Just my life

Louis

"Come on, let's do something fun after school" Ronnie says

"No thanks. I really need to study more" I answer, but to be honest, that's an excuse.

"You are a really boring person, Louis. Did someone ever tell you this before. I ask you every week to go out, but your answer is always no." He complains.

My response to this is a simple humming. I don't want to go out in the evenings and I think it's definitely not my fault if he asks me again and again. Ronnie and me have been friends since primary school. We don't share the same humour or have the same interests. I don't understand why he's stuck with me every day. Still, I have to admit that Ronnie is a loyal friend. When I have problems or if someone offends me, he supports me. Unlike me, he's great with his words and talks back. Maybe that's why nobody offends him even if he's a nerd.

Yes, you heard right, Ronnie and me belong to the nerdiest nerds in this school. Socially awkward and have no friends. We always stay in our little bubble away from everyone else at least in school. Let's just say people avoid talking to us.

Our group consists of five people. There are Ronnie and Ralph better known as the anime-twins. They carry heavy manga books with questioning covers with them. Moreover, they play some weird anime-games in the library where everyone can see them. Ronnie and Ralph are identical twins and most people, teachers included, can't tell them apart. Which is quite sad considering the fact that they have been living in Flatville since they were babies.

Next in our friend circle is Maria. I don't know what to say about her. She is intelligent and has her hair in braids every day. That's about it.

And there's also Jasper. He is somehow alone every time I see him. Nevertheless, he's eating lunch with us every day and he is also in the same school club as the rest of us. His past is very dark and depressing making it impossible for him to smile. I think he's a good guy.

Last but not least there's me. I consider myself a normal, 19 years old guy with no friends. Yes, I hang out with the nerd gang but I haven't got a clue how I ended up in this freaking situation. Maybe because I hang out with Ronnie since I was young and the other students can see that. They spot me talking to Ronnie a lot and the bullies aka jocks hate the anime-twins so the students automatically avoid talking to me as well. When the bullies realised that I'm friends with them they started mocking me as well every time they catch sight of me somewhere. They approach me and make my life a living hell. It's fine with me since they almost never use violence except if they have a bad day. Bad days are mostly the days when they lose a game of American football because their self-esteem takes a heavy blow and their coach shout at them. In every case, I just try to run away when I hear them and I look around the corner to check if I see them somewhere before I walk.

I don't particularly dislike my so-called friends but I don't like them either. They have different interests for example reading manga, gaming together or even worse they like cooking together. We are all in the same class which is the first class in sophomore year. We are the students with the best grades. The class consists either of nerds or the complete opposite. Popular people with amazing looks and stunning grades. There's no in between. Today is Thursd-

"By the way have you heard about the new student" Ronnie snaps me out of my thoughts.

"No, I haven't"

"I heard he is a city boy. I hope he is handsome, tall and has a lot of muscles. Then I can finally develop a new crush." Ronnie fantasizes.

"I wish you good luck." Is the best I can say to this.

Ronnie is gay. Ralph and me are the only ones that know of this secret. I cannot understand what's so great about a male body but I am totally fine with him being gay. I'm just overwhelmed what to answer to his talking about crushes because I can't put myself in his place. In fact, I've never been in love with any kind of human being my whole life not even in kindergarten. I already told him that but he keeps on talking to much about something I'm not interested in and he doesn't give a shit about my feeling. His babble about love goes in one ear and out the other.

"Why do you sound so uninterested?" Ronnie asks.

Because I am. But I gave up telling him this.

"It's the first new students since a long time who wants to enter in this school. He's the talk of the town right now" he adds.

"Do you think he would want to be part of our group or what are you so exited about?" I ask him.

"Spoilsport" he says and sticks out his tongue to me.

