|36| It's been years

| FAITH'S POV |

Seven years after...

I should have bought you flowers,

And held your hand,

Should have gave you all my hours,

When I had the chance,

Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance,

Now my baby's dancing,

But she's dancing with another man

Tumikhim muna ang judge bago magsalita. "Honestly, your vocal range is great. I see. We'll just send you an email for confirmation, you may go back."

Ngumiti na lamang ako. Hindi na ako aasa pa, halata namang hindi nila gusto ang pagkanta ko. Email? Haay, pinapaasa lang naman ako ng mga 'yan. I'm always going to an audition, wherever it takes, but still, look at me now...

Lumabas ako sa mainit na kwartong 'yon at pumuntang parking lot.

Tama nga ang kasabihan. Walang taong naku-kuntento. Kahit gaano kalaki ang sweldo mo, hindi maiiwasan lumingon ka sa kung anong talaga ang gusto mo.

"Tara, ise-celebrate na'tin birthday ni Kuya." Ngumiti ako at pumasok sa kotse n'ya.

---

"It's been seven years..." Samuel looks around and smiles. "Dito tayo unang nagkita."

Umupo ako, inilagay ang boquet at hinaplos ang lapida. "Kuya, happy birthday! Kumusta na? Miss na kita... It's been seven years, 'di ka na nagpapakita sa panaginip ko. Ang duya mo naman, ang dami ko pang kwento sa'yo tungkol sa nakakainis kong ka-trabaho, eh! Ayaw mo na ba akong kausap?" I pout.

It's been seven years when Kuya Fin went to heaven. Noon, napagdesisyunan naming tanggapin na wala na s'ya. Ipinatanggal namin ang makina na s'yang bumubuhay sa kapatid ko. Ate Elizabeth went to US one year after, and we don't have any communication since then. I know it was hard, but atleast, Nanay stayed strong. I stayed strong because of her, and Samuel.

Naramdaman kong umupo si Samuel sa tabi ko at umakbay. "Hayaan mo na 'tong kapatid mo, Fin. Ang daldal sa'yo tapos sa'kin tahimik? Maggala ka na lang d'yan sa langit. Binabantayan ko naman 'tong cute mong kapatid, ang cute oh!" Pinisil n'ya ang pisngi ko na ikinatawa ko. "Ang cute! Mukhang tutang pikit!"

"Aray! Ano ba!" Natatawa kong sabi at hinampas s'ya palayo. Lumingon ako sa suot kong wrist watch at saka bumaling kay Kuya. "Haay, as usual, may flight na naman ako. Sorry, Kuya. Next time, tatambay ako kapag hindi na busy. Happy birthday ulit! Pakasaya ka sa heaven. I love you!" Kumaway kaway pa ako sa harap ng lapida n'ya. And I'm sure he's happy to see us again.

Mabuti ka pa, Kuya. Tamang lakad lang sa langit. Kailan ba matatapos 'tong paghihirap ko?

"Good bye, Kuya Fin!"

I stay quiet while going back to our house, here near the NAIA Airport. Nakapagpundar na kami ng maganda at malawak na bahay, I proved something to my Mom. Sobrang bilis ng panahon, parang kahapon lang I was striving hard going from my school to my part-time job. Blood, sweat, and tears ang iniambag ko para sa ikagaganda ng buhay namin ni Nanay.

Si Samuel? Now, he's a lawyer. And not just that. He graduated last year too. Kumuha kasi s'ya ng Fine Arts right after graduating from Law School. Nagawa n'ya pareho ang dapat at gusto n'yang kurso.

That's how the life goes on.

---

Ninoy Aquino International Airport, 8:00 AM.

"Faith."

Napahinto ako sa pagbukas ng pinto ng kotse at lumingon kay Samuel.

"Hmm?"

Dahan-dahan n'yang inilabas ang isang ring box at binuksan iyon. This is the ninth time he proposes to me, and again, with a different kind of ring. More beautiful than last year. Bawat taon, pabago bago. Pero hindi pa rin nagbabago ang desisyon ko.

Magsasalita pa lamang s'ya ay inunahan ko na s'ya. "Samuel... You know, this isn't the right time, okay? Marami pa tayong kailangan unahin, marami pa akong kailangang gawin. I want to explore the world, I want to do more. I'm sorry pero hindi pa ako ready."

Pang siyam na rejection. Pare-parehong dahilan lang ang sinasabi ko tuwing nagp-propose s'ya. I always feel guilty when he's doing this. I know he's always been hurt.

He meets my gaze now. "Why? Hindi mo ba nagustuhan ang singsing? New release 'to mula France."

Hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng awa. Umiling ako. "No — I'm sorry... But it's just that..."

"I'm 25 years old now, and you're 27. Faith, can't you explore the world with me? Can't you fulfill your dreams while being married with me? I won't stop you for what you want to do, I'll just be here. I did everything to make you say yes... But why things didn't flow like I want?"

