24 Growing up.

Dear me,

Some times growing up is realizing dad didn't hit you because he knows mom would have him arrested instantly. Growing up is realizing you're a toxic person who doesn't know how to change and doesn't know how to help themselves. Growing up is realizing that just because you've found your soulmate it does not mean you'll never be depressed again. Growing up is also realizing you're considered one of those psychology obsessed girls who can't be helped because they're always reading poetry and have their earbuds in 24/7 and learns all they can about psychology. Growing up is realizing why you're depressed when you have no reason to be depressed.

Personally I hate school and summer, sure I've left the house a few times, sure I play games and am on FaceTime with the love of my life all day everyday. But personally after covid being stuck in the house all day is just annoying and it brings back memories that aren't pleasant. I think about the coming school year a lot and I'm not really excited. I don't have anyone close to talk to and honestly I'm not excited to try and make new friends.

Cause recently I've either lost them because of my toxic behavior or because they're a dude and they had a thing for me and then ditch me because I rejected them cause I'm taken.

But I promised I'd try and make at least one new real life friend this coming year just for the sake of my sanity. Unfortunately I don't think lover boy is coming to my school this year and that just makes me dread the whole year even more.

I'm not ready for school, I'm not ready for the stress, the anxiety, being alone, being too broke and being forced to eat the barley edible school food. I'm not ready to deal with every stoner or wannabe gangster that calls girls bitches for fun to be in basically all of my classes. Honestly with how things are going freshmen year was much easier (I barley passed but fuck at least I had friends you know).

Whatever, I'll try my best but God knows I'll barley survive once again.

~tomie