We are currently walking to our bikes because school ended five minutes ago. Luckily, we haven't seen anybody who would bother us. Today the air is very hot and humid so I'm looking forward to drive my bike down the hill. Then I can really enjoy the cool air hitting my face. It's refreshing and makes me feel alive after a day in this deadly boring school. We arrive at the bikes and open the locks to the bikes. Believe it or not, the code to my lock is 1-2-3. It's impressing how nobody figured it out until now.

As I get on my bike, Ronnie suddenly asks me to halt.

"There's a party tomorrow at Adam's house and he invited us. You need to come tomorrow, the whole school is going. You have no excuse to not come because tomorrow is Friday and after Friday is the weekend so you have enough time to catch up sleep" He shouts as he drives off with his bike.

I sigh. There's really absolutely no reason for them to join this stupid party. I don't know if they are too dense to feel it or if they just pretend not to notice anything. The only reason Adam invites them is to make fun of them. I say nothing to them because I never went to one of his parties myself. At some times people from my school upload embarrassing videos of my friends on Instagram or the school homepage. In the videos my friends are of course drunk. Also, after the parties I can hear people whispering and gossiping about 'how funny it is that the nerds think they are part of the popular group just because they were invited bla bla bla'.

Adam is one of the most popular guys in this school. He is the captain of the football team and he is really tall with many muscles. Ronnie once had the biggest crush on him. Unfortunately, even I have to admit that he's good-looking. He has black curly hair and blue eyes. Every girl is jealous of his long eyelashes. Adam's parents own a big restaurant chain that earned his family a fortune. He throws the best parties in his huge villa every time his parents are away. As far as I know, his parents support him throwing his parties and even give him a lot of moneys to buy alcohol. What a joke. And yes, I hate him with all my might.

I drive home alone and I'm grateful for that. Ronnie and Ralph live on the opposite side of the town and Maria takes the bus home. Jasper stays in school as long as he can because he doesn't want to go home. I need about ten minutes to reach my house. I lean my bike on the house wall and lock it.

My house is nothing special. It's cosy and tiny but I know my parents had to work really hard for it. They also have to pay my college fees and that's why I sometimes feel really bad. I try to help them with the chores and cleaning as much as I can.

"Hey mom" I shout as soon as I enter to the door. There is no answer so I assume that she's maybe out of town or she's still working. I shrug my shoulders and walk up the stairs. Suddenly, I hear a meow and my mood is lifting. My cat.

Cats are one of the most beautiful animals in the world in my opinion. They look so graceful when they walk and they are boosting with confidence. They are basically the opposite of my own personality. I have two cats and they are my most important friends. I pick my black cat up and start petting her fur. She really loves to be pampered and always sits in my little bedroom with me when I'm home. She knows that I'm the one who always feed her and play with her, so she stays close to me all the time and sleeps on my pillow at night. My other cat is always outside but she's very kind and never makes loud noise. I love them equally and I really don't know what I would do without my cats.

I feel like taking a shower after this hot day so I throw my cat on my bed. Afterwards, I take some fresh clothes with me and go to the bathroom. I hate bathrooms for one particular reason. There are a lot of mirrors in there. And mirrors are the one thing I try to avoid since my childhood. Because I'm very insecure about my looks. According to myself, I'm extremely ugly and that's the reason nobody likes me. I'm the epitome of self-conscious.

The trigger of that goes way back when I was in third grade. We were in the forest as a class when I tripped over a thick sturdy branch and landed head first in the mud. I felt like crying when two girls I didn't know approached me and started laughing. They told me how ugly I looked and that the dirt beautifies my face. I was speechless.

I know I shouldn't have taken these words seriously as it was just some bullshit words from two annoying little kids but I couldn't get this into my stupid brain.

The hate against my face started to grow over the years and now I can't look at my face at all. Thank goodness I decided to let my hair grow over my eyes because now they cover up half of my face and additionally, I can't see my face because the hair is blocking the view.

I hop in the shower and let cold drops trickle down my body. Summer holidays feel like they were ages ago when in reality they weren't even two months ago. I need a vacation again.

