1 Dimensional Mumbo Jumbo

"Gh... What the hell...?" A somehow distorted, masculine voice echoed through an empty and dark place.

'My head hurts like hell, and my back isn't better off.' He felt terrible. It was as if he had been hit by an out-of-control bull. As he opened his eyes and looked around, all he saw was darkness. Well, not exactly. He could see, albeit barely. The male seemed to be laying down against some wooden boxes. The first guess that came to his mind was that he was in some kind of warehouse. That or someone's basement, and he had been kidnapped while he was asleep, which was not particularly pleasant, either.

The last thing he remembered was going to sleep after a study session, nothing too complicated. And now, he awoke in this weird place. The strange thing was that he was not bound to a chair or anything, so he could at least - almost - rule out the kidnapping option.

Despite the calm analysis of his situation, he could feel his heart starting to speed up. He betted anyone would feel the same if they were him. Unless, of course, they weren't normal civilians. Maybe soldiers would act calm. Hell if he knew.

"For now, I should try to find a way out of here, or at least know where I am," The male said that out loud by force of habit. Thankfully, his voice was quite low and raspy, so he doubted he alerted anyone that could be in the vicinity.

Carefully, he advanced with slow steps. His hands were outstretched forward in case he hit his face against a wall. Lo and behold, he reached one after a few seconds of measured walking.

It was cold and hard, so he assumed it was concrete. Nodding to himself, he started walking once again; this time going along the wall, running his hands on it to feel when the texture changed, which would mean that that was the door or at least a low window.

It didn't take him long to find something sticking out of the wall. Scrunching his eyes a bit, he was able to see a - what he thought it was - red button almost the size of his hand. If he was not wrong, this should be his ticket out, but first, he should confirm something.

Extending his hand to the opposite side from where he came from, a cooler sensation assaulted his limb. Without a doubt, it was metal. 'Bingo. This must be the door, and the button should open it.'

He didn't hurry, though. As much as he wanted to get out of here, he had to plan ahead. Trying to calm himself was difficult, though. The unfamiliarity of it all was relentlessly attacking his mind, attempting to make him submit to panic.

Clenching his fists, he breathed in and out a couple of times, nodding to himself when he felt okay enough to act without making mistakes. First, he moved to the side a bit and leaned his ear against the door. He didn't know where it led, but he had to make sure there wasn't someone waiting on the other side.

The individual was listening for literally anything, even the faintest sound of someone breathing while they slept. Call him paranoic, but if paranoia was going to save his life, then he would gladly be one.

A second... A minute... Five minutes... Ten minutes...

Time passed quietly, yet he didn't hear any kind of sound except for a few that sounded like ship's horns, but those were coming from far away. 'Am I in some docks? I hope I am not on the fish's menu today...'

Pushing away those dark thoughts, he finally pressed the button. Immediately, he heard the door making strange sounds like it hadn't been oiled in forever. He inwardly cringed and went to hide in case the noise attracted unwanted attention.

After waiting for some more, no one seemed to have been alerted by the sound. He inwardly sighed in relief before approaching the now open door with caution. The moonlight helped illuminate his path, confirming that it was night as he suspected as well.

He first poked his head, looked left and right. The coast was clear, so he quickly exited and ran, he ran like never before without looking back. The direction didn't matter, only to get away from that place.

The male didn't stop until he arrived at what looked like a park. Finding a bench, he was quick in sitting down on it. Finally... finally he could take a break from all of this ordeal.

"Jesus... What is with this unreal situation?" An almost inaudible question left his mouth while he closed his eyes. It was all that he could muster now as he brought his hands to support his tired head.

The night was chilly, but the adrenaline coupled with the recent running was enough to maintain his body warm enough not to feel uncomfortable. However, the moment he opened his eyes, he froze.

"Wha... What even... Eh?" He couldn't even formulate words to describe what he was seeing. If when he was inside that warehouse he couldn't see anything, and when he exited it the only thing in his mind was running, then now that he was out of danger, he could finally pay attention to details he had overlooked before.

