Chapter 124: Kkumgwa Yamang (Dreams and Ambitions)

"My Lord..." "Hwa-Wol..." "I'm sorry...Seon-Ho. Before I show you everything that Yeon has sent me, can I confide in you some concerns that I have?" "Oh?" "I am not educated as Yeon is neither am I as intelligent as the rest of you. I have been raised in this brothel ever since my mother passed away, unlike Hui-Jee, her mother educated her before she passed away. However, there are some connections that I cannot seem to shake off. I want your opinion on some things that may in actually, affect us all later on in life..." "Of course." "But...about my reward for helping you..." " I understand, you are a sincere kiseng who would not accept money from me no matter what you did. No matter, I already have another way to repay you from your help. But...." "But?" "You are more aware of my relationship with Hui-Jee than anyone else, so I cannot rely on her help." "What other concern do you have?" "In order to keep Yeon by my side, it will requite some force or pressure. But I have been thinking about her disappearance right after I asked for her hand, and something does seem off to me. Yeon wouldn't leave without a trace unless she was determined to hide something from me since I cannot seem to find her at all. What power does she possess for her to suddenly become invisible?" "You think she must have someone's help in hiding from you? Like the prince?" "Only you can tell me that." "But?" "Like I said, I might have to force her for some time. And if she doesn't change her ways after marriage, then she might have more plans in the future." "So you want me to keep an eye on her even after marriage?" "If you would please do so to ease my mind. She didn't confide in me about my own family issues because of how much it would affect me, and it has. If she has run away and is still hiding things from me, then that can only mean that she is hiding either more things about me from myself, or she is hiding things about her family that she doesn't want me to know, and I have no idea why that would be since I know everything else about their family." "I think so too. While she kept coming here behind your back, she was always very worried about you. If you were eating well, sleeping well, if you were treated properly in the palace or not, if your father was given you a hard time..." "I have read her letters and diaries, but I think women confide in each other much more than what they write down. Tell me everything Hwa-Wol, so I can know how to better protect her. And her brother."

I was smiling at Hwa-Wol outwardly but I still couldn't help but to shed a tear or two after what she had just told me. Yeon was worried about me? Then why did she hide mo much from me? Why hasn't she confided in me ever since everything was already over? Wha on earth was she hiding from me now? Why didn't she want to be found? Why wasn't she checking on me like she used to? Why was't she coming up with 100 excuses to be around me like she used to? I looked around the brothel before I entered Hwa-Wol's bedroom and indeed a lot of the women flocked to me before I shoved them off of me. Why? Didn't I always crave the world's attention and affection? Didn't I dream of the day when women would stop harshly turning away from me and start vying for my attention? Now due to the damage that my father and birth circumstances, I had found out that I never again would be able to open myself up to someone I didn't know or trust. I couldn't even smile around them and I was beginning to absolutely detest women touching me and flirting with me. Because they didn't smell like her, they weren't as warm as her and no matter what schemes Yeon had done, she still had a gentle, sweet and patient nature to her that somehow gave me all the confidence that I needed. And the respect that she gave me made me feel like a real man for the first time in my life. So of course I wasn't going to let Yeon showcase her abilities and give other man any opportunity to take her away from me. And if even a prince from the palace started to court her since she was still a hot topic of conversation in the village, I wasn't going to let anybody off, not even Yeon herself. Just the thought of other men even looking at her the way they did with these kisengs was enough to set me off in a blind rage...

I knew what I was doing when I put in all of my efforts into finding Yeon, at least I thought it did. But I had to admit that finding out the girl...woman that I threw up alongside with was actually a lot more capable than even I could imagine for her own sex was putting me in a really dark mood, and it was hard to see any way I could stop constantly thinking about her unless I met her as soon as I could. Yeon was smart, and not even the girls knew where Yeon was exactly, but she was still sending them updates of what she was doing, how her life was and how much she loved the lessons that she was being given. At first I was beyond frustrated with how happy she sounded without even mentioning my name once. I took all the letters and everything else with me and in return I had a surprise waiting for Hwa-Wol in a few days time in Ihwary for her reward.

