4 Chapter 4: The Letter

Henry took another long deep breath to calm his shaking hands before continuing, "It turns out my mother found out about her condition half a year ago and the cause was due to working the past eight years in a factory that produced harmful chemicals and polluted air without much protection since she and many others were just immigrants and nobody cared about their problems. She decided to keep it a secret because she wanted to watch her only son happy and carefree until the day she left this world. I felt so pathetic at that moment that I finally realized that I was just being a man-child until now, never caring about anything as long as there is food on the table nor worrying how my mother is as long as I am happy and thinking she will be happy too. It was only during that moment I realized, deep down I always felt that my mother was compensating me for all the years she left me to suffer. I felt so ashamed of myself to even raise my head in front of the doctor. The doctor who was in charge of my mother passed me an envelope holding a letter my mother prepared for that particular day."

Henry took out an old envelope from his spacesuit again which he kept by his side even when he was sleeping and opened it in what felt like ages. His buddies hovered behind him to catch a glimpse of what the legendary mother wrote for her final moments,

"Dear Henry, my precious son" was the opening of the letter,

"If you are reading this letter, it means my time has come.

I shamelessly ask for your understanding of my selfish decision of not informing you about my illness and condition.

I resolved to be a greedy mother to enjoy and relish my last moments while remembering your happy and carefree face one last time.

I know you have scars deep inside that could not heal with time,

I know you have deep resentment in your heart that makes you boil with anger every time you are reminded of your past.

All the things you suffered during your childhood are just temporary nightmares that will disappear when you wake up.

I have worries and a lot to say but I will just keep it simple so I don't leave you with more shackles than you already have.

I love you son and will always will. I pray that you love yourself and realize that you are a great person.

I wish you a happy and peaceful life.

Yours dearly, MOTHER. "

Everyone took a deep breath and looked at each other while trying hard to keep themselves in check from bawling their eyes out.

Henry had to continue the narration after a lengthy pause that felt like an eternity during the deathly silence, "The last straw of sanity that held me and my mended heart snapped at that moment.

A soldier can either be a general or a cripple after an epic battle, a fighter can either be a winner or a loser after a desperate fight, and a loser can be motivated or discouraged after suffering a loss. I felt like I got all the misfortune, I felt like I became the crippled soldier, the fighter who lost, and the loser who was discouraged. No amount of advice or comfort from my friends can bring me back to the right track. I continued drifting alone in my own darkness. I felt at peace for some time using drugs and continued until I was broke. I could neither find back my motivation nor the courage to change myself, I just felt like eating what I got and sleeping where I can find a quiet place. Homeless life became a sweet paradise for me. Even though I eventually gained back a bit of clarity after two years and no longer felt like doing drugs, it was because I felt it was meaningless to depend on it to find my reason for living. I felt no need to get a job, buy a house, or drive a nice car. And that's why for the next two more years, I just felt good watching the people walking by every day and playing with the stray animals or listening to you guys make a joke or tell stories."

Henry Lookdown at the hard copy of the picture he just received from the robot a while ago with his homeless buddies, "Maybe you're right. Maybe this is the last time I may see you and the last time I share with you my reason for scurrying to the abyss of the unknown. My intention is not just to search and envision my life with the material and flattery gains I will earn," sighed Henry while keeping the picture inside the pocket of the spacesuit and stood up to part with his final aspiring words,

"Let me deflect back your words. That magical and mountainous word called success doesn't faze me one bit. At the end of your journey, success becomes meaningless when you don't have a reason to enjoy it. Cherish your reason to really succeed. There is no greater success than having a reason to do so." Henry finished his words and left for the bathroom to wash his face and clear his mind a bit.

Everyone looked at his lonely figure that was walking away and started questioning themselves if it really is worth it to risk their lives just for a chance to succeed when they may even die before peeking at it.

One of the guys who was taller than everyone questioned while scratching his beard, "All of you keep deflecting back your reasons and whatnot as if this is an SSS class mission or something and we are about to have a death battle with some powerful species. Why do you have to jinx it like that man?"

He continued while sneering at the middle-aged man, "We are not in a stone age era or something. There are many robots and powerful technologies that can warn you thousands of miles away before any danger arrives. You should really try to become an author or teach literature. I bet you can bite success with that HAHAHAHA" He laughed for a while and decided to stop when he realized no one was joining him in his awkward joke.

His buddies just ignored him and continued drowning in their own thoughts. He sighed when he realized his friends were really not in the mood and turned away to make his own preparation.

"Group four, you will be departing to the site of the portal after ten more minutes. Please get ready and prepare to set on.

I repeat. Group four, you will be departing to the site of the portal after ten more minutes. Please get ready and prepare to set on." The speakers finally announced the message every volunteer was waiting for.

Everyone jumped straight at the mention of the notice. They all started getting ready and checking everything in case they missed anything while sending messages to their loved ones one last time. The holographic projection of the timer continued to count above the heads of everyone. "3, 2, 1... 0. Have a safe journey, mighty pioneers."

People lined up in ten groups of 100 people each line and set for the portal to join the three groups of comrades who have left for the uncivilized planet.