17 Chapter 15

Jax's POV

'The fuck she asking?'

I push her away from me for me to stand up. "Did I permit you to court me?" I ask back as I held her hand and dragged her to the table.

"Don't think anything stupid and let's eat. We have to get out of here as soon as that idiot regain his consciousness."

I saw her pouting and dismay plastered on her face.

'Damn'! I just got distracted because of her stupid question!'

...

I almost finish eating and she's just there torturing the fried chicken. She didn't even touch the rice.

"Ba't ba kasi nanghahalik! Paasa! Pinapaibig mo ako lalo tsaka hinahalik-halikan pa pero hindi ako sasagutin?" she murmured still avoiding my gaze and still torturing the chicken.

I heaved a sigh, put down the fork and spoon, then cross my arms.

'I wasn't aware that girls nowadays are over-dramatic!'

I don't have a choice so I sneakily let my necklace out of my shirt with the paper clip she gave me. I know this will make her happy and stop her from whining!

"About what happened earlier..." she stop what she's doing the moment I mentioned it. When she looked at me, I scratch my neck to catch her attention towards the necklace. And I easily succeed!

I was satisfied by her reaction. She smiled with awe plastered on her face. I expected her to mention the paper clip and ask me to give it back to her but she just suppress her smile then now eat properly.

'There! A peace of mind! Idiots are really easy to please! She even forgot the issue about the kiss. Tsk!'

I continued eating but minutes passed, I saw her taking a quick glance to unconscious Alfonso and bit her lips. I know she's feeling guilty 'cause she think that her ex-boyfriend did it to him.

I acted as if I didn't notice her every quick glance towards my scratches and bruises. I know she's troubled because of what happened and tried to make it not a big deal in front of me. She's like this. Though she's talkative about nonsense but she always hide the things she was troubled about.

I wanted to tell her what really happen in the court for her to stop feeling guilty, but a part of me don't want her to know what I did there.

I don't want to see her reaction when she'll know I did horrible things there. She hate Clark because she found out that he's a murderer. I don't want her to hate herself when she will know she's with a murderer too.

She fucking trust me!

She's sweet and easygoing. I wonder how she ended up with Clark. People like her should avoid people like him. She should avoid us for her to live a normal life. I already told her about it but she's still sticking with me!

Remembering those days she was bullied by Lance and Noreen, I didn't care about it that time but I know she tries really hard to hide her pain when she's with me. I even describe her a pathetic-being when she endured it all. The criticism of others for being the ex-girlfriend of that bastard, the physical and emotional pain from the treatment of that bastard's members!

She acted tough in front of everyone but when she's alone... I witnessed it many times, she always cried.

I didn't care about it before but it all matters to me now. I don't know how to explain it. This maybe how Exseven felt seeing Lavandeir being bullied by us.

I want her to be happy. She's not suitable to involve with us.

"Kitkat..."

"Hmm?" she meet my gaze so I was able to stare at her beautiful and innocent eyes.

"Why do you always interact with dangerous people?" I asked as calm as I could.

"Ha?"

"It's time for you to stop being with us... and I am fucking serious!" I didn't avoid my gaze and still trying to speak calmly.

"H-ha? P-pero bakit?"

She quickly got up and come to me bearing a worried face.

"Jax! Binabantaan ka ba ni Clark? Pinapalayo ka ba niya sa 'kin? Huwag kang maniwala sa kanya. Matagal na kaming wala. Wala siyang karapatang palayuin ka sa 'kin!"

I hate the way she panicked, it made me think for a second. The way she hold my arm desperately while holding her tears made me...

Made me feel this useless emotions!

"Stop!" I shouted at her and pulled my arm from her grip. I saw how she didn't expect me to shout at her. I saw her hurting because of it.

'Damn! Why is she being so weak?'

But I need to do it... Knowing that those assholes are after her because of me! I don't want her to experience horrible things! She's too nice to experience those!

I don't want to drag or involve someone innocent to danger again because of me. I've had enough of my members! I've had enough of Reid! I'm the one who recruited them all! I'm the one who forced Reid to join me back then!

But look at the result!

After this situation here, I'm gonna stay away from these two. This is more dangerous than before. The enemies aren't like those weak gangs. I cannot guarantee their safety!

"J-Jax! Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa 'yo!" she pleaded!

That words! That was also the promise Cath made me hold on to!

I stand up and hold her shoulders as I continue glaring at her. "Are you really that desperate? Do you think a man would love you because you're willing to do anything for them? No! You are easy to fool! Any man won't be interested to girls who would do anything for them, to beg the love that they wanted only for themselves! You're just selfish! I am not interested in you! I can't and will not love you!"

I gritted my teeth! After saying those, it feels like I wanted to take back my words!

Why the hell I'm hurting seeing her expression? Why the hell I want to hug her and comfort her? Telling her that what I said is the opposite to what I really wanted to tell!

