1 And so it begins...
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
...
I think I am dead. The last thing I recall was feeling a sharp pain arching up my spine, followed by a feeling of extreme tightness in my chest.
A wave of dizziness hit me as I struggled to breathe. A feeling of dread rose along with growing pain in my chest until I couldn't remain standing anymore. The dizziness made my vision blurry but I could make out the floor nearing me and just before impact, everything turned black and then there was nothing
…
If darkness was called the absence of light, then this was certainly darkness…
I found myself in a dark place with endless…..well, darkness. Recalling the last moments of pain and terror, I conclude that I died.
Of course, I could be wrong but something tells me that's not the case. I think I experienced a sudden heart attack and considering that I lived alone, the chances of me receiving medical attention was abysmal so this makes me stick to the theory that I died.
And I can't help but get angry at the world for it, I died just like that….I had many things to get done, dreams of becoming rich and powerful , living a happy life but now all of that remain just that, dreams…..just expectations and hope bundled together as a product of an active imagination.
But alas there was nothing I could do now, perhaps if I was more optimistic, I might have said , "'Oh well' there are worse ways to die." but unfortunately I was not and now I was dead floating in what I assume is limbo.
There was no heaven or hell and instead there was just endless darkness encompassing everywhere. I am….or 'was' not an overly religious person so I didn't know what to expect when I died but an empty devoid void of nothingness was not what I was expecting.
I was all alone now floating in limbo as a soul , mind or whatever remains of you after you die. Nothing to see, hear ,touch or feel, it was a rather disturbing 'feeling.'
I hope something happens now…
….
[ ? ? time later]
'Somebody please get me out of here, I can't take it anymore!'
I don't know how long I have been here as there is no way to gauge time around here but I can't stand it anymore.
This sensory deprivation is getting to me. I don't claim to be a very strong person, maybe above average but in this place, I will crack soon…
…..
[? time later]
'God….Devil, whoever exists, I beg of you to get me out of here.'
'If there is a ROB out there, I pray for your help….I will entertain you, do anything you ask but please get me out..'
'System'
'Status'
'Game?'
'Anything there ? Is there anything I have to do to unlock you…hahahahaha'
…..
[? time later]
'Peace….inner peace. I must achieve inner peace, maybe if I do, I can get out of this place.'
'Om~'
It's not working...It's not working, why is not working ?!..
…
[? time later]
After being here for God knows how long if he...exists, I don't feel anything now, at some point, you would feel emptiness and then you are one with the void…
Wrong...it doesn't get any better. It's still a hellish place,no….in fact hell would be kinder than this...anything is better than this.
'I hate it I hate it hate it'
I hate this place.
'What did I do wrong to have deserved this ?'
'Am I destined to remain in this nothingness, in a place where nothing exists ?'
'Are you saying that all I have lived for was to welcome this end…'
'No…that would be too much... I will get out of this place, I must get out of here…'
…..
[? time later]
I don't know how long I have been here now and I feel that I am on the brink of insanity if I am not already insane.
But something happened….
There is a white light that I can make out, it is at the far edge of this void. I can't tell how far it is but I am making my way to it. I don't have a body but I can still somehow move or at least float about. Till now I tried going everywhere but never saw anything like that, maybe it is the way out…
If I had a face right now, it would have had a tired but hopeful smile on its face….Wait do I even know how to smile anymore….
...
I have finally reached the white opening after what felt like years. I have successfully managed not to go insane as I kept my thoughts centered around the white opening.
A part of me, the pessimistic one, tells me that it could be nothing but I crush that thought as soon as it appears because pessimism is a bad trait to have when you are in a void like this.
'So this is it huh' I mentally sigh as I near the opening. This is my last hope out of this place, this is do or die...no it's worse than death as I would just remain here.
I give myself one last push and push myself into the opening.
What happened next is hard to describe, one moment I was out there in the void entering the opening and the next second I was accelerating through space, wormhole or something along those lines.
