1 Death of an Unassuming Main Character

An icy comet hurtled through the vastness of space. Majestically yet silently trailing a trail of ice, as icy comets tended to do in the vacuum of space. It had no idea that it would soon crash into Earth and forever change the destiny of an unassuming man. In truth, being an inanimate object that lacked a brain, the comet really had no idea of anything at all. However, that was beside the point. In fact, the only reason this author even wrote the line; "It had no idea that soon it would crash into Earth and forever change the destiny of an unassuming man", was so they could engage in foreshadowing which was something skilled writers used. Plus to pad the word count. Word counts equal money you know.

Meanwhile, Robert Bobble, known as Bob Bob to his friends, was unassumingly walking along the busy pavement with a smile on his triple chinned face. Thankfully, it was only small town busy and not New York or Shanghai crazy busy. So Robert didn't need to push anyone aside. Except for one annoying kid who had then ended up dropping their ice cream.

The reason why Robert was smiling was because he'd just finished a life changing meeting. He had long dreamed of becoming a famous author. He had written dozens of stories which had been rejected by hundreds of publishers. However today, after twenty years working dead end jobs in order to focus on his writing, Robert's resolve and patience had finally paid off.

A large publishing house had accepted his latest work; First Child of Heaven's Sorrow. An erotic, kung-fu adaptation of Romeo and Juliette, which replaced the people with domestic products such as vacuum cleaners, blenders and toilets. Also, instead of being set in a Renaissance style city, his novel was set in a futuristic home wares mega-store, where two powerful departments battled it out for sales supremacy.

The story had never been one of Robert's favorites, as he felt it was too main stream. However, the publisher had assured him that it was just the sort of book which would appeal to the burgeoning Do It Yourself Home Renovators market. Thus, Robert put away his inner critic and decided that just this once he'd bow to the pressure of normies. Once he became established then he could unleash his truly marvelous creations on the world.

Robert decided to cut through a park in order to save time on the way home. He spotted a pair of young university students entwined in each other's arms. Their lips and tongues interlocked like a pair of lampreys trying to devour each other.

"Such a waste of time," Robert said to himself.

These Millennials and Generation-Zs had their priorities all wrong. Focused on stupid things such as dating and shallow relationships. Robert had been married five times now and he knew exactly how relationships ended up. His ex-wives having left him because they were unable to share his passions nor admire his intense personality.

"Complete your law degree," the first ex-wife had mentioned.

"Work at my father's import and export business," the second ex-wife had suggested.

"Stop wasting time on writing," the third ex-wife had said.

"Don't live in a fantasy wold," the fourth ex-wife had demanded.

"Bath more than once a month," the fifth ex-wife had ordered.

Robert was glad to have gotten rid of them all. His current batch of online friends were much better company. Plus, one of them had even started a long-distance relationship with him. Currently she was stuck in her third world country due to stupid laws and some family issues. However, she promised that as soon as he sent her fifty-thousand dollars, she'd be able to inherit her father's diamond mine. Then the two of them could get married.

Unlike his previous wives, Robert was certain this woman would be perfect. She had so many things in common with him. Both were authors, both loved playing retro computer games and both agreed his five ex-wives had simply used him. Robert couldn't wait to finally meet her in person.

While Robert was thus lost in thought, he didn't notice the comet as it entered Earth's atmosphere. However, others did. They turned their heads to the night sky as the comet disintegrated into shooting stars. The various residents of Robert's city made wishes.

"Let this hair growth curative work," wished a young man who suffered from male patent baldness.

"Let me get an A+ on my report card," wished a cute primary school girl who suffered massive performance pressure from her parents.

"Let me win millions of dollars from lotto," wished half the spectators, many of whom didn't even buy lotto numbers, thus making their wishes impossible.

"Kill that fat guy who made me drop my ice-cream," wished the young boy whom Robert had previously pushed aside. Turning the boy from normie and into a future sociopath.

Of the thousands of wish makers, the little boy's wish was the only one that was granted granted. Karma could be fickle like that.

Splat!

Miraculously, the only piece of comet which remained intact, struck Robert down. It penetrated the back of his head, turned his brain into mush and exploded forth from his face. The impact reduced Robert's once triple chinned visage into a gore fest which would make others vomit just by reading its description.

Thus, in the interest of public health and safety, this author will refrain from an in depth description that would make others vomit. Instead this author will simply describe Robert's face as becoming a mushy mush mess. Then leave the reader on a cliff-hanger chapter ending, in honor of the Xuanhuan genre which this author is trying to parody.