Chapter 48: Saeloun Byeonhwa (A New Change)

I couldn't look at her; she kept pleading and begging me like the child she used to be with tears in her eyes and I just couldn't take it. She didn't know, she had no idea of knowing that if Hwi or herself was never involved in this...chaos, then I could have achieved my goals by he end of the year and I could have relocated them somewhere with me like I had originally planned to. But Hwi was on his way here from a war that he was in no way prepared to fight for, and I had his most precious person wrapping her arms around me and crying her heart out as if I could save her, not knowing that I was the one who indirectly imprisoned her right along with me. But then she had to wrap her arms around me and she...she just caught me off guard because she was sill soaking wet from her bath that I had just pulled her from. And she was just looking at me straight into my eyes...

"My Lord! My Lord?" "What is it!" "My Lord, my Mistress has a report to give to you!" "I won't hear anything that she has to say! Now get out and leave us alone!" "But My Lord, you really need to hear this...!" I angrily stormed off towards her and I ordered the servants to take her down and flog her for interrupting what was about to happen with Yeon, who almost ran out of her quarters until I caught her by her waist and I pulled her back inside so we could continue our conversation. But before I could say anything, I could only hear some ringing in my ears before my knees buckled under me and I couldn't remember what happened after that. I only knew that I woke up in Yeon's bed with a wet cloth on my head to break the fever that I was still suffering from.

Yeon was strangely quiet, but I wasn't going to be the first to speak, not after the intense morning that I just had with her. So I let her treat me in silence for the rest of the night and even feed me when I needed it. And she really did take such good care of me, to the point where I found myself secretly envying Hwi all over again for hiding this treasure of a woman right under my nose and having her care all to himself for the entirely of our friendship. But looking back at it, the only reason that I was allowed to get somewhat close to Yeon in the past was surely because of her...peculiar personality that she had back then. And if he knew the sort of thoughts that I had going on in my mind that confused me to no end, well I was pretty sure that he would never let me see her again.

"You are being awfully quiet my lord, what are you thinking of?" "A lotus that surfaced from the water, her beauty naturally unadorned, she really is one of a kind..." "Excuse me? Did you just...recite poetry?" "No! I just...looked over at your books and I remembered something, that is all. Where are you going?" "I am just handing you some tea, have it whilst it is still hot." "It smells fresh and it goes deep into my lungs. What sort of tea is it?" "Jasmine, for those who do not like ginger when they have a colds." "It isn't just jasmine is it?" "Plum flowers, pine leaves and chrysanthemum. The water for the tea is collected from the dew drops of lotus leaves, it will help to clear up a foggy mind." "You really are into all of that flowery lark aren't you?" "I am still a woman, even though I am not too...feminine." "You could have fooled me. Do you...want to plant something? Trees for example?" "Is this your attempt of trying to distract me?" "You goddamned brat, you couldn't just let me suggest doing something nice for you, could you?" "Well, I would like some pear and apple trees, they are said to be like candlelights at night." "What else do you want?" "Hmmm. I would like my freedom before anything else." "Apart from that?" "What do you mean?" "What...type of man do you want? What do you want him to give you?"

"I...do not want anything." "Excuse me?" "Whatever it is that married couples have, they should get them together. The idea that one party gives everything whilst the other just takes doesn't sit right with me at all. They should both build up their homes from the ground up, they should both have some sort of income until the wife falls pregnant, they should both do chores and cook for each other. They should both care for each other equally." "You really do not think the man should carry all of the..." "That is only for arranged marriages. But even then, if marriage is an alliance between two families, then both families should share equal responsibility." "What about a nobleman?" "What about them?" "Would you marry..." "Honestly...no." "You do not wish to marry a nobleman who can protect you financially and in every other aspect?" "Noblemen aren't gods who can grant wishes just because they have money. That is something that I learnt here." 'Are you being serious? You wouldn't want to?" "Epilepsy, poverty, amnesia, all of this before I am even 18 years of age. For all of my suffering...is it really too much to ask for a simple faithful man who can give me my freedom?" "What does that entail?" "The freedom to be educated, the freedom to earn my own income no matter how small it is, the freedom to make my own decisions and live how I please. I do not wish to 'join the crowd' as you do. It is far too suffocating." There was no other girl I knew or could even imagine being so honest and outspoken with their opinions. Not even Hui-Jee could say any of this due to her being brought up in a brothel. But Yeon was in a far more...fragile position that her with nothing to loose, and yet she wasn't hesitant in the least to say what was on her mind. Maybe she really was growing up in front of my eyes and I was the one with problem of constantly locking her up in her quarters and not letting her out of my sight. But whether that problem came from our prior relationship or something else, I did not know. I may in fact be a lot more confused than I originally thought.

