Chapter 138: Entrapment (Hamjeong)

I almost fell over in shock when I saw his things in my room, how on earth did this man find me? Why did he even come looking for me when I had clearly had been nothing but a burden to him? Why was he really following me? I quickly examined the room so I could so if he had done anything at all, but when I saw all of my letters had not only been open but they had been torn to shreds I felt my everything inside me twist around itself until I couldn't breathe anymore. I had to find him and quickly before he did anything stupid, so I ran all over this small village on horseback until I recognised his own horse tied up next to the only drug den here, I'd rather have bit my tongue off than find him there. Who knows what this fool had put himself through when I left him, and I only did that because that was what I thought was best for all of us? It had been two months already, so hadn't things progressed with Hui-Jee already? Why was he here? And when I ran inside and saw what was about to do, how could I not stop it? I practically threw myself and him and wrestled his sword away from him.

I didn't know how much I truly missed him until I threw myself at him and I took in his scent, his well built body and his rough hands into my own. He was high out of his mind but as soon as I stopped him he hand wrapped his arms around me so tightly that I thought I was going to suffocate for a moment but I soon got used to it after a couple of seconds. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that just collapsed onto him for a little while, wanting this moment to last forever…until started to feel disoriented myself. Myself and his maid had to both bring him back onto his horse and as I held onto both of our reigns as the maid kept a hold of him on foot. Of course she didn't make the situation any easier with her constant bitching about how his current state was all my fault, or whatever that was supposed to mean. I had no idea how I managed to het he rot run to the pharmacy for medicines for him but she made it right on time as I got Seon-Ho to vomit whatever it was he took in. I then proceeded to undress his robes and Chun-Ae got the water bucket ready to wash it out. I knew that Seon-Ho trained daily for hours on end…but the bruises I saw on his body almost made me pass out. Just what was this man doing to himself? Why was he covered in such old bruises tat never seemed to heal? And why hadn't he attended to his new wounds? Why wasn't anyone taking care of this man?

I was in tears at this point as I saw him in a light that I had never seen before. He was high and he didn't talk, and he just kept staring at me with such a sad look that I completely lost myself in it. The look he gave me constantly made me forget about my past, what I had been put through in his home and even my epilepsy fits. I know that he loved someone in his heart that wasn't me but I…I wanted to be selfish for a little bit, especially with the way he kept grabbing me and pulling me closer to him. He had actually managed to untie my jacket and I had to really wrestle with….desire that kept on crawling its way up throat which I was strangely hungry for. I just wanted to give him a couple of innocent kisses on his forehead and cheeks to warm him up but he wasn't having any of it and he kept touching me for more affection. After I had tended to his wounds and make him rinse out his mouth before he could get some food down him he wouldn't let me out of his sight at all. He grabbed me by my wist and kept pulling me towards him to the point where I couldn't fight him off anymore as he kept puling me onto his lap and just holding onto me before both old and new habits started rising. He had his hands around my waist again and wouldn't let me leave, and he wouldn't stop mumbling my name over and over again. It took me a while but I managed to to convince him to get some sleep and I had to reassure him over and over again that I wasn't going to leave him or go anywhere. He kept looking at me until his eyes finally closed and even in his sleep he was still holding onto me like a lifeline. So I watched him, I traced his features, I took in his scent as much as I could so I could hold onto for as long as possible and I…

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I watched her when she thought I was still sleeping, despite all the guilt had towards her this was also a golden opportunity that I couldn't miss out on no matter what. I had a conscious, I swear that I did but she…was so unlike anything that I had seen before and believe me I had seen a lot. She tended to me in intimate ways that only a wife would and she did it so willingly that I could actually see the worry in her eyes, her touch softened for me and the way she couldn't stop checking up on me, it was as if she thought I was going to disappear. The opium was staring to leave my system before she traced my face, my hair and my arms down to my hands…and I know what she did when she thought I was sleeping and her gentle touch only proved it more.

After she had slept by my side with her hand wrapped around my arm the first thing she did was to make a huge spread for breakfast. In fact I could directly hear her panicking about not having enough food for me even though she had made more than what I had consumed since she left. I also couldn't help but notice how she was putting her care into all of this and I also noticed that she had made all of my favourites from my father's mansion with a lot more sweetener than he ever allowed into our meals, which I was eternally grateful for. She did everything on her own without needing any help at all which was a rare skill that hardly existed in my world. I then watched her strip naked to bathe…and I had to hold my own hands over my mouth so she couldn't hear me gasp in shock as I saw large gashes run across her back. Yeon hadn't just suffered from normal work punishments…she had been downright tortured. Seeing that hurt me more than when she had her fits or when she was ridiculed by everyone in the village…this made me see red. I had such a hard time acting like everything was ok once I woke up again but I still continued to watch her so I could make my decision on what to do next. The way she dressed and made herself up completely captivated me, especially the way she did her hair. I felt at peace being by her side, knowing that she wasn't desperate to flee from me like everyone else was. I felt at peace knowing I was with somebody who wasn't materialistic, who didn't know what it mean to hold malicious intent, to be greedy or to use people at all. She kept her distance from people but she gave her heart and soul for the ones in her life just like I did . She had a massive heart like I did…but she was running away from love; she was so frightened of it as if it couldn't be real, like she didn't deserve it or believe it could come her way at all. She had no idea about the impact that she had had on my life or how deep my love her for ran in my blood, as if it needed oxygen to breathe.

She cleaned my weapons, she fed my horse, she laid out my clothes besides hers, she fed me and even had to cleanse up a few times as I was trying to get sober. This was a hard habit to kill but the state she was in when she saw me there and helped tidy me up put a huge damper on that urge to go back there. And when I opened my eyes she couldn't hide her relief which only lasted until after she had fed me breakfast by hand. After I had entirely sobered up she proceeded to use the silent treatment against me. She helped me with my work and reports when it came in but as soon as it was time for her to work she left without a word. I grabbed her by the arm to stop her but she once again gave me that defiant look that I wasn't used to and just told me to make myself at home while I worked. For as long as I knew her I had never seen before…and I wasn't used to it at all. I could barely look at her in the eyes at first and I just fumbled about nervously as if I was a child being left on my own for the first time, and I couldn't seem to break out of this new habit I had around her until she finally approached me with a curious look on her face. "Why did you come here? And how did you find me?" I felt my heart racing as I tried to examine her face before I answered her, so much so that I unknowingly took her face into my hands. After everything I had unwillingly put there through, she didn't look disgusted by my presence or even my touch, in fact she took my hands into her's and warmed it up like it was a reflex for her. I ignored the tears that were streaming down my face and I brushed her hair away a little bit before answering her "because you belong to me, just like i told you that night in the inn."