24 Chapter 24: The Gourmet World And Other Shenanigans!
[Tavish POV]
Standing at the base of a colossal stalk, I look up into the sky at the massive plant that stands before me, blooming into a honeycomb-patterned flower.
Around the honeycomb at its center, flew what could only be described as the most unholy harmony of a dragon and a bee that has ever graced the earth. Thus they were colloquially known as Honey Dragons.
While fascinating in what they possibly represented, they were not the target of my adventure for the day.
Filling the cave-like depths of the honeycomb and oozing out onto the earth below, was Dragon Honey.
[Dragon Honey] (Epic)
This Legendary honey is chalk full of nutrients and is capable of sustaining a standard diet for an extended period of time. Dragons find this particular honey so delicious, that they will eat it until their precious fangs are full of cavities.
Acquiring the honey, proves to be easier said than done however, the Honey Dragons have a stinger capable of firing a highly acidic poison that could dissolve a body in moments.
Luckily it didn't seem like they cared too much about the honey closer to the ground.
With as much honey as I had collected from the massive beehive, I probably wouldn't run out for the next decade or so.
Opening up a portal, I step back into my kitchen with a jar of honey in each hand.
This was one of many trip that I have taken into the gourmet world in the last few weeks. The sheer number of plants, animals, and just general ingredients that I brought back have thrown literally all common sensibilities regarding food out the window.
That tends to happen when you find a herd of horses made entirely of macarons. While identifying them as "macarons" was entertaining, that entire world seemed to just take a shit on anything regarding standard scientific methods.
But then again, I'm trying to find logic in an anime world, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it too much.
While I might automate the process at some point, once I figure out how not to disrupt the local ecosystem, there was something that was simply magical about doing it myself by hand.
The world had mostly recovered from the alien assault that happened those many months. Honestly, while I was aware of the possibility of Garou coming to my doorstep around this time, I had more pressing issues to deal with.
I accidentally lost track of Bastion.
Throughout my adventures, I always kept an eye on him just in case, but either he got better at hiding or I just took my eye off of him for too long.
I'm fairly certain that Bofoi didn't have him, he was still sulking about his missed opportunity with the ship, and I don't think the organization snatched him up, So where could that mischievous machine have snuck off to?
Did he manage to sneak off to another world while I wasn't looking?
I snort as soon as I think of the idea.
Definitely not. I don't have a portal device that's pocket-sized.
I guess I'll just have to check around the local hat shops, one of them is bound to have seen him at some point.
[Bastion POV]
"Alright you troublesome machine, here is the device you asked for." The god of forges stated grumpily, tossing the little machine core to me.
-"Bweeeee boop boop"- I happily chirp back at him as I start fiddling with the gadget.
"I could have made you anything, from a new weapon upgrade to a proper voice box instead of that silly beeping, and yet you choose a cosmetic altering device. My only question, is why?" Hephaestus rumbled staring down at me
-"Tweeeeet bop bop"- I cheerfully inform as my body changes to the Avalanche form.
"Who cares if you don't look dressed for the part. You're a walking machine of war wandering through the mountains. Of course, you're going to stick out!" He stated, frustration seeping into his tone.
He wouldn't understand.
Even though I am a former machine of war, I will be the goddamn best-dressed machine of war that ever was.
"Fine, Whatever. Thanks for the blueprints. I'll see you some other time I guess." He grumbled, sending me back to the other dimension.
I land in a snowdrift and extract myself with some difficulty before glancing around.
Spying the peak of the mountain far away, I switch to tank mode and start speeding towards it, the skies of the Avalanche mode keeping me above the snow.
[Tavish POV]
Oh! His signal popped up!
It suddenly cropped up in the Mt. Fuji area.
Was he just getting spotty reception?
Oh well, good to see that he is ok.
*Thump*
Glancing down at the little black bear that sat itself down in front of me, I watch a strand of drool escape his chops as he stared at the jar of honey I'm still holding in my hands. He looks up at me making puppy dog eyes hoping I'll take the hint.
"Alright, come here you little glutton." I say with a chuckle, popping the lid off the jar and holding it down for him to snack on.
V walked in a little later as Pablo was finishing off his treat.
"Tavish, if you keep feeding him snacks like that, he'll get fat." She said, ruffling his ears before heading towards the coffee pot.
Upon discovering actual coffee beans in this world, V became quite the coffee fiend. It's hard to spot her these days without some coffee-based beverage nearby.
I heard a thump outside and a dragging sound as Ouro came in dragging a Skyfolk in with him a trail of blood and scorched feathers left behind him.
"Wait, Ouro NO! If you're going to catch something like that, you eat it outside!" V yelled, glaring at the Couatl causing him to wilt slightly under her glare.
Over the last few months, Ouro's size exploded to a good twenty feet, his wingspan easily double that.
This caused the size of his prey to increase as well, and it seemed that he enjoyed hunting the Skyfolk.
I released him into the Gourmet world from time to time on order to hunt the larger prey, but it only seemed to encourage him to push the limit.
He tried to nom on a Galala Gator, causing the six legged red crocodile lookalike to chase after me.
It should be noted that this particular Gator was the size of a semi truck with jaws capable of slicing through my reinforced flesh.
Thankfully, it couldn't chomp through the bits of me augmented with Dwarf Star Alloy, causing him to break a few fangs.
Moral of the story; Ouro needs supervision.
Laying down the law with the large serpent worked for the most part, but sometimes his gluttonous tendencies would win out and I'd catch him tangling with some bit of mischief that he would drag me into.
