the first time I died

I awoke upon the mid-morning where I saw the one I loved I laughed I hell I remembered I forgotten the day always ends in my suicide I lose the one I love forced into another ending cycle of reincarnation of a re _day the day begins at night I love with the Eldritch entity a curse love set for eternity for a moments for years 1,000 a Time I found I loved I died I've lost trapped in the endless cycle with the love of the eldritched the touched no More tears here is a story how I first started my love before the cycle of resetting it all began two years ago I was walking down the street walking looking at all the people jealous out there relationships I kept on walking watching going work going home sleeping waking walking another ending cycle repetitive conduct until I fell asleep one night and that's when I saw her in my eyes she is the most beautiful thing the madness and insanity the hopelessness depression and the unseemingly amount of love I had for her she probably didn't think the same at first she came to our world she came to my world I started to get to know her she spoke to me we connected to each other a deeper level than physical or mental I watched I listened I enjoyed for the first time I actually felt that I belong but the belong to wear is a question a question that I still don't know till this day but what I know was that I couldn't live without her and so every time that I watched him kill her it tore at me from the deepest level but to think she would make it to where I can't die a cruel thing indeed but anyway let's continue the story I started to draw beautiful paintings I drew and Drew trying to draw her and her glory and her beauty but I can never captured it I can never draw it I can only get so close then I let her into me I let her see the world through my eyes I let her feel the world through my body she was so happy I could and have always enjoy being with her you've been together for a year I propose the question to her I asked her do you love me she said I absolutely adore you far more than you can ever imagine I could love you for all eternity and I still cannot get tired of your company we could be together for eons and I still wouldn't give up the moments I spent with you I was struck dumb her words were so beautiful it touched me I proposed inside my mind anyway the only way we could be together I propose to and asked is there a way for us to be together physically I want to be more than just companions I want to be more than just lovers I wish to be with you tell time stops she laughs croquettishly her laugh sounds like a thousand fluttering butterflies her voice so soft so sweet sweeter than the silkiest honey brighter than any other smile I've ever seen I asked her will you marry me she went silent she began to say though I love you I might not be here forever I was sad at her words tears begun to flow down my face uncontrollably I wished that she would be here forever with me telling the story is really hard for she was the only one I loved I wanted to hold her forever die with her for her but she left before I could and I can't leave to see her beyond I am stuck and torment now for what she had wished for was for me to live on the most hardest and growing thing sorry my thoughts keep getting intertwined into the story so where was I.... ah yes her telling me that she wouldn't be here forever I asked her what do you mean she went silent didn't answer then she said though I won't be here forever I might be here with you until the end I didn't know what she meant by that at the time and now I know she continued I will marry you for I love you vaster than space itself I cried and laughed enjoy as I embrace her we spent time together as the days the seconds the hours and the minutes go by and the weeks turn to months and the months turn into a year we have been together chatting acting like a couple selfish wish happened upon the New year's around the time the time that the angel was born we've begun today celebrating I asked her what do you want to see today she was silent she was silent she was silent you don't know how much that means she's never been silent even when I'm sleeping she's never been silent after 4 hours she said something she said that he was coming and that she might not have much time to be with me I was puzzled empty and hollow I felt a great sadness within me I felt despair I felt sane I felt lost I felt tormented but all I could feel was the great silence within I felt a crack within me I felt at first I felt the memorial since a sense of death in terms of a being watching through me not her but something else another Eldridge entity our forbidden Love I love between a lower being and a higher one I love not transcended to gender or race but our love was true deeper than just a physical contact or spiritual contact and then I heard a male voice he laughed maniacally he laughs satanically he laughed joyously he laughed jealously despite his voice he said so you are the one you are the one that she loved you amazingly third dimension being she tensed up at hearing the voice I could swear I could see her shaking visibly and then I wondered why she's scared I didn't know what at the time but she wasn't scared for herself she's scared for me I truly do miss her not an eon goes by without me missing her you know in this time if I still remember her voice remember how she looked how she talked to me how I loved her and how she loved me back I really envy my younger self he had all the time but he couldn't do it back to story sigh as I was listening to his voice I could feel it rippling through me I could feel the murderous intense I could feel the anger sorrow the joy and the madness in his voice he said I'm going to kill you I'm going to kill