"My Lord, you father wishes an audience with you and the Young Mistress immediately." For goodness sake, I couldn't even have Yeon for an evening to myself without me being pulled away from her or something else popping up. But she helped me to put my robes and shoes on and I could tell she had gotten temporarily shy because I just couldn't stop staring at her when she did these small things for me.

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"Where could he possibly be? I have looked all over the home for him and I have sent the servants out in the morning for this." "Mistress, you know what he is like with you, you cannot expect him to just come running back to you." "I have this one last chance at this and I am already hanging by the skin off of my teeth. I cannot mess this up. What if he is outside lost in the cold? Or his father sent him somewhere this late? Or would he really rather be out there in the cold than to be in the same room as me?" "He is also a soldier, he must be used to the cold weather. Do not worry too much Mistress, you cannot do that anymore, not in your condition." "But where is he?" "There is no need to make such a fuss, where else could I be apart from here in this miserable home?" "Watch your manners boy, we are only here because of the mess that you have created." "I cannot imagine what mistake that I have made now since I have been ill with a cold for weeks on end." "And I wonder who you have to thank for that." "And I didn't know that adulteress knew anything about having manners at all." "Enough! It seems like your concubine has some news for us." "And let me guess, she is still seeking ways to find an alliance between our families after everything that she has put as through. Hasn't the matter already been decided? Or are they trying everything in their power to stick to us like leeches now that their family is the subject of gossip throughout the entire kingdom? Are they that desperate to loose there lifetime of glory for sticking with a bastard half-breed like myself?"

Something about him had changed dramatically and it was beginning to scare me. He had never even so much had raised his voice at his father before, never mind answering back at him with these sarcastic remarks that sounded very oddly like this cousin of his that he couldn't keep away from. Even as she entered the room, he just couldn't take his eyes off of her no matter how hard he tried. But very soon he was going to have all the reason in the world to avoid her soon. "My Lord, we have all especially waited for the Young Master only to join us for dinner before I break the news to him. Let us eat whilst we talk shall we?" "Let the girl stay so she can hear this and change her ways once and for all." "I am in no mood to dine as I have business to attend to. And stop bothering my whole family with these trivial matters, do you think we have nothing else better to do?" "But My Lord, we have found evidence against her that she..." "Now what have you all come up with? Yeon accused your maids of sealing from her his morning and now in a matter of a few hours, you have managed to turn the ables around? How convenient." "But..." "You all seem to forget that I am the general inspector of this village, and I know when someone is guilty of committing a crime or not." I had already lost him before I even had this chance to show him how much more capable I was compared to an orphaned epileptic who could have never given this family what it needs, what all husband's needed to survive in every single aspect of their lives.

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"What are you doing Master? I told you that this lowborn stole from your father, so why are you..." "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked her in a very dangerous tone that even managed to scare me. "Have you lost your senses? Talking casually to your Master without permission? Touching him? Telling him what to do?" "but...but you're touching her!" And with that he actually slapped her onto the ground. And he didn't even look at me but he put his other hand on my shoulder to calm me down. 14th century Goreyo Confucius rules; interactions between men and women were forbidden. Despite Seon-Ho being illegitimate, he was still a nobleman and I was a lowborn woman, so that was another problem right there. As for emotional displays of affection? Forget it, it didn't exist in our nation. But here he was, holding onto me to calm me down when he was the one who was getting angry. "I've known this girl for a decade, I spent almost every single day by her side without fail. What I do with her is nobody's business but my own. She is...for me to do as I please." I could feel my face heat up and a strange feeling erupting from inside my stomach...as if there were butterflies floating around in them. But before I could say anything he had turned to look at me again, still angry. So I had no why I...I smiled when he turned to look at me, like it was something I did to him all the time. He seemed to be caught off-guard by this, but before I could take it back he...smiled back at me. It was a little awkward but it was there; the first genuine smile that I had seen from him since we first met...again, apparently. And I couldn't stop thinking about it now that he had started working in the palace and I hardly saw him. It was the first and only warm memory I had, as well as as the time where he took me by the arm so strongly...he really was a man in the truest sense, even though his father did everything he could to prevent him from thinking so. Even just thinking about it made me blush to no end due to the no touching rule that Confucius laws imposed on the two sexes, which was just one of the many suffocating rules that we all had to live up to. But as I was an orphan, a lowborn and even disabled with epilepsy, so I had no chance of fitting into a society that was held up to such high standards that it just didn't seem worth it to me.