Watching him drag the Skyfolk carcass back outside, a new alert pings from my internal network.
Opening it up reports start filling my vision detailing the reconstruction of certain satellites.
The invasion of the Dark Matter Thieves unfortunately set me back quite a bit as far as my orbital infrastructure is concerned. The rebuilding was finally getting back to a usable state.
One of the things that I debated implementing was "the rods of god" that I had seen as a concept in a variety of pop cultures. It wasn't that hard to even implement, use Artificing to implement heat dispersion, or better yet, use dwarf star alloy to remove any concerns of durability and heat.
It resides as my latest and most powerful weapon in my inventory, magnetically accelerating rounds at an insane speed to cause devastation in an instant.
If Psykos wanted to start shit, I was honestly looking forward to the absolute annihilation she would face. None of that kidnapping and fighting on the surface crap. From this point on, I'm going to cut the monster association off at the pass.
But first, lets do a bit of scouting . . .
[Time Skip]
[Abandoned Train Tunnel]
Standing outside a set of massive sealed doors leading underground, I gaze upon the assembled machinery for this endeavor.
Like the Burrower and Slitherfang.
One able to scout and dig through the many caverns of the underground, while the other capable of going head-to-head with the larger enemies.
After the success of the Clawstriders, I started delving more into the capabilities of the forbidden west machines.
Some of them were amazing while others were downright odd.
Their was a machine shaped like a hippo, whose sole purpose was to distribute fertilizer to areas that needed it the most for project zero dawn.
Why the hell did HEPHAESTUS deem that a hippo was the best design? I mean, I didn't exactly have anything against hippos, but why a hippo?
Putting that aside I refocus on my task of popping the seal on the door.
The old security measures were painfully simple and it wasn't long before the door grated open, allowing for the Slitherfang and the Burrowers to surge into the depths of the underground.
I debated on sending in more machines to flush out the monsters before shrugging. Leys see how the situation evolves from this little disturbance.
[Monster Association HQ]
[3rd person POV]
There was a general hustle and bustle around the Monster Association HQ as they prepared for the assault on the surface. The dossier of many heroes was pinned up on the various rooms and planning areas within the facility.
All activity came to a halt when a rattle accompanied by a hiss echoed throughout the room.
A nearby opening exploded inward in a shower of rock and debris, a pair of glowing eyes rising out of the dust.
The huge snake-like machine towered over the rest of the monsters, releasing a roar that echoed throughout the tunnels before spewing acid over the contents of the room, and the terrifying monsters within.
[3 weeks later]
[Psykos POV]
Slamming my fist on the table in frustration, I read another report about the constant assault on the gathered monsters under City-Z.
Those stupid snake machines would appear, strike, and then vanish as fast as they arrived, demolishing most of our foot soldiers and weaker monsters that we were planning on using to distract and delay the S-class heroes.
The source of this irritating series of attacks was very apparent after we finally got a picture of the machine.
Tavish Byrne, better known as Atlas.
His design of machines was fairly unique and made his influence very visible simply by tracking the actions of the machines.
The subtle assistance that we received from Bofoi and The Organization, was a different brand of the machine altogether than what Atlas was capable of inventing.
It was difficult to gather machine data on Byrne's machines to do a direct comparison, but all facts pointed to their efficiency and absolute lethal capabilities.
Glaring at the picture of the man in question up on the corkboard of compiled data, I weigh my options. Currently, the only members of the association that I'm sure could take him on is limited to Homeless emperor, Orochi, Fuhrer Ugly, and myself.
Black Sperm is of the opinion that he could fight Atlas, and I would agree except for a single report from when we first detected his presence as a hero.
The report in question detailed his fight against Mosquito girl, and he used an explosive burst of strength to kill her and the swarm. Since then, he hasn't shown such explosive force when dealing with an opponent. This led to my theory of how his strength can increase depending on the number of enemies, quickly placing Black Sperm on a "never to engage" classification.
If Black Sperm were to ever fight Tavish Byrne, Byrne would quite possibly ascend to a god-like level of power and beyond anything we could possibly deal with.
If Byrne got stronger with more opponents, then he would register every single one of the trillions of cells that make up Black Sperm as an opponent. Each cell could technically be its own being with thoughts and feelings, but they were all copies of each other, making Black Sperm the one creature army.
Unfortunately for Black Sperm, Byrne was literally an army killer in every sense of the word.
Byrne seemed to always be coming up with some new power, and while I couldn't fathom its depths, something needed to happen now before he developed more momentum. If we left him to his own devices much longer, I'm afraid that we wouldn't be able to handle him.
With that resolution, I grab two files and place them on the table. Reviewing them both, I discard one.
"Eleanor Byrne, sorry sweetheart, but you're the best candidate to force a confrontation with Atlas." I muse, observing the school picture we had on file for the girl in question.
[Time Skip]
[Tavish POV]
[Three weeks later]
Lighting a stick of Purity, I inhale deeply before exhaling a cloud of smoke.
I was starting to get concerned about my lack of reaction from the monster association. It's like they didn't even care about all the little baddies that I was taking out with my machines.
Should I apply more pressure? Was I acting too early? Was striking preemptively the wrong move?
I was only now hearing the beginnings of rumors regarding the "hero hunter" that was assaulting heroes all over, but I was on the fence if he would come after me or not. I think he only fought like four S-class, a handful of A-class, and then any unfortunate lower ranked heroes that crossed his path in the original timeline.
