load of cocaine on the plane he was flying. They accused him of drug trafficking when he had nothing to do with it. He was in prison for ten years and a few months ago we were able to prove his innocence. That is the truth."

I take a breath of air, trying to fill my lungs with much-needed oxygen. I also use it as a pretext to have more time to assimilate his confession.

"That's horrible" I bring my hand to his cheek, but he pulls back, denying me the simple action of touching him. I ignore the pang of rejection and pain in my chest. "How old were you when it all happened? You must have been a child."

"I didn't tell you to make you feel sorry, Thea," his voice is hard. "You asked and I gave you an answer. That's all."

I try again to bring my hand to his cheek. I want to touch him, I want to touch the boy who was hurt as a child, I want to touch the boy who looks reluctant to receive affection, I want to touch the rough boy in front of me. And though again he tries to pull away, I manage to get my hand to reach his destination. His cheek scrapes a little from the stubble that is not yet visible, but that is no reason for me to pull away. I move my thumb back and forth across his cheek and that simple act seems to comfort him because he closes his eyes and leans into the sincere warmth of my touch.

"It's not pity. It's sympathy and pride" he opens his green eyes when he hears me speak. "You're very brave to go through all that. I wouldn't be standing in your place."

I give him a soft smile that he doesn't respond to. Instead, his eyes travel to my lips, watching them as if they're something he's been longing for for a long time.

"James" I warn, but he ignores my word of warning.

I lower my hands to his chest to try to create a barrier as his face approaches mine, but his strength forces me to flex them, so I soon feel his breath on my jaw. I shudder at the first touch of his wet mouth on my skin, following a suffocating trail to my earlobe where he bites down gently.

I bite my lip, swallowing the desperate moan that wants to escape my mouth.

It's wrong, I repeat to myself in my head, put it away.

"Are you scared, Mouse?" He asks with his lips pressed to my ear.

"N-No" that single word comes out totally shaky.

I can feel his arrogant smile on my skin.

"Prove it to me."

"H-How?" I ask, burying my nails in his chest as one of his hands moves my hair to the side, totally clearing my neck.

"Tilt that beautiful neck, Mouse," I tug as I feel a wet kiss at the junction of my jaw and neck. "Let me taste you."

I obey him.

And soon that is my undoing.

I close my eyes, giving myself totally to the moment as his lips begin to leave wet kisses on my skin, so electrifying. I bring my hands to his hard shoulders as his hands very freely caress my hips with desperation, as if he wants to tattoo his touch on my skin. And he is succeeding.

"No, wait," I snap back to reality when his hand goes up to the strap of my shirt and down my shoulder, "No, stop..." my protest dies when his teeth scrape roughly across my neck, telling me to shut up.

When his kisses travel down to my collarbones and I feel his wet tongue tracing its own path to the exposed skin of my bra, I bite my lip so hard I'm afraid of hurting myself. His hands travel to my ass and, pushing me from there, he pulls me closer to his lap, causing my nails to bury harder into his shoulders, preventing with all my might the moan from escaping my lips.

"Come on, Mouse" I feel his smile on the exposed skin of one of my breasts. "Say my name, I know you want to."

It's only until I feel him sucking hard on the sensitive skin of my breast that I let it out, a moan of his name: "James."

Just in time to stop his hands from pulling my shirt off, I hear my mother's shout from downstairs: "Thea, I'm home!"

"Holy macarena" I give James a hard shove and stand up, stepping completely away from him as I tuck my shirt and hair back into place. "Take that...that..." I look at him, awkwardly pointing at him with my hands. "Take that stupid, hot, arrogant smirk off your lips."

His laugh only makes me angrier and more nervous.

"Should I jump out the window to escape your mother?"

I hate the amusement in his voice, I really hate it.

"No, let me go downstairs and tell her something...."

"Thea, honey" three knocks on the door, my bedroom door! Oh God, I'm going to start hyperventilating. "I'm coming in."

"No, mom! Wait..."

Too late.

My mother looks wide-eyed from James to me, then crosses her arms under her chest and looks at me seriously.

"What's going on here?"

"Mom..."

"Ma'am, I had an accident and your daughter offered to fix me" my mom softens her gaze at James' words. "I'm sorry if I have caused you any..."

"Oh no, honey" I bring my hand to my forehead when I see my mother, the cloying one, make her presence known. "No problem, it's ok" her eyes fall on the wound James has on his eyebrow. "God, are you ok? Do you want me to take you to the doctor? I can take you or go get you some medicine. Have you eaten...?"