His skin... No. His entire figure was different. He pinched his arm in a futile attempt to awake from this realistic dream. Alas, this dream was nothing but reality.

"I... I look like a fucking anime character?!" He unconsciously blurted out, unable to keep his calm at the development. A small lamp post in the park allowed him to see this new change—one that he was absolutely not happy with. To go from real flesh to an animated one was... bizarre.

He stayed with widened eyes and open mouth for a few minutes before resignation came in accompanied by a sigh, and followed by it, came acceptance. No doubt sooner than he would have liked. 'Nice one, Joachim. You rule out kidnapping first and it turns out that's what happened: a fucking interdimensional kidnapping!'

Joachim really wanted to lash out and scream all of his frustrations to the world, but he didn't even have the strength to do that. He just... laughed. Even though he wanted to cry, he laughed. Yet, that laugh didn't contain joy or madness; it was dry. His chest heaved up and down in quick succession and his body didn't seem to decide between cause laughter or tears.

Eventually, it all came to a stop. What was the point of whining? Would it resolve his situation? As if. At most what it would do was amuse the fucker than sent him here... wherever 'here' was.

After a few moments of staring at the night sky thinking about nothing, he decided to learn a bit more about his circumstances. The first thing would be to know if he took over the body of someone relatively known or if it was something random.

Until yesterday, he wasn't dark-skinned, and he definitely didn't have golden bracelets on his wrists and armbands on his forearms. Speaking of accessories, he also had some sort of pointed earrings, and if the cold sensation on his neck was anything to go by, he had something on there as well.

From what he could see in regards to clothes, he wore a sleeveless light purple hoodie with two gold chains on the front, black pants, and black shoes. With all these details at hand, Joachim arrived at a single conclusion.

'I have no fucking idea who I am supposed to be.' Dark-skinned characters in anime were rare, and precisely thanks to that, they were easily forgettable.

Joachim put his elbow above his kneecap while resting his chin on his hand, adopting a somewhat thinking pose. When he did so, however, he was able to see a strand of light-colored hair. Despite the illumination, it was still dark, so he couldn't determine if his hair was now pale blonde or white, which, considering he is in some kind of anime world right now, is not impossible.

'Forget it. I should worry about it tomorrow. Hopefully, once there is daylight I can find some showcase where I can see my reflection. Until then, needless thinking would cost me my much-needed sleeping time.' It wasn't comfortable, it wasn't his bed, but it was better than nothing. So, after finding a good resting position, he drifted to sleep on the bench.

...

"You finally deign yourself to appear, human." A booming voice made Joachim open his eyes. However, the sight that greeted him was not that of the park but something yellow instead.

Cocking his head upward to find the source of the voice, his eyes widened and his pupils almost became needles. "What. The. Fuck."

Before him, in all its glory, stood the Winged Divine Dragon of Ra looking down at him with its red eyes that seemed to be in a perpetual state of fury.

"Ah, I see." Joachim hit his palm with his fist, seemingly coming to a realization. "I went fucking crazy, didn't I?" He smiled while nodding to himself, pleased with the conclusion.

"You should cease your mumbling if you do not have anything coherent to say. And no, you have not gone crazy." Ra's voice sounded a tad bit annyoed now, but Joachim was in 'fuck everything' mode, so he couldn't care anymore.

"My apologies. I forgot that speaking with the spirit of Egyptian Gods was as common as going to the store to buy groceries. How careless of me." His sarcastic reply was enough to earn the ire of the short-tempered God.

Flames began to surround them both, threatening to consume his soul. "One more of those remarks and I will incinerate you."

That actually made him stop. He looked around past the flames, noticing they were in some kind of dark space, which at this point he didn't question. Turning back his head to meet Ra's gaze, he crossed his arms while taking a deep breath. "Fine. What do you want? If you are here, I assume we are in some sort of dueling world. And just to be clear, I am not some kind of pro at it, so I don't understand your reasons for bringing me here."

With the Egyptian God here, many doubts he had before were cleared. For starters, he was definitely Marik or at least a look alike. Then came the identity of the world. It was Yu-Gi-Oh! all right. Unless it was some sort of weird crossover - hopefully not - then that was the safest bet. As for timelines, he was going blind.

