2 Ch. 2

As my head bounces off the bathroom tiles, a light flashes through my head. Memories begin flashing across my eyes as I lay on the cold hard floor. In a moment, an entire life's worth of memories has played out in my head.

With a groan, I roll over onto my stomach and hurriedly push up as freezing tiles touch my bare chest. Carefully holding on to the counter, I slowly stand up on wobbly legs. Tearing my eyes from the view of my feet, I attempt to look at the face in the mirror again.

This time, the face staring back is as familiar to me as it is foreign. The reflection looking back at me is of a handsome man in his mid-twenties. Of course, he would probably look better if he didn't look like he was on the verge of a panic attack. I guess the two of us have that in common.

As I study the face in the mirror, the panic slowly vanishes from the man's features. He looks like he could be on the cover of a fashion magazine. The longer I stare at the man in the mirror, the more my mind keeps placing a name to the face.

"Gilderoy Lockhart," I quietly say in a smooth baritone voice. Gilderoy Lockhart, the one and only.

I'm finding so many things odd right now. Like the fact, I seem to be in the body of a fictional character. Or the fact that said fictional character doesn't look like the actor from the movie is also confusing.

Seeing that my legs are still unsteady, I move over and sit down on the toilet. My confusion only increases as I want to call the toilet a loo.

With my elbows on my knees, I bury my eyes into the palms of my hands as I try to sort out everything. I'm a normal American man taking a tram to visit my parents. This isn't Finals Week, so I'm not sleep-deprived, and I haven't tried drugs since my freshman year three years ago. I've not even had a drop of alcohol in over a month!

So why the hell do I look like a fictional character?! And why the hell do I have his memories?!

Taking a deep breath, I focus on those memories as I look up towards the ceiling. It doesn't take me long to conclude these new memories are from an asshole.

With another deep breath, I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I can't help making a few random faces in the mirror to make sure it really is my face. All things considering... At least I'm better looking now. It's just too bad Lockhart's history doesn't match his looks.

Gilderoy Lockhart was born on 26 January 1964... That's not too far off of when my dad was born... Focus!

O' Gil is a half-blood. His father is a Muggle, and his mother was a witch. He was the youngest of three, with two elder sisters, both of whom were Squibs. Every memory of Gil's childhood shows that his mother blatantly favored him over his sister. His mother made no attempt to hide the fact she loved Gilderoy more than his sisters. She was constantly doting on him and gave him praise for the smallest of things, especially any bits of magic, accident or intentional. This, combined with his mother comparing his wizardry feats to legendary figures looks like the cause of Gilderoy's vanity growing like a tenacious weed.

When Gilderoy entered Hogwarts in 1975, it was one of his mother's happiest moments. She was excited that the wizarding world would finally be able to see the amazing talent, that was her son.

Too bad neither one of them could tell that most wizarding children that age demonstrated similar talents and displays of magic. Because of Gilderoy's mother filling his head with exaggerated accomplishments, his introduction into Hogwarts was not meet with the expected praise and celebration.

It's not hard to see how Gilderoy became the attention-seeking braggart we see in the movie. He was raised to have the highest sense of self-worth imaginable!

I'm not sure if Gilderoy convincing the Sorting Hat to place him into Ravenclaw was such a good idea. If he would have gone into Slytherin, that ambitious and cunning bunch probably would have beat that sense of entitlement out of him.

It didn't take him long to see that he really did have above-average abilities, and he was seen as being more clever than most of his classmates. This leads him to not try unless he was confident that he would be the best of whichever particular team, group, or class he happened to be with at the time. He did achieve good marks, but his teachers were constantly being reserved with him and commenting on his achievements.

As a student, Gilderoy did achieve good marks in all his classes, but he wouldn't fully apply himself unless he was sure he would be the best or get the highest score. He was already making far-fetched claims of his goals, such as creating a Philosopher's Stone before graduation, intending to captain England's Quidditch team to World Cup glory, before knuckling down to becoming Britain's youngest Minister for Magic. Lockhart would have never reached the level of someone like Dumbledore or Voldemort, but with hard work, he could have been close to Snape's potential. Too bad the fool was too lazy to apply himself to his studies.

Oddly enough, Lockhart created two spells during his sixth year at Hogwarts. One spell allowed him to carve his signature in twenty-foot long letters into the Quidditch pitch; the second one was an imitation of Voldemort's Dark Mark. Instead of a skull and snake floating in the sky, Gilderoy's spell shot a hologram of his own face high into the air. Unfortunately, after his bit of success with spell creation, he dedicated most of his time to cutting corners on assignments to give him more time to socialize.

After O' Gil graduated Hogwarts in 1982, he was sure he would become a famous Quidditch player. He even convinced his mother to front the money for a spacious flat so that he could entertain his future teammates and members of the press.

After failing to get on several professional Quidditch teams, he was forced to take a job working for the ministry or return to his parents' home after his current lease ran out. He was hired as an Obliviator for The Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.

He readily took to the lessons of his trainers and developed a deep understanding of the mind arts. The first few months of employment were exceedingly dull for Gilderoy. Mostly limited to assignments of altering the memories of Muggles that witnessed a bit of accidental magic.

His big break came in early 1983. Gilderoy was assigned to Obiviate several Muggles that witnessed a banshee on the outskirts of their small village. This ultimately led to him running into a rather ugly old hag with a hairy chin. With a bit of charm and flattery, he convinced the old hag to deal with the banshee.

Once the hag had dealt with the specter, he persuaded the woman to give him every detail of the encounter. Afterward, he Obliviated the hag, took a week off work at the ministry, and penned his first book, 'Break with a Banshee'.

The unexpected success of Gilderoy's first book gave him a taste of the fame he felt he was so deserving of. When his popularity started to wane, he went out seeking other witches and wizards with feats he considered worthy of his own magical talents.

So, after nine years, twelve books, and as many Oblivated witches and wizards, seen Lockhart as an international adventurer and Britain's number one Best Selling Author. The arse would even Oblivate witches that he failed to make reach orgasm!

Gilderoy's only saving grace was that he no longer wished to hunt down stories to steal. He felt it wasn't worth the risk. That and with his current level of popularity, Lockhart feared he would be under constant watch. That increased the danger of his con being discovered. Plus, he felt that he was nearing the cap of the fame he could squeeze out for being a monster hunter.

Old Gil decided to pursue another dream. Something that he actually created purely on his own. His own line of beauty cosmetics. But not just any cosmetics. He wanted to be known for having created top-of-the-line cosmetics.

The shampoo Gilderoy invented lived up to its guarantee of giving lustrous locks of hair. Due to its main ingredient being too dangerous and expensive to procure, he couldn't convince anyone to mass-produce and market his little wonder.

I could have worked with this if it wasn't for Gilderoy's more recent memories. The fool had allowed Dumbledore to convince him into accepting the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor! Even worse, the moron signed a contract after just skimming over it! The only thing Lockhart concerned himself with was negotiated his monthly salary up to an even 600 galleons!

To the moron's credit, he did initially refuse Dumbledore's offer. But only because he wasn't comfortable with his ability to be a professor at Hogwarts. All Dumbledore had to do was mention how Gilderoy would be a mentor for The-Boy-Who-Lived, and O' Gil happily agreed to the position.

I began to put some serious thought into backing out of the D.A.D.A. position. The original Gilderoy barely even read over the contract Dumbledore gave him. Just thinking of Dumbledore knowing Lockhart is a fraud sends warning signs flashing through my head about breaking a magical contract.

Resolving myself with playing out my current situation, I can't help but think about the bright-side; MAGIC!

This may be a horrible way to start an isekai journey into the Harry Potter world, but it's still the Harry Potter world! I may be the biggest fraud in Magical Britain, but I'm good looking, rich, and I have magic! With what I know from the movies and the first two books... Yeah, I can work with this.

Standing up and looking in the mirror again, I can't help but smile. I ignore the urge to turn my body and lift my chin. I don't need to give my best-side to a mirror.

A quick scan of my new memories and I cautiously pick up the wand resting on the counter. Nine inches; made of cherry with a dragon heartstring core; slightly bendy; good for Charms work.

As a warm and welcoming feeling runs through my arm, I grin like a mad-man. With renewed confidence, I begin to cast Lockhart's morning hygiene Charms with practiced ease. If my smile gets any bigger, my face might start hurting.

After only a few seconds, I'm done casting my Charms. A quick inspection in the mirror confirms that my new face is refreshed and ready to be adored!

That last thought gives me pause. I'm going to have to be careful about shit like that.

Turning to my wand again, I try to go through my new memories about any more spells I can practice. My anger starts to build as I can't think of anything not meant for beautification or alter someone's mind! Lockhart really is an arse.

Not wanting to be the embarrassment of wizarding society, I move out of my bathroom and into a spacious and lavishly furnished bedroom. I barely pause long enough to get dressed in a simple tunic and dark-colored pants. Now that I'm dressed, I head straight for a tall bookcase in my small study. I don't spare a thought for the luxurious London flat I'm the new owner of. My thoughts are directed at one of the magical tomes sitting on the shelf.

The sight of several bookshelves filled with instructional books on Charms, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Dark Arts is vexing. The fraud only had them for references on his own books. Well, time to put them to use. With a book on Charms in my hands, I swiftly move behind the walnut desk and take a seat.

I no sooner than open the cover when an insistent knocking is beating off my front door.