Chapter 7 - END

I spent the rest of the night sitting on the bed, Morpheus didn't want to come back to me so I surrendered to his will.

When Sofia woke up I felt her writhing in bed, she stretched deeply and was surprised to see me sitting on the bed.

<<What are you doing like this?>> she asked me still sleepy;

<<This night was quite difficult>>;

<<Did you cry?>>;

<<Why are you asking me this?>>;

<<Your cheeks are red and wet>>;

<< Don't worry, it's just the ghosts of the past that come back to visit me every now and then >> I replied, cutting off the conversation.

We went to the kitchen to have breakfast and I was very happy to feel relieved, it was as if that night I had faced the last demons of the past.

I felt an unusual serenity throughout the day we spent in the village before going to Franco's house for lunch.

That day was his birthday and he wanted to celebrate it with the only friends he had, me and Sofia, the rest of the country for some strange reason didn't consider him worthy of attention but we appreciated his company.

As a birthday present we decided to buy him a bottle of wine, we knew his tastes and we knew how much he appreciated it as he couldn't afford it given the economic constraints in which he lived.

When we arrived at his house he made us sit on a terrace which, from what Sofia told me, overlooks the sea.

We were parked there while he set the table and got busy cooking, the day was really beautiful and there was no reason not to be outside.

<<From here there is a truly magnificent view>> said Sofia;

<< Thank you, it was my grandparents' house. I grew up with them and when they died they left it to me as a legacy >> Franco replied.

I could clearly hear the banging of the pots and I had to smile when I imagined what was happening behind me.

<<Are you sure don't need help?>> Sofia asked him;

<< Don't worry and enjoy the view, today you are my guests. I would be a bad landlord if I made you work >>;

<< You're not wrong but are we sure we'll eat? >> I asked Sofia in a low voice;

<<For now he's doing quite well>> he replied reassuring me.

We spent a beautiful day and, when the time came to say goodbye to Franco, he hugged me tightly.

<<I'm really happy to have been able see you again>> he told me;

<<Me too>> I replied.

That strange scene left me disturbed as if it were a warning of something but I decided not to give it too much weight.

After the party at Franco's house we returned to the town, in those days the patron saints of the city were celebrated and we didn't want to miss the appointment.

We had lived on the island for years and yet we felt like guests, since the islanders had welcomed us very well we knew that it was our duty to participate in the celebrations.

I had the opportunity to see some people I hadn't met for a long time, including some local fishermen who I had gotten to know on past excursions on their boats.

<< Hi Wolfgang, how are you? It's been a long time since we've seen each other again >> one of them told me;

<< Blessed are you who still can >>;

<<You're always being funny, I'm happy about it>> added another;

<<What do you want to do? I may not have my sight but they can't take away sense of humor>> I replied laughing.

I loved joking about my blindness, when I lost my sight it was a tragedy, I felt the world falling on me but over time I learned to live with it and now I was able to make self-irony out of it.

I couldn't do anything else and I felt that, with jokes about my health condition, I put my interlocutor at ease.

Too often people tend to treat those with a health problem like mine differently, forgetting that we are people exactly like them from whom fate has taken something away, however we remain human beings in every fiber of our being.

<<Today you're in a really good mood, lunch at Franco's was for you>> Sofia told me as she accompanied me along the main avenue of Giglio Campese;

<<Franco is a dear friend who I love but it's not thanks to him that today feel so light of heart>>;

<<So why are you happy?>>;

<< I can't say if I'm happy but I certainly feel like I'm at peace with my past, in the last few days I've traveled a lot with my memory and in the end I realized that I've had a beautiful and tragic life at the same time.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me, marrying you was better than winning the lottery. The image of you dressed in white on our wedding day is a celestial vision that I will be eternally proud of.

When I saw you for the first time at the Uffizi I gave meaning to my life >>.

Sofia didn't reply but I knew she was getting emotional so I stretched out my hand looking for hers and when I shook it I felt the emotion.

<<You know how to make me emotional and today we are also dressed in harmony, you wearing a blue shirt red trousers while I have>> he told me;

<<You mustn't cry, today is a day of celebration>>;

<<You're right but it's your fault>>;

"I know, that's why you married me."

I gave her a kiss on the hand and in response got one on the head, her lips trembling with emotion.

I knew exactly how she would react if compliments were given to her, and yet I felt compelled to constantly remind her how special she was.

Little by little I heard the noises of the party becoming more and more suffused until they disappeared, which meant that we were leaving the town.

<<Where are we headed?>> I asked;

<<Wait and see>> Sofia replied.

The speed of the wheelchair slowed dramatically until we stopped, the sound of the sea was so clear that I didn't need to ask where I was being taken.

<< We're on the beach, right? >> I asked;

<<You guessed it, we will see the sunrise not from our terrace but here on beach and there is also another surprise>> Sofia retorted.

