1 A Gambler’s Death

"LUCKY 7s! Congratulation to our esteemed customer for hitting the Jackpot…" A robotic female voice kept on looping the same words over and over again. It would have been amazing if that voice were coming from the slot machine I was currently playing, but the reality is harsh.

The person who was jumping in joy of hitting the jackpot was happening three machines away. The onlookers, including me, cannot help but look in envy at the flashing lights indicating a big haul of money. Some even moved closer to see his luck, or maybe they wanted a piece of the pie and ask few coins so they can try on their side.

This was a common sight for the people who live their life in the casinos. I have grown accustomed to this sad culture of these people who are looking for an easy way out of life. I do not know when this became the norm throughout my daily routine, but I hate myself for still being tempted to pour more money into the slot machine who has not been good to me since these past two weeks.

"Maybe it is time to move spot again."

I have decided that my luck was not on these machines today, so I went away before the devil whisper in my ears again. I gave the lucky man of today my regards that he will not succumb to the temporary pleasure of winning the jackpot.

"No luck again today, Bry?" A well-groomed man asked for my attention.

"Same as usual. I can't help but doubt your suggestions already Mister. It has already been two weeks and that machine gave nothing but negative winnings every day."

"That's weird… It's unusual for a machine to have zero big winnings for a month straight. Maybe you're just that unlucky."

Jack Ryan or how people call him here, Mister, is a famous dealer situated on the blackjack table because of his good looks. He is a friend of mine or not. I am not really sure how I can consider him to be because he is the only person here who I talk to every time I visit the casino.

He gives me a lot of advice like the slot machines who are supposedly going to pay out big soon or even tips on winning on every game available in this casino. However, his advice only works one out of ten times.

I pick up an empty seat that Mister's table was handling and place all the remaining chips I have left.

"You're going home early today?" A genuine confused expression appeared on his face while he was shuffling the cards.

"Why do you expect that I will lose everything on this table? I'm having my refill of chips before I head towards the roulette. I can feel my luck calling me there."

"If you say so… But I hope your luck is also telling you to pay your dues. They're only letting you off the hook because they gave me face."

He is really my friend for being concerned for me although his tone sounds like he was annoyed that my debt towards this casino is only increasing. Usually, casinos do not accept any loans or that kind of thing when customers decide to play because of obvious reasons.

It is only through Jack's connection that he was able to let me meet up with the people behind the scenes and enable me to borrow some money on their behalf.

It was difficult convincing them by my promises of giving them twice of what I am about to borrow to continue my livelihood, but only when I accepted a contract of handling my land and properties given to me by my parents did they consider my investment.

At that time, I was sure that it was a good investment on my part because I can easily win five times the amount of what I promise them to give. I was planning to buy a vacation house in Bali while I am living the dream in Los Angeles.

All of it cannot be seen today. The due date of my loan is coming tomorrow, and the casino people's patience was already rock bottom when it comes to me. I was hoping I can win big today and pay for everything tomorrow, but I know that I was only lying to myself… Like how I am lying for the past three years.

"Oops, I guess you're going home early today Bry." The dealer who placed his last card bear the bad news.

I looked at the cards on the table and yet I felt nothing from losing all of my chips. I guess that is what you get when you keep on losing every single night. This attitude of optimism is the only positive thing I can say I earned during these past years of constant losing.

While I have an existential crisis on my end, a female customer with heavy make-up was already annoyed waiting for me to move away from the seat and have her turn. Mister has already bid his farewell with the usual smile on his face, but it contains a cold and expecting feeling.

"Don't forget the occasion tomorrow." Those are probably the last words I will hear in this casino.

The guards waiting at the exit were especially humble today and welcomed me thoroughly to leave their building. 'Pft~ I am not that much of an idiot to think they are being nice to me. I already know that you are all expecting me for tomorrow.'

Loud noises and blinding lights, the road that I have been using for almost every day is more vivid than what I remembered it to be. The colorful neon signs which have lost their dazzle on my eyes for I do not know when, have returned. And I feel nothing but joy walking down the street towards my home.

"This must be true happiness. Only when everything is lost can you appreciate the world."

Any outsider must be thinking that I won a big Jackpot today when leaving the casino with all my smiles. Little did they know, I do not care about what they see because I want to share this happiness with my family.

***

"You trash of a husband and father who can only think nothing but gambling!" A sharp slap resounded the dim room.

"I have heard that you gave up this place just for your pleasure in the casino. Is that how you repay your father by giving his last memory to the casino?! I cannot but thank the Lord God that your parents already passed away so they can't see what their bastard of a son has become!"

The slap was still hurting my face yet what was more painful was my daughter's stare at the corner of the room.

"Mama, don't fight. Please forgive father. I know he won't do it again." A sorrowful plea by an innocent child echoed which only pricked my heart more.

