Chapter 71: Bujeong (Denial)

I couldn't believe what that stupid little bitch had done! What if my father had come in? He would most definitely recognise the scent, that was why I had hidden the bottle in the first place! I had just had a hard day in the palace as well as another endless row with my father about Hwi and all I wanted to do was to crawl into bed with a girl's ribbon and smell her perfume for a little while to relax. As the tension grew between Hwi and my father I had to distance myself even more from Yeon than I was already forced to and it was driving me to the brink of insanity when I knew that she was the only one in my life who would welcome me into her embrace with open arms every single time. I had never found myself craving anything more in my entire life, more than I did with Hui-Jee by far. She had even surpassed my feelings for the non-kisaeng girl, who now in hindsight, I recognised that it was nothing more than a fleeting crush, or something even less than that. The first woman I thought I had liked, teated me exactly the same way as my father and everybody else did, and she clearly belonged to somebody else. I must have temporarily lost my mind to have thought that I had any feelings for...or so I thought...or maybe I was just running away from somebody else who could be nothing more than a beautiful dream every day that my father had breath in his body.

So when I saw what that stupid maid had done to the only other thing I had in this home to myself, that I could touch, see and immerse myself with I could no longer contain my anger as I had began to see nothing but red before I proceeded to take out my anger on everything in my sight. I had for the first time completely lost my composure and I began to tear my room apart, not caring about the consequences for once. In fact there had been a change in me recently, a change that scared me to no end. I was gradually reaching my goals in the palace at the expense of a person who was once my only friend, the only person I had cared about most in this world alongside his sister. And with her in my home smiling at me everyday and giving me the comfort I had no choice but to reject was making the guilt I had all the more potent my guilt and hatred was. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't even think properly, and before I knew it I found myself suffocating in the walls I had built with my own hands this time. Hwi's life was in danger; the more he tried to rebel, which was also putting his sister's life in danger as well. Despite everything that had transpired between us I still loved him dearly and I knew that I could make up for what I had put him through in time. I was taking more care of him behind his back then I was spending time on my own plans, but Yeon...Yeon was different. I could not risk her life for anything in this world, even if I had to keep her away from me. But she was so good and understanding about it; which made me all the more angry. She liked me again, I know she did. I could feel it deep down in my bones, so why wasn't she more upset with me? Why didn't she resent me for all the distance I had put between us when I was the only person she knew who she could come to and knew everything about her life? Why didn't she confront me until now about what myself and my father were putting her through? Didn't she care about me enough? Had I done too much of a good job pushing her away, was that why she had stopped bringing me tea? Now that I thought about it, she hadn't come to see me in a long time now. But how should I approach her now after what I had done to her? I wasn't allowed to be there for her despite all of her struggles of fitting in her into my father's home which he had built upon sins and bloodshed and his world.

I had all of these thoughts build up into my mind as I tore up everything in my sight. All of his servants to tried to contain me all ended up getting hurt. I even made my way to the servant girl who had made me this angry in the first place and I almost got my hands around her throat until Yeon finally came burst in of all people. The worried look on her face calmed me down instantly as I felt she had transported me back to a time when she was would wait for us in our youths and fuss over us endlessly. It was a comfort that I had long forgotten and now that she was here in front of me I could completely relax; because whatever I was going through I knew she would always be there to balm my rage and worries with her care.

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If I told anyone how quickly this man changed from going on an angry rampage to completely stopping midway as if he were a child who was just caught doing something naughty, they probably wouldn't believe me. As far as I knew, Seo Yeon was 4 years younger than him but they way he had been looking at her recently told me that didn't matter to him anymore. She didn't even notice the damage amount of damage that his rage had caused, she only had eyes for him as she made her way towards him. I stood firm behind him, waiting for him to tell her to leave and usher her out before his father returned...but he didn't. My heart dropped as I waited for her to tend to him immediately...but she didn't do that either. She gave him a look that I couldn't completely describe; it was sadness mixed with understanding and maybe...frustration? But when she started picking up everything that was destroyed that really made him angry. He walked up to her and grabbed her by both arms and picked her up from the floor and almost slammed her into his wall "can't you see that I'm hurt?" He seethed, rather painfully I might add.

The tension between them was painful on both ends but there was nothing they could do about it thank goodness. She looked up at him for a while before replying "you told me to stay away from you because my presence makes you uncomfortable, remember? So all I can do is clean your room for you" the fact that she had managed to push him inside and continue actually made his face turn red from anger. He just watched her continue to clean up his room alongside the servants was doing something to him and every time she had gotten cuts and bruises I saw him wince like he was the one getting hurt. Only a few more minutes went by before he barked me at of all people to bring him the medicine box we had stashed away somewhere. All noble houses had these and not even the maids could enjoy this luxury, but someone as low as Yeon could? I tried very hard to compose myself before I left, still shaking in anger. It wasn't fair at all, but it wasn't exactly unheard of for noblemen to take up servants as mistresses. It was clear as day that Nam Seon-Ho, the man who always busied himself in his work in the palace or drank in Ihwaru but had never even touched a woman was now entering his prime stages of life and was now finally having...the urges that men felt when they had begun taking interests in women...but it wasn't for me at all. I couldn't believe he actually pointed out that he was hurt like he expected her to take care of him as if she were his legally wedded wife or something. But it looks like that bitch had finally gotten the hint and was finally trying to put some distance between then just like he had done for the whole duration of her stay, but he did not like that at all. In fact he despised it, so much so that he broke the societal rule of no contact between men and women himself for the 100th time between them and he dragged her to his bed of all places as he did something he had never done before, and he actually got onto his knees amongst all the rubble that he himself created...and started to tend to her wounds instead.

