1 Ad Meliora

It must have been near six o'clock the next morning when my alarm rang beating my head with its striking tones, I took a glass of cold water that was left yesterday and drank it straight, the cold sensation woke me from my lucid, and I came swimming and swaying to my alarm. When I looked at it. it was still as a statue. The striking tones was not from the alarm, it was the door that beat non-stop and I came to the door and stuck my head out.

"What do you want!" I demanded without any civilities, or even looking.

"Well look Arthur, Boss wants the job done in…" Joe looks at his watch "Twelve o'clock, So here I am." Joe stood, looking like a vampire that just woken from slumber, eyes all black, and hair wrinkling waiting for a reaction

"Twelve o'clock huh.." I mummers and kept repeating it until.. "Twelve Fucking o'clock!" I threw the door opened and pushes Joe instantaneously. "Do you see what clock is it!" pointing my finger to Joe's watch "Six Bloody o'clock! so let me ask you again." moving closer to him. "Let me ask you again… what are you doing here?"

He stood, all sweating. Not managing to make a sound.

"Speak up Joe!" I demanded

"Weeellll.. He said.. the boss wanted—"

"Ah.. Sush your mouth!" I said in a more positive tone "Come back again later, at ten or eleven o'clock O.K.?"

Joe nodded and I smash the door right at him. I then stroll and look out to a window and thought it's going to be another day, so I dressed, and went down to get some food at the canteen.

The canteen was the same for all, dirty and muddy. I sits at a table then came my fellow brother and take the surrounding chair near me. I did not embrace them or shack their hands, and went on eating my instant 10 cent meals.

"Arthur, the job—" said the gents in front of me

"To hell with it, I won't take no jobs today." I cut in "Tell the 'Boss', my friend, to cut me some slack!"

"Well, if you wish of that, so be it. But.."

"Do whatever you want Gummy, cause it seems you do that often. Like when you beat your girl." I said taunting him, one of the gents surrounding.

A gush of blood ran across Gummy face and his face turn red, he jerk forward and whisper with a tense voice "Look Artie, I'll tell that to Boss, but if you want to have a go here, now. I'll be glad to."

I smile sardonically and said "Cool off Boy. I'm

ordering you to It."

He nearly snap before Fat Joe took him held and back, and said "Ok we'll do." Then while still holding Gummy they retreated elsewhere. I had hope that Gummy Boy to snap, right here and now! but nothing happened and so I gulp my meal, drank my coffee and leave for class, second later the bell rang and everybody sprang on their feet.

I got to class, search for my sit and place my butt carefully in the wooden oak chair and sat there till my eye swollen, my head spinning, and butt cram. After class I get to the school bar order a couple of shots, then walk with an empty wallet to my room and just lie there in bed, not moving and just watching the sun rose and fell through cracks in the shade. My room was not the best in the floor, not to mention the dormitory. I wasn't the Student Council, so they aren't bordering themselves with my facility or what so ever. But if I were, I'd already had king size bed with sheet made of silk not sandpaper, TV with a thousand channel in it, red velvet carpet which warms at winter and Air conditioner to cools when summer heat comes.

As my chest rose and fell with each breath I took, I could hear the blatting voice of constant arguing from upstairs, next-door and everywhere else, they would just shout and shout non-stop, and occasionally resting before screaming their lungs out. I think this part of the dorm is for student that's being discipline by the Student Councel, and sometimes I'd hear them, voice all cracked and all but defuse by the marching of Scouts. My room being near them quickly gave in to the sound of ground training Scouts. Now and then the Scouts would quack their way to the School slogan like a pair of duckling everytime a session complete.

So I lie there. I could in a sense, lie there as long as I wanted, and just let the picture of things a Gents would like run through his head, Tea, a girl, money, a drink, blue sky and white clouds, and let them slide one another like a set of predetermined film. Maybe things are like a film, predetermined. Everything just falls down perfectly alight to one after the other, watching everything move in a motion that seemed already planned to.

I woke up the next morning, doing the same thing all-over again and when I got to the bathroom, saw myself, and ask? is this life? I knew routines are the very thing kept us alive but is living like this actually consider living? or just being a life? question that has no particular answer revolve around my head until the warm steam ran out and I step out to my room. Got dressed and went to the canteen, ate my meal and then got to class, got back to the school bar and return to my room and lie there again in his bed thinking of what I was thinking the previous night. So I slept and the cycle continues, it was not vyroces. It's was just it, the price for a simple dull, life.

Some days it gotten worst, every emotion seems numb, I just can't quite feel a thing, pain or pleasure. I get up and go to my routine, pull through the day, and then another and another. But sometimes I can barely lift my hand, I stayed in my room, days, weeks, doing nothing, just sitting in the middle of the floor seeing his own reflection on the floor. Then the dreadful days came, I close my eyes but just can't sleep, then loses weight rapidly, lose strength and muscle and all of this happening while conscious.

When I drink, the first glass, relief, I just might feel like making a smile. Then another drink, and I'm a clown, the world is funny and so am i, there is reason to live. Another, and the urge, the desire turns solid. Beautiful emotional warm and safe, I desire to care and to love. When i'm not in the warm hugs of a empty Bottle, the numbness return, nothing enjoys me anymore. But when the warm liquid got in my blood, the world seems lighten, people seems interesting and funny. Yet is the price worth the pay? the small price to pay for relief from living death?

It fear me to face it, just wait and wish it'll just pass. Just get through the day today and tomorrow will be better, it must be. The world seems, not real, all falling backwards to the beginning, spinning and receding away, first slow, then accelerating vertigo, nothing seems real. Then everything became slower, the terror in excruciating slow-motion, even the tiny muscle in my face began to decay. Need something, anything, but what is it?

I wanted to and just fall asleep, till his years are out, but I also could be Ashabul Kahfi. Only I thought that Ashabul Kahfi story was all wrong. It should have been, when we fell asleep for a long time, and suddenly waking up, nothing or whatsoever would had change. No matter how long you slept, it was just the same life and its pieces.

But I didn't get much sleep anymore, fortunately things turn, and one morning he got a telephone, woke me right from bed. It was Joe.