28 - Morning talks

''A walk down the street, by Adrena Calero

A happy home. A mailbox that reveals a family of four, all equally happy, privileged and content. The flowers in their garden stretches their beautiful necks to welcome the nosey neighbors, who envy the full grain diets, fully pure smiles and fulfillments that they see inside.

They can't help but being jealous, thinking ''what did I do wrong'', as they peek through the unblemished shiny windows.

Inside, a mother and a father is cooking dinner – together. Their two kids, who just arrived home from private school, are already deeply focused with their soon-to-be A+ assignments. There isn't a single minus, in this household.

Just across the street, there's another home. This mailbox reveals a family of three, all equally miserable, confused and abandoned. The flowers in their garden, which they share with the other unfortunates in the same apartment building, is facing downwards, and their necks are just about to break.

The nosey neighbors, who walks by the complex with relief, can't help but feeling grateful, thinking ''I did something right'', as they peek through the blemished, dirty windows.

Inside, a father, a daughter and her best friend, is eating takeout – apart. The two girls, who just arrived home from public school, doesn't have time for homework, cause they have chores to do. There is nothing but minuses, in this household.''

--------------------

**Adrena's point of view**

His scent. If I wasn't already addicted to comfort, I would have found a new addiction, by the smell of him. It changes, but never in a bad way. Sometimes, his scent reminds me of perfect mornings – the ones where the eggs are perfectly done, the coffee tastes just a little better, and the traffic is giving you green lights until you reach your destination.

Other times, his scent reminds me of rainy days, while staying inside a cabin, a fireplace and red wine.

Last night, I encountered a new scent. It reminded me of a beach, on a fuming hot day, with waves rushing into the shore. If this is what sex smells like, then I wouldn't know – yet. But something tells me, that I soon will.

I wasn't ready. I don't know what I'm waiting for, or why I feel stressed out about it, but I do. There's this insane primitive voice inside my head, that says: ''treat him well, and give him what he deserves.''

And I want to. But somehow I'm afraid, that I'd lose a little part of myself, if I give in. And I deeply cherish the little parts of me, that's still there. The parts that no one has stolen from me.

I woke up half an hour ago. Lorenzo's still sleeping, which gave me a little time to adjust. He was laying on his side, with his back towards me, wearing only boxers.

I led out a silent, yet nervous laugh as I thought about last night. I never thought that I'd be one of those women, who smiles because of a man, but here I am, with an uncontrollable beam on my face.

I think I'm in love. Which is insane. I've known him for what, four days? It feels more like four years, given the events we've already encountered. I think it's safe to say, that we've experienced more in just 48 hours, than most people have in a lifetime.

And I don't see it as a success, rather a tragedy. We didn't choose each other, we were forced by fate, God or whoever is behind this madness. I don't believe in God, the same way others do. But I believe In values, and what they can do to someone's life.

Besides from being in the lower class, and being known as the ''less fortunate'', I have several valuable things. Funny how four days, can change a person's perspective. I was obsessed with values, and what people could offer me, but only now do I realize, that it doesn't matter. I've completely forgotten myself, and forgotten what values I have to give to others.

I find it valuable, that I have the strength to lay here, next to a man, who betrayed me in such a horrible way, only three days ago. I give him the value of forgiveness. And even more considerable, I give him my devotion. Now I have to learn to accept, that I can't ever know if he gave me the same.

I decided to get up, and take a shower. As I moved, Lorenzo woke up. I used the blanket that we shared as we slept, to cover my body. I was only wearing panties, and wasn't prepared for his hungry morning eyes, who consumed the sight of me, quicker than the speed of light.

''Morning'' he mumbled, as he pulled himself up. He was sitting against the wall behind the bed, and rubbed his tired eyes as he yawned. He caught me staring, and instantly fixed his hair, that was messy, in a sleepy kinda way.

''Hi – I'm gonna take a shower'' I responded in a nervous tone, as I got up, still with the blanket swept around my body. I stood with my back towards him, so he wouldn't see my swelled morning face, and tangled hair.

''Wait, come back for a sec-'' he groaned, with a deep and rather stern voice.

