An eye for an eye (TW: mentions and actions of suicide)

There was a soft constant beep that penetrated my skull, it was in constant intervals, 'beep.. beep.. beep..' and then it all came back, the roof, the concrete, the pleasant rushing of wind on his face, the one smile he allowed himself in his life after the age of 5.

what led him here? He never asked himself that question until now, in the pitch black space he called his mind, he slowly recalled what brought him to this point, the snapping point of sorts

…

'she's always so bright and lively' i stared at the girl across the room from me her smile permitting the very air in the room, even with my non-patched up eye, she was as clear as day, standing around 6 feet in height, tall for a girl, with hazel brown hair, smooth face, and blue eyes so deep you could call them an ocean.

i sigh a deep longing sigh 'man, what'd I'd give to talk to her-' my thoughts get interrupted by a hard slap to the head, so hard in fact my face slams right into my desk

Ryan-"so waddaya score that!?" He yells a little to loudly, but is quickly followed by some snickers

Gabe-"I'd say…" he scratches his chin as if actually thing about it "50"

Tyler-"your being to giving dude" says a guys that has just enough piercings on his ears and a little to much on his lip "25"

Ryan-"like you could do better?"

Tyler-"maybe i can"

Ryan-"you heard him freak, head up"

if i dont ill probably get an even worse hit, so i raise my head, my nose dribbling some blood.

Tyler-"lol, he actually did it, what a freak, maybe he likes it?"

i just ignore the mocking and stare straight bracing for the slap, after a moment i hear shuffling and feel nothing, but find my head on the table, my nose broken and head stinging. I scream silently because i know a reaction will just result in me entertaining them

then everything went dark.

i open my eyes, the sterile smell of cheep school equipment and bandages and the white bed and room that i find myself in, a new bandage on my nose, and a plaster on my forehead 'I'm in the nurses office, might as well'

i take off the bandage on my eye, the light overflows my senses as my now pitch black vision becomes a very blurry outline 'partially blind, not bad, could be worse' i recollect the moment i hurt my eye, around 3rd grade, some kids pushed my a little to hard and i fell on some concrete shrapnel. Why i was pushed is pretty stupid, heterocromia, blue in my regular eye, grey in my partially blind one.

i still recall my moms retelling, she was overjoyed, I'm not surprised, she's what would best be described as an edgelord weeb, probably why she named me what she did, despite my dad only being half Japanese 'Aku'

-hour passes-

nurse (name unknown)-"you seem to be doing fine…ish… now, just make sure you dont fall like that again mkay?"

sometimes i think of how uncanny it is that I'm below average in looks but everyone around me is above average. This nurse, the only one who talks to me, she full knows whats going on I'm sure, and i dont blame her for not bothering. Just patching me up is fine.

i quietly nod and walk out but before i fully leave she stops me for a moment

nurse (name unknown)-"hang in there ok? Life can be rough, I'm sure you could call me yes? I'm always on hold"

I'm a bit shocked but nonetheless silently walk over and take her card she's holding out, she has a uncharacteristic smile on her face as i take it and walk back out again putting the number in my pocket.

I think school is almost over, might as well just leave, as usual i exit through the back, no doubt their skipping to, those monsters, but as i leave I'm immediately tackled by someone i recognize, not a friend, i dont have those, but some one who i frequently see around her, but before i can confirm who I'm slammed against the wall with a loud thud.

the right side of my face is pressed up against the wall the shards of brick digging into my cheek

unknown assailant (A)-"listen here freak, my friend told me you've been starring at her and she's kindly asked you to stop but you didnt"

unknown assailant (B)-"yea, so now she's sent us to tell you again"

'But she never-' my thoughts get interrupted with a hissing in my ear

unknown assailant (A&B)-"so here's what your going to do, your going to leave her the fuck alone for your entire life, how? Fucking kill yourself little (A) freak (B) bitch"

'theres no way she said that, theres no-'

and then she walks by, the bell ringing in my ear and her glancing and smirking in my direction, everyone else just passing by either ignoring or laughing

'you… all of you… you pieces of human garbage, you pieces of utter SHIT, IM GOING TO KILL ALL OF YO-' and then i hear a soft but demanding voice in my head

voice (auditory hallucination?)-'nono, i need you to stay pure, dont do anything drastic'

-everyone's left-

i sit there defeated, i couldn't even allow myself to do what they've done to me, so much so i hallucinated a voice.

'Maybe if i write a note and actually do what they said something would happen to them? At least minor disciplinary action'

-on the roof after 30 minuets-

'Well this is it, a lot less dramatic than i thought it would be, its actually quite pleasant, the wind, the breeze, the looming feeling of death, none of it is off-putting'

i stand at the ledge of the building, I'd say three(?) stories up, i dont know how to count those 'final note, check, incriminating evidence in the envelope, check, no way of those actually working, check'

'final words?' "…" i try to say them aloud but 'i dont think I've spoken this entire year as a sophomore and freshmen year, fine, my final words dont need to be heard' i scream in my head 'bye… not much of a scream now is it? Eh who cares, not like I'm saying bye to anyone'

and with that i bellyflop off

'man, the rush of wind feels great' nothing flashes before my eyes like i expected, not much of a life.

i close my eyes and wait for impact.

…

'that's how i ended up here, i think'

a nurse walks in after a while

nurse (name unknown)- "oh, your awake! Ill notify the doctor"

-30 mins pass-

the doctor arrive

doctor (name unknown)-"my names Rodriguez your Dr"

Dr. Rodriguez-"you took quite a fall, now i know youth these days this everything is tough now, but you dont know whats up and down, its a miracle your able to stand, the only injury is to your blue eye, your popped an internal blood vessel and blood entered the white bits, its another miracle you can still use that eye"

he goes off for a couple of minuets about responsibility and some bullshit about that, i look over at some scissors on a tray 'maybe…'

the voice again says the same thing about staying pure, eventually I give up my plan and lay down