Remember the Monster

It was nighttime when the activities finished, giving the kids two hours to prepare before the lights went off. There was nothing to explore in this place besides the shelter, the Home of Sunshine, which stood in the middle of forested land, a few blocks away from the market, in a city that knows no industrialization.

As the line for the bathroom stretched long, Pete had the time to wander around the shelter, not really looking for something, but just some alone time to ponder what had happened the past few days.

He'll talk to Jay, that's for sure, but he's uncertain when he will be ready. Soon he'll have to face Vegas again or Gave and dealt with their unfinished business. Or was there really something holding them, Vegas and him, together?

He wondered if loving an alter was worth it. In the end, if Gave would heal from all his trauma, and Pete still hopes he does, Vegas would probably not exist anymore, leaving him wounded for life. It was a no-brainer to let Vegas go now, now that he was not too madly in love with him. Yet the thought of it scared him.

It made his heart ache so much for Vegas, knowing that he won't be able to fulfill his promise to show him the world, to show him how lovely it is to live, and how loving someone could take away all the pain of his past.

"I'll have to forget you sooner than I have prepared myself."

Pete was whispering to himself when a shadow passed in the corner of his eyes. Someone was hiding in the bush; he's certain, yet his feet couldn't muster the courage to move.

Pete turned his back to return when an almost inaudible voice filled his ears, a call of longing and hopelessness.

"Pete."

He knew this voice by heart, and before he could think of anything, he was already running into Vegas' arms, all his reasoning gone, making his mind blank.

Vegas' warmth welcomed him. All their longing on the days they weren't together poured out in the tight embrace. Their need for physical contact was so intense it made Pete gasp for air, as Vegas was pinning his chest too hard, almost lifting him off the ground.

There were no words as Pete buried his face in Vegas' neck, taking in his familiar body scent, his lips pressed hard on his nape. He felt teardrops wet his shirt as Vegas dug his chin hard on his shoulder, his hands roped around his back, almost touching end to end.

Pete just realized how much he missed Vegas that it literally ached in his whole body, making his knees weak under his hug. If he was not holding him too tight, Pete could have fallen to the ground. He occasionally heard murmurs between Vegas' sobs, but he couldn't make them out. He just stood there, tapping lightly on his back, waiting for the cries to disappear, and never entangling from him.

As his cries become hums, Pete can decipher what Vegas is saying the whole time.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault. I'm sorry, don't leave me. I'm so lonely. It hurts, Pete. It hurts."

It hit Pete how much he hurt this man, regret washing over him. Pete might be hurt, but he was not an idiot to recognize that Vegas has nothing to do with it. In fact, he's the one to help Pete get over the pain of his mother's passing and that no matter what, Vegas would always have a special place in his heart.

Be brave, Pete, he told himself.

"It's okay. I'm here now. You'll never be alone again." He tried to pull from the embrace, but Vegas wouldn't let him.

"I want to see you, Vegas. Let me wipe your tears."

To this, he relaxed, sliding his arms from Pete's back down to his waist but never losing any contact, as if someone would take away Pete if he did.

He was hesitant to show Pete his face, ashamed of facing him after he had known what a monster Gave was, afraid Pete would see Gave in him and wouldn't recognize him anymore.

Vegas' face was a mix of guilt and fear as his eyes shook. His lips trembled uncontrollably, waiting for another heartbreak to hit, as he had expected after knowing of Pete's mother's unfortunate passing. He couldn't look Pete straight in the eyes.

Pete locked eyes with him, every second making it hard to breathe as he waits for his verdict under Pete's words. The more he waits, the further the knife stabs in his chest. He feels disgust and betrayal in Pete's stare. He's losing hope now, hands slowly losing grip on Pete, and now willing to get out of his life.

"Pete. I can't leave without you. If you hate me that much, kill me so I won't feel anything anymore."

His words surprised Pete as he tried to process what Vegas must've felt when they were apart.