I stood for a second, while clapping my left foot against the floor. I bit my lip, as I turned around, and re-seated on the bed. ''What is it?'' I asked.

''Come lay with me. We're not in a hurry right now, so let's just enjoy that. Come here-'' he murmured, as he reached out his arm. Seconds later, I was lying next to him. He sneaked inside the blanket, which gave me chills from the cold air.

Briefly after, I could feel his warm body against my back, which forced my eyes to close, out of pure comfort. He wrapped his arms around me, and used his right hand, to hold a firm grip around my breast. I gasped, and felt a kick in my stomach.

Not only because of the intimacy that I apparently so desperately needed, but also from the kisses he gave me, down my neck.

I felt so safe, which, on paper, would be considered as a good thing. And it probably is, but it triggered something inside of me. The half an hour I spend 'alone' gave me time to think, and sometimes I tend to overthink.

I like him too much.

I tried to escape his grip, but he held me back tightly, without removing his arms from me.

''Lorenzo, I need to take a shower. Just let me go-''

He interrupted me, and lifted his head, to look at mine. With a frown, he said:

''Don't do this, Adrena. Just let me hold you. Is it really that awful for you, that I have to fucking beg?''

I don't blame him for not understanding my behavior. I don't quite understand it myself. Each time something slightly good or fortunate happen to me, I crawl away like a coward. A shrink would probably diagnose me with ''abandonment issues'', or write in her journal that I have issues with trust. And it's probably true.

''I don't know how to be here. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own body. You don't understand-''

''I can't, if you don't help me understand. Adrena, you clearly have some issues. And I don't blame you. You've been through a lot. But please just tell me, what I can do, to make you feel better. If this isn't helping, then I'll let you go.''

I wanted to punch myself right in the face, for being such an idiot.

''I don't know what I want. I-… I really like you, Lorenzo. And that terrifies me, because I know you don't feel the sa-''

He interrupted me, yet again.

''Don't tell me about how I feel, you don't have a fucking clue about how I feel. I like you too, and that is fucking crazy.'' He paused for a second, and clenched his jaw. Despite my eyes being teared up, I still managed to notice the look in his eyes – they seemed disordered.

''I haven't known you for that long, but somehow I still feel like I understand you. Even when no words are spoken.'' He said, as he reached for my hand and kissed it. ''If you ever feel lonely or sad, and I'm not around, then hold it to your cheek, and I'll be there.''

At that point, I was beyond words. How can someone so tough and so haunted, be so poetic and kind?

''Lorenzo, I… I don't know what to say-'' I whispered, while a tear rolled down my chin. He noticed, and dried it away with his thumb.

''Don't say anything. Just close your eyes, and accept the fact, that I fucking care.'' He mumbled back, as he moved closer. I did as he said, and closed my eyes. Not long after, I fell asleep.

**Lorenzo's point of view**

We almost did it – had sex, I mean. But yet again, she wasn't ready. And damn it, I was so close to just give in, and feed her to my inner demons and desires. No woman has ever rejected me before.

I woke up an hour ago, and has been playing nervously with my hair ever since. Adrena is sleeping peacefully next to me, unaware of the thoughts that streams through my mind like uncontrollable rivers.

She was laying with her back facing me, which gave me a full view of the healed wounds, that looked like small lightning bolts down her spine. I was inches away from stroking her skin with my fingers, but withdrew my hands, as she jerked a little.

I have to know what happened down in that basement. Each time I mention Dimitri, the fire or something that even slightly resembles her horrors, I can see how her lips begins to tremble. There is still so much, that I don't know about her. She's so insecure, and I simply don't understand how that's possible, given her perfection.

I've never been a commitment kinda-guy, not even slightly interested in the whole ''spending the rest of our lives together'' promises, that naive fools in love gives each other. The only two people whom I believed, when they gave each other that promise, is my parents.

They have their issues, no doubt, but they fucking love each other regardless. And I have no idea, how my mother can stand it, with the circumstances In which she lives in. Being bound to the mafia, without being able to have a saying, most be such a difficult task.

