Chapter One: The Flying Nun 

The first few droplets of rain poured as the winds blew for the fifth day straight, they flailed the branches of the hedges, rocks started to move on their own as if bewitched by some warlock run amok, the whole ground shook by the raging power of the winds alone and now to top it off a local down pour was forming up, It was safe to say that the old road was indeed almost untraversable, if not straight up perilous to the very life of anyone foolish or unlucky enough to happen upon it. Our two excuses for fortune seekers could be said where in abundance on both of these attributes, much to their knowledge and disdain. They clumsily deviated from main road and started to run along the path that led up to the nearest hill, one of the many that could be seen across the baren wasteland of the Ever Plains, it housed the nearest town and so they kept dragging their few belongings vigorously in hopes that they would find the much needed safety from the forces of nature amongst the towns buildings, after a while of tracking, avoiding rolling thorn bushes and rolling boulders whilst screaming profanities to each other and cursing their luck the duo managed to come to viewing distance of their hoped safe haven, only to be utterly disappointed by the decrepit facade of the so called civilized mercantile center of this part of the Ever Plains, or what remained of it, most of the town was blown away by the storm, the only indication of it's former glory the stone foundations that used to house the many buildings, now spirited away by the vengeful gales, all that was left could be seen griping the side of a steep hill that was carved by the winds themselves, it was shaking up and down slightly, like a near death mariner holding on for dear breath, the village was formed vertically, seemingly at random, with the houses placed where enough stable ground could be found and haphazardly build platforms housed the rest of them, the larger buildings, the church of the local patron saint, the Inn and the Mayor hall with the clock tower could be spotted at the central plaza the tow's heart, these taller structures where encased by a handful of houses in hopes of better protection from the gales, unfortunately by the looks of them they didn't provide much in the ways of protection from the elements, or in that case anything really. Coming closer one could not help but notice the beautifully adorned entrance to the whole shit hole of a town, on one side a sign stating the name of said shit hole, or at least trying to and to the surprise of absolutely no one failing, thanks to the holes all over it, surely inflicted by a firearm in feats of some heated argument of the proud denizens. On the other hand a nice long wooden beam filled to the absolute brim with posters of the occasional wanted man, or the funeral notice of one of the community members, adding to the charm of the place, but what really grabbed the limited as one might say attention of our two characters was the cage that was attached to said wooden pillar or better yet the hapless little inhabitant of the hanging cage returning the gazes of our travelers with empty eyes and a wide sun bleached smile, a sad sight for truly sore eyes the skeletal remains of the poor devil where In the seating position with the legs hanging in the air in an almost joyful manner whilst the whole cage was periodically rattling in the wind.

-Welcome to Kel.. Kelp..., I can't make out the rest of the name.

-Forget the name, what do you think happened to this poor fella?

-Oh, who knows, maybe he stole something precious from the village?

-Presious and that, so called village don't mix friend, even you could deduct that. If I had to guess this poor fella probably was the victim of a passion filled relationship with the mayor's goat.

-Stop your insolent tongue you fool don't speak ill of the dead, if you where back at the forge monastery you would be doing the melting penance for a week!

-How about we stop this very enlightening but useless conversation and head into the inn, before our very bones become soaked by that damn rain!

-Right, let's just find a place to rest ,sorry for my tantrum but you are speaking in a most heretical vocabulary!

-You should be used to it by now, come on let's go, oh, and you lazy bones, just hang in there!

-You are absolutely unredeemable, especially your wicked sense of humor!

-Oh dear sister pray for my damned soul, but do so inside, not here. Now get your ass moving!

-My names is Audre, not sister or nun...

-Don't care, now move along.

And so our two vagabonds after taking a rushed stroll through the mud filled streets of the town and the ever pleasant random encounter with one or two proud citizens for much needed directions, managed to reach the central platform. The wooden floor of the plaza provided nice, mostly stable footing, at least compared to the mud bath of the rest of the town's roads, it also provided the necessary space for some market stalls and other outdoors civic pleasures, like the occasional waste discharge from one of the houses windows directly to the ground bellow and any person lucky enough to be blessed by the vile gifts of the pestilence gods.

- Alright my holly friend how about you try to buy us some bread to fill our rumbling belies and I will try to get us a room at that lovely inn over there?