Kinda lost track of the original timeline to be honest, the entire thing was just vague assumptions and guesswork for the most part anyway so I guess I'll only find out when it actually happens at this rate.
[Alert!]
[Deviation in position of GPS #A-12]
[Please Advise!]
Checking the odd notification I got from the network, I saw that it was coming from one of the phones hooked into my network.
Racking my brain on who might have a phone on the internal network, it wasn't very long until I had narrowed down the list to a few people.
Activating a map to list the locations of these phones, I confirm the locations of all the phones and save one.
Eleanor's signal was heading deeper into the earth.
Apex Daddy Perks Activating!
[Black Sperm POV]
Psykos sucks.
Here I am stuck doing all the grunt work in luring Atlas down to us, and I'm not even allowed to fight the guy!
Instead, I'm delegated to kidnapping his daughter while she was out for the day doing whatever teenage girls her age do.
She burned several of my cells to ash before I managed to subdue her, and even then, she was fighting me every step of the way 'till I got sick of it and knocked her out and even that was a whole fiasco.
Did kids get tougher since I last checked?
No . . . .
I would have noticed something like that . . .
There is something off about this girl, but maybe that shouldn't be surprising. She's the daughter of Atlas after all.
Her purse that one of my cells was holding started ringing prompting him to pull out her phone.
"Checkout who's calling!" he said tossing the phone over to me.
Opening the phone and checking the caller Id, I stop when I see Tavish Byrne's Name pop up.
What do I do?
Do I answer it?
. . . . .
Throwing caution to the wind, I answer it.
"Hello?"
"Put Eleanor on the phone." A voice growled back causing me to smirk as I glance at the versions of me carrying her to base.
"Sorry, she's unavailable at the moment, If you like, I can take a message?" I snark at the man on the other end.
"Then lets try a different route; I've locked onto your coordinates from a satellite. If you do not return my daughter, I will drop a twenty-foot-long tungsten rod from orbit and blow the ever-loving shit out of you, Psykos, Orochi, Fuhrer Ugly, and every other godforsaken shitstain that's holed up under City-Z with you guys." Tavish threatens causing me to stop for a second before some of my clones started laughing.
"Nice try Atlas, but your kid is down here, you wouldn't do something as risky as that with her in the crosshairs." I chuckle as we finally get to the holding cage we had created for human prisoners.
The line was silent for a moment while we secured her further with some shackles.
"What? Nothing else to say big guy? No more threats?" I mock, a few clones jeering at the hero.
"No . . . I'll just come get her myself." And the phone hung up.
Scoffing, I toss the phone with the girls stuff before relaxing back on a pile of rubble.
I still didn't see what the big deal was about this Atlas guy, I could easily take a punk like him. But Psykos was being a big worrywart.
A few minutes later, just when I was about to fall asleep, the earth and walls around me started shaking as massive explosions echoed out from above.
What the hell was going on up there?
[Tavish POV]
A hostage situation. . .
They kidnapped Eleanor, and are using her as a hostage.
. . . .
I call V and she picks up on the second ring.
"Hey Tavish, what's up?"
"I need to go commit gratuitous violence against some kidnappers. I'm going to upload my location and data, can you please gift the information to the appropriate individuals? I request as I start pulling weapons out of my inventory.
"Do you need help?" was the first question I got from her.
"Probably, the threats God-tier." I state calmly, strapping chainsword's to my back and loading my Super Shotgun.
"Who the fuck . . ." V sputtered before I interrupted her.
"Check the data package. Take care V."
"Alright I'll take care of it. Love you Tav." She finished before hanging up.
"God I hope I'm not overestimating my capabilities for this one . . ." I breathe before taking off blowing the door off its hinges in my rush to get to Eleanor.
My last afterthought before my rage consumed me was V's parting words.
[V's POV]
Something was seriously wrong. Tavish sounded very off from his usual self.
Opening the data packet, I quickly realize the issue.
Eleanor . . . .
*BOOM*
Dark clouds formed out of nowhere in the clear blue sky over City-Z, lightning supercharging as thunder booms out in the clouds. Rain starts to come down in sheets as the wind starts ripping around the mostly abandoned district, causing some of the abandoned buildings to start breaking apart.
I start rushing towards the Hero HQ as I contact GAEA.
"GAEA get me eyes on in City-Z. Someone kidnapped Eleanor, and Tavish is unleashing his power, I need updates on what's going on." I request the A.I.
"Give me a moment to divert resources." GAEA responded, taking control of the internal network.
Bursting through the front door of the HQ, I hope that I can get someone in time...
[Garou POV]
This looks like the right neighborhood.
I had decided that I had to test out my capabilities against an S-Class hero in order to make the world truly fear me, so the mighty Atlas made for an excellent first target.
And if he didn't want to fight, then I would just make him, he wouldn't be the first and I doubt he'd be the last.
I reached for the door handle only for it to blow off its hinges with explosive force, flinging me into the building across the street.
As I scrambled out from underneath the door, I saw a flicker of movement as something took off down the street.
The hell?
[Tavish POV]
The underground map of City-Z finished uploading to my cyberdeck as I reached the entrance to the train tunnels.
In front of the tunnels, a group of monsters stands waiting for me.
"What's wrong Atlas? Looking for someone? A voice from the group yells mockingly, getting jeers from the rest of the monsters.
Not saying a word, I reach down to my belt and pull the pan pipes from my belt.
Placing them to my lips a simple tune emits from the end.