A hiss of air passed my face and then I felt something animated move on the armrest of my wheelchair.

<< Don't tell me... >>;

<< I brought Simurg with us, he was by your side all day. This morning when we woke up he hadn't left as usual, he was waiting for us on the balcony.

When we left the house to go to Franco he didn't want to leave you even for a moment, hadn't you noticed? >> replied Sofia;

<<To tell the truth, no, it's first time I haven't felt his presence>>;

<< Maybe you were too absorbed in your thoughts, in any case when we arrived at Franco he perched on the balcony and remained there watching you.

Once outside the house it took off briefly but as soon as we left the crowd it immediately came back to us >> said Sofia;

<< Maybe he's in the mood for cuddles >> I replied.

Sofia sat on my lap, hugged me delicately, resting her head on my face and together we waited for the dawn.

<<Do you remember when we went to Paris?>> he asked me;

<<How could I forget? After leaving Vienna we moved here but, as long my health allowed, saw the world and that week was fantastic.< p>

At a certain point you disappeared for a few hours without telling me anything, in fact I woke up in the hotel alone, I was so scared that I was about to call the police >>;

<< I think the time has come to tell you the truth and I hope you can forgive me if I didn't do it before but I never had the courage to confess my secret to you >> said Sofia;

<< Should I worry? Did you cheat on me with another man? >> I asked frowning.

He had taken me by surprise, I didn't expect such a revelation from him as I didn't believe there were any secrets between us.

<< None of this >>;

<< So come on, don't keep me on tenterhooks because I can't go anywhere so you have nothing to be afraid of >>;

<< Okay but hold on tight because you're the first person in the world I've told, not even my parents know.

When you felt ill in Rome during your honeymoon I did some checks while you were unconscious because I had been having various pains and some small fainting spells for some time.

I discovered that I have the same rare genetic disease as you but with me it has a much slower course so sooner or later I too will reach the same situation as you.

I never told you because I was scared, I didn't know how you would take it so I decided to keep it hidden from you until now >>.

At first I didn't say anything, I actually didn't know how to respond, it was such a shocking revelation that it took time to process.

<<Please say something>> Sofia urged me;

<< I..., ...honestly..., ...think I love you even more than before. You stood by me through this, my God how could I be so blind? You deserve a better husband, I only thought of myself >> I replied starting to cry;

<< It's not true, in fact, you were fantastic and even if you were sick you made me experience the most beautiful emotions of my life.

Who would agree to marry me once they knew about my problem? I was really happy with you and I wouldn't have wanted to spend my life with anyone else, believe me >>;

<< You say that because you want to cheer me up but the truth is that I should have noticed but I didn't, I apologize for this but why are you only telling me now? >>;

<< In recent times the disease has been becoming more aggressive and I don't know how long I will be able to resist it, the latest checks have shown an acceleration in its progress.

I wanted you to know because I don't want to carry this burden to my grave>> Sofia said;

<< Now that I think about it, that time in Rome I remember seeing you talking to the doctor outside my hospital room but it was for you, not for me >>;

<<He was telling me the results of my tests but given your condition I couldn't burden you with another>> Sofia replied;

<<Now what do we do? If are both sick have no escape but I wonder who will be willing to help us.< p>

I don't think Franco can do more than he already does and we don't have children but I have no intention of ending up in some retirement home, rather I'd rather commit suicide >> I said in a peremptory tone, stroking Simurg 's head .

He was the only healthy one in our family and luckily for me, even if he wasn't, he couldn't tell me.

<< In the last few days I have thought about it and a solution came to mind which however will require a great act of courage on the part of both of us >> said Sofia;

<<What are you talking about?>>;

<< I agree with you when you say you don't want to end up in a retirement home so, since we are condemned to death, I thought about committing suicide here and now, watching the sun rise for the last time on this beautiful beach, hug yourself one to the other >>.

I didn't know what to say, she was taking me completely by surprise, until then I had always thought that I would die soon after which she would start a new life but now she wanted to die with me.

<<What do you think?>> he asked me;

<< Honestly I find it the most romantic thing we can do, we are terminally ill and I feel that my life has come to an end.

Today or in five days I don't think it will make much difference but how will we do it? Throwing us into the water? >>;

<< I managed to get some hemlock which I have here with me in my purse, we will drink it and then we will wait for the end to arrive, hugging each other >>;

<< Like Socrates >>;

<< I had the idea when we visited the " Metropolitan Museum of Art" in New York >>;

<< The "Death of Socrates", the masterpiece by Jacques-Louis David, is kept there >>;

<< I was inspired by looking at the painting. Shall we? >> Sofia asked me;

<< I'm with you, until the end >> I replied in a calm tone;

<<How can you have this attitude? We're going to die, know? I'm about kill and don't know how sorry I am, would liked a different ending our story>> said Sofia.

I heard her sob, her tone of voice was broken by emotion mixed with fear, faced with the precipice of the end we are all cowards.

