chapter 4

The weeks following were hell for me.

My wolf became restless and I was physically hurting.

Every part of me ached and I couldn't help feeling like I was going crazy.

I dragged myself off my bed ignoring the pain that instantly shot through my body.

I slipped on the biggest hoodie I owned and picked up my backpack. My room was a huge mess due to the fact that I was too weak and tired to care.

My backpack had been untouched from the night before. I internally scolded myself. I had so many due assignments out of which I had done none.

My entire life and grades were a mess.

My midterm scores were very bad, it was expected since I didn't study at all for the tests.

I was living a nightmare. I had terrible migraines every minute. Dizzy spells were my reality.

My grades or school were the least of my worries and yet I couldn't bring myself to quit it. I was sick mentally, physically and emotionally.

And it was all because of an asshole called Trey...

I wanted to have faith and trust him, but I couldn't.

I wanted to hate him from the bottom of my heart and break the mate bond but I couldn't.

I could do nothing as I watched myself break.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror.

I almost screamed at the image staring back at me. My skin looked ashy and pale, it looked like it belonged to a corpse. There were dark circles under my eyes. I washed my face with a cleanser and walked downstairs.

I used to believe there was no use in stressing over what I couldn't control. However, I realized that sometimes you can't control what you stress about.

I threw my body on the sofa and closed my eyes. it had almost become a daily routine for me.

"good morning honey" my dad said kissing my forehead.

I knew it was killing him to see me like this, I was hurting everyone. My parents, my friends and even Toby. It made me feel like a burden but I didn't know how to control the broken and hollow feeling within me.

"good morning daddy" I said. My voice was barely louder than a whisper.

He sighed

"you'll be okay" he said more to himself than I.

I couldn't fight the ache in my chest. I wanted to and had tried to fight it earlier, I was at the point where I had given up and instead let it consume me.

"come have breakfast" my mom yelled from the kitchen.

she placed the plate on the dining table and stood behind the chair. she was holding her apron in one hand and holding the chair in front of her with the other.

"I don't have an appetite" I said turning my head away.

It wasn't exactly true but I knew I'll throw up afterwards. That was something I didn't look forward to. My body had been rejecting food for the past few weeks. I couldn't eat anything without throwing up.

"but..." she said

"mum you know I cant eat anything, I am fine"

I tried to assure her of my wellbeing but it was like a rat trying to convince a cat that it(the rat) was not a rat. it was impossible especially with physical evidence.

"Try to eat, I spent my entire morning cooking this" she said pointing at the food

"but i'll just throw up" I whined.

It felt like I was a little girl once again, begging my mom to let me eat sweets at night. Only this time, she was the one doing the begging.

"just taste the food, even a bite".

It was obvious she was trying to hide her emotions.

" honey, just let her be" My dad said.

"but she needs to eat..." my mom replied

I sighed

I sat on the chair and looked at the food. it was a plate of pancakes and syrup.

she had indeed spent her entire morning on it.

My mom was not the best at making anything that involved flour. That is an understatement. She could not bake to save her life. I couldn't even try guessing the amount of recipes she had tried and failed at before making these.

I took a bite.

it was surprisingly very good. she had apparently outdone herself and probably the entire kitchen on this one. I could just imagine the mess from my position.

"how does it taste?" she asked

"it's pretty good, thanks"

she smiled and walked in the direction of the stairs. she was probably going to her room.

I took another bite and was about to take one more when I felt nauseous.

I didn't want my mom to feel like her efforts were in vain and I couldn't exactly eat any more.

it was then that I heard a very loud honk. my phone beeped immediately afterwards.

it was a message from Lily.

"hurry, we're waiting"

I breathed a sigh of relief, I didn't have to force the food down anymore.

"Mom, Lily's waiting for me, I'm sorry I can't finish it" I yelled, getting up and pushing the.chair back into its place.

she immediately ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. it was the fastest I had seen her run in my 17 years of living.

"Don't worry, I packed you a lunchbox" she said handing me a brown paper bag.

"Will she ever quit?" my wolf mummured.