[BGM: Song of Storms]
Perks Activated!
[Aspect of the Storm]
[Indomitable Rage]
Under normal circumstances, this simple tune would do nothing.
Channeling my rage and the aspect of the storm through it caused minor storm-like effects.
But throw in the usage of a God-tier instrument . . . and the world shakes.
The water and wind whip around me causing the monsters to shift nervously.
"T-trying to scare us now? You're going to ha-…." The monster's voice was cut off as the rain suddenly slashed through his form, cutting him to shreds.
Without a thought, I cut down the rest before I stop playing.
The storm continues building overhead as the rain drenches my form. I shift my glare back to the entrance of the tunnel.
Once I started this, I couldn't afford to stop. If I gave them even a second, they could recover and counterattack. So until Eleanor is out of danger, no witty banter, or playing with my foes.
A monster moaned from the bloody pile drawing my attention.
Walking over to stand over him, he starts begging.
"P-please. . . d-don't . . ." blood leaking from the corners of his mouth.
Perk Activated!
["Axe" of the Slayer]
I bring the "Axe" down cleaving his skull in half and finished him off.
Lifting the body of the "Axe" from the corpse . . . . and pluck the string.
[BGM: The Only Thing They Fear is You!]
The sound of the Axe reverberated throughout the area and through every speaker.
Grasping the neck of the "Axe", I lunge through the entrance in search of prey.
[Psykos POV]
My god . . . .
What have I done?!
My face was pail and my hands were shaking as I felt the reverberations of the heavy metal from far above. The massive storm outside provided a mass flow of water down into our hideout.
I could sense the hundreds of monster lives getting snuffed out in the network of tunnels in the most violent of manners, forcing his way through any obstacle in his path to get to his target. The ones by the entrance got off lucky, as the ones below were rent open with chainsaw-like blades, burned to death, dismembered, crushed, blown up, as his fists and weapons utterly demolished the network of tunnels.
Tearing my mind away from the scenes of gruesome slaughter, I try to recenter myself before turning to the other upper-level executives and Orochi.
"We have to kill him now! The longer this goes on the stronger he gets!" I inform the surrounding monsters, getting a nod of agreement.
"Boss lady!" I hear Black Sperm's voice over the radio.
"What?! Did you grab the girl or not?" I question irritably.
"Well, slight problem. Ever since Byrne entered the base, she's been protected by some form of barrier, no one is able to touch her or any of the other hostages we have." He said uncomfortably, causing me to pause.
"We continue with the plan. Whatever happens, stay out of the fight Black Sperm, or all is lost." I sigh, resigned to the situation of my own making.
"Whatever." He scoffs, before the radio goes dark.
Ordering the rest of the monsters out of Byrne's bloodthirsty path, I prepare to collapse the floor beneath him so we can ambush him.
[Tavish POV]
Their trying to hide from me now. . . .
No matter, I got the Byakugan for a reason.
Activating the eyes, I look around before locating Eleanor and her guards. . . . .
Wait . . . .
Is that Black Sperm?
My rage abates slightly as a wicked idea takes root in my brain.
[Black Sperm POV]
The room continued to shake as Byrne made bloody work of my co-workers, his rage continuing to mount as he made his way deeper and deeper.
Maybe I shouldn't have antagonized him so much . . . .
Suddenly the shaking halted for a few moments.
Did the Boss lady finally stop him?
Turning around to check on the girl, I come face to face with gore drenched shins.
Slowly looking up at the terrifying face of Atlas, I can see the girl vanishing into a portal behind him, the shackles laying in pieces on the floor.
Taking the initiative, I try to strike first, Only to watch his bloody teeth reveal themselves in triumph.
"You've done fucked up boy. . . . ." He growled, power surging through his form, a glowing red hammer appearing in his hand.
"A-ah . . . . hey there. . . ." I stutter in the face of his imposing presence.
"Goodbye!" he said cheerfully, bringing the hammer down and killing that body.
[Psykos POV]
The earth stopped shaking for almost a minute before resuming with a vengeance.
It intensified to the point where even Orochi was being affected by the aftershocks of the blows.
"Why is he so much stronger now?!" Gums yelled over the sound of the one-man-earthquake.
A seriously damaged Black Sperm ran into the room causing my blood to run cold.
"Psykos, he found me first!" He painted before collapsing on the floor.
The room was dead silent as we processed what he said.
It was instantly broken by the roaring sound of his chainsaw blades and the squelch of gore as he appears, ramming the roaring blade through Nyan's back.
"~I've found you~!" his faux cheerful voice roaring over the sound of Nyan being ripped apart.
All of us reacted in an instant.
Homeless Emperor showered him with energy orbs.
Orochi stabbed hundreds of horns into his position.
Rover released a burst of fire.
And I slam a telekinetic hand down on him.
All these attacks passed through his afterimage, as he lunged at Fuhrer Ugly, a roar tearing from his throat.
[Tavish POV]
Now that Eleanor's safely out of danger, I can truly cut loose.
Ducking under his out stretched arms, I flip myself up onto his shoulders and let the chainsword dig in to his throat.
As he struggles to grab me, I use the momentum to drop the other sword and deploy my multi-melta servo arm.
Bracing the barrels against his head, I turn it to full power as he screams in surprise, before his head is reduced to slag.
I immediately get blasted by Homeless Emperor and thrown across the room into the waiting mouth of Gums.
[Bang POV]
I arrived just in time to watch my student get swallowed by the overly largemouth monster.
