Two worlds, one mind

Warning: disturbing

She didn't feel like working but she forced herself to. She got some items that Alabaster brought to her workshop. Despite her disinterest to work, she knows that she will have to keep going. She sat down, staring at the stars while her construction ability gets the forge ready and began making the requested item.

Alabaster told her that she must take care of her health and maintaining her lifestyle as best she could. But with these dreams and anxiety, she cannot sleep. She stared at the Amaryllis flower printed on the back of her hand. She looks at her left hand everyday as a reminder of the world she is living in.

"Why did you let me die?"

She closed her ears off to the nonexistent sound and sports an irritable look on her face.

Alabaster, hurry! I don't know how much more of this I could take.

A figure before her has appeared yet again. It is the same boy with his green shirt, bloodied and blank-faced. 

"Do you remember anything?" he asked with a creepy smile, "Do you know why I was killed?"

I don't even know who you are.

This is frustrating. For some reason, despite knowing she was traumatized, she refused to even feel anything and isn't sad about it. Is she truly this emotionally numb that she chooses not to acknowledge his existence or is the guilt so strong that she is in constant denial as a protective measure?

Truly, Amy is not a good person. Perhaps this is realistic. She is cynical to everything around her, a trait she has not acquired during her time here. She didn't hesitate to gaslight Alabaster before subjecting him to basically torture then eternal servitude, didn't even have second thoughts on killing the White siblings if they were to follow their original path despite being so young. However, she is not inherently evil. She will feel guilt, anger and sadness, make decisions she doesn't wish to make and have regrets, fictional or not. Perhaps this is why she relates to Aron so much. The reason she got into this story was because of his character after all.

Now this boy... she stared at him as he collapsed in front of her, is right now a... oh no.

Her breath became constricted and her airways seem to just close off. She is too dizzy to finish off her thoughts as she struggled to breathe properly. This dreadful feeling grows stronger as she could see the wound on herself and the blood around her.

I remember his name now. His name is Tyler. she thought before collapsing.

*

She felt like she is heavy all over. The room is dully white and there are flowers, cards and other items.

"What is going on here?" she said upon noticing a woman dressed in blue clothes.

"You are in the hospital, ^&%$*. You were shot in the lower abdomen but you will make a full recovery."

"Is everyone alright?"

The nurse froze. "Everyone is safe though I must warn you not to be alarmed. You are praised as a hero, after all."

She has trouble hearing her before the view has changed. She looked in the mirror to see herself as Amy but she knows that is not what she originally looked like.

"We want to congratulate you and award you with this medal for saving everyone at *(&^(()(*#."

"You are my hero, ^&%$*."

"I'm so glad that there are people like you."

Despite all these praises, she didn't actually save everyone. After all, there is one casualty; Tyler. All she did was try to rescue him from the killer and stall for time until the authorities arrive.

The scenery changed again to a distraught man who resembles Tyler as he threw something at her. It hit her head but she doesn't dare react despite the mild bleeding. She deserves it and didn't even try to defend herself. He was held back by multiple people who stop him from trying to assault her.

"This is all your fault! It is because of you that our child died! Give my son back, you bitch!!!"

There are multiple people surrounding the man, some are family members who are Tyler's family.

The people dragged him away and despite the praises, she doesn't feel like she deserved it so she quit her job and lived an isolated life away from the press and those who knew her.

*

"Do you blame yourself?"

She barely recognize the voice as now everything is frozen in place like time had stopped.

"I barely remember anything. I wouldn't dare say anything I am unsure of."

"You do, don't you? If you finish your mission, this is the world you have to go back to. Would you return to the world where you suffered or stay here where you would finally escape that?"

"How do I know that I wouldn't make a bigger mistake by trying to escape my problems?"

"That is up for you to decide. Plenty of people would sell their souls to escape an inescapable responsibility of guilt. You have a chance for a fresh start. If you succeed then wouldn't it be a reality?"

"Why ask me this? It doesn't benefit you at all."

"It is of mutual benefit."

"I would choose the option where I would be in peace. Is that good enough?"

The voice didn't reply.

"You wish to remember but you choose not to."

"It is already hard enough to live as a twelve year old girl as an adult. If I have my full memories then it would not benefit me in the long run."

"Aren't you worried about this dual identity you are living? You are from a real world where no one is exempted from suffering."

"Being a Heavenly Actor provides opportunities to anyone regardless of class or qualification but that doesn't mean that it's a good thing. You remember the Kaiju woman, right?"

The voice heartily laughed. It wasn't even a cruel laugh but he still sounds amused. "Of course, I mentioned it before."

"I don't have a desire to seek happiness in these conditions. I do not wish to get overly attached to this world when I have another to get back to. If you fulfill your end then I will fix my mistakes and repent for the rest of my life."

"Your world is far worse than it is here. In the country you originally came from, the government is a basically a joke and you will find danger in every corner. You were nearly a victim of that."

"Whose fault is that?"

The voice didn't reply, "Heavenly Actors aren't always good people. Sometimes they turn out worse than they already were when they come back."

"I am the same person. Tell me, do you think I am that kind of person?"

"No," the voice replied. "I suppose not." They sound reluctant. "Your madness will continue to get worse from here. You may be holding yourself back but this is just a small taste of it. You are much different. You have people around you who are helping with your recovery and your memories are warped because of me though your personality remains the same. It is quite peculiar but I cannot say much to that. I have to say that I will look forward to your progress even more now. You will wish to remain in this world if you see the truth. This happiness you are experiencing since arriving here are your true feelings now. Forget about the past until the end of your mission. If you succeed in this trial, you will be rewarded. The world you will return to will be a better place when you come back."

Even if that is true, it will just disappear. I cannot just put aside my old life like this.