"I don't think she is planning to " I said through our link collecting the paper bag from my mom.

my wolf groaned loudly and withdrew to her space.

I rolled my eyes internally and ran out of the house into Lily's car.

"hey" Lily said.

"hey" I muttered

"you look terrible"

" I know, just drive" I muttered staring out the window.

she turned on the ignition and the radio started to play a very old song. I couldn't exactly hear the lyrics clearly but it was something about roses and losses or was it horses?.

it wasn't important but I needed a good distraction.

Lily cleared her throat.

She always did that whenever she wanted to grab my attention.

"what is it" I asked flattening my nose on the window glass.

"I figured out something, it could mean either good or bad news though" she said staring straight at me. I turned to face her

"you are not supposed to feel this much pain"

"tell me something I don't know" I said

"Actually, the pain isn't supposed to be mainly physical. it is more of a mental sensation. you could be emotionally unstable but your chest should only hurt only when you think about your mate" she said

"when did you become an expert on the mate bond" I asked surprised

"Since you" she muttered

"that makes me feel even worse" I said closing my eyes and resting my head back on the window.

she was quiet for a while.

"are you planning on taking a nap?" she asked.

"mhmmn" I replied

"Don't you dare sleep in my car, we've already gotten to school" she yelled

"whatever".

I opened the door and dragged myself out. She locked the car door and we walked into the School building. I could feel people's eyes on me, it was so annoying but I couldn't stop them from looking. They had the right to use their eyes in whatever manner.

Lily pulled me into the girls bathroom

"what are we doing here?" I asked

"here" she said ignoring my question.

she pushed a pregnancy strip test into my hands.

"what is the meaning of this?"

"chill, it wouldn't hurt to check" she whispered

"where'd you get that crazy idea?" I said raising my voice

"be quiet, you'll attract attention, besides what's the harm, it's just a test" she said crossing her arms

"I'm seventeen, I'm can't be pregnant till I am in my twenties" I whispered demonstrating with my hands.

"I know, but you can never be too sure" she said pushing me into a stall

"we could have done this at my house" I muttered closing the door.

I followed the instructions on the packet and waited for the result. It had to be negative, it just had to be.

"I'm done" I yelled

"i'm coming in" she said and walked in.

"what did it say" she asked expectantly

"its still processing, be patient" I replied.

I was sitting on the floor, my nerves were on edge and I literally had to remind myself to breathe. it beeped finally

"no, it can't be"

"what is it?"she asked

I handed the strip over to her. Her eyes immediately widened.

"You're pregnant" she said shocked

"that I am" I said resting my head on my palms. I felt like I was about to faint.

"I'm gonna be a godmother" she said sitting down beside me.

"I can't believe i'm gonna be a mother" I said.

on their own, tears began running down my cheeks.

"I don't even know what babies eat".

I broke into uncontrollable sobs.

She rubbed my shoulders soothingly.

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out together" she said

" why me? " I asked in tears.

she continued rubbing my shoulders gently.

I had cried more than enough tears to fill a bathtub when my tear ducts dried up and I started having hiccups instead.

"you'll be fine" she said softly

"I'll be fine" I muttered trying to comfort myself.

she pulled me up from the floor and supported me to the bathroom sink.

I rinsed my face and dried it with the hand of my hoodie.

I looked in the bathroom mirror. studying my reflection.

"I still cant believe am pregnant"

"neither can I" Lily said smiling

"why are you smiling?" I asked

"i'm thinking of ways to kill that creature, he just left you like that with a baby, god i'm going to..."

"Can we not talk about him" I cut in.

she wrapped her hands around me in a tight hug. it felt warm and wonderful being in her arms, it felt like there was hope. I wrapped my hands around her and we stayed like that for several minutes.

A loud 'bang' was heard, pulling us to reality.

she looked at her watch.

"we need to head to class right now or we'll be late" she said

"can't we just skip?" I asked

"no, I don't want my godchild being a trouble maker" she said with an air of dismissal

I couldn't help my laughter.

Hearing my own laugh startled me but also comforted me. it had been a while since I laughed, a very long while...