Why the fuck I'm feeling this way when I shouldn't? I tried hard to avoid this feelings! I already expected myself to not encounter this kind of situation! I'm confident about it but now... I don't know anymore!

Is it maybe because out of pity?

"That maybe the reason why your boyfriend chose that bitch over you! She's better than you!" I fucking added it to hurt her more! For her to stay away from me! To hate me! 'Cause this is what I think is right!

And...

Why I was more afraid that she'll hate me when she find out the real me than hating me for pushing her away?

I expected her to slap me or to shout at me but she's just staring at my eyes while tears keep falling from her eyes.

'Shit!'

Then she sobs and hold my hand tightly. "P-pero Jax... m-mahal kita!"

After that she runs away from me and go to the comfort room and shuts the door.

I was left dumbfounded!

...

It's already past midnight. The bastard is still not conscious so I'm staying alert in case there's an intruder.

My plan isn't to stay here because anytime I'll be traced by those assholes but because of the situation, I had to stay with them.

Kitkat is on the other bed while me is here on the other, closing my eyes and thinking of many things. When she got out from the comfort room earlier, she didn't bother to look at me or even talk to me. And I just let her because it's my fault.

Hours passed already since I tried to sleep but I can't. I'm trying to organize my thoughts but I always ended up thinking about her. Her reaction, her tears, her innocent eyes, and her words!

I heaved a sigh!

I didn't report to Kernel yet about what happened in the court and about Alfonso encountering those unknown assholes, not until I got news from him when he wake up.

Those assholes were fast enough to plant minions five days ago. That means, they already know what I've been doing in the campus and whom I've been with. Whoever they are, they must not be underestimated.

The crumpled picture I got from that new recruit is still in my pocket. It still worries me that these two are already involve. They will use them as a bait to catch me!

'Fuck karma!'

About Alfonso, I am still proud he managed to stay alive and did his best to protect her. He reminded me of Reid.

Funny! I'm longing for someone's presence who's already gone!

...

I was so lost in thoughts when I suddenly felt someone's presence sneakily approaching me. I was about to move but I found out it's her.

"Jax? Tulog ka na?"

Why is she being like this? Why she's calling my name like I didn't hurt her a while ago? Is she really this idiot?

I was about to open my eyes but I heard her heaved a sigh. I felt her warm hands holding with mine.

"Mahal ko... Buti na lang at tulog ka na. Takot kasi akong lapitan ka..."

'The fuck she called me?'

I suddenly heard her sobbing softly and felt a warm liquid to my hand. I'm still guilty about what I did but it's the right thing to do.

I decided to pretend sleeping and just stay still to listen to her worries. Tsk! Is this really me?

"Bakit kasi lahat ng taong minamahal ko tinutulak ako palayo?" she said in between her sobs. "Ngayon alam ko na kung bakit. Kung hindi mo 'yon sinabi kanina, hindi ko malalaman ang rason... Pero ang sakit pala... Nanggaling pa sa 'yo 'yon at tinataboy mo pa ako..."

"Hindi ko naman hininging mahalin mo ako kasi alam ko impossibleng magkakagusto ka sa isang 'tulad ko. Gusto ko lang naman makasama ka..."

"Naka-focus lang sa 'yo ang atensyon ko at 'di ko na namamalayang naging desperada na pala ako sa paningin mo. Sorry..."

Why does her words are comforting me when I was the one who hurt her? It makes me feel guilty even more... I didn't know she's like this. How the hell that Clark abandon someone like her?

"Sorry at 'di ko namamalayang naging selfish na pala ako. Lalo pa akong nasaktan nang nanggaling mismo sa bibig mo na mas better pa sa 'kin si Noreen... Nasasaktan ako nang sobra..." she said as she sobs.

Why is she sorry?

"...Pero buti na lang tinawag mo siyang bitch kaya medyo natuwa ako..."

'What?'

"...Sabi na nga ba nagpapahalik ka d'on kasi mas better pa 'yon sa 'kin. Sabi na nga ba gusto mo rin si Noreen! Kunwari ka pa eh nagpapa-cute ka rin d'on! Kaya siguro hindi mo ako sinagot! Do'n ka na sa Noreen mo!"

'Ha?'

"Kung gusto mo pala siya bakit mo pa ako pinaasa sa mga matatamis mong halik? May pabuhat-buhat ka pa sa 'kin at pinapakilig pa pero mas better pa pala si Noreen para sa 'yo? Jax aminin mo nga... Babaero ka talaga no at umaakto ka lang na kunwari cold ka para ma-aatract sa 'yo mga babae? Babaero ka pala mahal ko!"

'WHAT THE FUCK?'

...

Itutuloy...

A/N : Please correct my typos and grammatical error. Sorry natagalan ng update. Salamat po sa lahat ng nagbabasa ng story ko. Please vote po.