Why doesn’t he love me?

Trigger warning(s): vomiting + coughing blood and flowers

Noah. He was amazing. Just so.. perfect. Everything about him, anything about him was perfect. Of course Cody would never tell anyone these thoughts, so here he is staring at him across the dining hall table like a weirdo. He pushed around the mush on his plate aimlessly with one hand, the other holding up his head with his elbow resting on the table, his eyes remaining on Noah.

That was till Noah's eyes met his as the tanned skinned boy began to put down his book, most likely noticing Cody's eyes burning holes through him. "Uhg. Why are you staring at me?" Noah asked, his eyebrow raised the way it almost always was. The way that made his forehead crease, his eyes squint a bit.. his beautiful brown eyes..

Cody immediately put his eyes back on his 'food' (if you could even consider chefs cooking food) "Just uhhh trying to see what you are reading!" He answered with a timid grin, not looking back up. He heard Noah scoff and despite not even looking at him he could practically picture the eye roll he knew was given to him. "I doubt you even know how to read."

And just like with every other insult Noah gave him, his heart shattered a bit more.. he didn't even try to defend himself, instead putting his focus on the food once again. He lifted the fork up to his mouth and took a bite, he attempted to swallow it but… before he knew it he was running to the confessional, hearing Chris comment about how "Chef's food tends to do that to people!" in his dumb overly cheery voice.

After a bit of fumbling with the lock he fell to his knees over the toilet, vomiting. But it felt weird.. like he drank spoiled milk. As if…something was stuck in his throat. It was painful. He squeezed his eyes shut as he threw up the little bit of Chef's food he had managed to eat from the past couple days.

He gripped the toilet seat hard, his knuckles turning white. After a bit, he slumped down and finally opened his eyes seeing..it wasn't Chef's food it was.. blood. And..was that..? How..? How had he puked up flower petals?! Despite blood staining each petal he could see the color scheme of the delicate flower petals, deep red and blue that reminded him of Noah- and there was searing pain again.

He shot up and once again vomited, now knowing each chunk in his throat was oddly colored petals which made him more aware of the feeling of every lump as his throat burned with each gag. He once again slumped down, leaning against the toilet. The metallic smell of blood heavy in the air also staining his taste, with an oddly calming floral flavor…

What the fuck was happening to him?! He slowly lifted himself up, using the toilet to help support his shaky legs. Which just about every part of him was shaking.. who wouldn't be after puking blood and flower petals. He took his hand and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, using the other to support him by holding the counter.

"Eheh.. I hope this isn't recording.." Cody said to the camera with a raspy voice, letting out a nervous chuckle. He turned around and flushed the toilet, then twisted on the faucet and splashed a bit of cold water on his face. He held a hand up and collected some water, swishing it around in his mouth a bit, spitting it out to reveal blood stained water.

He stared as it washed down the drain, the gravity of the situation hitting him full force in that moment. He just.. he just vomited blood and flower petals. That cannot be normal. But…he doesn't know if he should tell anyone..what would they even say? Would they believe him..? Would he be voted off the show? Would…would Noah think he was crazy? And there it was again.

At just the mere mention of Noah in his thoughts he gagged. He just needed to get his mind off the boy.. it wasn't like he'd ever be interested in someone like him. Even if he did like- hell maybe even love Noah, he was just.. well him. A geek. Who a most likely straight, smart, amazing, perfect- okay he needed to stop thinking of him. He just needed a distraction or something!

A knock at the confessionals door brought him out of his thoughts. He jumped a bit, startled by the sudden noise. "W-who is it?" He asked, mentally cursing at himself for stuttering especially since his voice was still raspy due to throwing up..

"It's Noah. You've been in there a while.. you okay? Not that I'm concerned! It was the others who sent me here, I uh didn't go because I wanted to.." And god dammit. There it was. That voice.. the one that sounded like music to his ears. But the things he says..are always words he never wants to hear. Usually just sarcastic comments or little insults.. but each one tore his heart into a thousand pieces over and over again.

He was going to reply to Noah but no words came out, only a gag. And suddenly he was hovering over the toilet again, gripping the seat with all his strength as the sickening sight of blood and petals filled the bowl once more. He didn't want Noah to hear this.. especially since he probably wouldn't even be concerned… "Are you okay? Should I get Chris..?"

Everything was painful. He was in so much fucking pain.. "I-i'm fine just-" he gagged again, gripping the toilet seat hard. The pain was so bad he thought he might cry, the watery eyes he got from throwing up not really counting as crying. "-Just Chef's food!" he managed to squeak out between gags. Each painful chunk came out as clumps of flower petals, just the sight of the beautiful colors mixed with the deep taunting red had him gagging and coughing.

He couldn't help but whimper as his throat burned.. and his lungs. Each cough racked his body and hurt. A few dry petals came out, the soreness of his throat increasing with each one. Cody was suspecting Noah had left after not hearing anything from outside the door during his coughing fit.. but that voice Cody loved and dreaded came once again.

"Should I get someone? That.. sounded really bad.." Cody thought for a moment, Noah probably wouldn't even care for his well being but rather if he could compete in challenges and not bring down the team… "I'm fine now..you can go." He croaked out, but oh how he wished for Noah to stay… he wanted to be with him, he wanted to hold his hand, he wanted to hug him… he wanted to date him.

"Alright. I'll go.. just don't be getting everyone else sick…" Yep. Cody knew Noah wouldn't care about him but more so the team…Noah would never love him….