SELFISH

"Are you both coming to the feast?" Luca asked.

There was a small feast to be held in the barracks in honor of Luca's promotion. I wished they would have it in the great hall instead so I could join in, but unfortunately, the feast was arranged only for the royal guard and their families.

"No, we can't exactly go," I replied, forcing a smile on my face. "But have fun, Luca. You deserve it."

"Do you have someplace to go? I will accompany you there."

"No!" I said quickly. "I mean, don't skip the feast."

"I wasn't going to. I'll drop you off first before I head down."

"Oh. That's okay, you don't have to bother—"

"We have dance class in ten minutes," Cece interjected eagerly. "Perhaps you can walk us there?"

Right. I forgot about our schedule. My regular lessons had returned, now that all of my guests had left.

"Certainly."

Luca escorted us to our destination. Cece chatted animatedly with him, which contributed to my sour mood.

What's wrong with me? I wanted them to be friends. But why was I suddenly overcome with this weird, possessive feeling that I didn't want to share him with anyone else? That I wanted all his attention to myself? I mean, I was friends with Luca before Cece did. I should have first priority, right?

You're being silly, Lena, I berated myself. They've only met for five minutes and you're already feeling this way. Ease off.

"Thank you for the escort, Luca."

Cece's voice pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up and realized we'd arrived at the door to our dance class.

"Of course," Luca said, looking at me thoughtfully. It seemed he had noticed the change in my mood. As usual.

I pushed my ugly thoughts away. "Thanks."

He raised an eyebrow, questioning me.

I sighed. "Cece, go on ahead," I said, opening the door for her.

"Aren't you coming?" she asked suspiciously.

"I am," I replied, almost impatiently. "Just give me a sec." I pushed her inside and closed the door behind her before she could object.

Luca was still watching me, waiting.

"What?" I muttered.

"You tell me. What made you transform into 'princess gloomy'?"

I rolled my eyes and said nothing.

"Aren't you happy with my promotion?"

"Of course, I am! You're a captain now, all mighty and powerful," I grumbled.

He ignored the bitterness in my voice. "Why, then?"

He wasn't going to let this go, but there was absolutely no way I would admit the real reason for my gloomy mood. I don't exactly know as well. I still have to sort it out later, but for now, I have to give him an answer.

"Luca," I began quietly. "Now that you're captain…" I bit my lip, hesitating. I knew we'd already talked about it, but I just wanted to make sure. "Are things not going to be the same anymore?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, since you're captain, does that mean you won't be my bodyguard anymore?" I said timidly, averting my eyes. "Aren't you going to follow me around like you used to?" Okay, that may have come off wrong. I felt my face getting hot. "I mean—"

Luca laughed, cutting me off. "Is that what's bothering you?"

I nodded. Not entirely, but yes.

"Lena, I'll still follow you around."

I opened my mouth to interrupt, to tell him I didn't mean it to sound degrading, but he waved it off with an understanding smile.

"I will follow you around," he repeated. "Like always. Things won't change. Although there are times I'll have to leave; if I have to attend to additional duties which come with the captaincy. But, I'll try to do those duties when you're currently occupied, like right now."

"So…" I tried to keep my tone casual, but my happiness betrayed me. "You'll be back later?"

He chuckled. "Yes. How long is your class?"

"An hour," I replied, grinning. But then my smile faded. "I forgot. There's diplomacy lessons after that for another hour. Followed by art class," I groaned. Now that Luca was back, my aversion to learning was slowly creeping back. I wanted more time with him.

"So, three hours?" he said.

"More or less."

"Be back in three, then."

"Fine."

He ruffled the top of my head.

It was such a normal thing for him to do. His affectionate gesture made me pleased, like always. But this time… this time, it was a different kind of pleasure. As soon as I felt the weight and warmth of his hand on my head, it sent pleasurable tingles through my body, radiating from the point where his skin made contact with mine.

I liked it. And not just in an innocent and friendly kind of way.

"You miss me that much, huh?" he said in a teasing voice as he let his hand drop. Strangely, I wanted it back on my head.

My cheeks warmed up. I pretended to fiddle with the door's handle to hide my face. "Shut it," I mumbled. "You miss me too. Admit it."

"I do miss your… pettiness."

