Chapter 1 – Yoshizawa Raito

Hi there,

My name is Yoshizawa Raito, just your average boy in the Ninja Academy at Konohagakure, home to the strongest ninjas ever.

As for me, my unique feature would perhaps be my green eyes. There are not many people with green eyes in the village; at least that's what I think is so.

Another unique feature about me is that I'm… an orphan.

When I said this, it would sound sad to some, but the truth is, it's just... a ninja's life. When I got the news, I took it quite hard at first, but I was somewhat prepared. My parents never sugarcoated things like missions and death. They knew it would happen, and so they prepared me for it. They would always tell me about these things, about the life of a ninja and the harsh world outside. How death could find you in this line of duty at any moment?

'If you are not ready to die, then you shouldn't try to be one.' This was the mantra my mother said every single day before I joined the academy.

Sigh

It has been about three years now, maybe more…

Um, the first year was horrible. 

I thought I could take it. 

I thought I could handle it. 

But… I did the minimum to live. 

At first, it was fine; I was like… every aspiring academy student, aiming to become a ninja. 

I went to the academy, did things and did great, but that stopped after some time, after I felt like it did not matter anymore. I had no interest in studying or sharpening skills, so I simply stopped, both.

Now that I think about it, why didn't the orphanage come looking for me?

After stopping the academy, I survived on bread, and there was water from the tap. Thankfully, someone, I never knew who, kept my house and service bills paid.

Time passed, and my world shrunk to the four walls of my house, of place that was the most sacred to me, where my memories of my parents were.

Maybe, I was here just to hold on to these precious things that was left for me.

If I looked outside I would see a lot of things but that became a poison to my thoughts.

I hated people.

The sight of smiling faces on the street, the clatter of happy conversations in tea house, the carefree laughter echoing through the park - it all fueled my bitterness.

I started rejecting people, who I see every day.

Their gazes, even the most casual glance, felt like an accusation, on me, for living. I lashed out, a wild animal cornered, at anyone who dared offer a kind word.

My behavior was a storm of self-destruction - reckless, emotional, devoid of reason.

Their desperate pleas pounded on the door and window, a relentless drumbeat from morning till night. 

I later found out they were my parent's friends and students, who wanted to help me in these tough times. Convinced, I was better off alone, I pushed them away.

Weeks later, I found out that many tried breaking in using force and Ninjutsu, but they did not even leave a scratch mark behind.

This fortress-like home my parents left behind had a complex array of seals inscribed on every corner with varieties of seals that made it practically indestructible, or so they say. 

Even Hokage-sama could do nothing about it , or maybe, he didn't wanted to. Didn't want to destroy the things left for me?

After the death of my parents, the only one other than me who had permission to enter was Mitarashi Anko. Hokage-sama recalled Anko-nee from a long-term mission. I don't know what happened to that mission, and I never dared to ask.

She came directly to the house with Hokage-sama and a team of skilled medical ninjas.

The medic-nin told me I was lucky to survive without food or water in my body. If Anko-nee were a few days late, then I would have been a cold corpse, instead of a grieving son.

I was forced to stay in the hospital for about three months, eating bland nutritive drinks and power block food. At first, the medic-nin had to use chakra to condition my body into a physiological state, meaning normal.

I was slapped, lectured, hugged, and cried upon at the hospital. Of course, that is when I became better.

Days dissolved into routines - wake, clean, eat, get checked. 

People came to visit and say something, and I just had to nod, and eventually they would go.

Eat more, exercise, then sleep.

The last day of October brought laughter, wind, and a village abuzz. Sun wrestled with clouds, struggling to break through. This day, shrouded in a fight between sun and clouds, brought Yamanaka Inoichi, my first of many mentors.

Things changed slowly, at a turtle's pace.

Anko-nee took a break from being a ninja and spent most of her time at my bedside.

I listened… a lot, about anything and everything. I soaked up every word, a sponge desperate for anything to fill that void.

She would tell me, and I would listen. Her small summon, a serpent with white scales that felt both frigid and comforting, always draped itself around me.

Yamanaka Inoichi's voice held a velvet smoothness that drew me in, each word a whispered promise of forbidden knowledge. I could remember his voice like an inescapable spell, forcing me to contemplate his words, forcing me to think, imagine, and create.

My goals? My dreams? My hope?

I said I didn't have any.

Then, he made me one.

My very own… reason to be.

Days dissolved into a routine of devouring food, lifted weights until my body screamed, Anko-nee's voice buzzing with scandalous whispers, and Inoichi-sensei's cryptic teachings.

In the hospital, I was surrounded by a sea of familiar faces. They were happy to see me. So many people knew me, a fact that both humbled and bewildered me.

A smile should have curved my lips, a word of thanks should have escaped from my lips.

Someone, I suspected Hokage-sama himself, had even taken care of the mundane burdens - house payment, utilities, even these hospital bills.

I should be grateful, and so, I was.

A hesitant smile, born of bewildered gratitude, flickered on my lips as I bowed my head.