"I can't do that," Pete whispered softly as he wiped the tears from Vegas' sunken face.

Tracing his fingers down the familiar lines and creases in his forehead to his slick nose and plump lips, Pete realized how much weight Vegas had lost. At this rate, if Pete won't be back in his arms, he'd definitely die of hunger without Pete even making a move.

"Why?"

He knows Vegas well and how he cannot articulate everything. But his eyes, they never lie, and without speaking a word, he could recognize this man's need for him.

"You. You are Vegas, right?" Pete queried, pushing a finger on his bare chest.

Though not understanding anything, Vegas responded.

"I am. And I'm trying with all might never to disappear, hoping you'll hug me again. It's so cold and dark without you, Pete."

"Good."

Pete was smiling from ear to ear, lightening up the situation. But his heart ached so bad for this man, who had been fighting himself relentlessly for them to stay together. Pete was trying to be brave for both of them too. If he would let this man go one day, he might as well savor the moments they have left.

"What now?"

Vegas was eager for an answer. He tightened his grip on Pete's waist, urging him to elicit a desirable response, which looked like a threat for someone who didn't know Vegas' predicament.

"Your tone makes me so sure that you are Vegas. You, always aggressive and eager, always ready to eat me alive."

His hands roam around Vegas' hair, each strand a color of ash brown, one quality that drew Pete to him from the beginning. The impatient Vegas held his hand, stopping it from tracing his hairline, giving him a mix of gentle and tight hand tug.

"Pete. Answer."

Vegas' eyes were deep, the kind of deep that darken through the night, the eyes of vast nothingness turning into a fiery pit as they stared unswerving at Pete. Every delayed second of piercing silence made him go mad, and it didn't help that Pete avoided the question.

"Ok. Ok. I was just trying to test my limit of how much I can be without you. I guess you're the clingy one."

"You know that's not true, Pete. Tell me how you feel. I won't push you any further if you can't take it. If it still hurts you to see me, I'm willing to leave. I don't want you to suffer more."

In Pete's heart, he's still undecided. What if Gave would come out and taunt him again? Fighting for them would be a big risk. What if, in the end, they lose, and he'll be left with nothing? If only he could live a life separate from Gave, then all this drama wouldn't be necessary.

Go for it. His mother would always tell him.

'When a choice scares you the most, that's when you jump on it. The fact that you're considering trying and taking the risk means you already won it. You already won against your doubts. And no matter the outcome, you'll be grateful that you tried.'

'I always want you to be happy, never to let that smile fade. Your happiness is never the world's burden; it's the universe's light. Let your heart fly and have no regrets, Pete.'

Pete may have shared the littlest time with his mother, yet she felt so alive in his memories. It's as if she's just somewhere far away, painting smiles on other people like how she did with Pete and would come back again soon. That's how he had endured the past years alone and still kept a glowing smile, a smile that his mother admired the greatest.

Tears fell from his deeply shut eyes as he remembered his beloved mom. All the emotions he'd avoided burst into a muted cry as he felt his mom's embrace. He had been guilty all this time, feeling like he had betrayed his mother's trust. Yet his mom speaks to him like no other.

The embrace lifted the biggest pains and worries on his shoulders. "Have no regrets," he heard her say.

Vegas turned his back from him, feeling defeated.

"Go after him, Pete," he heard her mom's voice loud and clear in his heart.

Vegas was slipping away, every step taking him farther away from Pete, and if he didn't act now, he'd lose the man he loved all because of his guilt and ego.

This would've been the perfect, most epic, and dramatic back hug scene you'd witness as Pete stomps heavily on the pavement, chasing after Vegas. Yet it seems like the good old shameless mantra still works best on him, as he landed face first before even having contact with Vegas.

"Ahhhhh!!!"

"Pete!" Vegas came back running with arms open wide, as if rescuing his little pet, plunged into a rabbit hole.

And that, my friends, is how you end a lover's fight with a bang!