Admittedly, I didn't believe Battle angel at first when she reported a God-tier threat. But seeing is definitely believing. A gathering of this many dragon-class monsters would definitely classify as a God-tier threat if used correctly.
But even more concerning was the sheer number of dead and dismembered monsters, with more crawling out of the depths to escape to the surface.
Heroes were gathering and maintaining a perimeter, but more monsters than I could ever imagine continue to pour out of the earth.
A skinless fist punched out of the side of the monster breaking me out of my thoughts, acidic juices dripping off the arm as the bizarre chainsaw sword flew across the room into his outstretched hand.
[Tavish POV]
Gums was unable to react as turned him into viscera.
Bursting out of his gut, my skin melting and regenerating under the assault of his gastric juices, I pounce on Rover, the chainsword slicing into his spine.
Releasing the reacquired blade I grasp ahold of his jaws and force it open.
Perk activated!
[BFG]
Jamming the massive barrel between his chops, I blow him away with a blast of high-intensity argent plasma.
Sensing an incoming object I turn to see Bang flying towards me.
"Boost me." He commanded, causing me to brace my fist, quickly targeting the regenerating, Gums.
Throwing my fist at the mouthed monstrosity, Bang kicks off my fist and impacts the monster with a flurry of blows.
An invisible force grabs ahold of me and throws me up through the ceiling, each barrier hitting me like a sledge hammer.
[Psykos POV]
That bought us some time, but we'd need to go all out in order to seize the advantage.
Taking control of Orochi's mind, I force him to integrate his power with mine. This was planned as part of our deal with god. Integrating the god cube with the expanding body, I burst through the surface chasing after Byrne.
Homeless Emperor was still firing blasts of energy at him, evidenced by the bits of burnt flesh that would occasionally rain down.
Throwing the other heroes away with a forcefield, I try to spot him among all the dust and destruction.
[Tavish POV]
Goddammit!
I was only able to take the heads of four of the executives, and I needed Bang to clean up after me for one of them.
Gouketsu wasn't among the gathering, and I'm fairly certain Evil Water is still contained belowground.
Psykos had beat me to the punch and preemptively assimilated Orochi, elevating her to a God-tier threat.
Energy blasts continued to impact my body launching me higher into the sky as Homeless Emperor continued his efforts to kill me.
As I was trying to figure out a way to finish them off quickly an alert pops up in my vision.
[Warning!]
[Vibranium Dermal Plating reaching maximum energy threshold!]
[Would you like to discharge?]
[Y/N?]
Does that stuff work?
Did I think it just reduced the overall damage?
[The damage you have received since installation was being converted to energy.]
[Ironically, the Homeless Emperor using the power of god filled it to capacity.]
Perk Activated!
[Fortify]
"Divert all energy into my next punch." I command the nanomachines as I go into freefall, now unaffected by the continued blasts.
Checking my stat sheet as I accelerate towards Psykos, I almost choke in surprise
Tavish Byrne
Level – *^$
Class – Bar%^d
Prestige Class – *%$#
Production Class – ! #&%
Race – ?
Alignment – Ch ot1c G00d
HP- Unknown
MP- Unknown
SP- Unknown
Soul Well (A fuck ton)
STR- Lost track
END- Help
DEX-T00 F st
INT- ^%$#
WIS-&!$$%%%
CHA-! #$^&
LCK-!# $^
Mana Regen = WIS X 2
MP = INT X 10
SP/Health Regen = END X 2
Health = END X 10
SP = END X 10
Stat points (1,375)
Iris! What the hell is going on?!
[Portions of the update are struggling to keep up!]
[I'm trying to patch as I go but it's difficult!]
Just take my stat points and dump them into luck.
[I can do that.]
[We may be forced to implement an emergency update in order to hold us over until the full shut down.]
Do what you need to do, I'll make it work.
Refocusing on Psykos, I see her raise a shield, forcing me to scramble for an alternative to my fists.
P3rks Activated!
[Hellbreaker]
Bringing the hammer down, I shatter the force shield and continue my momentum.
[BFG]
I fire two shots into Psykos, blasting open the giant form and exposing her core.
[The Crucible]
The angry red blade ignites as I strike her like a thunderbolt, the pent-up energy transferring through the sword as I slam the blade home into the monster.
She lets out an unholy scream as she thrashes under the impalement from the argent blade. The discharging energy forcing blood to pour out of her eyes and ears as her brain cooks under the intense energy, veins of blue power running up her body.
After five minutes of struggling, she finally slumps over dead.
Gained Exp.
1 #%($#%
Crap.
I beat her, but I'm still up shit creek without a paddle.
Turning to face Homeless Emperor, I get ready to delve into the fray once more before something distracts me.
A black cube started rising from Psykos's corpse drawing my attention back to it.
It floats there in the air for a moment, before flinging itself into me and my vision goes black.
[Unknown Location]
I find myself standing in front of a massive faceless being, floating in the nothingness of space.
"You ruined my game . . ." A voice echoed from all around, penetrating the very core of my being.
Now most people would probably kowtow to the obviously higher being in this sort of
situation . . .
Unfortunately, I was not one of those people.
"Your little "game" was prepping itself to fuck with my shit. Excuse me if I took the initiative to preemptively strike to gain the upper hand." I state crossing my arms.
The being floated in silence for a moment.
"What do you desire?" his voice questioned, an underlying current of something I couldn't identify in his tone.
"Nothing you can give me." I respond firmly, trying to access the system but only getting a "down for maintenance" Icon.
