Chapter 21.

“I want someone to lovе me

I need someone who needs mе

'Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night

And it's just me in my dreams…” That’s what I want - Lil Nas X

March, 2137

Eveline

Later, as I was finishing up my reports I heard a knock on my door and Eylisha walked in shortly after with my lunch and an extra bunch of food which I looked at in severe confusion and an envelope addressed to me and excusing herself she withdrew.

I then arranged the table leaving the food covered with the cloches as I opened the envelope that revealed the résumé of the new chaperone I had requested. I looked at her ID photo on the registration documents and saw that she had red hair with the color of fire and brown eyes and several freckles across her face. She was smiling broadly at the photo and she seemed to be a very cheerful person.

I looked at some of her works attached to her résumé and realized that in addition to working with fashion, she was also a makeup artist and hairdresser, even daring in her clients' nails, which ranged from ladies to debutantes, her constructions filled with neon colors, inspirations in machinery and technology and very flashy clothes, and I was happy to sign her letter of admission as I thought that was exactly what we needed at the palace.

I was already pretty sick of so many fine dresses even though I liked them.

While melting the wax to seal the letter as royalty could not enjoy the technology I heard a knock at the door and when I asked them to come in I saw Roman stick his head through the door opening with a sweet smile on his face and I understood the second plate of food and I smiled at him feeling my skin burn under his gaze.

And it got harder and harder to be near him without being able to touch him, it was suffocating.

"Have you asked for me, Sunflower?" He asked laughing mockingly as he shook my earlier note and his sweet smile turned into a smirk and I rolled my eyes at him as I sat down at the table and he walked in and closed the door behind him "It wasn't your attempt anymore creative to make me come to you,” He said as he removed his cap and let the brown curls fall down his handsome face, his eyes glued to mine as I watched him and bit my lip hard.

Holy Christ this man will kill me.

“It was the best I could do as it would be tricky if they intercepted my message under the circumstances, Carnation," I said and he laughed in a relaxed way and unbuttoned his coat and took it off, resting the garment on the chair he always sat when he stayed with me in the room and he nodded at my words.

“I wonder what’s your father's goal behind the choice he made, clearly he didn't choose Nathan for nothing, Eve,” He says, already sitting across from me and I nod watching as he pulls the sleeves of his thermal shirt up and I can see his tattoos clearly.

I reach out in a curious way towards his arm by reflex and touch the design of a beautiful daisy adorned by other designs that I don't care to unravel, I feel when he tenses his body against my touch but soon he relaxes and I feel his hand touching my forearm covered only by the floral dress, and I find myself marveling at the design that has gone unnoticed the other times.

“I never said anything about it but I heard every detail about the garden while that son of a bitch played dumb with you, your flowers are beautiful Eve, from the sunflowers to the gentians, I just don't understand why my code name had to be Carnation, it’s such a dull flower,” He said grumpily and I smiled at his confession as I circled the daisy on his forearm, running my finger down the adjacent, unconnected designs before speaking again.

“Carnation is a type of flower that carries a great deal of meaning with it, just like any flower, when we give a flower to someone we can be wishing good luck or even declaring a war,” I say and look up at him who is with the green eyes gleaming with interest, unlike Nathan who barely looked at my face on our first walk, I then push the memories away and stare at my guard before speaking again “She was known as the flower of Jupiter, the ancient Romans called the flower this, for being used in flower wreaths and reminding in some aspects the God of the sky and lightning and which had as its main characteristic being strong, fast, energetic and a natural leader, it was also used as a symbol of luck and loyalty depending on it’s color was also used to declare a passion or apologize, it was said that it attracted good energy, facilitated victories and brought blessing to the people, so it was often used in the past as a symbol of festivals and revolutions, and at the time of my great-grandfather and grandfather, the rebel flag had a red carnation in the center, but that's not why I chose this flower to your code name, I chose it that way because just like the God that give the flower his name, he is a strong person with a spirit of leadership and remembering what you told me the other day about that I can't let my fire for fighting for the people go out I gave it that name because you also have that fire inside you and it can't stop burning Rom, be it there what awaits us in the future with everything that's happening I can't let this fire that my people carry go out ever again,” I say and he nods and pats my hand that was still resting on his forearm and we both stared at each other a few minutes before looking away and releasing our hands.