Ra calmed down once the human agreed to stop with his nonsense, but the flames remained as a threat. "It is not what I want. I am not the one that brought you here, he was." The yellow bird then moved slightly to the side, revealing the other occupant in the room to Joachim.

'Oh, fuck! He is here too?! Who is next? The Crimson Dragon?!' Just when he thought things couldn't surprise him anymore, then comes something that does.

"I didn't take him for someone interested in kidnapping mortals, and since he is sleeping, he can't answer any of my questions. Do you at least have some information you can give me?"

"..."

"...Do you at least have some information you can give me, O' Great One?" Joachim mentally rolled his eyes. He couldn't be one of those, could he?

"I actually do."

'Seriously?'

"Same as you, I was brought by him to this world. However, it was not the one he intended to send us in. Something happened that caused him to fail, and so here we are." Well... It was better than nothing, he supposed. Still, wasn't he supposed to be a God? Hearing him speak, it was as if he were in the low end of the "I lord over you" category of powerful monsters. Knowing the difference between his anime counterpart and the physical card game one, he shouldn't be surprised about other monsters seeing him as a joke, though.

Naturally, he wouldn't say that out loud. Despite his earlier attitude against him, Joachim valued his own life. "So we are pretty much in this together, huh?"

"Indeed we are." Ra merely assented, even though it had been implied already.

"My poor qualifications to be the one chosen aside, and definitely my low desires to actually do whatever he wants us to do aside, I don't have a deck. I don't have money to buy cards either. Do we even share currencies? So many questions and so little answers." Joachim sighed in exasperation, less than thrilled with the idea but seeing himself with no other choice if he wanted answers.

"You do have one. It is in your pocket." Ra calmly said. Reaching to his pocket, the light-haired teen indeed found something there. Taking it out, he confirmed it was a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.

"It wasn't there before." Joachim drily commented to Ra as he stared into his eyes.

"It certainly was." Unflinching, the yellow mechanical bird answered back.

"You just made this deck up the moment I asked for it, didn't you?" He asked with half-lidded eyes, unamused at his answer.

"..."

"You know what, I am not even going to bother anymore." He went back to check the deck given to him, and, surprise-surprise, it was a blue-eyes deck. 'How original...'

His less-than-excited attitude aside, he was able to gain some information while looking at it. Thanks to a card in particular, to be exact. 'The Seventh One...huh. Kind of weird here, but knowing who brought me here, I shouldn't be surprised.'

Sure enough, his Extra Deck was filled with XYZ monsters. Among them, Numbers 101 and 107 were the ones that could be used with the previously mentioned card.

'Well, that puts me from Zexal onwards. Although at this point I shouldn't discard any options. The kidnapping part was enough of a lesson. For all I know, I could be in the earlier series. It would be overkill to use Dark Knight against fucking Celtic Guardian, but then again, Ra did say that guy failed to send us where he wanted, so the possibility is there. That brings me another problem. Duel disks supposedly scan the card to manifest them on the field, but these cards didn't exist during the original series, so unless I get one duel disk of my own, I am screwed. Not to mention the controversy that will arise with Pegasus. If everything fails, I can always go the rogue way and claim that I got them in the afterlife. No one seems to question villains' cards after all...'

Searching a bit more, Joachim couldn't help but frown. "Hey, Ra. Where is your card? I don't see it anywhere."

"..."

'I hate this guy...'

"O' Great One. Would it be possible to tell me where is your card?" Was it possible to get an aneurism during sleep? He was definitely having one right now.

"That is the deck he prepared. Mine is a different one. Search in your other pocket, human." Ra answered in his neutral tone, although Joachim managed to spot a tinge of smugness in it. Why, he didn't know.

So, doing as he was told, he reached for his other pocket, grabbing the deck that magically appeared there. After a quick glance at it, he turned around and threw it to the flames.

"What are you doing, impertinent human?!" The giant monster bellowed in fury, immediately extinguishing the flames before they could burn the cards. He crouched down before grabbing Joachim into his clutches and bringing him to eye level.