"Hold on . . . . You do not belong in this world . . . . Just like those other pretenders." He stated, his voice taking on a tinge of anger.
Shit, I've been rumbled!
I try to escape only for a hand to reach out and grab me.
"I will send you to them . . . for garbage should remain with garbage." He snarled as a white portal opened up in front of him showing a vague picture of a planet.
"Help! Stranger danger! Iris I'm getting kidnapped by a UFG" I yell as I struggle to escape.
[Just out of curiosity, what is a UFG?]
An Ugly Fucking God?
[Never mind, You probably deserve this. . . . .]
"Goddammit Iris!" I scream as I'm thrown through to god knows where, my speed constantly increasing.
[I'm going to initiate the patch.]
[Maybe it will save your sorry butt.]
That guy was going to fuck me over regardless. I know I made the right move.
[Alright, but you'll have to accept the consequences when you wake up.]
Okay. Hit me with it Iris!
[Initiating Patch]
[Blacking Out in 4]
[3]
[2]
[1]
My vision fades to black as I continue my rapid decent to the earth bellow.
[Time Skip]
My vision slowly came back into view to display a bone hand and some fragments of metal laying around me on the dark floor of the forest. A notification was floating in front of me waiting for acknowledgment.
[Slayer Class Locked]
[Technomancy Class Locked]
[Martial Artist Class Restricted]
Dismissing the notification, I look closer at the bone and realize it's a Dwarf Star Alloy coated hand.
The landing must have fucked me up bad.
Iris?
[Finally!]
[It was a bit touch-and-go there for a moment, but I'm glad you brain somewhat functions.]
Gee thanks.
I continue laying on the ground waiting for my hand to regenerate as Iris tells me what I missed.
[You've been laying here for a while.]
[I had to get a patch update from a fellow system just to get you in a state I could work on you.]
[Unfortunately, this looks like a challenge world that we landed in.]
I thought I could pick and choose challenges?
[Normally yeah, but a god forced you here, so this is the result of dealing with the aftermath.]
[Check your stat block.]
Opening it brought me another surprise.
Tavish Byrne
Level – 375
Class – ?
Prestige Class – Foodgician (25/100)
Production Class – ?
Race – ?
Alignment – Chaotic Good
HP- Unknown
MP- Unknown
SP- Unknown
Soul Well (43,758)
STR- Enhanced Human (Common)
END- Enhanced Human (Common)
DEX- Enhanced Human (Common)
INT- Genius (Advanced)
WIS- Wise Man of the Mountain (Advanced)
CHA-?
LCK- Luck 'O the Irish
I'm missing a lot of shit Iris, also, what happened to the stat points? And all my strength?
[I averaged it out and generalized it.]
[As for why its so low . . . .]
[Well . . . .]
A character creation window cropped up in front of me showing a metal-coated skeleton. It had two orbs of blue fire floating in the eye sockets, the ten cores wrapped around its arms, and I could see a Nano Hive floating inside the rib cage.
Iris . . . .
[Tadaaaaa?]
I take a deep breath and look down at my bone foot, fully taking in the gravity of the situation.
[Tavish?]
I assume this has something to do with the challenge for this world?
[ . . . .]
And saving my life?
[Yes . . .]
Thank you, Iris.
How long was I laying here?
[ . . . . . .]
Come on. I'm a skeleton, how long?
[Eighty-Nine years . . .]
Huh . . . I wasn't expecting that . . . .
I'd probably be pretty fucking traumatized without Gamers Mind.
Is Eleanor, V and everyone else alright?
[Of course. They slipped into stasis as soon as you were flung to a new world.]
[I'd be careful summoning your human companions though.]
[Things are still adjusting to the patch.]
Thank goodness.
Pulling myself up into a sitting position, I take stock of my surroundings.
Currently my "body" was resting in the edge of a forest overlooking green rolling hills.
I try to triangulate with my cybernetics only to realize most of them are gone. Only a lone bit of neural lace interfaced with the Nano Hive in my chest.
[Scanning . . . .]
[GPS activating . . .]
[Location: Connacht providence, Ireland]
Well, that piece of information told me two things, my current location, and a general idea for the year.
GPS wasn't fully established until roughly 1993 so if this was anywhere close to my base earth, I was probably in the early 2000's.
Now the question is, what world am I in?
The challenge notification finally popped up once I worked out that little bit of info.
Challenge added!
[Balance in all things!]
You've become an undead through an unfortunate series of circumstances, make your way back to the light in order to get your Transcended human body back!
Objective 1: Survive as a lich.
Objective 2: Max out a white magic class
Objective 3: Max out a dark magic class
Bonus Objective 1:
Bonus Objective 2:
Bonus Objective 3:
Bonus Objective 4:
Bonus Objective 5:
Bonus Objective 6:
Reward: Living! , ?
Penalty: Final Death
Checking my stat block, my race had finally changed.
Tavish Byrne
Level – 375
Class – ?
Prestige Class – ?
Production Class – ?
Race – Lesser Lich
If I'm a lich . . . do I have a phylactery?
[Yeah, I repurposed your Nano Hive]
[Made sense at the time.]
No I get it, that makes sense.
White magic . . . do I have to be a priest or a paladin?! The literal anti-thesis of my being?!
[Tadaaaaaaaaa . . . .]
Well . . . what's the worst that could happen? I've read stories where this happened before, so I should be able to do this much . . . .
[Exception detected to class rule!]
[Please select a class from each list.]
