CHAPTER 3

"Hey! Here comes the rising star of Cincinnati!" Dexter yelled while pointing towards Eric who just entered the radio station.

Dexter and Eric have been buddies since Eric joined the station family. More so, they're like brothers. Unlike Eric though, Dexter Daniels is not one of the DJs. He's among those who work behind the microphone during programs. Dexter is one of the sound technicians of the radio station. Despite being a year older than Eric at the station, they blend well. He and Eric have been paired several times during the program of Eric and became comfortable working with each other. They even go out to Ally's, a nearby small bar where DJs go to unwind for a glass of beer after their work.

Eric takes pleasure in his work, his co-workers and the station itself even though it is small. The radio station is a well-respected station. Although not as big as some national radio station, it's still renowned among people of Ohio and nearby States. The WJRQ 103 radio station is currently renting the whole second floor of an old building along the heart of Reading Road. Even though the radio station is undersized in terms of the space and manpower, it is competitive in modernity and facility from the rest of the long list of radio stations in Cincinnati and other parts of the State. It has six rooms in total including the lobby to begin with. As you enter deeper, the remaining five rooms aligned at sides and at the end. On the left side is the conference room followed by the rest area while on the right side is the small recording room followed by the control room. At the far end is the magic room, the live room where all the waving of magic wands happens.

Eric just entered the radio station's rest area. He was early as usual for his program. Eric had never been late in any program or event he was assigned. He always made sure that he is either one hour early to prepare his self psychologically or at least minutes before. Today, he was more than an hour early. It's not just he has nothing to do but he wanted to show the book to his co-workers. He knows that they too would be touched by it.

Incidentally, there were at least three people in the rest area. Dexter was sitting on the couch while watching the news program. Lea Hobbs and Ryan Morton, also DJs who had just finished their program, were eating in a small table at the far end of the room. Lea and Ryan had been great mentors for Eric. Every now and then they have been giving valuable advice to Eric from their long time stay at the radio station. Experience is the mother of wisdom. From the moment Eric joined the station family, they have been supportive of him. They were even the ones who recommended that he should get the evening program alone due to his charisma to listeners and it worked perfectly for the station. Eric has been gaining more and more listeners to his evening program as days and months passed by.

"You're too early today. What's up?" Ryan asked. They knew that something is bothering Eric. It was just like a habit if he wants to ask something or consult them, he would arrive just after their program. He was easy to be read. They had been used to him now.

Eric smiled as he approached the table. He grabbed some bread on the table and took some bites. "Have you ever encountered finding a letter not addressed to you but to another person and it was so moving that it broke your heart?"

"What do you mean?" Lea asked as everyone else was confused by the question of Eric. They were not used to kind of questioning of Eric. He usually asked about technicalities with his program or some suggestions he would like to do. It was usually work-related but today was different. He was asking somewhat vague and broad.

Eric sat at the empty chair next to Ryan, "You see. I bought a book yesterday before going to work. As you know I love to read books especially the classic books. It's like an addiction that I could not resist…"

Before Eric could even finish what he was going to say, "Hey men! Don't go around the bush. Tell us straight point," Dexter interrupted.

"Okay! Okay!" Eric took another bite on the bread,

"Last night, I found a letter in the book, second hand book, that I bought. It moved me," Eric explained.

"Do you have the letter with you?" Dexter asked.

"Of course!" Eric pulled out the book from his sling bag and placed it on top of the table. "Here," he added.

As Ryan held the book, Dexter stood at the back of Lea and Ryan. Ryan started to browse the pages, looking for the letter. "Look at the back leaves," Eric instructed. He knew that they thought that the letter was written on a separate paper. To give them time to read it, he grabbed some soda, bread and sat on the coach allowing them to absorb the message of the letter.

When they were done reading, Dexter sat next to Ryan. They couldn't believe what they have read. Silence overshadowed them in the world of the dying message of the father.

"So… what do you think?" Eric asked.

"It's one hell of a letter. You must have been born under a lucky star or maybe you were really destined for it. Or, you should bless your lucky star for finding it," Dexter answered.

"Look at Lea. She's in tears," Ryan jokingly added.

"Hey… you can't blame me. Every word of the letter touched my heart, all children's hearts." Lea wiped some tears in her eyes. "It made me remember my father," she added. Lea's father died about two months ago. Her pain of separation was still lurking inside her heart. It was actually one of the many commonalities among the four of them. All of them have already lost their fathers and Lea was the last.

"I know how you feel. I was crying last night as I was reading it," Eric added. Eric couldn't sleep last night. He was reading the letter several times. The more he read it, the more he discovered and imagined the condition that the father was in.

"Do you have any idea who the writer was?" