CHAPTER 14;YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD ABOUT IT ACTUALLY

Sandra moved closer to

me and held my hands.

she stared into my eyes.

I stared back at her in

shock. she just defined me. it

was not as if we had known

each other for long. this was

even my first time of being

alone with her. how could she

know that I'm always nervous

whenever I'm alone with a

lady.

"Christian" she called

"you don't have to feel bad

about it. you are not the only

one with this trait. you can

overcome it if you can tell

people about it. my uncle too

had this trait. his case was so

bad that at the age of 30, he

still couldn't approach ladies.

He had no girlfriend. His

parent had to get him a wife

when he wouldn't introduce

any lady to them. He had to

accept the lady that was chosen

for him because he had no

other option. He never love

the woman he married. He was

later able to control his

shyness when he told his close

friends about it and they gave

him advice which helped him.

he became confident in

himself and was able to

approach ladies, but that didn't

change anything because he

was already married to a

woman he didn't love. His

religion doesn't support

divorce, so he couldn't divorce

his wife. All this happened to

him because he kept his

problem to himself. if he had

open up earlier, he wouldn't

have married someone he

didn't love."

The pain I felt in my heart at

that moment cannot be

described with words. it was

as if my heart would explode. I

stared at Sandra with so much

emotion. I have never be this

emotional all my life. that was

the first time I'm staring into a

lady's eyes without being

nervous. I was so pained. I

tried not to speak, for the tears

which had already formed in

my eyes not to drop.

she tightened her grip on my

hands.

"Christian I believe you can

overcome this. There is no

problem without a solution.

you have to help yourself. look

for friends you trust and tell

them your problem. you can

solve you problem by telling

people. people who you can

trust. people who can advise

you. if you are confident

enough to tell me about it, I

will gladly give you a listening

ear." she said and and fixed

her gaze on my, waiting for

me to share my problem with

her.

I stared intensely at her. I

couldn't get my gaze off her. I

have never stared at a lady

this way before. I wasn't

myself anymore. I was

destabilized.

"I...…." I paused

I couldn't speak. my lips were

shaking.

"I......" I paused again.

The tears which I had been

holding, dropped freely from

my eyes.

"I have been this way all my

life" I said as more tears flow

from my eyes.

"my childhood till this stage of

my life had been so boring. I

have no close friends. I don't

know how to make friends. I

don't always do things that I

wished to do. I don't go to

parties. I always get nervous

when I'm in a crowded place. I

don't know how to approach

ladies. I can't start or maintain

a conversation with a lady. I

don't do things that normal

human beings do. am I even a

normal human being. tell me

which normal human being

will be behaving this way." I

said as more tears dropped

from my eyes.

The more I speak, the more

tears flow from my eyes. I

couldn't control myself

anymore. I was crying like a

baby. I didn't know I have

been holding all this pain for a

long time. Sylvia drew me

closer to her and wrapped me

in a warm embrace. that didn't

stop the tears. I even cried the

more. I soaked her cloth with

tears. she tighten her grip on

me.

"Christian you have to stop

crying. Everything will soon be

over." she said

I later stopped crying, but she

didn't free me from her hold.

she still wrapped me in a

warm embrace. we remained

that way for the next 20

minutes. we didn't say

anything to each other. the

room was very silent. I didn't

know what happened next. All

I could remember was that I

slept off while she was still

holding on to me.

I woke up an hour later with

slight headache. I tried to sit

up from the bed I was lying

but was too week. The event

that happened an hour ago

flashed through my mind. that

was when I realized I was still

in Sylvia's house and was even

lying on her bed. I sat up

immediately. How did I get to

her bed? All I could remember

was that I was sitting on her

chair. wait a minute, I even

told her my problem. How did

I get that much courage to tell

her my problem. I even cried

in her presence. I can't believe

I just cried like a baby in a

lady's presence.

While I was still wandering in

my thought, she emerged from

her kitchen with a cup of tea.

she smiled when she saw me.

"you are awake" she said

I didn't respond. she stretched

the cup of tea to me.

"have this. it will make you get

better"

I collected the cup of tea

without taking my gaze off

her.

"I want to go home" I said

"okay, but take that first"

I quickly down all the content

and gave her back the cup

"thank you" I said

"you are welcome" she

responded

"I will take my leave now" I

said

"okay, but make sure you call

me when you get home"

I nodded. I stood up from her

bed and left her house. I left

exactly 9:45pm.