Chapter 4

“Maybe just maybe, I’m starting to fall.” Still looking at me. “But I’ll stop it. I don’t want to. It’s a heartbreak in the making.” He got up and left me there.

I didn’t know how long I held my breath. Was he freakin’ serious? Or was he just playing with me? Urgh! He’s messing up my head. I just went home. I wasn’t able to enjoy my alone time because of what Toby said. Freakin’ moron. Keeps messin’ with me.

“You’re just in time. The food’s ready. Come on let’s eat.” I heard my mom saying. I didn’t even notice that I was home already. I was too preoccupied of what happened.

“Yes mom. I’ll just go up to change. Be there in a bit.”

I immediately went up to change and then hurriedly went downstairs to eat with my mom. It’s just the two of us here. My mom and dad are separated. My Dad has another family already. But Mom seems to be okay with it. We’re both happy with what we have right now. No bitterness between my dad’s family and us. Mom never remarried. She said she’s happy that it’s just the two of us. She devoted herself in making sure that I grow up to be a good person. She is a manager in a publishing company. I guess, it’s kinda obvious where I got my addiction to books.

My mom has always been fond of Ethan. She feels that Ethan was the reason why I crawled out of my shell. She was afraid that maybe the reason why I don’t interact with other people is because of what happened to her and my dad which was of course not true. I just got used to not talking much to anyone aside from my mom and when Ethan entered the picture. I was contented with being alone and the books were my escape. I was creating my own world.

I was okay with my mom and dad’s separation since my mom explained it didn’t just work out and they’re both still there for me. I understood the situation even at a young age that’s why I did not hold grudge towards them.

“Looks like Ethan hasn’t been around lately.” My mom suddenly said.

“He has a lot on his plate and he’s busy with the girl she’s courting.”

“Oh? He’s courting someone? I thought it’s gonna be the two of you. I like Ethan for you.”

“Mom! We’re just friends. We’re just like siblings. Do you hear yourself?” I said defensively. I was nervous thinking my mom knows what I’ve been hiding.

“Don’t overreact. I was just joking. Finish your food and go upstairs. You need to take a rest.”

I went up after eating. I washed myself and went to bed right away. I just read a book and then fell asleep.

The next day was like a normal day. It was so boring. There’s no Ethan that’s bugging me. I just helped mom clean the house and I texted Ethan after.

[Are you busy? Movie trip?] I waited a few minutes before he replied.

[have a date with Jill. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you next time.]

Before I make myself sad again, I immediately closed my phone. I decided to binge watch on Netflix. I was so engrossed with what I was watching and I didn’t realize my phone was ringing. I immediately answered when I saw Ethan’s name. Maybe he changed his mind? Keep you hopes down Andi.

“Yes? Why? You’re interrupting me. I’m watching.” I immediately said when I answered the phone so he won’t notice that I was excited with his call.

“What’s with the mood? Why are you so grumpy?” He laughed on the other line. “I’ll just ask for your opinion. Do you think it won’t be too much if I give Jill a necklace? Will it not creep her out? She’s not materialistic but I really wanted to give her this necklace. What do you think?”

There was a lump in my throat. I wasn’t able to answer his question right away. It’s like there are no words that wanted to come out of my mouth.

“If she likes you, she’ll appreciate everything that you will give her.” I smiled while imagining I was her.

“I really appreciate you helping me out. If Jill says yes to me, I will make it up to you. I promise. I got to go. I need to pick her up. I’ll watch a movie with you next time. Bye.” He said before hanging up.

Deep breath. Inhale Exhale. Whoa! I can do this. Don’t cry. Go back to watching movies Andi and just forget about what happened.

I tried to focus on I was watching but I knew I was failing. I wasn’t able to concentrate and could not understand what was happening in the movie. I just turned off the TV and went to sleep. It took me a lot of tosses and turns before finally falling asleep. After taking a nap I just continued to finish my requirements.

Sunday went like a blur and as soon as I realized it, it was already Monday. I got up early washed myself and ate breakfast. I was waiting for Ethan when I received a text from him.

[Andi I can’t walk with you today. Jill asked me to pick her up.]

What a way to start my day huh? I forgot to mention Ethan has a car. He just doesn’t use it that much because he preferred walking to school since it’s so near. It’s somewhat his exercise as well.

I replied okay and then went to school by myself.

It has been months since Ethan started courting Jill. And in those few months we never got the chance to spend time together. He misses even our usual routine of going to school. Most of the time he’ll apologize to me and promise to make it up next time.

He would call me often when he needs help regarding the things he’d like to do or buy for Jill. I can see that he really loves her and his happiness is overflowing. I chose this right? As long as his happy. That’s what I always tell myself.

And now, here I am helping him with his surprise. He said this surprise is special and I’ll be proud of him.

He told me he would set up the place and asked me for a favor. I need to make up a story to Jill to make her come with me and I’ll lead her to the place where Ethan had set up.

I texted Jill. I have her number and already exchanged a few texts before. We were formally introduced by Ethan because he wants us to get along. He also said that I needed other friends aside from him because he said that he’s sick of my face. I glared at him and he just laughed.

[Hi Jill. Are you busy?]

[Hi Andi. No, I’m not busy. Why?]

[I would like to ask a favor. Can you accompany me? Ethan’s busy. Sorry for bothering you like this.]

[Sure! I’ll just change. Where are we going to meet?] She hurriedly replied.

[I’ll send you the address. Let’s meet in 15 minutes. Thank you for this.]

We met at the address that I texted here and I led her to where Ethan was. We rode a cab to the location.

After we arrived, Jill was speechless. The place looked magical. Ethan was standing in the middle of the garden. There was a table set for two and petals of roses of different colors where scattered on the floor. The garden was like what you see in fairy tales. Lights covered the trees that were meant to look like fireflies. Say you won't let go by James Arthur, was playing on the back ground.

I stood at the corner watching how in love they were. They looked at each other like there’s just the two of them. Ethan knelt to the ground holding Jill’s hands. She was literally crying still grasping what was happening at that moment.

“Jill, I love you and I can’t think of anyone I would wanna be with. I’m the happiest when I’m with you. You bring out the best in me. Will you be my girlfriend?” He said with full of love. Even his voice sound so in love.

Jill couldn’t talk because she was crying the whole time. She just nodded. Ethan held her tight after he received her answer. He was jumping for joy.

It could have been a wonderful scene to watch if only my heart was not breaking. Why was fate so cruel to let me witness this? Was my heart not broken enough? Was I not hurt enough?

I left. I was not that strong enough to watch them be happy. I know I was such a bad friend because I can’t be happy for them. I reached home but my tears wouldn’t stop from falling. I didn’t want my mom to see me like this so I stayed outside until my eyes gets tired of crying.

“Why do you always have to cry whenever I see you? Does your tears not dry out?”

Toby. It’s been a while since I last saw him. Ever since that incident in the park I didn’t see him anymore.

I didn’t answer his question. It’s like I couldn’t find my voice. I just kept on crying almost at the point of breaking down.

He went to me and I was shocked of what he did next. He hugged me. And what’s more surprising is I let him. Maybe because I knew deep down, I needed a shoulder to cry on.

“Will you please stop looking fragile. You make me want to take care of you.”