Celestina: In For A Penny...

Sitting hunched over in the plane of darkness I recognized to be my subconscious as I awaited for true death, I shuddered when instead of losing all sense of my identity, 'it' spoke to me again.

"Congratulations," its tone the same jeering, hateful note I'd come to expect at the end of every day, "your incompetence has yet to result in our death."

"You're the reason the fight escalated into one of life or death!" I yelled as my head rose up to spot it approaching. Its form a twisted inversion of myself, with paper white skin contrasted with the darkest of distinguishable clothes against the void, the only thing we shared in likeness was our crimson irises; though, unlike mine, its was surrounded by vector black sclera.

"Sure," it snickered as it grew closer, "blame me for all your problems like you always do. It must have been my fault that you were so weak that you couldn't handle a trifling Arcane Eagle all by yourself; one of a lower Rank than yourself, by the way. It must have been me who resorted to using those Skills you despise so much."

"You know," its sickly sweet tone shifted menacingly as it said, "Maybe if you just grew a spine and seized your identity, none of this would matter."

"I'd rather die," I ignored its attempts at intimidating me. "By now, you should know that."

"Oh, I do," it snorted. "You and me, we could conquer it all. A Rank would just be the beginning, attainable in mere months. Within the decade you could become an S Rank godlike being—"

"And all I'd have to do to get there is throw away everything and everyone I care about," I cut its disgusting attempts at persuasion short. "You'd have me give into your insanity and live the rest of my life as murderhobo scum. All for what?"

"We've been over this countless times!" Its voice boomed from all directions, "For what else is power good for than to seek perfection? To live forever and reign as a god; unquestionable, unconquerable, invincible!"

Had I not weathered countless other instances of its ideological ramblings, I might have been uneasy or scared of what it could do. But this far into my life, I knew it couldn't do anything to me. Not unless I let it; not unless I gave in…

Fortunately, as the darkness in my subconsciousness was lifting, it would seem that soon I'd wake up and be rid of its direct presence.

"It's only a matter of time before you see the light," it continued its hysterical preaching. "With a Great War fast approaching, you'll need to call on my power sooner rather than later. You may think you're preserving some 'goodness' in you with these constant denials, but we both know the truth of the matter."

As I felt myself start waking up, I could hear its cackling grow fainter as it said, "We're one and the same, you and I! Deep down, you know you love all the chaos and destruction you conduct whenever you give in. You wouldn't be who you are without it; you wouldn't be… a Lunar Sage..."

…

"Oh shit, she's waking up," I could barely hear the eagle say.

"What are you—" Katherine was cut off.

"Shh! She might be able to hear us! I don't want her to know what my backup plan is, in case she goes all psycho on me again."

"I… Ugh," I felt like vomiting, "I'm not going to—"

"That's exactly what a psycho would say!" The damn eagle said, cutting me off as well, and before I even knew what was happening, I felt myself get hit with… a Sanctification Spell?

"Sorry, I couldn't afford to take any chances," Nova halfheartedly said.

"All that managed to do was cure my nausea," I looked at him like was brain dead.

"Um, actually," he said with an insufferably arrogant tone, "I also managed to knock off the energies that started to build in your head. It didn't look like you were going to use them for a Skill, but then again, I wouldn't know what all your Skills as a Lunar Sage are."

At the mention of that cursed Class of mine, I winced. I could remember all my actions while under its negative influence. As expected… I'd lost all the trust I'd built up with him and the human over the last couple days. Now, they wouldn't want anything to do with me; just like all the others.

"Hey, no need to be a sore loser, now," Nova said, somehow making my guilt erode; to be replaced with irritation only he could instill. "I get that you lost and that sucks, but if it makes you feel better, that's probably just because you lost most of your mental faculties after assuming that transformation."

He continued to say, "Then again, all transformations come with a price. I would know, since Fire Incarnate still isn't the most 'comfortable' Skill to cast. It's actually the only one I know that damages me as part of its cost. But, after a week's worth of training, I've reduced that particular defect to being next to negligible."

I have no idea where he got the confidence from, but he went on to conclude, "Anyway, I know the difference between our transformations goes beyond night and day. Fire Incarnate is a rare Skill, sure, but whatever yours is, is legendary. But, they're still just Skills."

"Yeah, it might be harder, and yeah it'll probably take a hell of a lot longer, but so long as you keep at it, you shouldn't end up a mindless idiot when you use your Class Skills so long as you keep using them with purpose."

If only he knew…

Still, before I would go on to correct his misunderstanding, I felt he'd earned a bit of goodwill from me. I don't think I was good at reading people, anyone placed in my circumstances would be hard-pressed to find themselves in a social setting. Yet, even I could tell that in his own roundabout way, he was trying to encourage me; even after I'd tried to kill him mercilessly, he was on my side for whatever reason…

"Thank you..." It had been a while since I'd expressed anything close to gratitude, so my expression and words were probably more than a little awkward, "It's um, sweet of you to say that, I guess. But, my Class Skills don't work like that. Believe me, I've tried to train them in the past and the results—"

A collage of still images from 'that' time replayed in a fraction of a second in my head and I remembered it all. The smell of blood, the very essence of death in the air, the bodies of all those unfortunate souls much too close to me when it all happened. I'd been standing in an ankle-deep pool of blood formed from people I'd killed; several of which should have been elves on 'my side' back then as well.

"—They're what's left me where I am today," I finished my thought. "I'd vowed to never use those Skills again and train myself in the conventional way of a Ranger. But, our previous 'discussion' and successive battle caused me to lose my better judgment. You were an ally then and appear to want to still be friendly even after all that's happened, and for that I… I humbly ask for your forgiveness."

Hanging my head low in a bow, I quietly said, "I took things too far and—"

"Yeah, yeah, spare me the tearful apologies, would you?" When I looked up, he was smirking as he said, "Just… tell me more of this training you did, and maybe we can figure out a way for you to not be, you know..."

Taking a second to let the silence speak for itself, he added, "I mean, I also took things too far and kind of forgot Lunar Sages tended to take things to the extremes if pushed too far."

That caused me to raise a brow. The eagle… apologizing?

"Hey! Give me a break," Nova said. This seemed more like him. He just couldn't apologize without shoving an excuse somewhere along the way, perhaps.

He continued, "I was busy calculating how stupid a group of people would have to be to reject someone with a Legendary Class for a reason as a retarded as 'racism.'"

His crude wording inspired a cringe to form on my face, but I could appreciate the intent behind it. Now that I look back, I could see that even before everything had spiraled out of control, he had always been on my side. He'd been angry on my behalf, he just showed it in his own 'unique' way.

I sighed, "My skin is not the reason I'm rejected."

Surprisingly, he didn't immediately make a comment. It was somewhat amusing with how confident he paraded his thoughts as I would have thought he'd argue the point.

"In fact," I continued, "it was hardly brought up as an afterthought until I was exiled after the 'incident.'"

"The incident… where you lost control like you did in our fight, I presume," he asked.

Well… What was that saying again?

I might as well tell him.