Chapter Nine

The photoshoot was fun.  Freddy made me get dressed in a white sexy scoop top and faded denim shorts with no makeup except for brown lipstick and the eyes, which was extremely heavy. He seemed to be extremely happy with the results because he gave me $1000 when I left. Maybe Jake was right. Maybe this change was actually going to be for the better.

Dumping everything into the fridge and the shelves, I went to bed since I had already eaten from the nearest pizzeria. I opened the fridge and peered in. There were 6 bottles of Heineken which I considered. Nope, I shouldn't drink myself to sleep every alternate night.

I closed the fridge, took a weekly off the shelf and plopped down on the couch. After attempting and failing at reading through it peacefully, and bore myself to sleep, I gave up and flung it the wall opposite me. I wanted relief. Not thinking twice, I took the box of Marlboro from the coffee table beside the couch, took out a cigarette and lit it.  I walked over to the fridge, pulled out 2 bottles and took them over to the coffee table.  Taking a drag, I opened the beer bottles and started chugging. In about 3 minutes, I had finished both of it. My eyes were starting to get hazy. I couldn't help but think about that day when I saw Aze last. When I last spoke to him. When I last heard his voice.

I had just  returned home from Laquisha's place after working on my Biology project and I was dead tired. Aze was staring outside the window when I entered the room. I threw my bag on the ground, kicked off my shoes and jumped on to the bed. He came and sat down at his edge of the bed. Ever since Tenis ran away from home, we have been sharing the same bed. "Supp Dawg? Why you looking so dead? You look like Zoe starved you the entire day.",I laughed at him. Zoe was the woman who called herself our mother but never acted as one. He just smiled like he was lost somewhere else.

But, I didn't think much of it and I laid down on my side.

"Max honey",he called me . I turned and looked at him. He took my hands in his, gave me a photo of himself and told me, " This is for you to always remember me. I love you baby sister and I will always take good care of you. Always remember this, as long as you're determined, nothing will pull you back. Never lose this because what if I change so much and your memory of my face changes so much that you don't recognize me if we get to meet? Always remember that you're your brothers' little princess." I was confused. I tried to make sense but my eyes betrayed me and closed to sleep.

When I opened my eyes the next day, it wasn't to Aze's face, it was to emptiness. An emptiness that was going to fill my heart. An emptiness that would make me turn to nicotine, marijuana and alcohol to drown my shock and sorrows. An emptiness that could not be filled, how many ever times I stared at Aze's photo.

When I opened my eyes, my alarm was ringing at the top of its volume. I was sprawled on the floor covered in cigarette ashes and the bottles that had rolled off to some distance on the floor. I slowly dragged myself off the floor and checked the time. It was half past six. I went to the washroom, brushed my teeth and took a shower. It was a good thing that I decided to go shopping yesterday. I had gotten a box of cereal, which I started to munch on. Finding my bag in a corner near the bed, I kept my box of Marlboro in it beneath the books. Then, from inside my wallet, I took Aze's photo and gave it a kiss. Getting dressed in half sleeved black tees, a black and green snapback, black and white converse high tops and black shorts, I got out of the house and started walking towards school. I should remind myself to someone to take a photo of me.