With the job that I was offered in the palace in the office of censors after this disaster relief plan was finally over, was most definitely a high position in in not just the palace, but society as a whole. Compared to being an average general inspector with a powerful father who humiliated me at every turn and was most definitely not shy in showing his nepotistic nature without hesitation, I had everything I could have dreamt of and more every single day I was under Nam-Jeon's thumb. I was already surprised that the King of this nation would keep me so close to him and actually grant me the privileges of have prover audiences with him. At first, I did suspect that he himself was getting tired of my father's tyrannical power hungry antics and he was trying to use me against him to put him down. So in actuality, my father's plot against the Seo's brought about his own downfall. But I had absolutely no idea what Yeon said or did to actually improve our relationship, because I now had a say in the imperial decrees that the King wanted to pass on. As a general inspector I had no chance to change the way that things were done, especially with how badly my father embraced me. I had to monitor government administration to people who either bribed their way our of the crimes they committed or I had to take action on the poor lowborn who were either paid off to take on the crimes of the higher class or they were framed for it. My father made me a general inspector without experience and I know he wanted me to toughen up and start accepting his world where lowborn were only seen as scapegoats for the noble class, but it made me entirely sick to my stomach and it only motivated me to take down my father even more and follow the Seo's into the lowborn world were they had more freedom than any other noble person that I had seen. I had not even the slightest hope of advancing public moral and Confucian customs, I couldn't't even dream about redressing the grinches of the lowborn class since I was always delegated to doing paperwork as much as my superiors could make me. They would get to be a part of all of the action, deliver their own twisted version of justice and take all of the fake credit of being hero's that caught criminals. But the two offices overlapped, and now that I was in a high position where I had a say about the general state of affairs, I had a golden opportunity in front of me to get my own personal revenge and the revenge of the other lowborn who were victimised in the justice system that were supposed to protect them. The two offices commonly overlapped when they sought to reverse the King's decision and there were many a noble family backing up each office and member of staff. So I had to be careful about this, but the temptation was far too great to overthink this. Every single noble family who has treated me like a filthy lowborn who stole his dead brother's place was going to taste my new power whether they wanted to or not. Yeon had opened my eyes in this respect; she patiently waited for revenge against my father for 4 years and not only did she execute it flawlessly, she even humiliated my father and got away without a mark on her name.

"....don't we have work to do? Why are you still mulling over that lowborn's girls letters obsessively? She hasn't mentioned you once at all and..." "You don't get it." "And what exactly is it that I don't understand?" "Every noble person has to work on their calligraphy extensively until they all look alike. Yeon has had no schooling, and yet all of her characters and her style of writing is so similar to mine that one wouldn't be able to tell the difference if I wrote these or she did." "So what?" "Me, that is the point. Yeon has copied my writing style, she sent a personal essay that I wrote about my old office that landed me into a new one, she stayed by my side even though she knew what I was doing to her brother..." "Ok ok, I get it, the girl has been obsessed with you since she met you, the entire village knows this. Why are you getting so excited about it now?" "Forget it, you will not understand it. Come over here Sung-Rok, and let us discuss business together." "Finally." "You have a solid reputation in the general inspector office as a cutthroat who isn't afraid in the least to go against his superiors. This is exactly what I was counting on when I gave you my position." "My so-called colleges go out of their way to avoid me now, but they cannot do anything to me since I have your backing. And I have been more effective in their work, even more than the seniors so they can't do anything to me." "Are you enjoying the work?" "It plays up to my nature, you know this more than anyone." "Are you looking for a senior position?" "I..." "I have a plan Sung-Rok, and i may need your help with it. I already gave you your freedom, but I did tell you that I might need your help here and there." "For what exactly?" "Well..." "Don't tell me you are thinking of carrying out your dead father's mission when you had the Seo's lives in your hands?" "Do I sound crazy?" "Don't tell me that your obsessing over your father and you want to do everything he wanted you to do as some twisted form of..." "Good god no, I haven't lost my mind to that extent. Yet." "No of course, you are just an extremely petty person who has spent his whole life getting revenge for the smallest of grievances by manipulating others. And now you have me to do it for you." "Well..."

I couldn't help it, that was just how I was. Before my father laid out his plans for me by exploiting his nepotistic nature since his brothers had risen to power long ago, I could only silently go after those who had tortured me, bullied me or even worse, neglected me all together as if I did not exist at all, or rather like I didn't have the right to at all. After my precious days out with the Seo's, I would stalk my enemies at night and wreak havoc upon their households by breaking in, taking their luxury items and distributing them anonymously amongst the lowborn that lived near the Seo's. Unfortunately, I could not give them anything directly in case any investigations lead the authorities straight to them. I quickly looked over Yeon's letters that I still had in front of me, and I couldn't help but lightly stroke the paper and think back to all of the times I couldn't wait to come home from the filthy office of general inspectors just to catch a glimpse of Yeon or to come up with some kind excuse to keep her in my office so I could gaze upon her to my heart's content. Her presence gave me such peace that I alway smell myself harden up in her absence and I was sick of it.

"So...what's the plan?" "Bring over that jug of wine and the glasses, we have much to discuss."