1 Just another day in paradise

Nefretiri

Smack!

The slap hitting my face echoes in my ears before the pain can register. The force is so brutal that I fall face down onto the ground. But it's not over. Lifting his leg, he kicks me repeatedly in the ribs until the sound of a crack makes him stop. How many did he break this time? Two, maybe three? The pain is more than I can handle, and an unwelcome gasp escapes my lips.

Out of instinct, I curl up into a ball, my back exposed. I'm convinced I'll scream when he strikes me again, but somehow I don't. Refusing to give him the satisfaction of winning, even though I know it'll be over if I give him what he wants. Maybe it's stupid to keep fighting, but my pride won't allow me to give in. Gods, was this what my life had become?

No one deserved this. I knew that, so why did I let it happen? Why did I let him treat my life like shit when I knew I deserved to be treated better? I knew the answer, but I couldn't admit it. Did that make me a coward? Yes, of course, it did.

The fight wakes the baby, and she starts screaming from her bassinet in the living room. I want to comfort her, but that's dangerous. In less than a week, I've learned that lesson all too well. Ricky doesn't care if she gets hurt. His flesh and blood and he didn't blink an eye or say he was sorry. It's almost like he doesn't care if she lives or dies.

"I work all fucking day! Then, I come home early and find you asleep instead of doing your job! How many times have I told you? I go to work, make money and pay the bills. Then, you have to clean the house and take care of the baby!" The way he's screaming, you'd think he found me in bed with another man, but like he said, I fell asleep. "Are you stupid, or are you deaf? Do you think I enjoy this? That I like coming home to do your job on top of mine? That I have to beat you so, you'll actually listen!"

I don't move or speak. If I do, he'd probably make things worse. Nothing I can say will be correct, so I make myself as terrified looking as possible, even though what I feel isn't fear. I can't show him what I'm thinking or say what I wish I dared to say. If I did that, he'd kill me.

"Answer me, Diana! Do you think I'm going to go easy on you? Are you fucking out of your mind?" He grabs the middle of my hair and pulls me up by it, making it impossible to get away. "You'll fucking clean every inch of this house before I come back. Do you understand me? If you think I'm joking this time, I have no problem burying you in the backyard and replacing you. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes." That's all I manage to say to him, unable to stop the tears that fall, but they're not from pain or anything else but anger. I've only been home three days from the hospital. Penelope was born a week ago, and I was supposed to be his perfect housewife.

"Good, don't bother with food. I'll eat out." Ricky lets go of my hair, and I collapse on the ground again, but he doesn't leave it there. Instead, he leaves my leg in utter agony with a hard kick. "And Diana, if you're thinking of leaving, it better be by swallowing your tongue because you can't leave this house without the code."

With that threat in the air, I hear him walk away. Then, the sound of him punching in the door code before storming out. However, I don't move. Only when I'm sure, he's left. I made that mistake before, and he's returned for another round. This was my life almost every day. I could count on getting hurt and swallowing the pain from the man who was supposed to love me no matter what.

The truth is, he played me, and I fell for it. There was no way he could ever love me. How could he when he couldn't love his own child? Or himself? But I'd fallen for those dark brown eyes, thinking they were kind and full of love. Only to find that they were malicious and cruel. Aren't you supposed to be happy together when you say I do?

It takes me a minute to get up, but I limp to the bassinet and pick Pen-Pen up in my arms, rocking her gently in an attempt to soothe her. If you looked at her, you'd never imagine such a tiny thing could scream like she does. 

"It's okay, Pen-Pen. Mommy's here. We're okay now. He's gone." somehow, I keep my voice even, but it's taking what willpower I have left. In response to my voice, Penelope's eyes turn from dark ocean blue to an even darker forest green, giving off a slight glow. "Don't let your dad see that, honey. Or our secret is blown."

I don't think Ricky understands how close to breaking I am, or maybe he does, and that's what he wants. My husband doesn't give a shit what I left behind for him or the sacrifices I've...

That doesn't matter. The past is that, and why should I care? No one else does.

Penelope's eyes glow a little brighter, and I feel the pull of magic coarse through me in response. Turning from hazel to silver and gold. This is the biggest thing of everything I have to hide from Ricky. Unlike so many in the world, I know something people think is make-believe and belongs in books and theme parks. The supernatural world is real. There is magic, and mythical creatures are real. But, unfortunately, I don't know how I know all that or where my magic comes from. Still, Penelope and I are sorceresses, and I can never trust Ricky with that fact.

The magic becomes too much for Pen-Pen to handle, and they turn back to blue before she falls asleep. She'll sleep for hours if I let her, and maybe I should. So, I set her back in her bassinet, forcing myself to go to the bathroom to see how bad the damage is this time. It's worse than other times. Dark bruises were already forming on my cheek and eye. He's split my lip, and that's all just on my face. 

"Damn it!" The woman sobbing back at me from the mirror is someone I know all too well. She isn't someone who laughs and smiles, and she's forgotten everything that made her who she once was. This woman is a shadow, and I live her life. "I can't do this anymore!"

Knowing something is real isn't the same as having faith in things. I don't believe in anything anymore. Not in magic, friends, or family. What was the point when all that could be taken away from me? He even took my mother from me. She died a few months ago, but I hadn't spoken to her because he'd taken my phone. So I found out when he came home and let me know I'd missed the funeral. You'd think he'd let me mourn her, but he didn't. Instead, he told me I needed to be strong for the baby and that my mother had abandoned me long ago and wasn't worth my tears. It was just another thing to resent him for, another cruelty I forced myself to live with.