"Mom... Mom..." I go to her and calm her down. "James is fine, everything is in order, don't worry."

But she keeps looking at James with worry.

"I'm fine, ma'am," James says calmly, but I don't miss the amused look in his eyes.

"I'll believe you. Have you eaten anything yet? You can eat with Thea, dinner is enough for both of us..."

"No, I'm sorry. My mother must be worried, I have to go now" and James' words make my mother look at him with admiration in her eyes.

"Oh, you must be a good son" now she looks at me with reprimand in her eyes. "Learn from him, Thea."

What on earth?

"Yeah, well" I look at James with a fake smile that he gives me back with amusement. "See you tomorrow in class, bye bye" I push him towards the door as I hear his stupid sexy laugh.

He says goodbye to my mother with a polite "see you later" and leaves my room. Soon the street door is heard as it is closed and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"You've never told me about this guy before," my mother looks at me with her hands on either side of her hips. "Is he new?"

"Something like that..." I look at her cautiously. "It doesn't bother you that he's my friend?"

My mother looks back at me with confusion.

"Why would it bother me?"

"You know, because of his tattoos" my mother shrugs as if it's no big deal and I guess it's not. "And you know that the bike you probably found parked in the driveway is his?" She shrugs again. "And he brought me home, on a motorcycle" I tell her slowly so she understands.

"Why do I feel like you're looking for my disapproval to talk to him?"

God, am I that obvious, if I don't have the willpower to stay away from him, I thought my mother could help me with it, but I see I was wrong because she has loved James.

OMG, am I living in some kind of parallel world? How do I get back to the real world where my mother forbids me to talk to the guy who is tattooed to the core?

Help me!

"Honey, I'm not going to judge the boy because of his physical appearance or because he has a motorcycle. And you shouldn't either, it's not what your father and I have taught you."

"I know, Mom," I sigh and let myself fall back into a sitting position on the bed. "It's just that... James is so different from Mathew, so different from what I know. I'm scared of all this... I'm stepping into unknown territory and I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt again."

"I knew it!" She sits down next to me and leaves a hand on my leg as she looks at me excitedly. Since when does my mom get excited like a schoolgirl? It's not like my life is interesting! More interesting is the life of the poor raisins that are sadly locked in a kitchen pot!. "So you like the boy."

"I don't, mom. I..." I bury my face in my hands when I can't find the words to deny it. "Okay, I think I might like him. Holy Macarena, Mom!" I start to hyperventilate when reality hits me hard. "I like a boy totally opposite to me, who I've known for a few days and who at first I was afraid of..."

"Thea, calm down."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" I stomp my feet again and again on the floor, totally nervous. God, I've gone crazy! "Mom, I like James. Don't you understand?"

"What am I supposed to understand?"

"I just broke up with Mathew, I'm not supposed to like someone so fast."

"Come on, honey" my mother snorts and again I imagine her as a schoolgirl, uniform and all. What role would my father come to play in this story? He could be a teacher who... "Thea! Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I shake my head, pushing away the stormy images of my father spanking my mother while dressed as a schoolgirl.

Those images have been put in my head by James with his stupid perverted comments!

Finger seek a psychiatrist urgently.

"I was telling you there's nothing wrong with liking James."

"But Mathew..."

"Mathew missed his chance with you. Forget it already, honey."

"It's not that easy and you know it" I frown as I speak: "I've loved Mathew since I was a little girl."

"Honey" my mother places a kiss on my cheek before standing up. "You need to sort out the mess in your head before you make any decisions. I'll wait for you downstairs for dinner."

When she leaves my room, I fall into bed, staring up at the stars I have taped to my bedroom ceiling.

Will I be able to reach one? I shake my head, focus, Thea!

But time passes and my head is occupied only by thoughts of the stars on my ceiling. Thoughts like they are too small and I should already make them bigger so they are more visible, but I will have to ask my father for help to give me money.

When my mother calls me again to come down for dinner, I haven't decided anything about James.

That night, when I take a bath and look at myself naked in the mirror, I notice two new things about my body.

The first: a huge, deep hickey on the top of one of my breasts.

The second: another hickey, but oh surprise! This one is on my neck, where I don't know how to hide it!

And only one thought invades my head all night: I'm going to kill James as soon as I see him!