12 CHAPTER 12

After I graduated from secondary school I started working in a boutique as I hated being idle for long. My mind was a dangerous demon when left idle so I tried to keep it busy lest it led me to sin.

Even though I was lazy and loved my sleep I needed money of my own so I had to sacrifice my sleep. A very painful sacrifice.

We were a catholic family and I still believed in my faith as a Christian. I tried not to miss any program during the holy week no matter the situation. I still believed in God. He was the only thing that I believed in even though I could not see him. The only invisible thing I felt was visible. I believed he was visible because I could feel him. He was more real that any other thing.

On good Wednesday, rain fell heavily in Warri and I had to run to Church under the rain. Dirty rain water from the road and cars splashed on me as I ran to church, but I didn't stop or look back. I wanted to fulfil my obligation as a catholic.

I wanted to feel connected to something.

When I got to the church I sat at the back hoping to have some peace while my clothes dried off.

Just when I thought I had succeeded in avoiding everybody I saw Peter and I smiled at him. He waved and smiled back.

Peter was an old friend all the way back in my primary school. Funny enough he still looked the same as he did then when we were kids. Seeing him now I started to remember how I met him and how we played when we were little.

He left his pew to come to mine as there was still space on mine.

He was average in height and thin. I was fairer than he was a little even though he was quite fair. My friends used to laugh at me in secondary school. They would say I escaped being an albino, but I took it in good faith, I was prettier than they all were.

I knew this not because everyone told me but well because I had eyes and a mirror.

Peter looked thinner than he was the last time I saw him and his face was rougher. Maybe he was getting thinner because of boarding school stress, I guessed_ or it was something that was hereditary because his little sister Yole was like that too. I actually warmed up to him when he came over which was very unlike me to do when I see an old friend,

"Long time, how's school? I asked, smiling. He was shy and shy boys were my weakness. I loved the weakness of others. They made me ignore mine. It made me feel stronger to see that others were weaker than I was.

"School is fine, why are you wet he asked?" Hmmm wet, I wanted to ask what he meant by that but only a fool won't know. He was talking of my dress_Idiot! I thought, laughing to myself.

No dirty thoughts Mira. Mira....no dirty thoughts.

Even if I didn't engage in romance in high school, my classmates and friends never stopped saying sexual things to me.

They opened my eyes to things that they explored and wanted me to explore too, but I was too scared to. That was then, now, I started to warm up to the idea, to try one or two of those things they talked about and made to look so fascinating.

"I work far from here and I had to come under the ran."

"Oh." He looked at me for like a minute until he noticed that I was getting tensed up under his gaze, then he faced the altar.

Just then my prayer book fell from my legs where I had kept it. I bent down and purposely brushed my boobs on his hands which rested on his legs.

"Sorry." I whispered to myself, while sitting up straight. I mentally cursed myself for doing it. It was on impulse but it felt good to have a mans hand touch me there. He didn't look like he noticed or he was just really good at hiding his emotions.

A girl I knew from church came to stand behind the pew where I was sitting and I guessed she wanted to talk to me about something I didn't care about.

I wont call her a friend even though we said hi to each other whenever our paths crossed in church. I was very picky when it came to friendship and she wasn't someone I would like to call a friend.

She said 'Hi' to Peter and he ignored her. Normally that would make me mad but strangely it amused me.

She bent down so she was at ears length with me, "Can we talk outside?" She whispered.

'OK" I replied. I was curious to know what she wanted to say. They say Curiosity kills the cat, I hope it doesn't kill me though. "Excuse me Peter, I'm coming now."

Peter didn't reply, he looked as if he was pissed with something but I didn't know what it was. I would ask him though, if I can, just not now. For now I needed to hear what Chisom had to say that was so important that she couldn't wait until mass was over.