Ronnie is right though. I have never agreed to join in on an activity after class since the beginning of the new school year. It's about time I do so. I consider joining the party tomorrow. I want to see what the students force my friends to do and how they treat them for myself. It's not that I can change something because I'm a nobody myself but at least I'm there for mental support.

After a long back and forth I decide to go. I take out my phone and write a message in our group chat.

- Guys I'm going to join you tomorrow at the party.

After that I just chill in my room and watch some films before going to bed.

Friday passes by in a brink of a second. My friends and me are currently chilling on our regular table in the canteen.

"What should I wear? I have this really sparkling outfit in my wardrobe and I have never worn it before. What do you guys think about it?" Maria asks and she showed us a picture of a short dress with bright colours.

"No, that's much to short. You're going to look like a slut" Ralph comments. I agree with him but say nothing because I'm really sure a fight is about to break out.

"Girls can wear WHATEVER they want. Get this in your head Ralph" Maria argues.

"Yeah, but please cover yourself up for your own safety. It's not you whom I don't trust but these popular guys. I see how their eyes linger on your body when you dance."

"You're exaggerating, please shut up"

"Ah come on Maria, have you forgotten what happened last time" Ralph shouts in a loud voice which left us speechless. I've never heard him shout before. His sentence got my attention and I open my mouth for the first time

"What happened at the party last time?" I ask

They shut their mouths and exchange some quick looks with each other but nobody uttered a single word. Instead, Maria picks up her cup of coffee and starts to drink meanwhile Ralph starts scratching his head suspiciously. At least Jasper looks the same as ever… But wait, that doesn't help at all.

"Guys, I'm being serious here, what happened at the party last time?" I raise my voice. After some time of silene Maria speaks

"You know there was this guy… and he may have touched me in some kind of inappropriate way… but I'm fine now… I don't remember much because I was really drunk…" Maria whispers as a tear falls down on the table.

As soon as she finishes speaking, I abruptly stand up and slap my fist on the table. The coffee floats over the edge and the sound resonates through the whole room. This little piece of shit…

"Maria, I promise you they will pay for that!" I speak.

"Please don't try anything that will worsen our situation, Louis. I understand how you feel and believe I would love nothing more than to beat up this bitch, but unfortunately, we don't have the means to do that. You know how much Maria means to me and I hate myself for doing nothing about it but Jacob is Adam's friend and I don't want to end up in the hospital in a foolish attempt to beat them up" Ralph hissed while he grabs my wrist and gestures me to sit down.

It was Jacob. I'm really angry now and that is a miracle in itself. There aren't many things that make me furious. Frustrated, I sit down. I guess I have no option but to accompany them to this shitty parties from now on. And I swear if I see someone trying to approach Maria in a funny way, I won't hold back to raise my fist and beat the crap out of this person. I don't care if he is a president or some kind of superstar, these acts are just indecent.

I was boiling so much in my inside that I missed Ronnie flinching by the mention of a certain name.

The situation calms down after some minutes at least on the outside. I realise that Maria doesn't want to talk about this so we cover it up with talking about some uninteresting other things. We have to pass our time because it's still two hours until the party. We decide to part ways after some time to refreshen our looks. As if putting make-up on or putting hair gel on would help our situation.

I stand in front of my wardrobe and look at my clothes. I didn't expect anything less but I have nothing to wear to this occasion. I'm annoyed with myself that I even want to dress up for people I don't care about. After some minutes I decide on some tight and blue jeans and a simple black t-shirt with the words 'New York' on it.

I'm content with the way my outfit looks and also with my hair. I definitely won't change something about my hairstyle because as always, I want my face to stay hidden. Okay I think I'm ready to go now.

A few minutes later I hear a honk from the outside. Seems like Ronnie and the others are already here to pick me up as promised. I take a quick last look in the mirror before I jump down the stairs. There's no going back now.