With no time to comprehend what was happening, I experienced a change, it was unlike anything I had ever felt. It felt like my body or soul was stretched to the limits in all directions and then put back together crudely all at the same time.
It was a strange and disorienting experience no doubt but what came after that made me swallow all my complaints.
*thump* *thump*
Two sounds, two very distinct and familiar sounds greeted my ears. It was, no doubt about it, the sound of a heart beating. The sound grew fainter as other sensory information started appearing.
I could feel the rise and descent of my chest as I inhaled and exhaled. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest. I could feel….
After having been deprived of all senses, finally feeling them again was a surreal experience. To feel alive after so long almost made me cry.
But then I felt something inside me, something that wasn't there before. Being in the void had made me more sensitive and now I felt something wrong with me.
A bit perturbed by this mystery, I opened my eyes to see an unfamiliar room. Yes, unfamiliar because I remember everything from my last 'life' and this room was unfamiliar.
Being in a void, I had tried delving into the mind to find something to do, more specifically my own and before long or I don't know if it took long, I was able to pull off a certain trick.
I could visualize a mind palace of sorts and inside it, I could access 'files' or memories so to say. I could arrange those memories in folders and I did labelling them according to the things they featured or held like a folder named childhood for childhood memories, like this I divided them into many folders and sub folders. And before long, I had a sizable library of sorts to pass the time. Watching my own memories from another point of view was all I did or could do to keep my mind calm.
I watched all the memories of my life, starting from a young age of two till my untimely unfortunate demise. But alas, this didn't help as I was still trapped in the void and watching memories only made me yearn for them thus making me depressed everytime I ended a marathon.
So this was how I retained my memories and my sanity...not sure about the latter but it was a wise decision on my part.
I took in the new surroundings I found myself in and observed them. It seems that I am in a small room, it exudes a gloomy aura and seems to be outdated…
There is a mirror and I walk closer to it, feeling the way my body walks. The mirror is neither too big nor too small and has a few fairly noticeable cracks on it but I can still see my face….only it isn't mine anymore.
What greets me is the face of a young boy who I would put around a skinny 8 year old to a malnourished 12 year old.
The boy has a rather countenance and pale oily hair that extends till his neck. He seems to be wearing a dirty shirt that was ill fit for him and not just that but his entire attire was like that. The shirt and pant had faded in colour and had stains that had etched onto it and dried long ago.
The boy's face still had some baby fat and he had dark black eyes. He seemed decent enough and was not ugly as his attire suggested. In fact, he even looked a bit familiar….
It was quite obvious now that I had reincarnated or transmigrated into a new body of a young boy no less. I was not complaining as I was happy to have gotten a new body, the fact that it was male was simply a cherry on top. Frankly, I don't think I would have cared too much even if I had been reborn as the opposite sex as the feeling of being alive was so euphoric and I wouldn't have given it up no matter what I came back as.
That being said, I inspect my body closely and try to recall why the face looked familiar when suddenly an influx of memories ram into my mind. But what should have been some ear splitting headache was reduced to sharp stinging pain as my mind subconsciously sorted and gathered those memories and put them in a new 'file'.
I could almost imagine an imaginary cursor below the file blinking, waiting for a name to be given. I just named it 'new body memories'...not very creative but it would do for now.
I calmly took a deep breath and lay down on the small bed present in the room. I closed my eyes and concentrated, soon enough I found myself in my mind palace. Taking the new file with undiscovered memories, I sit on a cozy chair that I conjured quite easily though for some reason it seemed easier and was conjured faster...strange but this would be something to look into later.
I began delving into the memories and what I saw shocked me. The memories were of a young boy named Severus Snape. The very same Snape from Harry Potter.
Waking up to finding myself in a fictional character in a fictional world while surprising didn't phase me too much. Having read lots of fanfics, I could see where this was going.
What was shocking though was the person who I had woken up. If you had asked me which fictional character that I wanted to be, the list would be a long one with me wanting to be a different character every few weeks or months but being Severus Snape would not even be on the list.
Coming back to the matter at hand, I browse through Severus' memories and after a quick look through them, I completely understand why he turned out the way he did in canon.