-But, I have no money how am I to pay for the bread?

- You can always give that gospel you carry around or even better that nice golden relic you have hidden in your bosom all the time

-How dare you! It is the only things I have left of my time in the monastery, besides how am I to pray if I don't have my gospel, and have you forgotten the fact that this relic is the very thing that's gonna bring hope back to the whole realm?

-How about you don't pray for once, it's not like you are getting anything from doing it, besides that relic thing is creepy as hell.

-You motherless son of a- gah my, you almost made me swear, oh you are unbearable, truly a sinner to the bone. THIS is a holly relics of the outmost importance to my whole sect!

-Never claimed otherwise sweetheart, now go find us some food while I try to find us some beds that won't drain us of all our blood on our sleep, go on dear of you go!

-Can't you just spare me some coin?

-Nope, not a chance, not after your feat at the Church of the Ever Watcher, you left us broke after your so called revelation and your insistence on gifting all our earnings.

-You are not gonna forget that anytime soon are ya?

-Nah, ah.

-But I did that so save your soul you...

- Didn't ask ya to do any such thing tho, so again go find us some food the locals consume, I wouldn't trust the food that inn serves, it's probably the remains of the last couple of fools who got stranded here I'd guess.

-Alright, alright, I will try to get us some consumables by pleading to the townsfolk... you cheap ass borderline heretic, your purse Is bursting with coin you won by gamble and theft, but you hoard it like a female dragon up the spout.

-You do just that, now scramble, and for the love of the saints keep your eyes in your precious "holly" charm if you lose it it's all for nothing!

And now for your own amusement I shall describe to you the beautifully designed innards of the inn. The three stories mess of a building was a wooden marvel of engineering, the top two levels housed the luxurious dorms for the lucky traveler's to rest their weary bodies in bug infested beds that would most likely finish job the bandit filled roads didn't finish and send you blood drained to the afterlife. Due to the high intensity winds that blew through the land windows where a no go. Of course no inn of any self respect would exist without a recreation area for the adventures, traders and traveler's to mingle and partake to all the luxuries imaginable and by luxuries, I mean alcohol, games of coin and the occasional practitioner of the pleasures of the flesh. The inn keeper, a brute with a glimmering set of golden teeth and more scars I would care to describe who also happened to serve as the bartender and chef of the establishment greeted the new comer with a loud grunt and a suspicious stare as our character approached the bar.

-Hello dear friend I would like to rent one of your least bug ridden rooms for myself and a friend.

-That's gonna be three silvers for your kind stranger, top floor third to last.

-Three silvers! What is these beds made of? Holly relics?

-The price is three silvers, take it or take your chances with the storm bearing down on us, your choice stranger.

-Fine, fine two and I will make sure to buy some liquor from these fine barrels I see behind you.

-Grrhh, fine I suppose...

-Deal! Now get me a pint of that booze and a bottle of your lightest stuff if you will.

-Also my friend don't mind my asking but your town has seen better days hasn't it?

-Aye, after the first Direstorm blew away most of the towns ours among them, chaos erupted, the fact that the whole plains where swept by the sea soon after sealed the deal, crops and animals gone, now only a baren salted wasteland is left, desperate times indeed, misery and famine spread and so did outlaws, the worst of them all where the Nosecuter gang they pillaged their way all over this entire side of the plains, we had our runs with them to, but we managed to fend them off long enough until they where eventually done off by the administration's rangers and the occasional city watch.

-So why haven't you tried to rebuild?

-The whole town's run outa coin, no more traveling merchants or artisans go through these parts either thanks to the bandit filled roads, bunch of lowly scum the lot of em, if you ask me. So in the five summers since that first Direstorm we became this corpse of a town you see before you. We only stayed alive thanks to the Hex harvesting compounds, plenty of storms around' here you see.

-Must be hard on ya all I assume.

-It is stranger, people have grown weary, lost their sense of morality to...

-What do you-

It was at this point dear listener that our rogue of a guy albeit small in stature and in bulk noticed that he had managed to drawn the attention of the other patrons of the bar, or more correctly he spotted their glaring eyes hungrily eyeing his coin purse. And it was at this tension filled moment our giantess of a nun barged past the door seeking her companion and making the tension creep back to the already closing butt holes of the attendants along with any thought of aggression or thievery at the mere sight of the hulking woman and the ludicrously heavy mace at her hip beaming softly with the energies of her patron god.

