38 37. Undercover

Friday Morning, 3rd. April. 2015

It was 7am.

Last night was one of the worst nights I've had in my entire life. I'd gone from passing out from intense headaches to waking up at around 4 in cold sweats and then struggling to fall back asleep. I'd been laying here for maybe an hour since, just going over visions I'd been in and out of over the course of the night.

I felt like a car had hit me. And like I hadn't showered in two days. Which I hadn't. I got up and wandered to the ensuite bathroom that was connected to my room. I hadn't noticed Koh return last night. However, seeing as there was a pile of clothes with tags still attached, among other random items, I'm guessing he dropped them off for me at some point.

The hot water rolled off my skin as I stood in the shower cubicle. It was so spacious. The steam quickly built up in the room, giving it the relaxing feeling of a steam room. I was grateful that Mr Kim and Koh had let me stay here while I tried to deal with whatever this was.

At points, it felt like I was going through withdrawals. Lucid memories came back to me. After that first one, a few more had propped up. I knew they were real because they differed from the others. They felt a distinct way. Like I'd lived it. But none of them were helpful.

I didn't know if the toughest part of it was over yet. I was barely able to deal with the headaches and memories. I hadn't even properly tried to unpack or draw any logical conclusions about this situation with the boys.

The question is whether they are a danger to me or not. Now that some time had passed, the dust had settled, and I felt like I could see it more clearly. But it still wasn't clear at all.

From the beginning, they'd latched on to me.. won over my trust and affections, treated me preciously.. made my heart swell and flutter and do backflips.

How could I have gotten it so wrong?

The memory of them standing around, Jin bringing that gun up to that girl's temple..

Red. The concrete of that floor had been painted with it. Had they tried to do that to me? Is that why they kept saying it was their fault? Is that why they never tried to help me regain my memories? Because it scared them I'd remember it all? I needed to know more. I couldn't let this pass, not now that the ball had been set into motion.. or would it keep rolling until it all snowballed and went out of control?

I put my thoughts on hold as I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I'd been in there so long that my skin was looking like a prune, and I didn't want that. As I curiously looked through the clothes Koh had left, I saw a pair of jeans and an oversized jumper. Did he know this was my ultimate comfort?

I chuckled inwardly, knowing there's no way it was more than a coincidence, and turned to rummage through the kitchen. Now that I was feeling a little more stable, the pain in my stomach was coming through. The last time I'd eaten was.. With the boys.. bbq and spicy soup that Jungkook had made.

It hurt thinking about it, so I tried not to. Instead, I wandered down the hall and towards the open space that doubles as a lounge and kitchen area. Now that I'm able to take in the apartment at my pace, I'm able to appreciate the finer details of how tasteful it is.

Modern, yet oddly homely. That the fridge is full of food makes the apartment seem more practical and liveable. Maybe it was just my assumption, but these kinds of flashy penthouses always gave me the impression they were merely for show. But I was being proven wrong.

I was surprised to find a few types of Onigiri and canned coffee.. another one of my favorite guilty pleasure foods. I slid into the seat at the dining table and peered out the window and across the sky rises and towards the roads below. It was so high up that everyone looked like ants as they strolled by their daily lives.

My mind wanders through scattered thoughts before coming back to the boys. Were they really criminals? Mr Kim had said so. Part of me still rejected it. Like it wasn't real.

But I'd seen that gun with my own eyes. What else did I need to see to be convinced? Wasn't that enough? Or was it my heart that wouldn't let me believe it? Because, if it were so, all my fears of them being the ones that hurt me could be real, too.

Hm. Maybe I should ask Mr Kim for more solid evidence that they're actually criminals. Would that clear my doubts? I wish it was as easy as just showing up and asking them.. but.. I knew in my heart that it wouldn't go as smoothly as I wished it to. No, they wouldn't just come right out and tell me. They'd had so many opportunities to, but every time they'd avoided telling me anything. They'd been cryptic and secretive and elusive and vague.