“So for each important person to you, you assign them a flower?" Hr seja curiously as he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his muscular chest.

“It's almost that, every person that matters to me always reminds me of some flower and you remind me of carnations, Adela of daisies, Eylisha of pansies and so on, and I usually present each person on their birthdays with the respective flower,” I say and he nods as he runs his hands through his hair and I notice his eyes are focused on me as I continue to talk “And at the spring ball, mainly, we chose a flower to be inspired to make the dress and the theme, this year my mother and my brother chose the blue Iris flower, which in short means life, we want to celebrate this and also honor those who passes, and it can also means hope, and given the turbulent time we are living in, I believe it was a good choice” I say smiling and he nods really in awe and I end up laughing inwardly because everyone always thinks that the chosen flower never has any meaning, that it's just another entertainment for the public.

It never was.

“It's something very nice and well thought out,” He says and I smile and bow in the chair which makes him roll his eyes and throw his hat in my face and I look at him in disbelief.

“Damn you, have you forgotten who I am?" I said in my sickest tone and he smirked and I made an obscene gesture at him and he burst out laughing "You Idiot!" I said, rolling my eyes and concentrating on opening the cloches with our lunch, and I realized they'd gone over the top of the salmon with passion fruit sauce.

Roman stared at his plate and then glared at me while he was still holding the cloche.

"There’s something wrong? Are you allergic? If you are, I can ask them to send something else to you,” I say worried but he denies it and I continue to watch him until he stares at me deeply “Rom? Are you alright?" I asked seriously confused by his behavior but he just nodded and started eating in silence which made me frown.

If I had the slightest idea of what was going on in his head that day, I could have avoided a lot of things.

And we ate in silence, exchanging a few words throughout lunch. I just broke our silence to ask him to accompany me that afternoon to the post office to leave Annabeth's acceptance letter and on the walk in the back of the palace near the woods and he nodded and then remained silent.

And that was killing me.

When we finished eating I called one of the girls to pick up the dishes and Adela appeared smiling but when she looked at Roman's face she gave me a worried look but I just shook my head and made a gesture that said we'll talk later and she nodded and excused herself leaving us alone again.

When I refocused my attention on him I noticed he was quietly skirting the same tattoo I had gently touched earlier, the daisies, two to be more exact, entwined together, he seemed lost in thought as he traced the design, remembering something important until his gaze fell on me and as much as we were always exchanging glances, that look seemed to undress me, but not in a sexual way, he was stripping me of my shields to look inside me, see who I was, and to him inside that room I was no longer the shield of the people, I was just myself, just Eveline.

His green eyes clung to mine and he watched me and then looked away to his arm, to that tattoo so delicate, so innocent amidst a tangle of profane and intimidating drawings, those flowers were his biggest secret, his family, that's what they meant I realized.

Daisies meant love, innocence, kindness, sensitivity and peace, and when I met him he didn't seem to carry any of that with him, his exterior was rough and harsh, he tried not to care but there it was, stamped on his skin until his last breath what else he most love in the entire world, his beautiful family, his mother and sister, the little bit of innocence and love he let himself carry in his skin to be close to them and deep down I felt sad as I remembered his words on our visit to my grandmother a few weeks ago, how he misses both of them and his desire to be close to them again.

Without realizing it I had touched somewhere inside him that was always hidden from view, a beautiful side, but for some reason he kept it under lock and key, I wonder why he told my grandmother and me.