<< We must remain calm and with serene imperturbability, pay no attention either to the poison or to our imminent end, let us transform the last moments of our lives into a real lesson for those who will come after us.

We must not be afraid of death, rather let us focus on the immortality of the soul, no disease can ever take it away from us.

I'm ready to go all the way, I'm about to die hugging the woman of my life on a beautiful beach while the sun is about to rise.

I couldn't wish for a better ending than this and if there were a painter he would certainly represent the scene in one of his works >> I replied in a decisive tone.

<<Are you ready?>> Sofia asked me;

<<I am because you are there>>.

He took my hand, placing a glass container in it, whose shape must have been some sort of vial, and brought it to my lips.

<<We will do it together>> he told me;

<< I have always been yours, I love you >>.

In that moment, time stopped, the vial slipped into my mouth and the liquid it contained first wet my tongue and then quickly went down my throat.

When I had finished swallowing the sewed I felt free, the awareness of imminent death broke the chains of slavery to earthly existence.

The doubts, fears and worries I had had until then seemed irrelevant to me, only in that moment did I realize how crazy I had been to give them so much importance during my existence.

Every time I let myself be overwhelmed by fear I stopped living, forgetting to appreciate the best part of existence, that is, life itself.

<< God, forgive my stupidity, the most serious fault that a human being can commit is forgetting to enjoy the most important gift that you can grant to a creature, life.

It represents your digital footprint that you imprint in each of us and yet we let ourselves get overwhelmed so easily that we forget how important it is to live >> I thought.

I had neither the strength nor the courage to oppose events, perhaps it was what I had always wanted ever since I learned of the illness but only now did I find the strength to carry out a gesture that I had longed for and never done.

It had taken Sofia's willpower to make me realize that my existence had ended a long time ago.

I had dragged myself through the world like a corpse crying left and right, I had blamed every natural and supernatural entity for my misfortunes instead I was pitying my cowardice because I couldn't do what needed to be done.

Thanks to Sofia I had completed the final act with which I closed the curtain on my existence.

<< Here I am mother, here I am father, I am about to join you. Soon we will be together again and the wound of your death will finally be healed >> I thought, starting to cry with emotion.

I heard Sofia swallow the poison, her neck was so attached to mine that I could distinctly see the hemlock going down her throat.

It was as if he wanted to prove to me the goodness of his gesture, a final demonstration of loyalty if it were ever needed. 

<<Thank you my love>> I told her with tears in my eyes;

<<For what? I just took your life>>;

<< In reality you gave it to me, freeing me from the earthly constraints to which I was tied. This was the greatest act of love you could ever do >>;

<< I love you Wolfgang >>;

"I love you too."

At that point we fell silent, we had now told each other everything so we remained there waiting for the hemlock to take effect, one close to the other like one body and one soul.

Simurg continued to rub his noble head against my hand unaware that he would soon be alone in the world.

I took a deep breath and felt the sea salt entering my lungs, if that was the taste of freedom then I didn't want to stop eating it.

I felt the heat of the sun's rays on my face and skin, our star had woken up and was starting to illuminate the island.

I thought if there was something after death, I believed so but the exploration of the unknown always strikes fear into the heart and mind of the explorer.

At the moment I was about to abandon humanity I thought about the cycle of life, from creation to sin, to redemption, to the end of the world.

The poison began to cloud my senses and transported me to another dimension where I found myself half-lying on a bare natural background.

I didn't understand where I was so I looked around and realized I was back at the dawn of the world, I realized I was young and athletic again.

From a grassy slope, almost on the edge of an abyss, I rose from the ground, stretching out an arm towards a luminous figure, it was God who was approaching in flight within an angelic nimbus.

I was naked with my arm resting on my bent knee, I felt pervaded by a perfect feeling of awakening so I slowly raised my body and raised my still uncertain finger towards the absolutely firm one of God.

The Almighty was carried by a divine group inserted in a large reddish mantle inflated by the wind that embraced him.

Together with the angels it formed an image of a dynamic curve and resembled the shape of a human brain, so here it was the divine "idea" of life.

I admired him in ecstasy, our two index fingers raised and our arms outstretched a moment before coming into contact represented the vital spark that passed between him and me, his creature.

It was a scene of extraordinary beauty that reflected divine perfection and power, awakening her from her torpor.

Our two index fingers didn't touch each other, I couldn't reach him even though I did everything I could to lick his finger, there was an imperceptible distance between our phalanges and yet the entire universe was contained in that very small space.

The effect of the poison became stronger and the pain brought me back to the real dimension, I felt death approaching so I raised my arm, extending the index finger of my right hand towards the horizon where the sun was rising.

I opened my eyes wide, I was blind and yet for the first time in my life I could see.

I felt Simurg spread his wings and immediately afterwards I no longer felt his presence in the wheelchair, he had flown towards infinity and beyond together with our souls.