116 Epilogue 1.1 - Going Home

Amari woke to a thin stream of light crossing the room and heavy limbs weighing him down. He groaned and tried pushing an arm off his chest, but was instantly engulfed in a tight embrace.

"Yang ge," he gasped out, the hold crushing him. "I can't breathe."

The grip loosened, but did not release. Amari snuggled himself up against Yangyang's warmth, softly kissing him on the neck. He received a kiss to his cheek in reply and then a small, satisfied sigh.

"This is perfect," the deep voice mumbled in his ear. "Let's stay like this all day."

Amari smiled and kissed his neck again. "It's early. You should sleep more. I'll get up and make Taitai some breakfast." Yangyang's grip tightened slightly and his smile widened. "Wèi, A Yang... I've gotta take my meds."

With a pouty groan, his husband let go. Amari lifted himself up and pressed his lips to Yangyang's, giving him a small slap when he felt a tongue slip into his mouth. With a chuckle, Yangyang shifted to his back. Amari sat, scratching at his short mohawk. He stayed still a few moments, then giggled, hearing the familiar low, soft snoring.

::Out already.::

He slid out of bed and felt the end table for his phone, then his white cane, leaving it retracted. Reaching out for the wall, his fingers slid to the door, then out into the hallway.

"Morning Benji." Crouching down, he listened to the light panting and felt a wet tongue on his cheek. He grinned as he scratched behind the golden retriever's ear, his fur thick and soft. "Hungry?"

With a hand resting on the dog's head, he let it lead him into the kitchen, then reached into a cabinet, pulling out a bin of food. After two quick scoops into a bowl on the floor, Benji was no longer interested in anything else.

"Morning," Taitai muttered from the hallway as he shuffled to the counter and stood beside him, their arms brushing together. "You're making breakfast?"

His head rested sleepily against Amari's arm, making him sigh. His son was only nine, but with just a few more inches, Taitai's head would fit easily under his chin. He felt for the canister of decaf grounds and went about brewing himself some coffee, sighing again.

"Li ba. What's with all the sighing?"

He shook his head and wrapped an arm around Taitai, giving him a quick hug, then ruffled his long hair.

"You're just so tall. And I miss caffeine." He rummaged through a drawer for a spatula, then leaned down to pull out a pan from a lower cabinet. "Scrambled eggs or cereal?"

"Eggs!"

Taitai giggled lightly as Amari put a finger to his lips, motioning not to wake his dad. He pointed toward the fridge and placed the pan on the stove.

"You start while I go take my meds." Taitai groaned but obeyed, and Amari huffed as he headed to the bathroom.

There had been only two short seizures in the past year, both with Taitai present, but he'd handled them better than Yangyang. He hadn't inherited his father's anxiety, always calm and confident, and now old enough to take charge. While his fingers brushed along a line of bottles, his fingertips recognizing the shape he was looking for, Amari couldn't stop a sweet smile, remembering his tearful husband when he realized he had one less thing to worry about. Now he had two strong, self-assured men to protect him. The funny thing was that neither Amari nor Taitai would have turned out that way without Yangyang.

As for the light sensitivity medication, Amari no longer needed it. His eyesight had rapidly deteriorated and he could barely distinguish between light and dark now. The thought had scared him, probably because he hadn't known what to expect, but now it was almost a relief. His constant headaches were gone and he could focus solely on his other senses. VIBE had trained him well. Between Benji and his cane, he found it wasn't the struggle he had built it up to be.

Lost in thought, too comfortable at home, he didn't hear the footsteps behind him. Two large arms wrapped around his waist, making him jump, and a pair of warm lips landed on the back of his neck.

"Awake again?" he asked, rubbing the back of Yangyang's hand. "You don't wanna sleep more?"

Yangyang let out a low grunt and kissed him again, laying his chin onto a shoulder. "We don't see each other enough. I want to spend as much time together as possible."

Amari chuckled and teased, "Yang ge, what if you get sick of me?"

They had lived together two and a half years, but Yangyang was as clingy now as the day they moved in. Actually, though it shouldn't be possible, he may have become more affectionate.

"That'll never happen."

Amari nodded, knowing that was true, and went about his morning routine with his husband hanging off him. It happened enough that he was like an extension of his body and he could do most things without trouble as he dragged Yangyang along. He brought him out to the kitchen, which now smelled of egg and sausage, and felt his stomach rumble.

"Ba, you're up. I'm making sausage too, 'kay?"

"Fine with me," Amari agreed, guiding Yangyang into the kitchen. Releasing him at the table, he carefully stepped through the small space around Taitai to check on the coffee. "Do you need help?"

He put a hand on Taitai's back, then moved it to his head and felt him shake, so he ruffled his hair and pulled out a mug from the cupboard beside him. After fixing a pot of regular coffee for Yangyang, he poured himself a full cup of the decaf, gulping it down.

