I lost a sheep

"How am I expected to pay my bills when my workers keep running off?"

Mr Patwari wiped his brow with a handkerchief as he stared at my floor. He was truly an unkempt fellow.

"Yes.. well.. uhh… You see sir, you haven't paid your taxes in…"

He proceeded to explain a lot about unpaid land duties, imperial taxes, and something about levies for some war… It was a bore really. Now I know why he wouldn't sit down and preferred to stand in my doorway, I suspect Mr Patwari's profession is one in which he would need a quick getaway.

As he yammered on, I could tell he was bored too as he seemed truly intent at studying my floor with every word. He wouldn't look me in the eye once! He was an odd one indeed, and an idiot.

After all, he hadn't answered my question.

"Why does every laborer I employ run off?" I cut into Mr Patwari's lecture.

He paused. "There, uhh… rumors… there are rumors sir. People who have worked on your land have reported strange things…" He said as he once again wiped his brow. No wonder he's going bald, I thought.

"You see sir," Mr Patwari continued, "they say that your tomato patches suddenly burst into flames."

"There was a worm problem." I said.

"They say there are… whispering trees…"

"Well you would expect them to be gossipy when they can't move, wouldn't you?" I said.

"They say there are… spirits wandering your lands at night."

"Everyone knows spirits don't like the sun." I said. "What have these rumors got to do with my workers running out on me?"

Mr Patwari looked like he was about to faint, the poor fellow really couldn't take the heat of the summer as he went to wipe his brow a third time.

"They uhh… well… they don't like those… sorts of things." He swallowed. "Especially not the sheep."

I was trying to be understanding. After all, I was still new to the region and perhaps there were some cultural reasons why its people seemed to have a problem burning worms. That was until he mentioned my flock.

"What's wrong with my sheep?" I demanded.

Mr Patwari paused again, I noticed his balding head was glistening with sweat. I felt an urge to smack it with my staff.

"They are… well, they… they d-d-don't d-die sir." He stammered.

I was shocked.

"They don't die…" I muttered.

But how… I pondered, how is it possible… to be this stupid?

"Well of course they don't die you balding water bucket!" I roared.

"What good is a flock of sheep if they die?! I would have to buy new sheep, and as you have pointed out, I'm not made of money!"

"A never ending supply of wool Mr Patwari, tell me what don't they like about that."

He took two steps back out my doorway, but credit to him as a professional, he answered my question.

"They uhh… they say your sheep are cursed… That your whole land is cursed…" His words trailed to a whisper.

"Do I seem like a man who would live in a cursed land?"

For a brief moment his lips began to move but no words came out. Was the heat getting to his mind?

"Speaking of my sheep, I found this morning that I'm missing one." I said. "Back to the business at hand Mr Patwari, I seem to recall that my last worker was your son."

"He was my cous-"

"Your brother," I cut in, "ran out on me yesterday after just three days."

"Three days, Mr Patwari, and now I find I'm missing a sheep?"

Patwari's chin stiffened as he continued to inspect my floor. "Well, that is..-"

"Did I not have it on your honor that he was reliable?" I asked.

Mr Patwari was staring at the floor so intensely I could have sworn his eyes were about to fall out.

"I.. um.. I can assure you there is no way my broth.. Umm I mean my cousin s-stole from you..." He had gradually taken more and more steps out of my doorway and was now awkwardly standing outside. Strangely he kept looking down, was Mr Patwari also a grass enthusiast?

"I never said he would." I replied. "You should really have more faith in your family than that."

"But don't worry," I continued as his head began to turn to multiple shades of red in the sun.

"I'm sure you can do something about my financial situation, whatever it is. After all it was your nephew's fault and until I find my sheep I'm going to have to hold your family responsible."

At that Mr Patwari tried to say a few words but I think the heat had finally got to him as he didn't make any sense to me so I sent him on his way. But not before I made him promise to correct these awful rumors about my sheep being cursed.

"Wool from an undying sheep will give a man undying warmth." I told him to spread those words throughout the land. I have to say I was quite pleased with that line.

I stood there watching him hastily walk away when I noticed another feeler had formed on my staff. I vaguely recalled that my staff was once of rich brown oak that had a red jewel, half the size of a fist, that was lodged at the top of the staff. The jewel was surrounded by an engraving of a crown with strange patterns that liked to change depending on the time of day.

But now the wood had become grey, the jewel had gone black and the patterns around the crown had gradually been replayed by strange tentacle like carvings that inspired a sense of dread like a tumor. I should have really studied this phenomenon properly, staves do not just simply change, and certainly not in such dramatic fashion. But alas, a farmer's work is never done and whenever I thought about the changes of my staff I was reminded of this fact.