His childhood if you could call it that painted the very picture of a dysfunctional family. His father was a typical drunk bastard of a father who abused his wife and son. All memories Severus had of the man Tobias Snape were bad ones, not a single one radiated positiveness.
The man didn't resemble Severus much and the only thing Severus seemed to have inherited from the man was his oily hair.
Tobias Snape was not a good man. For as long as Severus remembers, the man has remained the same abusive monster he is now, if he has changed, it has only been for the worse.
He sports a beer belly now and is unemployed like most incompetant men are. He spends all 'his' money on indulging in his vices- mainly drinking and gambling. He stayed home most of the time constantly reminding Severus how much he hated him and in turn making Severus hate him more.
His relationship with his spouse Eileen was an abusive one too. Snape doesn't know what he did to his mother in the past but she is completely submissive to him. She is meek and helplessly obeys him and lets Tobias take all the money she had after selling her family trinkets.
Speaking of his mother, Severus didn't have a healthy relationship with her either. Eileen Snape (nee Prince) was not a bad person, but instead she was a terrible mother.
While she doesn't actively abuse Severus, she does nothing to help him either. She neglects him completely and never talks to him unless Severus takes the initiative.
She is a weak willed woman who can't stand on her own. She lets Tobias do as he pleases and meekly covers in terror whenever he is in a bad mood which is getting more frequent as he squanders money.
Overall, Eileen Snape was a bad mother and an unfortunate woman who should have known better.
Severus doesn't hate her as much as his father and in fact even yearns for her love but so far in his short time in this world, he has never felt a mother's love and embrace.
One of the few instances where Eileen actually took the initiative to talk to him was when he had performed his first accidental magic at the age of 5 which Severus remembers vividly.
��.
A young Severus can be seen holding a flower in his hand. He had an excited smile on his little face.
"Mother...Mother look what I just did." He says excitedly as he runs to his mother.
"What is it, boy?"
"Look mother, I can change the colour of this flower." Showing his mother the white lily in his hands, Severus tries to feel the strange feeling he had felt back then and soon the white lily slowly changes its colour from a pearly white to a rose red colour.
He looks up to his mother's face expecting some praise or acknowledgement but all he received was a horrified expression that was growing by the second.
"No..no no, this can't be happening..WHY why did you have to awaken it.." His mother started muttering as fear seeped into her voice.
"Come with me..NOW" saying this, she dragged Severus back into her room and quickly closed the door.
Poor Severus didn't understand what was happening and why his mother was angry and terrified. He had been hoping for acknowledgement from his mother and he did receive it but not in the way he wanted.
"Severus, now what you did was unnatural and dangerous. You must promise me that you will never try doing this again."
"But...mother..I"
"I don't want to hear any of it, Severus….Please just forget about this and never do it again EVER."
This was how the conversation went and Severus was once again met with disappointment. He had wanted to make his mother happy, he had even wanted to give those flowers to her…
…
I didn't know what to feel now, Snape had a shitty childhood and that's where I would stop. Had it been the me before dying, I might have felt sad or angry for Snape but my time in nothingness had….changed me.
I still have emotions I think but they are deeply buried,suppressed or whatever you like to call it. You could say that I am under the effects of the Gamer's mind, only mine is not as reliable.
Its not that I don't feel anything, its just that everything feels detached. I suppose it is a good thing now that I am in a world where laws of physics get broken everyday by a group of people with a sheep type mentality.
Snape's father can be summed up in two word for me - abusive parasite or leech. And as for his mother, one word would be incompetant or neglecting.
But now that I am Severus Snape, a character who lived a terrible life. He received no love from his parents and he had an unhealthy obsession with Lily for whom he became a slave for both Dumbledore and Voldemort. Sure both treated him differently, Dumbledore used him as a pawn but was 'kind' and Voldemort branded him.
He became bound and restricted by these shackles and died all alone and with bad PR. Harry might have told people that he was a hero but people remember the bad things more and for them Snape was the guy who killed Dumbledore.