With a sigh, I leaned back in my chair and drank the last of my coffee. I felt a bit better, but not by much. I still had so many overwhelming uncertainties looming ahead. My life was in shambles and all I had was myself to figure it all out.

A moment later, I heard the front door open and Mr Kim appeared with Koh following closely behind. He was dressed like he was about to head off to work for the day, halfway through what sounded like an important business phone call. He silently waved at me before taking a seat at the other end of the table, still absolved in his call. Koh greeted me with a 'morning' before placing down a file and a stack of papers before Mr Kim. Then, he rushed off to grab him a coffee from the fridge.

After that, Mr Kim gestured for Koh to leave him be as he opened up some papers and started rambling off figures through the phone.

"Hey, you're looking a lot better than yesterday. I see you found the clothes I left you too," Koh spoke in a hushed tone as to not disturb his boss as he pulled up a chair beside me.

"Yeah, thanks for that. These are really comfortable, and expensive.." I gave him a small smile, keeping my voice down too.

"No problem. If you need anything else, I wrote my number down and left it on your desk," Koh added.

"I noticed. I should be fine. Honestly, I don't need much. I just.. being able to stay here for a short while is more than enough," I admitted. He gave an understanding nod but didn't comment. Just then, I heard Mr. Kim end his call and let out a sigh before calling out my name. We both looked over. He seemed a bit more intimidating than he had the last time. But maybe that's because he seemed in work mode right now, whatever that was. Did criminals work like they would a 9-5?

After some small talk, I tried to ask him more about what he knew of the boys. But what I'd attempted didn't get past him as subtle, and he outright asked what was on my mind. So, I admitted that I still had a hard time believing they were really involved in crime.

As soon as he saw my uncertainty, he offered to show me. I thought he'd probably just tell me to stay away and not put myself in danger, or not get involved. He did nothing of the sort. Instead, he offered to take me to their underground establishment with him so I could see, firsthand, the business they're running.

I felt my stomach do somersaults at the idea of it but agreed to accompany him so I could see for myself. He asked Koh to take me shopping today so that we could find me some sort of disguise, which, after a moment's thought, made perfect sense. It was better if they didn't notice me. Honestly, after everything that had happened, I feared them noticing me.

So I agreed to go with Koh to find something that would hide my identity for our planned visit to their club. After we decided on that, Mr Kim took off to finish running some errands, mentioning that he'd be back this afternoon to come and get me. Koh waited for me in the dining room while I headed to get my phone. When I came back, the two of us left the apartment together on our impromptu shopping expedition. He led me down to the car park where we hoped in a black sedan.

On the drive there, he joked about it looking cool but only getting to drive it around for business. Company car and all, he'd said with a faint chuckle. It was weirdly comfortable seeing as we were around the same age. If it weren't for the outlandish reasons we were going shopping in the first place, we could have simply been two friends hanging out.

The first place we stopped was a hair design studio in which he requested a wig fitting. My natural colour was long and blonde, so we settled on a black, shoulder-length bob. As I looked in the vanity mirrors at the final product, I was in awe at how beautifully it complimented my complexion. As far as I knew, this was a first, and it was nice.

Koh immediately agreed that it looked great and so we moved on to another store. A beauty boutique specializing in contact lenses. We picked up a pair that were dark brown in color, again, the opposite of what my eye colour naturally was. The day continued on like this. By the end of it we had bought a black, sparkly yet elegant thigh high dress with black sparkly heels to match.

By the time Koh dropped me back at the apartment and I'd laid out my disguise on my bed, I felt reality set in. I was actually doing this. Like I was some kind of spy or princess. Maybe I mixture of the two. I was about to go undercover. I was scared, but excited. Nervous yet curious at the same time. What would it be like there? What would I see? What had they been hiding from me this entire time?

Tonight I'd find that out. I'd finally get a chance to see who they really are. But what if it's a disaster? What if they're evil? What if they're psychopaths and this only confirms my fears?

My heart doesn't want it to be true, but I need to know what the truth is. Once and for all.