36 Chapter 36: This Venerable One Has Probably Lost His Mind

Without thinking, Chu Wanning reached out to steady Mo Ran. As the two of them stood plastered against each other in the warm spring water, Mo Ran felt a spark run through his entire body as goosebumps crawled up his skin.

Even though he'd already held a near-naked Chu Wanning in the Red Lotus Pavilion, the circumstances at the time had been dire. There had been no time to dwell on the situation, so he hadn't thought much of it.

Now, with one hand against Chu Wanning's chest and the other unconsciously supporting his shizun's waist, their legs tangled together under the water, and with the spring making their skin feel warmer and more slippery, Mo Ran's head all but exploded.

Upon making contact with Chu Wanning… Even though he'd done nothing but touch his waist… His body reacted with the intensity of a rushing river.

"Sh-shizun, I—" Mo Ran frantically tried to get up and away, and in the struggle, his red-hot lower parts made contact with the other man.

Chu Wanning's eyes widened, his beautiful face stricken with horror, and he rapidly backed away. At the same time, the droplet of water that had been clinging to his eyelashes slid into his eye. He grew more and more agitated, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing at them, but he didn't have a bath towel with which to wipe away the water.

"Shizun—u-use mine." Mo Ran's face burned red, mortified to absolute death. Still trying his best to pretend that nothing was wrong, he used his own towel to wipe the water droplets off of Chu Wanning's face.

When Chu Wanning finally opened his phoenix eyes again, he still had a baffled look of distress, under which lay a hint of panic. It only lasted a moment before he quickly forced himself to calm down. He pretended he hadn't felt anything at all. "The fragrance bar," he said tightly. "Pass it to me."

"Oh…oh, okay."

Mo Ran crab walked stiffly to the edge of the pool and picked up the box of fragrance bars sitting on the edge.

"What scent does—does Shizun want?"

"Whichever."

Mo Ran's head swam in a daze. After staring blankly into the box for a long time, he turned back and said with complete sincerity, "There's no scent here called 'Whichever.'"

Chu Wanning sighed heavily. "Plum blossom. And haitang."

"Okay." Mo Ran took two fragrance bars and handed them to Chu Wanning.

As soon as their fingertips touched, Mo Ran experienced another burst of tremors. No matter how badly he wanted to shake off all those memories from the past, it was impossible.

If this had been that past, he would already be fervently entwined with Chu Wanning beside the spring. A vision appeared unbidden before his eyes, of Chu Wanning half kneeling, sprawled on the ground beneath Mo Ran's fiery, ferocious passion. His shizun's eyes were half-lidded and his body trembled uncontrollably as he endured, but was still fucked into his own climax…

Mo Ran was unable to stand it anymore. These carnal desires made his eyes go bloodshot. He didn't dare look at Chu Wanning at all. Even looking at Shi Mei was safer than looking at him.

How…could this be? How could this happen?

Mo Ran quickly finished washing himself and, taking advantage of the fact that the other three were still soaking, said something vague to the effect of "I'm sleepy and will turn in first."

Once Mo Ran got back to his room, he bolted and locked the door. He couldn't take it anymore—he moved to relieve himself of his urges. He didn't want to think about Chu Wanning's appearance at a time like this. He even preferred the idea of soiling Shi Mei's pure image; at least that would be easier for his confused heart to accept.

But neither his body nor his mind would listen, and every sight that flashed before his eyes was that of the past him and Chu Wanning, bound together in passion. It was like this night had unlocked the floodgates, and every single torrid memory rushed back into his mind in a frenzy, racking him with devastating shudders.

Mo Ran treated himself almost roughly, as though he was on top of the other man's body and on the very edge of ruin. He threw his head back, refusing to accept it, yet his breaths came out in muddled gasps and pants. He breathed out a name without realizing it.

"Wanning…"

As he called this name, he let out a stifled grunt, shivering slightly as he came without holding anything back, covering his palm in sticky wetness…

Once he'd finished, Mo Ran leaned over to rest his forehead against the cold wall. His eyes were awash with confusion. Shame, guilt, loathing, arousal. He had never expected he would have such strong reactions to Chu Wanning even after being reborn.

Mo Ran was instantly filled with disgust toward himself. In his past life, he had never attained Shi Mei and had vented all his passion into countless other frivolous relationships. Though he had made those relationships seem like passionate love, none of them had really meant anything to him. With the candlelight extinguished, it was all just sex, all the same, no matter who it was with. Even the way his heart had moved toward Rong Jiu had been because of the man's passing resemblance to Shi Mei.

But the kinds of feelings he'd had toward Chu Wanning had been completely different. He was acutely aware of how much more intense everything had been with Chu Wanning; just thinking about him like that had brought Mo Ran a pleasure more profound than anything he had ever felt with a prostitute. It hadn't been just physical, it had been…

Mo Ran didn't want to continue that line of thought. He was in love with Shi Mei—always had been and always would be. His feelings absolutely wouldn't change.

After repeating this to himself a few times, Mo Ran calmly slowed his breathing, frowned, and squeezed his eyes shut.

He felt anxious, annoyed, and aggrieved all at once. He didn't want this.