I miss her. My mama. My heart breaks each time I think about her, and our last phone call. She must be worried out of her mind right now, and I can't even call her, and tell her that I'm O.K. I just hope my father will take good care of her, now that I can't.

I turned my glance to Adrena again. She was only wearing panties, and I liked to lay there in silence, next to her and watch her naked skin move with her deep breaths. I liked that she was clearly comfortable enough with me, to do so.

I decided to get up, and take a shower. I've always believed that it is the best way to start the day – besides from a workout, which is almost impossible to do in such a little room as this. I did my best not to wake Adrena up, as I removed the blanket we shared, but failed.

She turned her head to me, still with her eyes closed, and said:

''What time is it?''

She looked so cute, with her hair all messy, in a loose bun. She was covering her body with the blanket, so I wasn't able to get a full view of her. I looked at my watch, and replied:

''12.30.''Are you feeling better?''

She rubbed her eyes, and slowly opened them while yawning loudly. 'Yes, thanks. But I'm a little cold.'' She looked down at her body, and pulled up the blanket even closer to her face. ''Are you getting up?''

''Yes.'' I replied, as I got up. ''I'm gonna take a shower – I promise to be quick, so there's enough hot water for you.''

She didn't say anything, as I walked towards the bathroom. I closed the door behind me, but didn't lock it. I undressed, and walked inside the shower, and turned on the water. Only a couple of seconds passed, before I could hear the door being opened.

I could hear small and careful steps coming towards the shower. As I combed my wet hair back with my fingers, the shower curtain was ripped to the side. In front of me stood Adrena, completely naked.

She didn't look me in the eyes, instead she looked down, as she walked inside the shower. Her body was trembling a little, so I moved to the side, so she could stand under the running hot water.

I could only manage to give her a brief moment, before I placed my hands around her hips. She was standing in front of me, with her back towards my front. Because of my height, I had a full view of her body from behind, and had to bite my lip from the sight of it. She was so fucking precious.

''What are you doing?'' I mumbled, while trying to restrain myself. I intertwined my fingers by her belly, so I had my arms all the way around her.

''No talking-'' she whispered back, as she turned around and pulled my face down to hers. I was surprised by her sudden approach, and even impressed. I used to be the one, calling the shots. Our lips met, and I quickly placed my hands on her face, holding her as close and tight to me, as possible.

I was no longer able to control myself, and without being certain – I wasn't sure if she wanted me to. I picked her up, and pushed her up against the wall behind us. She gasped, so I paused our kiss and asked her what was wrong.

She hesitated before she answered, and bit her lip nervously.

''Are you expecting, that we have sex?'' she asked. I was thrown away by her question, and had a hard time finding the right answer.

''Shit, I don't know. Clearly, you can tell that I want too-'' I said, as I pointed at my dick, that was fully erected. ''But I don't expect anything, that you don't feel ready for. We can take it slow, if you want-'' I continued.

When did I become such a weak jackoff? In front of me, stands a woman, completely naked and ready for me. And then I tell her, that we can 'take it slow'. Damn, my father was right. Some women are able to change a man.

''I think I'm ready-'' she whispered back, into my ear. I tightened my grip around her back, which made her grimace from the pain of her wounds.

''Fuck, I'm sorry baby-'' I groaned. ''I can't control myself, when I'm with you.''

''You don't have to, I'm all yours-''

…

Was that a knock on the front door?

Fuck that, probably just room service.

…

Again? Who the fuck has the nerve to interrupt me, just as I am about to fuck the girl who makes me go insane?

''Lorenzo, I think there's someone at the door. What if it's the Russians?'' Adrena nervously said, as I put her back down.

''I don't hope for them, that it is. Whoever it is, is about to get shot through their fucking skull-'' I angrily hissed, as I stepped out of the shower.

I grabbed a towel, and walked towards the door. ''Who the fuck is it?'' I yelled, as I reached for my gun in my bag.

''Open up, Lorenzo!'' someone yelled from outside. I recognized the voice immediately.

Fuck.

It wasn't the Russians.

It was my mother.