"That will not happen this time, Natalie. From this day forward, forget you have a father. We are leaving this house and live with your grandparents."

The cries of my daughter become louder and louder but all I can do is bite on my own lip and keep all my thoughts in myself. My four-year-old daughter has really grown to the point I barely recognize her already.

'I'm really an asshole of a dad for ignoring and not looking after my daughter through these years even though we are still living in the same house. And I'm an awful husband who can only ask for money from my wife. Now that I think about it, I'm just a horrible person all in all.'

The mother and daughter are still having a conversation. Thankfully, my wife has lost her bad temper and began consoling our daughter with a mellow voice. This scene in front of me was the epitome of a good family, a family without me. That is why I am in full support that they remove me from their lives and live on their own.

Only that I cannot say it out loud because I am afraid that the things that will be coming out of my mouth will hurt them more.

"What happened to you, Bryan… The man I married is very much different from the man I am looking at today… The man who accompanied me through the night of my labor and collapsed after touching his daughter for the first time is very much different from the man who collapses from drinking too much. Why Bryan? Why?"

Now two of my supposedly irreplaceable people in this world are crying for my sake. The pain and sorrow that I have felt during the continuous losing streak of the past three years in the casino cannot be compared to what I am feeling today. Watching them while I have no capability to do anything makes me want to die and wish them the best from above or most likely below.

"I'm sorry Bryan, but… I cannot do it anymore. For my sake and for our daughter's sake."

"Yea, I understand." It was only those words I can mouth out while I watch my wife who carried our daughter who lost consciousness after crying too much. No more words were exchanged after that, and I expect I will not be seeing them anytime soon.

"DAMN IT!!!" I punched the wall until it was painted with red from the bleeding it resulted.

Hearing a car leaving this house, I went to the kitchen and looked for the medicine that is keeping me afloat for a lot of days. I rummage through everything with anger and self-loathe like I would be dying if I do not find it.

When I finally saw green bottles which I am sure my wife hid because it is not where it was supposed to be, I finally let out a weak smile. Popping the cork and chugging what is left on its content, it was until the third bottle before I laid down on the cold yet clean kitchen floor.

Smashing the empty bottle and reaching out for the fourth and the last one, I bit through the cork with my bare teeth. Without a clear mind, I accidentally broke the top of the bottle and the shards have penetrated my gums to the point I tasted the iron coming from my own blood. However, none of it matters because all I can think of was drowning myself with alcohol.

"I hope they have a good life…"

'The hell am I hearing?' A silent yet clear voice is echoed inside my brain.

"I have been gambling and drinking too much that even in my way to purgatory, all I can hear is the ball rolling in a roulette table."

"Is this my consciousness speaking? I have never rejected to play, but I guess before I leave this world, I should do what I should have done many years ago… Reject playing."

"Hah. Mister has told me the same thing as much as I can count… I reject."

"This thing is persistent. I said no"

"I said no."

<Really?>

"No!"

"No! No!"

I do not know how long I kept rejecting the strange voice in my head, but it still keeps on going. It does not even seem strange to me what was happening.

"I don't know how long you've been saying last time, last time. You're just like me when playing those damn slot machines."

< How about you pay tribute for your gambling habits for the last time by playing our Roulette>

"Fine! I will play your goddamn roulette. Happy now?!"

"This bi-"

"What the hell! This is a losing game, where are the red and black or odd and even?!"

"This is stupid. Just go with 0 or something."

<0 has been chosen. May the God of Luck be on your side… Ting~ ting~>

While the voice inside my head was creating its own background music, a familiar roulette appeared out of thin air like magic without any tricks. Looking at the roulette, the only difference this time is that numbers 1-36 are all in black while 0 is the only one in green. I can't help but smirk when remembering how many times I lost in this game. Now the odds are lesser, it looks more stupid and stupid and only people who want to lose will play this game.

"By the way, what do I win here?"

<System: Right, I forgot to tell you. If your number is picked, you will have the chance to reincarnate for the next life with me, the Amazing System>

"Reincarnate?"

<System: Not only reincarnate but reincarnate with me the Amazing System. If you have chosen to decline a while ago you will not only reincarnate without your memories, but you will have lost the chance of having the Amazing System. Just imagine how much loss will that be?>

"Yea yea, I'll play with you here and pretend that reincarnation is real and the Amazing System is so amazing that I will play this stupid game even though I did not have the choice to simply not play this game. So what if I lose?"

<System: Simple, your soul will have a VIP ticket towards the eternal damnation in our Leisure chamber... Or you people call it hell, netherworld, abyss, underworld, etc…"

"Wait! What did you say? I did not sign up fo-"

<System: Ting! Ting! The ball has landed>

"What- NO!"

<System: CONGRATULATION! The ball has landed on 0 and our user Bryan Millan has won the Amazing System for his next life. Please claim your prize after your death>

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