When it came to lust, he couldn't help but think of Chu Wanning. When the lust subsided, he didn't want anything to do with Chu Wanning, didn't want to imagine so much as a hair on his head—not even a fleeting look.

Frantically, he thought to himself, almost to the point of paranoia, that the one he liked, the one he loved deeply…was Shi Mei…

Chu Wanning's mind was in a similar state of distress.

Totally unexpectedly, he had seen and, moreover, felt Mo Ran's desire. The young man's body was quite mature in that regard, and was already profoundly overwhelming, so hard and so hot as to be scalding once excited, like hot iron waiting to be forged.

Even though Chu Wanning had quickly molded his face into a blank slate of serenity and refused to bring anything up afterward, the encounter had made his head go numb and filled him with disbelief.

To make matters worse, his own body had reacted as well.

Fortunately, his thin face meant he always wore a bathrobe even in hot springs. It covered his whole body, and so no one had seen a thing. Otherwise, he really wouldn't have been able to show his face again.

But why would Mo Ran…?

As he lay in bed that night, Chu Wanning ruminated quietly for hours. He dared not even imagine that, maybe, Mo Ran also liked him. That sort of thought was entirely too delusional and shameful. Even the cautious thought of "Maybe Mo Ran also likes—"

Chu Wanning furiously pinched himself before he could even finish the thought, before the word "me" could surface in his mind. That pair of clear, bright phoenix eyes flickered as if trying to hide. He didn't dare entertain the whole thought.

Besides, his personality was harsh, he was quick to hit people, his words were venomous, he had a bad temper, and he was nowhere near as attractive as Shi Mei—and on top of all that, he was no longer young. Even if Mo Ran liked men, he wouldn't be blind enough to like Chu Wanning.

To all appearances, Chu Wanning was aloof and haughty. But within, in truth, he'd been treated coldly by others for so long, been feared for so long, that as he walked this long and lonely road, his opinion of himself had slowly crumbled to dust.

After they woke the next day, Mo Ran and Chu Wanning met in the hallway of the inn, both harboring secrets in their hearts. They looked at each other, but neither deigned to speak first.

Ultimately, it was Mo Ran who carried on as if all was normal. He smiled at Chu Wanning. "Shizun."

Chu Wanning was relieved, as he really hadn't known how else to deal with this situation. But as Mo Ran had chosen not to mention anything that had happened the night before, he was perfectly content to go along with it. He nodded once, lightly. "Since you're up, go wake Shi Mei as well. Let's pack and depart for Dawning Peak."

Dawning Peak was covered in snow all year round and exceedingly cold. Even for a cultivator, it was difficult to withstand such frigid weather. Chu Wanning went to a tailor to buy winter cloaks and gloves for his disciples to wear when it got particularly freezing.

The shopkeeper, smoking from her pipe with her scarlet lips as she smiled and welcomed customers, took one look at Mo Ran and said, "What a handsome little xianjun! Look at this black cape with a golden dragon on it; the embroidery is of the highest quality. The eyes alone took me more than three months to complete!"

Mo Ran gave her an embarrassed laugh. "Jiejie's words are very sweet, but I'm just going into the mountains to seek a weapon. There's no need for me to wear something so ornate and formal."

When this prospect failed, the shopkeeper instead took hold of Shi Mei. "Oh, this young xianjun is lovely beyond compare, even more so than the most gorgeous girl in this city! Xianjun, I think this red butterfly and peony cloak would suit you perfectly. How about you give it a try?"

Shi Mei forced a smile. "Ma'am, isn't this a woman's cloak?"

Xue Meng hated shopping for clothes, so he'd refused to come along and was waiting outside. Chu Wanning chose a black cloak with purple trim for him, with white rabbit fur that lined the hood.

"Xianjun, this cloak is a bit small for you," said the shopkeeper. "It would be better suited for a teenager."

"It's for my disciple," Chu Wanning said tonelessly.

"Oh, ooh!" The shopkeeper realized her mistake and quickly smiled. "What a wonderful teacher."

It might have been the first time Chu Wanning had been called a "wonderful teacher." He went still and his face betrayed nothing, but his steps were out of sync when he walked away, right arm moving with right leg and so on for quite a few steps.

Mo Ran ended up choosing an ashen-colored cloak, Shi Mei a moonlight-white one, and Chu Wanning a plain white one, as well as the black cloak with purple trim. After they made their purchases, they went back to Xue Meng.

When Xue Meng saw his cloak, his eyes widened.

"What is it?" Chu Wanning asked, not understanding his reaction.

"I-It's nothing."

When Chu Wanning walked far enough away that Xue Meng thought he couldn't hear, he looked at the trim on the cloak and muttered, "Purple? I don't like purple."21

He didn't expect to hear Chu Wanning's voice say sharply, "Such nonsense. If you won't wear it, you can climb up naked."

Xue Meng fell silent.

They went at a leisurely pace for the last leg of their journey, and before nightfall, they reached the foot of Dawning Peak.

The mountain was rich in spiritual power and home to many beasts and monsters. Even cultivators didn't dare rush up it carelessly unless they were significantly strong.