-I have found bread! Some dear woman noticed my pleas for some food and offered some of her own in exchange for my blessing and nightly prayers.

-Oh color me impressed, there's still believers!

-Of course there are , did you seriously doubt that?

-My dear doubt is what my business is all about mostly, now let's head up stairs before we draw even the most drunken of eyes to us shall we?

-Oh my these steps are crumbling be wary of step!

-Hah, must be that heavy precious mace of you sister, it surely weights you down, I think I'll could fetch a fair price for it If you can't manage the extra weight, or you can go on a died and give me your portion..

-You're really close to closing some uncrossable line mister thief...

-Master.. and not thief, burglar totally different professions.

-Hah and how's that any different, you both criminal scum that bleed the decent folk dry .You know, we used your kind for furnace chaff back in the monastery, smoldering penitence was called really spectacular show.

-And I'm the scum here? I and my so called kind are a product of the times and the hubris of your superiors. Now if you don't mind open the door, we need to eat and sleep, almost forgot, I got you some Liquor of the softer kind.

-Thank you I guess.

-Heh, you lightweight couldn't handle a real drink anyway..

-Yeah, yeah, mister alcoholic, I am just making sure I won't be caught of guard in a drunken stupor.

-This doesn't look all that bad, for a room at a place like this, no windows tho.

-Lets hope the beds are the same and we won't be itchy for a week or two.

-What type of bread did you get?

-But the looks of it its some sort of mushroom and thorn berry flour one.

-Ugh, the taste of thorn berries makes me sick.

-Feel free to not partake then, fasting is a form of penance to you know...

And with their bellies half full, their bodies aching and their belongings soaked and mudded all over our merry little company enjoyed a decent enough staying experience, at least for the standards of the inn they stayed in and slowly drifted to sleep.

-Sciff! Sciff!

-Mister thief WAKEUP!

-In told you I'm a master burglar-

-Just shut up and listen!

- Shit, foot steps a lot of them and they coming closer...

-My thoughts exactly.

- Must be our friends from the bar bellow they finally found the courage and decided to make their move on us, move that table behind the door we gotta buy us some time to figure out our route of escape lest we want a room fight witch I do say I don't suggest.

-But the door is the only entry or exit point, this room has no windows master thief.

-Burglar! I'm no thief, it's like calling a dragon a wyrm, or a nun a prostitute!

-Very funny, now tell me how we going get out of here without fighting, if you haven't noticed my weight and the flimsy table is the only thing keeping these sinners from cutting us down and grabbing everything we got including... you know what.

-Well to be honest my profession is entry focused rather than escape, especially escaping a murderous hillbilly mob out for blood and coin.

-Think or we are doomed, the door is coming of by its hinges!

-Can't you miracle us out here?

-That's not how it works, you know that.

- Well I found a solution to our problem, but well you are not gonna like what I have to say…

-And why -Ugh- is that?

-Well it includes you and that wall over there..

-What about that wall?

-You gotta go through it...

-WHAT! Are you kidding me?

-Its mostly windswept wood, nothing for you, trust me, you will go straight through it besides the rain and air will make our decent a little softer to!

-Yeah sorry but no, I ain't trusting no scallie half breed telling me to jump from the third floor!

-Well is that or fighting whoever's is on the other side, so if you will...

-Ugh fine no point in arguing now...

And thus that town at the very tip of the devil's -don't ask witch one- arse would experience an event for the ages, a nun build like a dwarven siege cannon, bursting through the already flimsy wall of the top story of the town's inn, flying on the midnight sky, crushing through the central square and disappearing in the early hours before dawn, even more, the nun seemed to be holding a small bald man in one arm and a brightly glowing mace on the other, but the best part was that in the wake of destruction left by the whole ordeal a miracle took place, great enough to alter that small towns future, in the remains of the nun torn room of the inn amongst the ruble of the bricks, the wooden beams and planks a purse was found, a purse with a great deal of silver and gold coin that would put the newly named Kelpie's Jump back in the face of the map as a blessed and holly trading outpost protected by the legend of the flying nun.