her you cannot run from me four she is within you I was possible that's what he said how could she be within me he continued I will face to the third plane I will find you I will hunt you down and I will kill you that's what you said then a rift open out in the worlds the news story is going crazy about a spatial rift opening all the blue and I'm being with wings that's white as snow and eyes of gold and many colors came to the world appearance of an Angel not a face of a human not a face of being a memory surface I could hear it I could feel it I could see it deep in me I could feel him coming for us I began to run not wanting to find out I ran and ran and ran but I could always feel following me I could feel him I could hear he was always on my trail I can never lose him not in this world anyway then he caught up he grabbed me and plunge his hand through my chest I could feel his fingers wrapped around my heart I could feel some slowly constraining it tightening it on my heart I can feel them slowly clench his fist on my heart as he did my heart began to burst I found stop beating I felt my blood rushing out I could hear her voice screaming in my mind I could hear my ears ringing from the pressure Lost in my blood and I could hear silence I couldn't hear her I couldn't hear him all I could hear was silence a God awful silence as if a void fully opened up inside me I couldn't feel her anymore I couldn't feel him anymore I woke up in between fading in and out what I saw was she left me and now she was leaving me she went into him she killed him she came back to me she helped me in her arms she touched my face the first time I could feel her touching me I was both happy and sad at the same time cuz I knew that we didn't have much longer I was fastly dying she said my love my eye my storm my will my heart my love my everything I said to her my queen my angel my devil my lover my will my essence my being and my heart a little right chuckle as I said the last one she smile slightly with tears running down the face I coughed badly I saw was a world of Gray she told me my love though our time has been short though you have been taking from me you will not die though our time together seems short for me it was an eternity I didn't understand what she meant I still couldn't understand what she meant she didn't put my hand on her chest I could feel something forcibly under my body I could feel a heart Crystal on my hand as I felt something flow through me gathered at my chest it gathers in my mind it's gathered in my soul it gathered in my body I felt her essence going to my body but leaving quickly I saw her she was vanishing as if she never existed I began to cry I cry telling her to stop asking her please stop don't do this please to God don't do this to me she looked at me and laugh Riley I cannot leave you you cannot leave me together forever tell eternity that's what she said that's her being came into me she disappeared everything that she was that would be an is disappear from the world from her world from all the worlds I could feel something wrong with world now I could feel her missing pieces what she was what she could have been I fell to ground as she completely disappeared my chest fixed with a heart not of this world I slowly got up emtiously walked back to the place I first met her to my house as I was passing and leaving his body became into mine his body fused into mine I still look the same but I was made to completely different something wasn't right at the world I continued on not noticing it now I know that it was a big mistake I continued on till I got to house it felt cold no longer war with her here I went to the kitchen the bathroom the bedroom the living room the balcony all the places we talked somewhere together the last place you were at Wasatch the tower I went to the tower I climbed the tower stare by stare memorizing our time together and I went there to the roof I stood at the edge of the roof I stepped up on the ledge and sad my love soon I'll be together with you and the beyond and I jumped fell plummeting to the Earth memorizing our time together and then I hit the ground oh God the pain it was agonizing but then the pain suddenly stopped and I found myself back at the ledge I didn't know what's going on I asked myself didn't I jump why am I alive how can this be I jumped again back in place so I started getting frustrated I jumped and jumped and jumped after a long time I stopped jumping after 1 billion times I stopped I got down I called myself and sat down and hurled I began to cry well screaming howl cry why why can I not die why can I not end myself I have these questions sat there for like weeks days I couldn't feel hungry I couldn't feel thirsty I felt nothing I felt abnormal like another part of this world anymore not a part of any world anymore I can't die I can't live I can't love so many times I tried to kill myself I tried hanging myself I tried poisoning myself I tried gutting myself I tried to break my neck and die but I couldn't I always return to the moment before I died I always remembered I cannot die I tried shooting myself the bullet couldn't penetrate my skin I tried jumping drowning this memberment I couldn't do anything I couldn't die oh I could see and hear was Gray and so that is the story of how my love myself my being I became tormented this world became my prison this body became shell I became immortal and mortality I didn't want I can't live without her everyday was hell as hell is hell so now I live for eternity without her I lost my mortality I am now being that wonders the land killing myself walking hoping trying to find her hopelessly trying for all eternity so that's my story the story of the man that can catch a break oh my name it is alucard ......