What If This Isn't Me?

Percy POV

Friday night, and I was laying in bed rather than hanging out with my friends. I'm a loner sometimes. The Greatest Showman: PT Barnum booklet was laying on my nightstand. According to Apollo, it held the script and all the songs that I was responsible for should I take the role.

I wasn't sure exactly what Apollo and Mr. Bruner said that put me in this state of confusion. Mr. Bruner was my favorite teacher at school as I've had him for language (Latin) for two years now. He said, "open your horizons and try something new. Just like swimming, Percy, you may end up finding a new interest: something you love."

"Don't fall to everyone's expectations of you. You've been through a lot Percy, and you deserve to show yourself." Mr. Bruner was the only member outside of my family that knew of my background--with my father and with Gabe.

A knock interrupted my confused brain from exploding. The most important person in the world walked in and sat down next to me. My mother was an amazing human being, someone even the gods would be grateful for. She always cared so deeply about everyone and everything.

"Hi, honey. So, Paul told me that you were selected to play the lead in the musical. I see now that it's true," she said looking at the thick booklet on my nightstand. "Why didn't you tell me you auditioned?"

"Mom, I didn't even want to audition. The director forced me when I was there to support Grover and Jason. Ugh, I'm so confused mom."

My mom stared at my face with a warm smile. "I'm sure you'll make the best decision, Percy."

"That's the thing; I don't know what the right decision is."

"Well, I don't want my words to influence your actions, but the fact that you're so conflicted honey should tell you something. I think you are interested in the part."

I thought over her words. Of course, she was right, but Mr. Bruner's words kept buzzing in my mind. "But, what if I'm interested for the wrong reasons? What if I screw it up for everyone else who actually cares?"

"Percy, you are such a loyal friend. I don't think you'll let anyone down. In fact, I think that you'll be great in the musical. Plus, I love The Greatest Showman and its songs."

I smiled at her motherly words. I could tell that she wanted me to take the part, too. She wanted me to try something different, especially if others saw the potential within me. "You have to say that cause you're my mom." I paused a second before continuing: "What if this isn't me?"

My mother took the booklet and started scrolling through its pages until she settled on one. Then, she handed it to me. The song, Come Alive, was open. A silent message aimed towards me. "You won't know the answer to that question unless you try."

She started to walk out to give me some time to think but paused at the doorway. "I said those same words to you so many years ago when you asked me whether you'd drown in the community pool. Now, look at you."

She smiled again and left, leaving me to contemplate the next several months of my life. Swimming and the musical won't directly interfere. Mr. Bruner had talked to Coach Hedge, and they worked out an arrangement for me. I always trained in the morning even though it wasn't required, so that was a plus. And, they agreed that I could do evening training during my last period study hall before heading to the auditorium/arts classrooms for rehearsal. The question was simply whether I was going to.

***

By Sunday evening, my head was clear. I had my answer, and I was ready for my blue cookies to bake in the oven. Blue, because I was obsessed with the color.

I was sitting at the dining table talking to my mom as she cooked dinner. Paul had to step out for some groceries, and it was his day to get them. Both Paul and I didn't like shopping, so we agreed to exchange that particular chore every week. I was in the middle of explaining to my mom why I came home yesterday covered in rainbow paint. Long story short, Leo and I were already planning something to get back at the Stolls.

I jumped as a large ring vibrated through the room. For a second, I was very confused until I realized that it was the landline.

"Oh my god, mom, who still uses the landline. I'm gonna tell this person to get out of the 1990s." My mom only chuckled as she checked on the progress of the cookies.

"Hey, whoever this is. Please, enter the 21st century," I said after answering the phone.

"Did you miss me, boy?"

I froze at the gruff voice. My smile instantly fell away, and a silent fear crept in. I could feel the alcoholic stench coming through the phone. My hands shook as I put the phone on speaker. I had never thought that this man would reenter our lives. He was a model of evil. Gabe.

"Oh, I also heard your mother's married again. Huh, never thought she could do better, boy."

Mom immediately turned around at the voice, and her skin paled considerably as she came towards me and the phone.

"Anyone is better than you, Gabe," I answered as confidently as possible, but I was still shaken that he was calling.

"I'd watch that mouth, boy. Or don't you remember what happened the last time?"

"The last time we threw your sorry, alcoholic ass in jail. How did you get this number?"

He laughed menacingly before speaking up, "you still are such a stupid little boy. You don't think I won't come after you, boy, and exact revenge on you and your mother for putting me behind bars."

I gently wrapped my arms around my mom. She was trembling but holding in her tears. Gabe ruined our lives before and here he was trying to do it again. Only this time I wouldn't let him hurt us. He won't even touch my mother like he used to.

"No, Gabe. You won't ever touch me or my mom. Not unless you want to be stuck behind bars again. This time, for the rest of your miserable life." I spit my anger out on him, but the fear was also growing because I knew what Gabe was capable of.

I cut the phone before ripping the cord out of the outlet. I hugged my mother tighter while trying to comfort her that everything would be alright. But, she knew and I knew that with Gabe back and ready to strike at any time, nothing was alright.

The rest of the day was bad, but Paul was a great help in reassuring us that we were safe. Regardless, I retired to my bedroom early. I was slightly scared, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it either. Even so, as I stared at the large nasty scar on my body, I made myself a promise. I vowed to make certain that Gabe didn't hurt anyone I cared for and loved.