Against the fury of Ra, the dark-skinned teen entered 'Fuck everything' mode again. "I am not a competitive/professional player, but even I know how to recognize a terrible deck when I see it. The deck revolves around summoning you, and let me tell you, your effects are downright pitiful."

Ra had the physical card game's effects. The physical card game's! In the anime, he was busted - At least for his era - but in real life, he was so pitiful that no one would buy a copy of him for more than two dollars. He even had three copies of him in that deck! Three copies of a supposed all-powerful card...

"You are pitiful. A true duelist would know how to unleash the potential of his cards." It was difficult to identify his expression since he didn't have a humanoid face, but Joachim had the feeling he was looking at him with disdain.

'Yeah, sure. Yugi would be able to beat you and the other two with Mushroom Man.' His sarcastic reply stayed in his mind. The bird was a bit edgy right now, and saying his thoughts out loud would only make things worse.

"Whatever. I don't even know your chant, so how will I be able to summon you anyway?" He didn't expect Joachim to suddenly start talking hieratic, did he?

"Concern yourself not. I will come to your aid regardless. You would only sputter incoherencies as my chant if I did not." That one hurt. It was as if he were aware of the future.

'He isn't wrong, though...'

"Okay, okay. I am sorry for how I treated you. It's just... This whole situation has me on edge. I am surprised I haven't gone insane at this point." Joachim apologized after a sigh, knowing that antagonizing Ra wouldn't make things any better for him.

"Hmph. You, humans, are so fragile of mind. No matter, I already discussed with you what I wanted to discuss. Let us wait for him to wake up and then we will naturally know more." The giant bird lowered him down once he finished speaking before liberating Joachim from his clutches.

The said teen fixed his clothes before returning to where he had thrown the deck. He was in a dark space, but apparently, it also had a dark floor. It was weird to him.

One by one, he began to pick the scattered cards up while Ra silently watched. He then noticed a certain card that made him pause. He had never heard of it in his life. Not like he was an avid player to know every single card but still...

The more he looked at it, the more speechless he became. "Is this... Is this thing even legal? I feel like I would be put in jail just for playing this card..."

"Did you say something about a terrible deck?" Was that smugness? That had to be smugness. Shaking his head, he started looking for every other Extra Deck monster, and he had to admit, he was satisfied. As for the Main Deck, it still sucked, but nothing some new cards couldn't resolve. The issue of how to do so exactly would be left for another day.

"Fine. Whatever. Can you send me back? There have been too many supernatural experiences for a day, and I would like to let my mind relax." Ra said nothing, he just moved his clawed hand to the side. Flames manifested once more into the darkness, engulfing him and throwing him out of that space.

The Egyptian God then turned back to where the figure that brought the two here was lying down powerlessly, seemingly exhausted. "I hope your gamble pays off. If it does not, everything would have been in vain."

He only received a huff in response.

...

Joachim slowly woke up to find someone nudging him. Groggily opening his eyes, he was met with the sight of a middle-aged and slightly chubby woman worriedly looking at him.

"Are you okay, young man? What were you doing sleeping here?" She asked, placing a hand on his arm. He blinked a bit, trying to wake up his mind as well before he managed to formulate a response.

"Eh... Yes, I am. Please don't worry yourself, miss. As for the second question... I don't really remember." There was no way that he could say he came here from another world. He would go from sleeping on a park bench to an asylum.

"Oh! Poor thing! To think you were assaulted and they beat you up so bad that you lost your memory!" His answer made her gasp dramatically, something that puzzled him.

"Sorry?"

"They must have been those bad children I have been hearing of lately!" She placed a hand on her chest, shaking her head with regret as if those kids had been hers.

"Um..."

"Don't worry, young man. Let Big Momma take care of you!" Without saying a word, the woman picked him by his collar and began to drag him away, not waiting for his answer. Too stunned to react, Joachim let himself be pulled to who-knows-where.

Even for the world of Yu-Gi-Oh!, he felt the situation was way too unrealistic.

'I have been kidnapped twice in a day... this has to be a new record...'