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The day went by quicker than I expected. I was back to my old self, joking and laughing in class when I was supposed to be listening.

Lily and I met up for lunch and sat at our usual table. I opened the lunch m my mom packed for me. In the brown bag was a couple of tacos, a small box of cut fruits and painkillers.

I smiled...

I took a bite out of a taco.

it was so good. All the flavors blended perfectly together, it was awesome as it always is. For the first time in a while, I was able to enjoy food for what it really is.

A haven for the soul

I was relieved when school ended because I was feeling really sleepy. I sprinted to Lily's car.

Cole was standing right in front of the car. He looked like he was waiting for someone.

"hey Cole" I said smiling.

"what is the matter Dian, there's something you're not telling me, you and Ella have been very scarce this past few weeks and today I saw her slipping a pregnancy strip into her bag, I need to know you're okay" he said running his hands through hair.

I threw my arms around him.

I felt bad, he was like an older brother, he deserved to know.

"look, i'm fine, the past few weeks have been hectic but i'm okay now" I assured him pulling away.

"fine, but what happened?"

i told him the entire story. To say he was shocked would be an understatement.

however, he was also very understanding and patient. He was probably pissed but he hid it very well. He eventually left and Lily drove me home.

After about 20 minutes, we stopped at my house.

"thank you" I said to Lily

I picked my things from the backseat and came out of the car.

"do you want me to come" she asked softly

"it's fine, don't worry" I replied with a small smile

"okay then, good luck" Lily yelled driving off.

"bye"

I walked into my house a smile displayed brightly on my face.

"I'm back" I yelled shutting the door after me.

I walked straight into the kitchen and grabbed a juice box.

My mom was cooking while my dad helped out. The both of them turned to face me as soon as I walked in.

"what are you making?" I asked sipping my juice.

all I got in response was a blank stare.

"she's smiling" my mom whispered

"I can see that" my dad whispered back

"its so strange" my mom whispered

I rolled my eyes. I was right in front of them!

my mom's eyes glazed over the exact same time as my dad's.

They were mindlinking each other.

It was very weird. They were only a few inches away from each other.

"I'm just gonna leave" I said grabbing an apple.

I was about walking out when my dad spoke.

"honey, how was school?"

he sounded so weird that I had to swallow my laughter.

"the usual, how was work?" I asked

"it was fine, I guess" my dad said scratching his neck.

he had absolutely nothing to say and my mom was trying to communicate with him without making it obvious.

I held in chuckle. My dad looked like a lost puppy as my mom tried to tell him what to say.

"are you wondering why im acting differently?" I asked

They looked at each other and nodded at the same time. I just knew it, they could be very predictable.

This was the perfect opportunity to tell them and get it over with. it was now or never.

"well, I feel better in a way" I said

"about what" my mom asked

" everything " I replied

they looked at each other then at me

"is this about your mate?" my dad asked

"in a way"

"so what exactly is going on" my dad asked

"I'm pregnant" I said under my breath

"what!" my mom said

"who in the world made you think that?" my dad asked

"I took a test"

"you took a what? " he asked

" a test" my mom replied.

The entire kitchen was engulfed in silence.

We were literally just staring at each other.

"so I'm gonna be a grandmother" my mom said out of nowhere.

We all turned to stare at her at the same time. Was she okay?

"yeah and my seventeen year old daughter is going to be a mother, does that even make sense to you?" my dad asked fuming

"dad, I'm fine, don't worry, I'll figure it out" I said.

I took his hands in mine and held them tightly.

"I just wish you were more careful" he muttered

"I know" I said with a small smile.

he sighed

"so how are we going to celebrate my becoming a grandmother?" she asked

My dad and I turned at the same time to look at my my mom again. I had no idea she was this bad at reading the room.

"how can you be okay with this?" he asked

I agreed with him, my mom was being too carefree. It almost felt like she expected this would happen.

"Why shouldn't I be, I remember I gave birth to her when I was almost 20 and the world didn't end. Besides, I don't mind" she said beaming.

"You were 2 years older but you might have a point" my dad said

"I always do" my mom said blowing him a kiss.

I couldn't believe this