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The night after graduation

The Konoha Shinobi Academy

Emergency post-year end conference meeting

"What the heck are we going to do?" Iruka Umino whined, banging his head against the table.

"Naruto Uzumaki finally passed, so now at least you won't have to deal with a two-man team," Genma mentioned unhelpfully. Especially since he had been the one to pass the little squirt in the first place. God, what had he been thinking?

Oh, right. The Multi-Shadow Clone technique.

Damn.

"This is the most dysfunctional graduating class I've ever had," Iruka groaned. "I can't put either Ino or Sakura, or any of the girls with Sasuke – I've seen the way they run after him in class, and that's justcruel. Not to mention it would cause a highly disruptive team dynamic, and we can't have anyone getting hurt just because someone was too busy ogling someone else!...but then we have to have one girl on each team. It's a perfect fit this year. Nine girls, eighteen boys. That's a two to one ratio, and we can't mess it up, or the teams will be unbalanced. People will complain."

"More like you will complain, Mr. OCD," Genma muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"What about Hinata Hyuga? She's quiet. I don't think I've seen her run around after Sasuke like the other girls do," Daikoku suggested.

That seemed to placate Iruka somewhat, and he drew a line between Sasuke Uchiha and Hinata Hyuga. "But wait – that's two dojutsu wielders on the same team – won't that be unfair?"

"What choice do we have?" Daikoku asked. "If it's as you say, then this is the best solution. Would you rather put the Last Uchiha with Hinata Hyuga, or some rabid fangirl?"

Right. He had a point there. Anyway, the other teams would end up with clan heirs, too. This entire year was full of clan heirs. What the hell were they all thinking, getting their wives pregnant all at the exact same time? Good God! It was a conspiracy!

Iruka sighed. "That still leaves the whole 'class genius'/'dead last' issue…in an ideal situation, we're supposed to put Naruto Uzumaki on Sasuke Uchiha's team, and make them our frontline combat team. That's how it's always done. But this year, our Nara student was actually willing to pick up his pencil to take his tests – " there was a sarcastic giggle among the crowd of shinobi, which Iruka ignored – "sohe's at the top of the class instead. Which means we can't have a repeat of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, which is a shame, because that's the most successful Capture and Interrogation team format we've had, ever. But we can't put Naruto with anyone but Shikamaru, because, once again, we have to make things fair. We could try to preserve Ino-Shika-Cho, but that might lead to that whole team imbalance issue again. Which one's more important?"

"I'd say team balance over Ino-Shika-Cho," Aoba said, pushing up his glasses with his pinky. "It's not the end of the world. Shikamaru will be good for Naruto. He's intelligent and responsible, but he also has a rather even temper. He's one of the few people who doesn't make fun of the kid, apart from Choji and Shino. If you put him with Sasuke, they'd do nothing but fight all the time. You'll notice that even though Shikamaru's at the top of the class, it's Sasuke who Naruto picks fights with all the time."

"I guess that works…" Iruka sighed. "So that leaves the other ladies. Sakura and Ino."

"I'd advise against putting Sakura on Naruto's team. Naruto as a crush on Sakura, but Sakura absolutely hates Naruto. She can be very cutting with her words, and sometimes she hits him. It would disrupt team dynamics very badly," Suzume said. "Ino is a childhood friend of Shikamaru, and while she doesn't like Naruto at all that much, she can tolerate him much better than Sakura would. Anyway, you've got two-thirds of Ino-Shika-Cho there. Naruto is no Akimichi, but with the right training he might grow up to be a decent brawler, which would fit that particular role in this team combination. It'll be good for the kids to take a step away from their parents, anyway. It'd be a different thing if Ino-Shika-Cho was something running for multiple generations, but that had only been once. No need to start tradition and doom the rest of their grandkids to the same team for the rest of their lives."

"Don't you feel a little bad, cutting Choji out of the equation, though?" Genma asked, taking the senbon out of his mouth. Then he shrugged. "Whatever. You're the one delivering the list to the Hokage, not me. He can talk to the Akimichi if they raise any questions."

"I guess we'll put Choji with Sasuke and Hinata?" Iruka asked. "Choji has a pretty even temper, too. He'll be good for Sasuke – that boy raised some major red flags on his last psych report, by the way. Which leaves…Shino and Kiba with Sakura. That's as fair as I can make it. All the other teams will stay as is."

"Sounds good," Suzume said. "So now…traditionally the class genius/dead last combination goes to the frontline battle team, but this year that's our capture and interrogation team. Frontline battle will have to be Sasuke, Hinata, and Choji – which is good; they're all well-suited for that fact since they have strong taijutsu backgrounds. And then the intel team will do well with just Shino and Kiba. Sadly, Sakura doesn't have any dojutsu, but if we put that team with Kurenai Yuuhi…she might be able to pass on a few genjutsu or two."

Iruka hastily scribbled down the suggestions. God, he was getting too old for this. So what if he was only twenty-two? They didn't pay him enough for this sort of stress, dammit! He deserved a good night's rest after the Mizuki incident, but no, he just had to go and promote Naruto, meaning that all of this team assignment business had to be scrapped and thrown back together from scratch. Stupid, stupid him.

"Sakura is a natural at chakra control. Yes, that would be a good fit. But…what of the other two teams? Seven and ten?" Daikoku mumbled, tapping his chin. "We can't fail any of those three teams – seven, eight, and ten. They're all of the clan children, for Kami's sake. We'll have to put Sasuke with Kakashi, since he's the only Sharingan wielder left…but then the class genius/dead last combination is traditionally taught by a member of the previous Team 7…but then this year it's a little different, since our frontline team no longer fits that qualification…"

"But Hatake always fails all of his teams," Genma pointed out. "You know, that whole entire 'teamwork' test dating back to the First Hokage?"

"He what?" Iruka asked.

"He's failed every single team he's ever gotten, because none of them could work together," Genma said.

"Well, that's an issue," Iruka mumbled. "Sasuke's biggest problem is working in a team."

"We can't just fail the Last Uchiha," Suzume said.

"We could put Ino-Shika-Na with him, and see how it works out?" Aoba suggested. "I mean, if any team is going to work together well enough to pass that test, it has got to be them. Naruto isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean, but Shikamaru and Ino will be able to pull him through, and they know plenty about teamwork…Kakashi's got to get a team sooner or later. We can't let a guy as overpowered as he is go through his whole life without getting even one student. Plus, Hatake's a former ANBU - I'd say he's more qualified to teach a tracker/retrieval team than Asuma. Asuma's always been more fit for frontline fighting anyway."

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