I have a sheep to find!

Luckily it shouldn't take too long. Casting a tracking spell was but a simple task for a genius like me. Before I retired to my farm I was once known as the worlds most powerful sorcerer. A mage that could charm the most beautiful of mountains and level the largest of women. I was, after all…

What was it again? Saraman? Dumble? Kelthutard? No, no… nevermind. It would come to me, I figured. No need to worry about such trivialities as a name.

My land was nestled between two mountain ranges. It was rich in streams and greener than the eyes of a drunken elf. When I had decided to retire, I wandered the world before I discovered this place. Something about its natural beauty had compelled me to make these lands my own.

But who would have ever thought I'd have to deal with fleeing sheep and slanderous workers!

Wasn't this supposed to be the good life?

An hour had gone by when I finally found him.

My detection spell had traced him to the road a few miles away. I had used a foresight spell to look ahead.

There he was.

Riding a horse.

Riding a horse?

He was wearing better quality leather than I had seen since I had come to this region. His brown hair was cut graciously just below his neckline and his eyes shone with pride.

My Sheep.

Or, rather, my next meal of mutton.

What was that bastard playing at? Transforming into some noble looking human? I thought.

He even has four men, also on horseback, surrounding him.

Was he really stolen?

I teleported to the road which brought the horses into a panic. The men cried out, so with a flick of my finger I made it so they wouldn't be able to speak. They jumped, or fell, off their horses and grabbed their mouths in horror and confusion as I strolled past them towards my target.

"You!" I pointed up at my sheep on his horse.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you're supposed to be my everlasting wool!" I growled.

The initial moment of shock at my sudden presence was replaced by a stunned look of confusion.

"I-I don't know who you are, but I am Maguire, second son of Count-"

"The only second thing you are is my second serving for dinner tonight if you don't explain to me why you have become a human!" I yelled.

At that point, two of his guards tried to grab me from behind but were met with a sudden flash of blue light that dropped them like stones. The other two hesitated at that and looked up at my sheep.

Wait, were they looking at him for order? Were these men following my sheep? How in the world did my sheep reach a level when he had his own guard?

This didn't make sense… This didn't make sense at all.

"You…" I pointed my staff at Maguire and with a crackling spark, the ugly feeler engravings seemed to break out of the wood and come to life. His horse would have bolted but I had it rooted in place via a calming spell. Maguire on the other hand was rooted to his spot by fear as my feelers began to slither around his neck.

"Are you… by any chance… a sheep?"

His prideful eyes, now wide with terror tracing the feelers around his neck, darted towards my own at the question.

Bewildered, he slowly shook his head.

My tracing spell had definitely led to him. How could it be? Had I got it wrong? Me? The great… whatever the hell it was. How could I make such an elementary mistake?"

I attempted to pull my staff away but it resisted. I could feel a venomous impulse from the feelers and a dark energy spread through my staff.

Intriguing, I thought.

Perhaps my spell went wrong… Or perhaps there were certain forces in the world who wanted me to find this boy.

What's more, the darker of these forces wanted him dead.

I closed my eyes and utilized an old meditation technique. Chanting words from an ancient tongue under my breath, the feelers around Maguire began to screech. It was a hideous shrill of a sound that echoed around the road and the surrounding tree lines, sending the horses I had not charmed sprinting for the hills. But soon an invisible force dragged the feelers back to the staff, returning them to their hideous, but harmless, engravings.

I had never known my staff to rebel, but I suppose much like farm animals, sometimes things needed reminders to know who the master was.

When I opened my eyes I realized Maguire couldn't have been older than 17. Yet already a target for something sinister.

"Well it's none of my business what wants you dead." I said.

"What?!" Maguire yelled. "Who the hell are you?! And what the hell were those things?!"

He continued to carry on yelling while I was casting a healing spell on the men I'd almost killed when suddenly a light flashed in my mind.

Before I had come searching for my sheep, I had cast a spell on the rest of the flock to make sure I'd be alerted if anything happened while I was away.

Sure enough, that light was the alert.

Someone was playing with the wrong shepherd's flock.

"Don't raise your voice with me boy, it was your fault for not telling me you weren't my sheep sooner!" I scolded him.

"Your guards, I suppose, will be as good as new now." I said as the two men on the ground began to stir.

"But it would seem fate has brought us together. Perhaps you're the key to finding my sheep. But for now…"

I raised my staff into the air and light began to envelope me.

To his horror, Maguire found the same light surrounding him too.

"...We have guests."

CRACK!

With a thunderous echo that sent one of the men chasing after the horses in the hills, Maguire and I teleported back to my farm.

I wondered if my intruders would make for good workers.

Whether willingly, or not.