2 she lost everything

no one cares about me nor doesn't anyone love me. the only person I thought did keeps lying to me. and then getting mad at me. I thought he cared but he doesn't. it's because I'm ugly. I don't know how to change for him. I can't change my looks. he doesn't love me. I'm too ugly for him. he prefers other women and tells me and shows me all the time how ugly I am. I really want to die. he's slowly killing me so why not just end it all so there is no more pain. my heart hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, my gut hurts, my arms hurt. everything hurts. and I can't deal with it. I can't sleep easily I just keep crying and crying while he sleeps so peacefully without a care in world. why doesn't he love me anymore. maybe he never loved me. he's always hurt me. from the first month until the very end it was all lies. my heart hurts a lot. no one else will like me. if my own boyfriend found me so repulsive that he would rather pay for photos and videos even though he had access to me the whole time, with me begging we would be more sexual because he didn't do a lot with me. I can't kill myself. I want to but my body keeps refraining the knife from cutting myself. the only harm I can do is hit myself but it's not enough. there isn't enough pain to distract the pain in my heart. if I did die he wouldn't care at all. my death would be his joy. he's going to love it when I die. I know him already. the day I die he would be jerking off to one of the girls he pays to talk to. maybe he will shed a tear but not too many. he will forget me in a week. there is no love. I hate myself. when will I die? I'll give anything to die already.