A Different Time, A Different Person 1
Mira sighed.
They were currently sitting on the floor; their back against the librarian's counter, in front of the glass door so that they would be seen immediately if someone comes to check the library.
In the smartphone that's the only thing providing them light reads the time 7:50pm. They should be out by 7:00 pm but both her and Eugine forgot to mind the time.
Turns out that the glass door automatically locks during black out as a security measure.
"How are we going get out?" Mira said dejectedly.
Eugine glanced at her. "Don't worry. We can go out as soon as the electricity comes back."
He was comforting her, trying to ease her mind. What he didn't tell her is that even him wasn't sure that the electricity will come back tonight. And since it was already late and students must have gone home by now, the school might not necessarily open the electric generator. Their only hope was for their family to get them, or hope that by some chance the security would do a patrol and see them or otherwise they would spend the night in the library.
Both of them stared at the smartphone screen in silence after that. Mira's phone was dead so she couldn't use her own. It was a blessing to their disastrous night that there are no mosquitoes in the library.
Mira started to nibble on her fingertips due to nervousness. She can't help it. Everything is making her nervous. The darkness is making her nervous. The silence around her is making her nervous. Heck. Han Eugine is making her nervous.
"Don't do that. That's bad." Eugine admonished without a thought.
Mira immediately stopped. "Sorry."
Then both of them realized what happened.
Silence.
Eugine cleared his throat when he realized that the way he admonished her might be a little rude. "Sorry."
Another silence.
Eugine then started to tap his fingers on the floor rhythmically.
After a moment, he stopped. "Can I ask you something?"
Mira looked at him in question. He took that as a yes.
Staring at her earnestly, Eugine asked. "Why do you hate me?"
It was a question Mira was not expecting. She was startled and for a moment, didn't know what to say.
"What makes you think that I hate you?" She asked back to him.
Eugine shrugged. "I just get that feeling."
Mira pulled her knees to her chest. After thinking for a while, she finally answered.
"I don't hate you." She quietly said to Eugine.
"Really?" He asked, not quietly believing.
Mira gently nodded.
That's right. She doesn't hate him.
She resent him, sure. But Mira was fully aware that she could never really hate him.
She doesn't hate him, but he makes her so scared.
Scared that she will not be able to change anything. Scared that she might not be strong enough to hold on into her resolve. Everytime she sees him, she felt as if her heart was being torn apart by contradicting emotions. She wanted to not be involved with him again for the fear that she would again head down to that miserable path yet... Yet Her whole being also longs for him.
It was painful. That's why she tries her hardest to avoid him.
"If you don't hate me, then why do you avoid me as if I have a sickness?"
In the dim light, Eugine was looking at her intently.
Mira didn't know what to say.
"I don't hate you... Its just...", She tried to find the appropriate words. "It's just that I find it difficult to deal with you."
"Difficult? Me? Why?" Eugine was truly baffled.
Mira shook her head, not knowing how to explain.
Silence reigned between them, both of them deep in their thoughts.
After a while, Eugine asked her.
"Is there anything I can do so that you won't feel that way?"
Mira shrugged without looking at him. What can she say? What? Nothing, it's just in the future I know, we were husband and wife who did not end well? Was she supposed to tell him that? Even to her own ears, rationality was telling her that no normal person who believe her.
Mira heard Eugine sighed.
"You know," Eugine started.
"When you look at me, I get the feeling that you're seeing someone else. That you don't see me at all."
Eugine's voice was soft and gentle but underneath it, a grievance could be heard.
Mira finally took a good look on his face. He was staring at her. It was dark and the only light they have is the faint light coming from the smartphone's screen but somehow, she was fully aware of Eugine's face. His long eyelashes, the bow on his upper lip, the outline of his nose.. Mira can see them all.
"When you look at me, it's as if you were expecting the worst from me. It was unfair because I felt that I haven't done anything to deserve that. You look at me as if you knew my whole being."
"But I do knew you." Mira said back before she can think about it.
Both of them froze from her answer.
Stupid. Stupid. Mira kept on berating herself inside. "And I wasn't--Its not like that." She finally said.
"You dont. How could you? We've just met." Eugine gently answered back after a moment.
Mira could say nothing to that without sounding like a lunatic or a stalker.
After that, the silence became awkward. Mira soon became engrossed in her thoughts to distract herself from the awkwardness. She then remembered Eugine's words.
Does she really know Han Eugine? If asked before she heard his words, she would have said yes without hesitation.
To her, Eugine was the center of the life she led. She loved him so much that her everything revolved with him as the center. In the life she knew, she can remember how much she ran after him. Her dreams, plans in life, all of it were made while taking him into consideration.
To the point that she lost herself.
She then only realized that at this point of time, she shouldn't have been involved with his life yet. Mira remembered what he said and realized that he might be right.
Is that why he was so different from what she remembered?
Mira felt that she was threading on a dangerous train of thought. However, she couldn't stop.
The Han Eugine she knew was cold and always serious.
The Eugine right now might be a little quiet, however he was far from being cold.
Supposed that the Eugine right now was the original him--happy, free...
Then what could have changed him?