I contemplated,

My mind, once convinced of the loneliness, 

A wave of realization, salty and bittersweet joy, crashed over me.

I wasn't alone. I had these warm hands, stretched towards me, waiting for me, to raise my hand, to hold them.

They were waiting for me patiently. For me to stretch my hand.

Iruka-sensei came to visit me. He had a small smile on his face, as he sat on the edge of my bed, talked with me and by the end of it all, he gave me homework.

I could take the semester exams if I wanted to, but without the practical test, my score would be on the lower side.

Before I could, Anko-nee agreed, she grinned, her eyes gleaming with a challenge.

Devoured books, aced quizzes, I burned through the material like a wildfire with the help of Anko-nee.

I got a full score on my theoretical portion, or so the nurses say. The news arrived not through Iruka-sensei's familiar voice, nor any other teachers from the academy, but it was fine since Anko-nee was there to celebrate with me. Anko-nee's boisterous celebration, her genuine pride, drowned out the disappointment.

Although, we did get a lecture from the hospital staff. 

Anko-nee brought a bunch of books, about things I have never seen or heard. I finished them, some full of theory, formulas and what not, while others were practical, like techniques for survival in wild.

As I closed the final page of the last book from the stack, her familiar knock sounded again, another book waiting to be read.

How many times did it happen? She would leave me alone, then just when I had finished, she would knock the door and come in with a new book in hand.

I must have been a couple of dozen. I couldn't remember.

It was a chore,

something to be done,

but…

I loved to just drown in them.

One day, she came empty-handed with a silly smile on her face and said that we went overboard and finished all the theoretical portions of the academy. I laughed. I laughed freely for the first time in a year.

I didn't know if it was because of the silliness of the situation or if it was because I felt free from those books. I really don't know, but I think I laughed because Anko-nee had that silly smile on her face.

Spring bloomed anew, and with it, a fresh academic term. I started going to the academy, and Anko-nee started her job in the T&I department. I continued my visitation with Inoichi sensei as a patient and a student.

As a patient, he taught me to be myself, embrace those problems and dissect them, to look for answers.

As a student, he taught me about people. How a person could, would and will think. How to whisper nothing for something. And how to do some other things… like I said cryptic teachings.

I could smile to someone to cheer them up, some times a pat on the back, some times a tight hug to share their troubles.

Iruka-sensei was not my homeroom teacher anymore; it was instead Mari-sensei or Mari-nee for me. I remember her from the hospital. She was a subordinate of mom and now the head of Intelligence Division.

What she taught were the same things in the book and a bit more but I have already finished them with Anko-nee's help. So, I mainly focused on practical lessons most of the time in the academy.

Inoichi sensei took me to meet the traveling merchants, their wares overflowing with marvels unseen in Konoha, such as 'electronic games.'

The first extravagant purchase of my life, electronic games, cost 21,000 yen.

It just captivated me like a banana to a monkey or fish to water. I chose one, then another, and somehow it turned into two enormous bags.

Connected to the TV, I played, completed games, and started another. A day went by, and I continued playing.

Handheld took time, but I played. I sneaked it into the academy, sat on the last seat, and played, only to be discovered by Mari-nee. She confiscated my game box and lectured me, but in the end, she returned it to me.

Could I be cheating? Like using a connection? Like in that one book, 'The Name of the Wind.' or is it called political power? Or the power of… let's not think those.

Such an addiction was the first for me. I skipped my Taijutsu lessons and blitzed through the Ninjutsu and theory portions.

I nearly failed my practical portion of the exams, and I even stopped visiting my parents' memorial. I was addicted to the game to such an extent that, at one point, I found myself nearing completion of the last game in my collection, knowing it would only take me a few more hours.

Unhesitatingly, I dropped my kunai pouch on the table. I sat on the couch and tossed my shoes away, then continued playing the game.

I didn't know, but my absence at the academy alarmed some people.

Just as I had finished my game, the door banged open, and Anko-nee rushed in with a worried expression.

Seeing me on the couch, she dashed towards me and hugged me tightly.

Alongside her, Mari-nee and Inoichi-sensei also rushed in and glanced at me and the game box in my hand.

In just six months, I had finished about 300 something games.

I had to promise them to focus on my studies.

Inoichi-sensei and Mari-nee started giving me more things to learn. I would be with one or another if I wasn't in the academy.

Inoichi-sensei started giving me books to read, and Mari sensei showed me secrets in my house.

I am sure that you aren't supposed to give kids the summary version of the ANBU mission log, are you?

Mari-nee sat with me for a long time, a small book in front of us.

It was a small book with doodles on the first page.

It was also the thing that my parents wanted me to learn, or so Mari-nee says.

With time, I started getting more involved with the academy and other miscellaneous things in life. I had many things that I wanted to do—ordinary ones and extraordinary ones.

I took a step back and looked at the people around me. They all had their stories and had lost things that were precious to them, just like me, but mine was far smaller compared to theirs… can I even word them in amount… to even say that whose problems are big or small, perhaps no one is capable of saying until they had themselves experienced.

I just wished for a life with them, but… my small, naive dream, that can never come true.