“You miss them, don't you?" I asked, breaking the silence and his head turned towards me in an exasperated way as if I'd slapped him, I flinched slightly at the gesture “I'm sorry if I touched a sensitive subject, I didn't mean to hurt you and…” I was talking but was interrupted when he touched my hand that was resting on the table and squeezed it lightly as he scanned my face with his beautiful green eyes.

“It's the first time anyone has asked me this, and yes I feel, I wish I could be with them every day, but being here is necessary to help them,” He says and I smile weakly and squeeze his hand gently.

“Anytime you want to visit them I can invent a last minute diplomatic trip to De’Ath Rom, you just need to ask” I say sincerely and he looks at me in disbelief, that same sad expression from earlier on his face and I get up and walk over him to be able to hug him.

He spreads his legs and I fit there and hug him, putting his head against my stomach and I feel his arms wrap around my waist as I stroke his tangle of silky, shiny brown curls and I feel his face in contact with my belly and lightly pats as he pressed me against him.

“I don't know why you're so good to everyone, people don't always give them something in return and I have nothing to offer you, why you are so kind to me?” He says weakly in a painful way and I bend down and kiss his forehead which makes him freeze but I drop one of my hands to his shoulders and make long circles and feel the tension slowly dissipate from his muscles.

“I don't want anything in return Rom, you know I don't work like that, and you're my friend, it's the least I can do for you after all your help and protection,” I say and he presses me against him, I feel his hands on my back over the fabric of the dress tracing circles as my skin tingled with the heat of his touch and mine pulled him away from me for a few moments until I held his face to look right at him, those beautiful features I adore so much.

My fingers ran all over his face as he watched me, stopping at his punk plump lipa as full as mine, I circled them and bit into mine trying to hold my desires well away from the surface, he in response kissed my thumb and the palm of my hand then and with my free hand I brushed his hair back from his face.

Our gazes locked on each other.

When I realized I had leaned in or maybe it was him, but our foreheads met and our breaths mixed together and I chuckled softly as he rubbed his nose against mine, am I realize that even sitting he was still much taller than me, and with absurd ease he sat me sideways on his lap, one hand circle my waist and the other stroking my cheek.

We were lost in that moment in silence in my room. I reached near him and wrapped my arms around his neck as we had done weeks ago, and I blamed myself for not being able to avoid him and neither did he have the strength to avoid me.

“Why is it so hard to be away from you?" I heard him ask softly in a growl as he laid his head on my shoulder and ran his nose down my neck and left a kiss there and I just laughed as I stroked his hair and felt his hand that was on my waist go up and down in affection.

“I don't know, but for me it's hard too, I enjoy your company Rom,” I say sincerely and he kisses my neck again and I kiss him taking a small purr from his throat.

“I like being with you too Vee,” He says and kisses my neck again and I close my eyes, repressing the urge to kiss him.

We sat in that position for a while longer until Eylisha knocked on the door telling us that it was almost time for the walk with Nathan and asked if I needed help but I refused and she left.

I then asked Roman's permission and went to change the dress for a riding outfit, opting for boots and black pants and a white long-sleeved blouse since it was always cold in the woods.

The forest of vows was more a forest than a grove and surrounded the capital separating it from the other neighboring cities, it was one of the few forests that had remained in the country over the years, which was very sad since many native species are lost, like the Oak Bell and the glass flowers, a species native to that part of the country that only grew in winter and seemed to be made of this material because it was almost translucent.

They were widely used to heal wounds and treat some illnesses that had arisen after the war, such as steel fever, a disease that literally boiled the patient's blood and killed him within hours, there were vaccines and methods of protection against it now but in the worst cases at the beginning of the epidemic, the flowers were used, and practically disappeared, and the ones that were left on our property grew with difficulty.

I had only one specimen of the glass flower in my greenhouse that I collect many years ago, the petals were usually boiled to make tea or preserved to make ointments and poultices, and whenever I went to the woods in winter I tried to find others in secret as a few people remembered them is of their usefulness.