In the end, he died miserably for a boy who was the son of the man by whom he got NTRed. Harry didn't even thank him much and just shed a few tears and named one of his son Severus and even there the kid's first name was Albus then followed by Severus.
All things said, he lived a miserable life and now that I am him, I can't and won't accept that. Whoever Severus or this Severus was or would become now is gone and all that remains are his memories which are not of much use and his physical body.
Digging through his memories, I see that he has not met Lily yet so that means I can choose whether I should interact with her or not.
But for now I need to plan. Plan for achieving my goal.
What goal you ask?...well it is the goal that I set and am hellbent on achieving. The goal is something almost impossible to achieve back in my world but here in a world of magic, it is possible. The goal is none other than immortality.
Yes….Immortality. A state of eternal life, being exempt from death and having an unending existence.
This goal that I have set is something that I must and will accomplish because I know what awaits me after I die….and I don't want to return there ever again.
Now as I stated before, Immortality is actually achievable in this world. And not just in one form but many forms and types exist.
Going chronologically to the way they were introduced in canon. The first thing that comes to mind is the Philosopher's stone.
The stone which is described as the pinnacle of alchemy was made by Nicholas Flamel. Nothing much is told about him and all I know are a few things about him like how he was Dumbledore's mentor or something like that. He taught Dumbledore I think…..
With my nearly impeccable memory, I can still recall minute details and from what I gathered, he holds the official record for longest living person at some number above 600….665 maybe?
Since the events of canon take place around the 90s then after cancelling his age out, I can make out that the fabled stone was made sometime in the 14th century or after.
If he made it during his youth or even his mids then it was made in the 14th century but if he made it after his prime after say a 100 years then the stone was made in the 15th century.
This allows me with a more or less century gap of estimation. Now my question is, if he could make it, keyword being 'make' then how come no one else made it. It is clearly man made so it is obviously possible to make more unless Flamel was a big fat liar who just got lucky and found it or maybe pulled a Lockhart, you never know.
The philosopher's stone gives one type of immortality and while it may be an artifact of 'immeasurable' power, it still has its limits. The elixir produced by it merely extends one's lifespan and does not grant the user invulnerability. It doesn't even rejuvenate youth so it doesn't grant true immortality.
The stone leaves me with many questions, some of which may never be answered but I have decided that I am going to try and make one…...after I learn alchemy of course but for now, I am just going to add it to my list of plans for later.
Next up, going by order, we have the horcrux which involves splitting the soul from the body and hiding it in an object thereby becoming immortal. This form of immortality is the easiest to achieve compared to the others but it is also the one that holds the most risk.
Splitting the soul doesn't seem like a wise idea no matter how you look at it. Mutilating your own soul, your very being and splitting it up is bound to mess you up. Voldemort or Tom Riddle was a 'clever' and gifted boy in his youth.
He was scared of dying and rightfully so if what awaited him was what I escaped from but he got too hasty and cocky for his own good.
He had not even graduated when he attempted and succeeded in creating a horcrux. There are many theories and all about the horcruxes. In many fanfics, it is depicted that Tom Riddle or Voldemort lost his sanity after he created horcruxes.
I don't know if that part is true or not but clearly there was something already wrong with his head when he decided to create a horcrux before even graduating or completing his education.
Granted Horcrux and how to make them wasn't going to appear in his O.W.L.S or N.E.W.T exams, it would have been much wiser to wait till he had at least completed his education or knew more about the horcrux.
But he got too impatient and committed a very 'Hermione' mistake that is blindly believing what a book said. Now I am not saying that books can't be trusted but the book Riddle learned about the Horcrux couldn't be trusted.
It only vaguely mentioned the horcruxes and just stated that they were dark and terrible. In fact, Riddle even had to consult Slughorn who gave him vague answers and I don't think even he knew much about them.
He should have followed the old proverb, 'Trust but verify' and went with that approach.