I whipped around to glare at him, but his back was already turned, striding away with his hand raised, waving me goodbye.

I scowled.

And then I smiled.

What is wrong with me?

Cece was putting on her dancing shoes when I entered. On the other side of the room, the dance instructor, a tall and thin middle-aged woman with sharp cheekbones, was speaking with two musicians who were carrying stringed instruments.

"Is he gone?" Cece asked me.

"Yes," I answered as I put on my own dance shoes. A tiny, selfish part of me didn't feel the need to tell her that Luca would be back later.

"He's not very talkative, is he?"

I nodded. "Yes. Luca doesn't talk much." I would have left it at that. I should have left it at that. But my mouth opened once again. "You know, he's very serious and mean; I don't even know if he has feelings! He doesn't care about anything. He's like a stone. A cold, hard stone. And he can really get nasty if he gets upset, so you should be careful around him." I averted my eyes as I blabbered to hide my guilt.

Lies. They were all lies. I didn't know what made me say them, but the words just came flowing out, painting Luca in a bad picture without meaning to.

Cece shrugged. "I don't think he's that bad, actually."

There it is. A chance for me to agree with her and correct myself. But I didn't take it.

"Oh, trust me," I insisted, my voice rising, giving away my dishonesty. "You saw him, didn't you? You did say he looked dark. Well, he is. He's so serious about his duties. In the past, every time I ran away, he would always find me and take me back. He's not fun or interesting at all."

Sorry, Luca.

Cece raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you alright, Lena?"

"Huh? Of course, I am. Why do you ask?" I tittered nervously.

She tied her shoelaces and stood up. "Because you've always been telling me how wonderful he is and how much you liked him. What changed?"

Uh, oh.

Luckily, the dance instructor clapped her hands twice before I could respond. "Today, we'll be revisiting the waltz," she announced. "Lady Cecelia! You're ready. Come, I'll dance with you first. Chop, chop!"

Cece had no choice but to oblige. The musicians started playing at a slow tempo, and I watched from the side, purposely taking my time with my own shoes.

Thank heavens for that. Honestly, I didn't know how to answer Cece's accusation. Aside from not being a good liar, my pathetic deception may have been a tad bit overexaggerated, and she called me out on that.

But I was lying to myself as well. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I knew I only said those things to dissuade her. From him.

Cece appeared to like every man she saw, no offense. Okay, that was mean. But she always had compliments for every suitor visiting the palace in the past. She thought everyone was good-looking; her latest infatuation being Prince Alexandre.

So I shouldn't be worried. Right?

But I am.

I hated that Cece was interested in Luca. I hated how easily she could talk to him. I hated that, since the two of them lived in the palace, there would be more time for them to get to know each other. I hated that I wouldn't have Luca's undivided attention anymore.

Oh my God.

What is wrong with me?

An hour of dance lessons left us both exhausted, which was for the better because Cece forgot about our latest conversation. I was drifting in and out of a stupor in the middle of our next class as my governess's monotonous voice droned on and on about our kingdom's economic relations.

By the time we moved to arts, my head was muddled and empty. I was supposed to be improving my calligraphy skills by repeatedly writing my name over and over again until my technique got better. The first two lines of my full name were decent, I guess; but starting from the third line, I shortened it down to just "Lena". I sat there with a quill in hand, absently scribbling on my parchment, the constant scratching sound of the quill's sharp end against the rough sheet contributing to my stupor.

I dipped my quill into the ink bottle and carelessly snatched it back without waiting for the excess ink to drip off. A smattering of black ink splattered all over my parchment and on my hand. I silently muttered a curse word and attempted to brush the mess off, but it only made the ink spread out. One large blob had landed beside the last line I'd written, and I gasped.

Instead of writing "Lena", I'd written "Luca".

Flushing in embarrassment, I looked around. The two other people in the room hadn't noticed my blunder. Cece was hyper-focused on her calligraphy. I loaded my quill with fresh ink and purposefully let the ink drip over that last entry to erase it. I had written his name without meaning to.

As promised, Luca was waiting for us outside the door when class ended. My spirits instantly lifted. He had changed out of his royal guard uniform into his usual dark garb, but he still looked good.

I started to approach him, but Cece got to him first. My spirits plummeted.

"Luca! Care to join us for afternoon tea?" she asked him brightly.