There's no one else in the world who can help me. I am alone. So, my options are limited. Besides, I can't leave him... the reasons why don't matter. I just... can't.

With a frustrated yell that should've woken Penelope up, I do the most reckless thing I can think of doing. I cast a spell. Sadly, I've become very good at it in the past few years. The bruises fade so my makeup will cover them, and the pain in my leg and ribs lessens enough for me to stand straight. But, unfortunately, it's not enough. I'm not entirely healed, and now I have a bigger problem.

"Stupid!" I scold myself, holding my stomach as it growls in anger. Magic has one unbreakable rule. There is always a price to pay. If you choose to use it, you pay for it.

It wasn't even worth it, but what could I expect? I'm not powerful.

Almost like my body was moving of its own accord, I ran to the kitchen, looking for anything I could eat. There are no leftovers, and all the snacks have his name. It's not that I don't eat, I do, but it's only what Ricky says I'm supposed to have, and only three portioned meals a day. He's allowed to eat whatever he wants, and my eyes spot the cake he bought himself yesterday—chocolate with a thick glossy frosting on top. Without thinking about it, I take it and tear the seal open. Eating the whole thing like I have an eating disorder before chugging a gallon of apple juice, one of my favorites, down before falling to my knees. 

"Fuck!" Now I'd really fucked up. Knowing my luck, Ricky would come home looking for his cake, and I'd have to tell him I ate the whole thing. That would turn into another beating, and I don't know if I can do it. Not this time, not today. I'm breaking, I feel it in my soul, and if it wasn't for the fact I had the baby, I might do something I can't undo.

So, now, what do I do?

"Keep it together, Nefretiri," That's another thing he took from me—the right to my actual name. Yes, my middle name is Diana, but I haven't been allowed to use my first name since I met Ricky. He said it was too hard for people to understand and pronounce.

'Stupid, you're so stupid.' My mind scolds, and I try to ignore it, but it won't let me. 'You shouldn't have done it!'

It was true. I pushed the boundaries of what was safe. So often with things I could avoid, but I think if I did everything Ricky wanted me to do, I'd lose my soul. So more times than I'd like to admit, this reckless, stupid, stubborn woman takes over me. She defies Ricky in ways that could kill me, but I do them anyway.

Like right now, when I look up at the clock on the wall, it isn't that late, and whether I liked it or not, I needed to replace the cake and get some supplies to patch myself up. If I don't do those things soon, it'll be too late to try, and I'll have to live with the consequences.

'You'll have to live with the consequences if you leave this house!'

'I don't care.' 

There are two problems with my half-thought-out plan. First, Ricky took all my money except for my hidden stash; the nearest store is an hour's walk away from here. If I hurried, I could get there and back before Ricky got back and get some extra food for myself. The magic was still killing me, demanding more sustenance. I shouldn't. I know I need to stay put, but there's this pulling sensation in my body yelling at me to go.

With a defeated sigh, I get up and walk to the nursery. I can't change my mind. There isn't enough time to second guess. So, I change into a long sleeve shirt to hide the bruises along my arms, but it's off the shoulders and silky so that I can breathe. New Mexico isn't the state you want winter clothes for. Especially in summer, tight jeans to hold my leg in place and sneakers. This isn't boot weather, either.

I'm paranoid about Ricky finding any money I manage to get. Sometimes when he's away for days, I help my neighbor, Mrs. Veron, in her garden, and she pays me for it, but if I'm not careful, Ricky goes through my wallet and takes everything I have. I didn't hide the hundred and fifty this time, and it's all gone. So, I'm forced to take the money from the jewelry box, which I hate doing. If he knew I still had this, he'd destroy it like he did everything else, but I've hidden it well. The past is forbidden, and to have any piece of it is punishable. 

It's only sixty dollars, but it'll have to be enough. Before I close the box, I see something I haven't worn in a while. A pendant on a chain with a black wolf on it. I made it a long time ago, and it's worthless, but it's always been lucky for me. I may need a little luck today.

We go out the back. Ricky thinks I don't know the codes for the doors, but I learned them when he first set them up. He thinks he keeps the cage locked, but my defiance found a way to get around it. I could run, pack what little I have, and leave at any point, but I never do. It isn't that I love him anymore. How can you love a man who treats you like a worthless pet?

Looking at the house before we started walking, I thought today wouldn't go as I thought. I can't explain how I know or where the feeling comes from, but it's there.

'Go back inside then. Change your mind, and don't go.' 

No, I can't do that. It's about anything other than the cake or even the bandages I need. But, if I don't do this, Ricky wins again, and another piece of me dies with that round. Someone once said my stubbornness could change the course of the rivers.

With my headphones in and music blasting, I push the stroller along the sidewalk, going as quickly as my fucked up leg allows. But it takes me twice as long to get to where we're going, and I curse myself for not considering that the pain would make me want to stop every few feet. Fuck, that means it'll take me longer to get back too. What if he comes back early? What then?

The music helps a little, drowning out the other sensations in my body, but when love songs start to play, a worse pain bubbles to the surface: Heartache, rejection, betrayal. I have to skip song after song about everything Ricky's done to me. But at least I'm in the store's parking lot now. 

"Depressing." I sigh when another love song plays. Why did I have so many of those on here? 

I'm getting so distracted by the cheap MP3 player that  I'm not paying attention to where I'm going. 

Crash!

Oh no! I just slammed into something. Looking up, I'm mortified to find that I crashed the stroller into someone's truck!