However, since Chu Wanning was with them, they didn't have to worry about such things. Chu Wanning conjured three Nightglow Haitang Blossoms from thin air, gave them spirit-repelling properties, and tucked them into the belts of his three disciples. "Let's go," he said.

Mo Ran raised his head to look out at the peaks concealed under the veil of night, like a huge, ancient beast crouching deathly still. Myriad emotions poured into his heart.

In the past, it had been on Dawning Peak that he'd declared to the sun and moon, to ghosts and demons, that he, Mo Ran, was no longer satisfied with being Taxian-jun of the cultivation realm and that he was going to declare himself emperor of the entire world.

That same year, he had taken a wife and concubine at Dawning Peak. He still remembered the face of that wife, Song Qiutong, a true unparalleled beauty. From certain angles, her features had strongly resembled Shi Mei's.

Mo Ran wasn't a person who cared much for etiquette or honor, and he hadn't bothered with the tedium of marriage rites. Instead, he had taken Song Qiutong's fine hand and pulled the red-veiled woman up a flight of thousands of stairs. Together they had walked for over an hour.

Eventually, Song Qiutong's feet had hurt too much to go on. Mo Ran had a bad temper and had lifted her veil, intending to yell at her. But, under the light of the moon, Song Qiutong's delicate eyes and her wounded, yet resilient gaze had made her look just like a certain person—one who had long since passed.

Those scathing words had died on Mo Ran's tongue and, after drawing a shaky breath, the words that had finally emerged were: "Shi Mei, I'll carry you."

In terms of seniority, if Song Qiutong had been his peer; she would indeed have been his shimei. So, she had only paused slightly at this term of address, reasoning that since Mo Ran had wiped out the entirety of Rufeng Sect, she was naturally now part of Sisheng Peak. That being the case, it wasn't like it was incorrect for him to call her shimei, so she'd only smiled and said, "Okay."

And so, for the last several thousand steps, Taxian-jun, Master of the Mortal Realm and Lord of the Shadows, had steadily, one foot in front of the other, carried his red-adorned bride to the peak.

There he lowered his head and watched the shape of their shadows twist strangely over the ground and overlap each other. He laughed a little, voice hoarse as he said, "Shi Mei, I'm going to be the Master of the Mortal Realm. From this day onward, no one will be able to hurt you."

The woman on his back didn't know what to say to this. She hesitated a little and finally said, "Mm."

The voice was soft. Perhaps because it was so soft, its femininity was difficult to distinguish, and it sounded muffled and ambiguous.

Not a soul could see Mo Ran's face as his eyes grew red. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I've made you wait for this day for far too long."

Song Qiutong thought that Mo Ran was saying he'd had feelings for her for a long time, so she replied gently, "My husband…"

This time, the undeniably feminine voice came out clear and crisp like morning dew, pleasing to the ear. But Mo Ran's feet jerked to a halt.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." As he started to walk again, Mo Ran's voice lost its hoarse quality and no longer trembled. After a pause, he said, "Just call me A-Ran from now on."

Song Qiutong was caught off guard and didn't quite dare to address Taxian-jun in this way. "My husband, that… I'm afraid…"

"If you don't listen to me, I'll throw you off of this mountain!" Mo Ran snarled, violent and severe.

"A-A-Ran!" Song Qiutong quickly amended her words. "A-Ran, I was wrong."

Mo Ran said nothing else. He lowered his head again, silently walking forward. The shadows on the ground were still only shadows. In hindsight, it was easy to see that was all they had ever been.

The things he had yearned for were nothing more than fantasies.

What he had was nothing more than an illusion.

In the end, it was all just wishful thinking.

"Shi Mei."

"Mn?" The person walking beside Mo Ran turned his head. Amidst the sounds of shifting leaves and rustling grass, the light of the moon illuminated that person's lovely face. "A-Ran, what is it?"

"Are you…tired from walking?" Mo Ran glanced at Chu Wanning and Xue Meng, who were walking in front of them, and whispered, "If you're tired, how about I carry you?"

Before Shi Mei could reply, Chu Wanning turned his head to look back at them. He glared dourly at Mo Ran. "Are Shi Mingjing's legs broken? Does he need you to carry him?"

"Shizun," Shi Mei said hurriedly, "A-Ran was just joking, don't be angry."

Chu Wanning frowned, eyebrows drawing together into a severe expression. Sparks practically flew from his glower. "Ridiculous. What could I possibly be angry about?"

Done speaking, he whirled back around with a flick of his sleeve.

Mo Ran and Shi Mei exchanged a look.

"Shizun seems mad…"

"You know how he is," Mo Ran whispered into Shi Mei's ear. "Super petty. He's all cold-blooded and heartless, and he won't even let other people be nice to each other." He wrinkled his nose and lowered his voice even further, concluding, "He's seriously the worst."

Suddenly, Chu Wanning's voice rang out from in front of them. "Mo Weiyu, one more word, and I'll toss you down this mountain!"

Mo Ran shut his mouth obediently, but he secretly grinned over at Shi Mei and mouthed, See? What'd I say?