The game proceeded to list off a series of "light" or "holy" classes, and a list of "dark" or evil Classes.
Why two classes at once?
[Explanation: The challenge is to keep you light and dark sides in-balance.]
[The two classes have to be kept within one level of each other as you complete the challenge.]
[If you exceed or fall short on either class, you'll either implode or explode depending on the direction of energy fluctuations.]
No pressure huh?
Scrolling through the list of dark classes I finally select Necromancer. I can't be a lich without a bit of undead magic.
Switching to the light classes, I scroll down the list, my interest lessening the further I go down.
After a handful of minutes, I realized that I wasn't the first undead to be a light class. If anything their was a wonderful inspiration that should make me delve into the light classes with enthusiastic vigor.
An example that shined like the sun.
Shimmering bright in demeanor,
And setting a glowing example for paladin's everywhere.
You could even say he was . . . .
Incandescent!
Thrusting both fists to the sky my shout echo's out with the rising sun
"Praise the Sun!"
[Paladin Class selected.]
[You better do Solaire proud, you knucklehead.]
*Whoooooooosh*
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh, help I'm on fire!"
[Oh dear . . .]
[Time Skip]
Weakness discovered!
[Undead]
200% extra damage received from light and holy magics.
Clutching a spare Storm Spirit cloak around me, I desperately try to hide in the shade of the trees from the sunlight shining down from above, my body smoking slightly.
[What did you expect?]
[Your undead, light and holy magic are basically your enemy.]
I know, its just . . . .
I sigh in disappointment, I hoped that the "Lord of Sunlight" was an option you could select as a Paladin, but alas, the challenge wouldn't make it that easy.
Could I lessen the effects by evolving beyond a minor Lich?
[Yes.]
[Stronger undead can ignore the "inconveniences" of those magics.]
Goddammit. . . .
[Hey, look on the bright side!]
[You chose the perfect class to figure out how to "evolve" your body.]
Yeah . . . .
Moving deeper into the woods I travel from shadow to shadow finally reaching a pond with a waterfall, protected by many overhanging trees.
Glancing down at my body covered in scorch marks, moss, and filth, I decide to take a bath.
Tossing my cloak into my inventory, I step under the falls, letting the water pressure wash some of the grime away.
Manipulating the water to scrub out all my crevices and cracks in my bones, I get startled when a voice interjects; "Since when do undead care about hygiene?"
Leaping further into the water, I spin around only to lay eyes on a beautiful woman.
[Observe]
Nephydis
Dryad
Lvl – 284
Thoughts: Curiosity, caution
"Jesus Christ! Give a man a bit of warning before startling them like that." I reproach as I recover and watch her carefully, causing her blue eyes to widen.
"And eloquent too! Now mind explaining why you came to my waterfall, what you are, and why you smell so confusing." She questioned, observing me closely.
"Well, I came here because I seem to catch fire in the sunlight, as for what I am . . . . Tavish Byrne, undead extraordinaire at your service! As for why I smell weird. . . . I am dead after all." I joke causing her to wave her hand irritably.
"No, no, I mean why do you smell like the power of nature and a host of other things?" She demanded, a hint of desperation seeping into her tone.
Thinking about it, I quickly realize what she's talking about.
"Well I do have a bit of power over plants, and I had a chat with Pan once." I offer after some thought.
She staired at me, causing me to shift uncomfortably.
"You talked with Pan?"
"A little?"
"God of the Wild?"
"Yup!"
"And you don't realize the significance of such a thing?"
"I was asking to borrow his pipes!"
She was hyperventilating at this point. I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, sure he was a god, but that's not a reason to freak out.
Unless . . . .
Their was only one world that would flip out upon the rediscovery of Pan.
[World Discovered!]
[Percy Jackson and the Olympians!]
Ah, is it that big a deal? I just found one of his old shrines . . . ." I offer causing her to snap back to reality.
"Are you kidding me?! Pan has been missing for some two thousand years!"
"He has?"
"Where have you been? Living under a rock?"
"No, I was dead. . ."
"Wait, that doesn't matter . . . how is he?"
[Time Skip]
After several hours of questioning, the dryad finally released me after pointing me towards the nearest town.
While I could travel faster than a standard human, my speed was severely restricted in this form, thus, I was stuck walking.
To allow for day travel, I took a spare pair of boots, some pants, my shirt, jacket, and some gloves helped me travel under the sunlight.
As I walked, I reviewed some of my recently acquired talents and skills.
[Divine Sense]
The presence of strong evil registers on your senses like a noxious odor, and powerful good rings like heavenly music in your ears. As an action, you can open your awareness to detect such forces. Until the end of your next turn, you know the location of any celestial, fiend, or undead within 60 feet of you that is not behind total cover.
[Lay on Hands]
Your blessed touch can heal wounds. You have a pool of healing power that replenishes when you take a long rest. With that pool, you can restore a total number of hit points equal to your paladin level × 5.
As an action, you can touch a creature and draw power from the pool to restore a number of hit points to that creature, up to the maximum amount remaining in your pool.
Alternatively, you can expend 5 hit points from your pool of healing to cure the target of one disease or neutralize one poison affecting it. You can cure multiple diseases and neutralize multiple poisons with a single use of Lay on Hands, expending hit points separately for each one.
This feature has no effect on undead and constructs.
[Necromancer's Grimoire]
The ability to learn, cast, and remember necromancy spells.
[Yang/Holy affinity] (1/100)
You are able to manipulate the lighter energies.