Riddle was a gifted student and maybe if the book was written by Herpo the Foul himself then he could have trusted the credibility. Riddle's impatience also proved to be fatal as he didn't even consider the risks and made a horcrux hastily.
And he didn't stop there, he did it not once, not twice but six whole times and one extra by accident. He mutilated his soul over and over again.
His empathy for the living got worse with more horcruxes and soon he began enjoying killing when before it was just a means to an end.
I am not going to risk my soul and what little emotions I have for such a risky endeavor unless there's no other way.
I don't know if it was the horcruxes or just dark magic in general that made Voldemort the way he turned out but I am not going to delve into the dark arts until I am sure I can handle myself.
And so the horcrux is a dangerous and highly risky path to immortality but still worth looking into. Maybe I can experiment with it and find a way to use it…..just not on myself.
Any object that is made into an horcrux turns into a pseudo sentient dark artifact that is near indestructible by normal means. Even house elf magic has no effect on it. The object also tries possessing a person who holds it.
If I can resist the effects of possession with occlumency, something which I must learn, I could make horcruxes or at least make others make them and use the object that is used in making them, preferably a weapon or artifact.
It is a very crude and inhuman way of making high-grade artifacts. But it is effective and relatively easy to make. It comes with side effects of course like the weapon trying to kill you or corrupting you but it can be reduced or if the person wielding it is skilled enough, he or she can resist those effects.
As for living horcruxes like Harry, they can be viewed as a higher level of the mark but it is a double edged sword if not used properly.
I can look into these as well and with some experimentation, I could try making a curse mark out of them, the one similar to another Snake man with dreams of immortality, the Sannin Orochimaru.
Now that I look closely, Orochimaru is a better version of Voldemort. He didn't work nearly as hard for immortality and just settled for a horcrux, he didn't try to understand more about it whereas Orochimaru on the other hand left a trail of thousands of bodies in his wake.
Voldemort gave up manipulation after he gained some power and started ruling through fear. In the same place, Orochimaru controlled with both fear and manipulation.
Voldemort's hatred of muggles and their ways limited him. He was too narrow minded and failed to see things in the bigger picture whereas Orochimaru didn't let hatred cloud his judgement too much and used any means necessary to reach his goal.
Of course both have similarities and differences. The worlds they are from also made them who they are but one thing is for sure is that if Voldemort was more like Orochimaru and hid like a snake then Harry would not have stood a chance.
And finally, last but not least is another form of immortality provided by The deathly hallows. This one seems the most reliable and when one gathers all three hallows, they supposedly become the Master of Death, whatever the hell that means…..I can only hope that it is some form of immortality.
The Deathly Hallows seems to be the best way to immortality currently but I can't get any of them now.
I have a general idea of where they are and where they will be but as of now, I am too powerless and can't hold on to them.
Currently the body of Snape that I am possessing or transmigrated into has reached the age of nine and I still have two years left before I get access to Hogwarts and the magical world so I have to make something of these two years and get myself settled here.
First and the most important aspect to look into is magic. Severus has already awakened his magic but was forbidden by his mother to use it. He didn't stop using it though. From his memories, I can see that he has practiced magic alone away from home.
With those memories, I can try emulating them and get used to magic. I don't know if I am going to be good at it or not but I won't know until I try.
Snape held the record of being the youngest potion's Master in the century and I have every intention of living up to it.
Potions can as stated in canon "Bewitch the mind, ensnare the senses and even put a stopper on death."
Potions range from simple ones that cure boils to godly ones like Felix Felicis and I intend to master them all.
Coming to the topic of one Lily Evans, Severus didn't meet her yet and I have the chance to make a better impression. I don't know if I should let James have her and then let her pop out a child of prophecy or should I just use her wits for my own cause….hmm..Probably the latter as canon can and will be fucked now that I am Snape so better to make use of whatever I get.
These are some of the plans and goals that I have set which I will do my best to accomplish. Now with two years of time left before I go to Hogwarts, it is time to right some wrongs and make my current life to be better starting with a good old murder…. of a leech of a father.
.......
[So….how is it? Should I continue ?
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