Tumulo ang luha sa mata n'ya, kaya agad kong hinaplos ang pisngi n'ya.

"Samuel, hindi mo ako naiintindihan... Oo, dapat katulad na ko ng mga katrabaho ko, may fiancé, nagpa-plano ng kasal, yung iba nga, may anak na... Pero ibahin mo ako sa kanila, can't you trust me?"

Marahan n'yang inialis ang kamay ko sa pisngi n'ya. Ang kaninang umiiyak ay napalitan ng malawak na ngiti.

"Okay lang. Huwag mo akong intindihin. Saka may next time pa naman, eh. I'll make sure my 10th proposal will make you say yes."

Ngumiti na lamang ako. Lumabas ako ng kotse, si Samuel naman ay ibinigay sa'kin ang maleta. "Kailan balik mo?"

"I'll just message you."

"Okay."

---

Naglalakad ako sa lobby papunta sa terminal, it's 15 minutes before our flight pero wala pa rin akong nakikitang kasama kong FA. Weird. Bawal ang Filipino Time dito, ah? Napatigil ako saglit at itinayo ang maleta ko nang marinig na tumunog ang phone ko.

It's from Samuel.

I love you. Keep safe. 🧡

Nag type na ako ng ire-reply, pero napatigil ako nang makarinig ng boses mula sa likod. Mas lumalim pero hindi naman ako nagkakamali. Tandang tanda ko pa rin ang boses n'ya.

"At last, nagkita rin tayo. How's you seven years?"

Naistatwa ako sa kinatatayuan. My heart begin to pound, as if it's in a race. It's been seven years... Yet it's like yesterday. I stay speechless.

"Did you suffered too?" He says.

Tuluyan na akong lumingon sa kan'ya. He looks taller and muscular on his Airline Pilot Uniform. Hinubad n'ya ang suot na black sunglasses at sumilay ang isang ngisi.

"Stay..."

"Marry me." Diretsahan n'yang sabi. Walang alinlangan at seryoso ang mukha.

I'm startled, pero agad naman akong nakabawi. Tumawa ako ng may pang-uuyam at itinaas ang isang kilay. "Is that a joke?" I roll my eyes, grab my suitcase and continue to walk inside the airport.

Pero ramdam ko pa rin na sinusundan n'ya ako, kahit gaano pa kabilis ang lakad ko. Gosh. Ganito ba kapag mahaba ang biyas?

"Why? We're successful now, we can do everything we want. We can marry now, Faith."

Para bang nagpantig ang mga tenga ko. S'ya lang ang narinig ko kahit maraming tao sa paligid, parang nawala silang lahat. Tumigil ako at tumikhim, hindi nagsayang ng oras para lingunin s'ya.

"A friendship that turns into a relationship is worthy. But a relationship that turns into strangers is worthless. We lose both. Tigilan mo na ako, Stay."

"What are you saying? Oh, Faith, don't act like you didn't promised me. You said you'll come back when everything's fine. We promised to be together after this--"

Iritado akong lumingon sa kan'ya.

"Enough!"

I see his eyes we're hopelessly hopeful. "Faith, Listen."

I look heavenwards and purse my lips to prevent myself from crying. Then, I look straight at him.

"You should move on."

Tumalikod na ako at dumiretso papunta sa airplane.

"NAIA Airlines Flight to Bali is now boarding. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready for boarding."

"Why are you saying that as if nothing happened?!" Habol na sabi n'ya pero binilisan ko na lang ang lakad para hindi na s'ya magsalita pa.

"This is the final boarding call for NAIA Airlines flight to Bali."

---

"Girl, ang guwapo n'ya 'no? Grabe minsan lang tayo magkaroon ng Captain na gan'yan! Oh ano, sinong pupusta?" ani Macey, ang payatot kong kaibigan. Kidding. Marami s'yang hinaharot na piloto, kadalasan passengers na kano.

"Girl! Trust me, after this flight, hindi mo make-keri ang spokening dollar na 'yan!" Si Brent. Ang paminta. Sa mata ng iba, maskulado s'ya. Pero sa'min? Isa s'yang frog. Baklang frog. "Sa California raw nag aral 'yang si Fafa Montemor! Bigatin 'diba? Kaya bakla, tama na. Wala kang chance."

Nasa loob na kami ng eroplano, naghahanda na rin kami para i-demonstrate ang safety features ng aircraft. Ready for take off na kami.

"Good morning passengers. This is your captain speaking. We are currently cruising at an altitude of 30,000 feet at an airspeed of 400 miles per hour. The time is 9:15 AM. The weather looks good. If it cooperates, we should get a great view of the city as we descend. The cabin crew will be coming around in about twenty minutes time to offer you a light snack and beverage. I'll talk to you again before we reach our destination. Until then, sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight." He announces as if nothing happened earlier.

You already reached your dream. I'm happy for you, Captain Montemor.