I have never congratulated myself so much for doing this.

When I was ready using the same hairstyle I collected the letter I needed to leave in the post and called Roman to accompany me. He got dressed and straightened his uniform and as we walked to the bedroom door I felt him touch the lower part of my back and I lifted my face to look at him.

“This time I'll be there when you need me," He said with a pained expression on his face and I just nodded and stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek he smiled and pulled him after me through the door to the hallway at we headed for the first floor and went out the side doors towards the post office near the guard wing.

The post office room was hidden at the back of the garage, when we entered some boys were organizing the cars and greeted us and my guard accompanied me to the post office where I left the letter and asked them to deliver it urgently.

After that we walked down the corridor of the guard's office and up a staircase to the kitchens, where I found Grace sitting on the island preparing the basket for this afternoon's walk, she was a middle-aged woman, she had long black hair curled in a firm bun and adorned by the uniform cap, her eyes were amber and her caramel skin glowed magnificently whenever I saw her.

When she saw me she grinned and pulled me into a warm hug that was returned with equal enthusiasm for me, she then kissed my cheeks and held my face to look at me.

“It doesn't even look like it's going to be the new queen, who knew that the girl who was always running barefoot through my kitchen with the general on her heels would become my sovereign?" She said and gave me one more kiss which made me laugh.

“I may be the next queen but I'll always be your little girl Grace, and Scott always turns to steal your cinnamon buns,” I say and she laughs and hugs me again and then I see her attention stray to something behind me and when I look over my shoulder I noticed Roman leaning against the doorframe distracted by something in his Cerberum.

"Who is he?" She asks curiously and stares at me while raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Roman Williams, my bodyguard, is he replacing Nick while he doesn't come back, and by the way have you heard from him?" I ask and she just nods.

"He sent a letter a few days ago saying he was fine, Eylisha must have forgotten to let you know, that girl is so distracted, but he's fine, maybe he won't be back until Prom next week, but he'll be here a little later,” She says and I nod “I've already prepared your basket but I assume that nice handsome guy leaning against the door will go too, so what does he like?” She asked curiously and I opened my mouth to speak but closed it again confused.

I didn't know much about him I'd just realized, and that made me a little upset, but I shoved the feeling to the back of my mind by thinking about something that might please him.

“Put extra cinnamon buns and that blueberry pie, and chicken pate too,” I say and she smiles and quickly brings what I ordered and finished the basket she hugs me again and kisses me.

“Come here more often, I miss you running around here and eating the cinnamon rolls hidden away, and I hope the guy likes what I separated, Nick would eat everything, he would even eat rocks,” She says laughing and I agree, Nick had a voracious appetite.

“Thanks Grace, I'll send the basket back for the girls later, have a nice day, love you!" I say and kiss her face she mumbles “I love you” against my hair and lets me go and then Roman is already beside me taking the basket himself and smiling at the cook who just like grandma didn't take her eyes off him.

As we left the kitchen I looked over my shoulder and saw her pointing at him and saying,

"Such a gentleman, bring him here more often too, sweetheart!"

I just laughed and waved at her, when we were in the hallway I felt his gaze on the side of my face and I looked up at him seeing his beautiful green eyes studying me, and there in the hallway I stopped him and put my hand on his chest and he frowned and looked around but I was just adjusting his uniform and he relaxed.

When I looked up at him I realized he was nervous about me being so close and that same worry about something I still couldn't tell what was tormenting him, but I just lightly caressed his chest and he smiled, so he held out his arm to me in a silent invitation and I slipped mine into his and then continued our journey to the stables where we would pick up the horses for the ride.

I didn't have the slightest desire to go, like all the days before, but having Roman by my side I had a tiny spark of motivation, because of him I tried not to lose my motivation and not let my shield drop.

But as we walked I wanted to know a little more about him, and maybe soon I would find out.