"Are you still angry at me? About how my father treats you? Do you hate me now? Like everyone else does? Because of him?" "I do not hate you, Young Master. I never have and I never will." "Sure." "I mean what I say. You say that you've known me for a while and that is why you saved me. So you tell me, have I ever lied to you? Or held any ill-will against you?" As much as I wanted to scream and shout at everyone in the room who was clearly ignoring me, I could not help but to notice that she had to soften her tone and actually place her palm onto his cheek for a split second to get him to actually take him seriously. Once Nam Seon-Ho was in a bad mood, there wasn't a soul on earth that could pull him out of that mood. But apparently I was wrong. "I do not hate you, Nam Seon-Ho. I thought I did for a brief moment, but I do not. It is your world that I dislike, not yourself."

"Then what is the matter? I can tell that you have been unhappy recently..." "just like yourself you mean, Young Master? Because I haven't seen you smile once ever since I met you. Still." "Yeonna..." "I have been living in strict conditions for years with no memories, a man who despises me and his son who I cannot even have a proper conversation without of fear of his father. I cannot go outside, work, live a normal life or even breathe properly and I have no friends. How do you expect me to feel?" "I know...exactly how you feel...I know it doesn't look like it, but I...I..." "there is no need for you to explain anything that you cannot, young master. I do not want you to feel uncomfortable because of me." "Yeon..." "By the way, is that my perfume that I can smell? In your bedroom?" "The concubine stole it from your bedroom, I was just trying to make her give it back to you and she dropped it." "She's taking her little obsession with me a little too far, isn't she? I don't want to see her anywhere near my quarters please." "Of course, you will never see her again if that is what you want. I will even let you move back to my mother's quarters now."

I wanted to scream and shout, I wanted to go over to her and tear out all of her hair, gouge her eyes out and send her head over to her brother in a crate in pieces. But I couldn't do any of those things, so I had to get out of there before I did something that could potentially get me into trouble with the young master. But he barked for me to stay whilst he dismissed everybody else, as if I hadn't been through enough torture for one afternoon. By this point I was so emotionally worn out that I was lost in my own thoughts. I lost my composure and I collapsed onto the floor, but nobody noticed me at all or my unborn child. I could only watch at how...tender he was with her although they didn't speak a word to each other at all. They seemed to communicating with their eyes though a lot...and touch. Yeon looked just as stunned as I did, although she didn't look uncomfortable at all. She kept trying to take her hands back but he kept taking them back into his big hands.

And as for that happened next; I had to rub my eyes a few times to make sure I saw correctly...but I could have sworn that he started holding onto her hand quite tightly to the point where she had started whinging and whimpering, but the look on his face shut her up quickly. They looked full immersed into each other for a while before we head his father make his way through the front door. Yeon tried to leave but the Young Master had once again painfully grasped onto her hand again to the point where had to have bruised her. Yeon looked confused and quite frankly she was trembling a little until he walked up to her, cornering her again and told her quite plaintively 'that he was only going let this happen once but she shouldn't ignore him again'. There was something about the way he said that, that even made me shiver. Yeon at this point though was trembling to the point where she had collapsed into his arms. He caught her without hesitation and looked at her even more so with a hungry look in his eye that hadn't diminished as soon as she had walked in the room. And I'm sure that I noticed his hands wandering all over her back and more before she psychically had to wrestle him off of her. We heard his father's footsteps getting closer and she tried to leave again before he saw them together but he caught her by the arm for the 500th time and practically dropped the medicine box in her hands. She looked up at him in a confusion but he just told her...no...he ordered her that she had to tend to him later on when his father was asleep. He didn't even ask her, it was like she was expected to follow his every word. And with that he ushered her out of the room himself, still holding onto her for as much as he could.

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As petty as this sounded, I really was not over how Dal and the concubine had treated me of late, especially with her little posse of servants. If my father or brother was here, they would have taken them all down before they could have ever gotten close to me. Just because I had to live as a lowborn for most of my life, hat didn't mean that I was going to bullied and trodden on. My brother had locked me up in our home because he wanted to shield me from the poor treatment that my brother and Seon-Ho himself had put up with all of these years. And after being shielded for so long to now experiencing he decedent behaviour of the nobility class themselves, I wasn't going to put up with it. In fact, I already had a plan formulating in mind whilst Dal ran in and our of the house and trying to help me find out why I had been sleeping so much. I was still angry about his behaviour of late, but I still couldn't do anything about that...yet.

""Dal?" "Yes?" "What are you doing?" "What do you mean?" "You are fully aware that Seon-Ho managed my meals and drinks himself. Why are you so sure that it is something that he manages is now corrupt?" "Why do you always do this?" "Do what?" "Yourself and the Young Master are extremely protective of each other and just as immensely defensive about each other as soon as anyone brings up your names."

I really didn't mean to blush as deeply as I did, but I couldn't help it. I tried o change the topic, but everything that had transpired between us hd staring replaying in my mind over and over again until Dal pinched me a few times to wake me up from my dream. "...at first you will experience excessive somnolence and them psychotic delirium in a few weeks, the dosage is really strong..." "how do you know all of this? You never told me that you knew anything about medicinal properties.