1 Beginning of life

The very first day of being born, you must face new challenges and hardships. In my life specifically, I had parents that were only dating when they had me. I was a mistake, yet I was assured by my mother that it's not a bad thing. Sometimes though, you have that heart aching feeling that you shouldn't be alive in such a cruel world.

Your parents live their seperate lives, leaving you to imagine a life being with your other parent. It's hard thinking about that. You question yourself and your life choices, debating on whether you could've been better if you weren't living with one parent. And then as you're beginning to show your personality as a little kid, your parent finds a partner.

Then your mom decides to marry that new person and they become your step dad. That's where everything begins... At the age of four, you have parents, they're married, and then they get pregnant. You don't know what to do or how to act, so you act like an adult. you're only four, so you can't do much of anything but accept the newcomer. The new baby comes and you actually like the baby, so you treat them as your own baby.

The baby gets treated special, but because you love the baby, you accept that as well. As time passes, the little brother becomes mean and aggressive towards you. Then, one day, the little brother bites you so hard it draws blood and leaves a permanent mark on your chest. You scream in agony and get the wound taken care of, but you don't hate your brother. You accept that as well.

As you get older, your family starts to seperate more frequently, and then your step dad begins cheating on your mother. You don't understand much, but one day your woken up at two in the morning. Your mother is rushing you out the door, and your mother speeds over to the jail to bail your step dad out. Having no idea why he was in jail, you whine, but you're ignored and your step dad is hung over.

He's hung over and mean to your mom, then the next day you hear screaming and a door slam shut. You get scared and run to your little brother to comfort him. He's crying and your shaking, and then your mom busts into the room telling both of you to get bags of clothes and toys. You're begging not to leave, but you have to accept it and go anyways.

You stay at your mom's friends house for a week and then your step dad begs your mom to come back, so she accepts it too. You hate your step dad secretly afterwards but follow your mom no matter what. Every night you hear your parents screaming at each other about divorce and your mom constantly yelling about betrayal. All you can do is hide and hope nothing bad happens.

After hiding so much, it affects you mentally, and at the age of eight you have severe depression and anxiety. You don't tell anyone though, but every night you ball your eyes out into your pillow wishing for death. The one thing that comforts you so much is your dog. A big ole St. Bernard, named Harley. she's amazing and every night that you're crying, she's beside you coddling to your chest and letting you cry into her thick red coat.

Years pass that way, crying with your dog by your side, but one day you discover your dog has bone cancer. You completely shut down at this point, and shut everyone else out except for your dog. Every night you cry for your dog now, feeling hopeless and wanting to help her... you can't though. You keep her alive for another month, but as time passes she begins to cry in pain every day, not able to hold her weight anymore.

Seeing how she can't handle the pain any longer, your mother decides to put her down. You scream and hold your dog so tightly and beg her not to leave you, and she cries in more pain. You have to be strong for her though, and do the right thing.. so you take her to the vet. The veterinarian asks if you're able to handle it, deep inside you know you can't, but you have to stay by your dogs side till the very end. Your dog is scared, but she knows that your heart broken so she only wants to comfort you.

The doctor comes in with the medicine and your on the floor crying, holding your dog tighter than ever and telling her, "it's ok Harley, I'll always be here and I love you more than life itself." The dog looks at you with her gorgeous brown eyes, and you look back into her eyes with your brown eyes as well. Her coat the same shade of red as your hair. She stares at you in worry as the doctor sticks the needle into her vein.

Once the medicine is injected into her, you wait. You watch your dog's eyes as she stares at you and then her soul leaves her body. You watch the life that was there just a moment ago, disappear. Her eyes close for forever and your heart leaves your chest. You scream in pain and misery, and then feel nothing inside... You want to join your dog in heaven because there's nothing in life to be happy about anymore. You go home that night and think about all the happy times, but then it's time for bed. You get into bed, your eyes swollen, your words in your throat and all you do is cry, and cry, and cry. When the pain becomes too much, you dig through the cabinet.

That cabinet specifically for medicine, you then find a huge bottle of sleeping pills. At first, you only take two.. but then you think about the loneliness again. After the thought of being alone, you can't handle it. So you take more and more sleeping pills, trying to forget everything. You become extremely exhausted, but numb, so it you take another pill hoping for that feeling again.

After taking so many, you finally go back to your room, you climb into bed and wait. The thought of Harley's eyes closing comes back. You cry once more but begin to close your eyes losing consciousness. You can't feel anything now and feel scared to die. But it's too late, so you cry as your eyes finally close and you can't breathe. You can't really hear much either. Your body limp and you finally lose all senses, and your life is over.

But, your mother comes into the room to see that your not breathing or moving, she screams and calls the ambulance and shoves her fingers down your throat. You throw up some pills, but you stay unconscious. You're soon sped to the hospital and they have to pump your stomach. You're rescued, but you've already given up. After recovery, you don't do anything but stay locked in your room, though you can't have a door anymore.

You stay on suicide watch for months and then school begins... you don't want to, but you're forced to go.