"It's just not as satisfying." He frowned and moved a hand along the back of each chair until he reached his husband, circling his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "What're the plans for today?"

"Minwoo hyung's taking me to the MET and the Gugga-heim, remember?" Taitai sounded excited, the pitch of his voice raising in anticipation.

Amari gave a hesitant nod and stared out blankly toward his son. "I do remember that now, but... that seems dangerous. Letting two children wander the MET and Guggenheim doesn't seem like the best idea." He was only partially joking.

"O-M-G, what?" Taitai said, giggling loudly. "Li ba, Minwoo hyung's not a kid. He's almost twenty-three!"

Amari sighed and walked over to poke at the eggs, checking to see if they were done, since Taitai usually overcooked them, then reached over to poke at the sausage. "The only thing about Minwoo that's twenty-three is the date on his birth certificate."

His joking was ignored as Taitai continued. "We're gonna get dressed up in crazy clothes with lotsa color, and we're gonna get Indian for lunch... It's gonna be siiiiiic."

His voice deepened at that word and Amari could almost feel him vibrating with excitement. "Well, be careful, okay? Take some money and call us if anything happens." Taitai pat him on the shoulder, his gesture of agreement, and Amari chuckled. "The eggs're done. Give the sausage another minute."

He rubbed his arm before grabbing another cup of coffee, then poured Yangyang some and joined him at the table. The stove clicked as Taitai turned off the heat, followed by the clinking of plates and silverware as he pulled out dishes and piled them with food.

"You need to learn portion sizes, Xiao Tai," Yangyang said with a chuckle, taking Amari's plate, then his own. "Between you and your Li ba, I think half my paycheck is spent just on food."

Taitai clicked his tongue as he sat at the table, tossing each of his dad's a fork. "Whatever, ba."

"Yeah, whatever old man," Amari teased, shoving half a sausage in his mouth, making Taitai giggle across from him.

Hearing Yangyang groan in response, he grinned. Since turning thirty last month, Amari hadn't stopped picking on his age, knowing their age difference always bothered him. He couldn't understand why. Yangyang was usually more childish, only acting mature when he needed to be.

"It's not like you're very young anymore either."

Amari couldn't argue with that. Most twenty-five-year-olds were recent college graduates, newly employed, and just beginning to piece together their future. He was both behind and ahead - a sophomore in college with a few part time jobs, but also married three years with a nine-year-old son. The thought made him happy. It was never his fate to follow a normal path in life, and he was satisfied with that.

Yangyang snapped a finger near his face, breaking him away from his thoughts and chuckling when he flinched in surprise. "You're zoning out again."

"Yeah, sorry." He smiled brightly at him. "Just thinking about how life never turns out the way you expect."

Taitai pushed his chair back and let out a loud, contented sigh, cracking his knuckles and standing. "Ah, I am a dope cook," he bragged proudly. "You guys got dish duty! I'm getting a smoothie. Want anything from Cate's?"

"Oh, I want a pumpkin latte. Or whatever the crappy, decaf equivalent of that is." Amari grabbed his plate and fork, then felt for Taitai's, pulling them over.

"Same, but with caffeine," Yangyang chimed in, taking the dirty dishes from Amari and bringing them to the sink.

"'Kay bas. I'm out!"

Amari joined his husband as the door shut behind Taitai. "You wash, I'll dry?"

"Perfect."

The two stood together, finishing the dishes from the previous night and this morning, arms pressed together and Amari's foot tapping at Yangyang's. He began to hum, and after he finished, Yangyang shifted, arms circling tight around his waist.

"Perfect," he repeated, sweeter this time, kissing Amari on the neck.

Placing the last dry plate on the counter, Amari turned and gave Yangyang a deep kiss, running a finger down his cheek. "I've been thinking lately... that there's one thing missing. Something I haven't done."

"Ah?"

"I wanna go home. Like, home, home. To see my grandmother."

There was quiet for a moment, a breath catching in Yangyang's throat, then his kind and comforting voice asked, "Why?"

Amari shrugged and moved his hands to Yangyang's back. "I don't need to fix the relationship. But, I want her to know I'm doing well. I wanna show her how my life turned out." He sighed and leaned his head against Yangyang's chest. "I was only sixteen, and really messed up when I left. She's got no idea what happened to me."

Yangyang rubbed his back, bringing him in closer, then let out a nervous sigh. "Then we'll go home."

He sounded more worried than Amari felt and it made him smile. In the past, he had thought about going back a few times, but was never ready for the confrontation. Now, it would be a trip to show her how genuinely happy he was. To show her that he was stronger now, strong enough to handle this life he had been handed. No matter how disgusted or upset she had been, she was family, and maybe this would ease any burden he had left her.