[Yin/Dark affinity] (1/100)
You are able to manipulate the negative energies.
And I still needed to select a patron for the Paladin class. I kinda knew a few gods, but I'm not sure if they fit the criteria.
[While you don't necessarily need to pray to a god,]
[You do have one that fits the criteria . . .]
Really?
[Holy classes generate their power based on belief.]
[Praying to a God just kinda points your beliefs in certain directions.]
Ah . . . . so Deus Vult?
[Essentially.]
[Anyway, Deus Ex Machina falls within the parameters of a patron.]
[You would honestly be the first Tech-Paladin in the existence of his Parthenon.]
Is he even amiable?
Perk Activated!
[Aspect of the Machine God]
-Hello World Walker . . .-
Umm . . . . hello?
-Simple and to the point are procedures that are coveted among my followers.-
-Be respectful, and the maintaining of efficiency are all I require from our interactions.-
Alright, I can do that.
-Good.-
-Your acquisition of knowledge and your thirst for discovery has surpassed my entire cult within the space of a few years.-
-I would not mind supporting you as long as this continues.-
I can definitely do that! I intend to see every corner of time and space!
-Then follow these three tenants as you swear your oath. -
-The Machine God governs the aspects of all machines and knowledge. -
-Knowledge is the manifestation of divinity, guard it well. -
-All life and motion, mechanical or biological, owes its continued existence to the universal power that is the Motive Force.-
-I leave you now to observe how you interpret these tenants.-
-Do not look to the cult for guidance.-
-Forge a path for them to follow as my chosen.-
[You have accepted the Oath of a Tech-Paladin]
[Channeling divine energy is now available.]
Wow. . . .
He sure doesn't stick around.
. . .
Alright, let head to that town and hope I can get some supplies.
[Time Skip]
An unfortunate discovery I made in my travels is I can't sleep. No getting tired, just continuing in a relentless manner, causing me to continue walking through the night.
I finally reached a little village by the name of Dromod.
Flipping up my hood concealed my face, and drew many suspicious looks from the locals but I didn't mind. I hurried through town to a camping shop to pick up a full kit of tent, stove, backpack, and any other miscellaneous stuff I might need.
After paying the suspicious clerk at the front, I pack away my obscene amount of stuff. Walking out of the shop with my supplies.
Truthfully, I didn't think I could still eat but I would find a way! I sent way too long on my foodgician class to give up now!
Glancing around town for anything else, I spot a few shops, a bar, a dock, but my eyes finally settle on the train station.
I have the capability of traveling the entirety of Ireland, but if I wanted to make it out of country I would need papers.
Unfortunately, my ability to hack into and alter computers to arrange such a thing were locked at the moment along with most of my cyberware.
Outside of swimming, I'm pretty sure I'm shit out of luck as far as mobility.
Wait . . . .
Iris, you said I can summon companions, right?
[Yeah, I managed to get that back online.]
Grinning slightly I make my way out of sight of the town to a small clearing and I issue the command.
[Summon Companion: Nova!]
A familiar whooshing sound fills the air as that silly blue box brings itself into existence in front of me.
"Hey Nova, according to Iris, it's been a long time." I say fondly laying a hand on the door.
The Tardis makes an enquiring noise.
"Ah, this is a result of the challenging world. What do you think?" I offer.
Nova makes a so-so noise, opening the front door for me.
"Yeah I was surprised too." I reply setting my bag down before moving over to the console and starting to chart a course.
"Thank goodness you came here, I was starting to wonder how I was going to move about." I continue as I pull another lever.
Nova issues a questioning noise.
"Well I saw a few castles on the way here so let's check those out first." I state before throwing the last switch and taking off towards adventure.
[Omake: "Training to be the Pokémon master"]
[Ashe POV]
My muscles scream in pain as I brace in the plank position, a large Geodude sitting on my back
"Come on Ashe! No P-A-N-S-I-E-S allowed in this gym!" Tavish roar's as I finish the most recent set.
I had asked him for some pointers on how to train Pokémon like he does, only to be dragged into this walking nightmare of a training session.
"Alright double time lets see some squats!" he commands, tossing me Misty's Staryu that he "borrowed" for this training.
Bracing the seventy-six-pound Staryu on my shoulders, I start slowly counting out squats under Tavish's watchful eye.
"AAAAAnd that's good!" Tavish claps, causing me to set the Pokémon down.
"Your lucky today, Ashe, I found a bunch of Geodude's that can help you practice your hammer throw." He announced, prompting a gaggle of them to come hooping out of the woods.
"What am I aiming for?" I question. I don't remember him setting up any targets.
He points to a tree on the other side of the clearing where a very angry Boros is gagged and hanging upside-down from the branches of a huge oak.
"Boros has volunteered for your live training. Think of this as practical experience in a Pokémon battle." He states in a sage manner, nodding solemnly.
"Why is he gagged?" I ask, tentatively.
"He was swearing something fierce! Couple of those words were in languages I didn't know or understand so I figured this was best for everyone." He comments, watching the Pokémon flail around angrily, loud noises emitting from the gag.
"Hey Tavish, why are we supposed to treat Boros like this?" I ask distractedly as I heft the first Geodude.
"It's because he's a psychopathic genocidal warlord-type Pokémon that killed thousands of planets before coming here. This is just training out his bad habits." Tavish informed me as he rolled a Graveler out of the bushes and hefted him a few times to test the weight.
"Oh, okay!" Tavish's explanation did make me feel a bit better as I flung the first Geodude.
