1 The morning after

The air was thick with his cologne. It smelled woody, rich and a little like cinnamon. My head rested on him as a pillow, and my fingers played with the blond hairs on his bare chest.

By the light that shined through the curtains, I could tell that it was probably early in the morning. I swallowed.

I did not look up, but I knew he was also awake, by the way he was breathing now. Still, he did not move an inch.

One of his arms surrounded my waist and his other hand was tangled up in my hair.

How did we get here? Curled up together, on a mattress on the floor, like this?

Where were we?

Flashes of last night filled my mind. Dancing at a house party with friends. The liquor I normally never drink. Not to that extent at least.

I had always watched him from afar, in the college benches.

The way he was dressed was always slick. A pantaloon, fancy shoes and a blouse was his standard outfit.

His deep pale blue eyes had never sought mine any of the times I'd watched him. I on the other hand, could drown in the depth of his. They were crystal clear, like watching diamonts ever so bright.

Sometimes we said a few words before class, when he came to stand with the same group. But we never spoke to each other alone. We weren't friends or anything.

I remember a time when his tall figure was leaning a little over the railing of the first floor. We were at one the university's buildings, and were waiting for class to begin. I was hanging out with fellow students, when he joined us.

I had told him to be careful, and he playfully smiled. While holding my gaze, he had teased me by acting like he was almost falling. The idiot.

"How did you sleep?" asked Dean while the hand that was in my hair started to glide down the base of my neck. Suddenly I felt very conscious. Would my breath stink? I did not want to take the chance and lifted myself a little to face him.

His lower lip looked much fuller than his upper lip, I had a hard time stopping myself from kissing him.

I looked at him and Dean smiled slightly. His eyes were twinkling. Dean tucked a loose strain of my hair back behind my ears. I narrowed my eyes at him and quickly rose up. I needed to brush my teeth, so without saying a word, I went into the hallway to find a bathroom.

Biting my lip, I looked down on my clothes. The hallway did not really look all that familiar. I was still fully dressed, I realized. Although I thought the intention of last night was to hook up, Dean had insisted on only holding me. And so he did.

Come to think of it, we hadn't even kissed. Well, not on the lips anyway. Dean had kissed my neck, my cheeks, my hands and my forehead. But never my lips.

'What was that about?'

The hall was long, and I counted ten doors. The old wooden floor squeaked where I walked. Finally I found what I was searching for; the bathroom.

The tiles were filled with a pattern of flowers. And the sink and the bathtub were red. At least it was clean. It was a very old mansion and the guys that lived here were moving to a, what I heard, more luxurious mansion to proceed their studies. Needless to say they were all very privileged.

I looked for a towel and got in the shower. I quickly washed up and put the same cloths on again. I obviously had nothing else and come to think of it, not even a tooth brush.

I felt stupid and put a bit of toothpaste on my fingers, trying to clean my teeth. I looked in the mirror, trying to straighten my long golden-brown hair. My chocolate brown eyes stared back at me.

'Get it together', I thought. A few doors away, was a man I could only dream of. Why was I still lingering in the bathroom like this? I hadn't even told him that I was going to freshen up.

My heart pounded in my chest as I darted through the long hallway again. I opened the door and he was still laying on the mattress bare-chested. He looked just fine.

With his arms behind his head, his eyes held mine while I approached him.

I did not know what came over me, but I climbed on top of him like a tiger, slowly approaching its prey. He looked amused by that.

I supported my weight by placing my elbows on the mattress. He felt firm beneath me. Dean traced my spine with his fingers and then his fingers traveled under my shirt, touching my stomach.

I flinched.

My stomach was scarred, and my bra was not as filled as I wanted it to be. Would he shy away?

He did not. Instead his breathing became shallow as I looked at his lips, wanting to kiss him.

The man was completely gorgeous. My fingers traced his fine stubble beard on his strong jawline. Leaning in, I touched my nose to his and his hand curled up in my hair again.

He made me feel so wanted. It was strange. Never in my life had I experienced anything like this before.

When my lower lip parted his mouth, the spell completely broke. "Let's not", said Dean all of a sudden.

Quickly pulling away, I touched my mouth. Did I still stink? I was so bummed with myself. He pulled me back into his arms, holding me tightly and rubbed my back up and forth.

"What time is it?" I thought out loud. Still holding me with one arm, Dean was fidgeting with something on the floor. He put on his glasses and studied a golden watch. I recognized that it was his, he always wore it.

"Mhh… it's seven in the morning," murmured Dean while he took off his glasses again. He placed them back on the floor and snuggled me again. Dean kissed my hair and let out a sigh.

"We still have some time," said Dean. "Our only class will start in an hour and a half, and we are already on campus", Dean breathed against my ear. My skin crawled.

"I… I don't have any books, or my laptop", I blurted out, while realization hit me like thunder. I was not supposed to be here, in another man's arms.

"I need to go," I said closing my eyes. To be honest, I did not want to let him go. Not yet, not ever. It was stupid, but I held him tighter. Dean chuckled and kissed the crown of my head. "Let's get some breakfast together," he offered.

"I can't," I immediately responded, and regretted my response instantly. I felt the muscles in his arms tense. I did not know what he heard in my voice, but he let me go. "Alright," he simply said.

The mood had changed from sweet, light and playful, to incredibly awkward in a split second.

We both stood up, and I watched Dean put on his blouse.

I did not want the time we spend, to end this completely awkward. So I walked up to him and placed my hand on his chest. I closed the last button on his shirt, while our eyes were locked.

He trailed my neck with his lips, and bit my neck playfully like he had done last night. I could not help but let him and moaned silently.

"I will see you in class, I guess," I croaked when his nose lingered against mine. "You will," responded Dean matter of factly.

Without looking back, I quickly took my phone that was laying on a chair, in the corner of the room, and quickly ran out of the house.

What was I supposed to do now? I did not live nearby campus at all, and I did not bring my car last night. I still had over a little more than an hour, but that was not nearly enough time to get back to the city I lived in by train.

I sighed.

My phone rang and I stared at the name on the screen. It was my ex-husband. We had only recently broken up, and he was trying desperately to win me back. He had watched the kids last night, while I went out. I picked up the phone and scraped my throat.

"Where are you" asked Mason. "I am on campus," I said truthfully. "You did not come home last night" he said a tat upset. "Yeah, well.. I spend the night with a fellow student," I shrieked.

"It was getting late so…" I trailed off. Mason didn't press any further and I was glad he did not.

"I'll drop the boys off at school," said Mason. Guilt overwhelmed me. "Thank you," was the only thing I could think of to say.

I was glad the conversation ended quickly.

Strolling across campus, until the building we had class in this morning opened, I kept checking my phone. Still no message from Dean.

It was a silly thing to do, obliviously I had just seen him, so why would he text anyway. Still, I could not help overthinking everything that had happened last evening, last night, and of course this morning.

I could still smell him and if I closed my eyes, I could still feel his embrace. To be honest, I longed for more of that. I needed more of him. I still hadn't gotten the kiss I so desired.

My stomach flipped when I decided to text him.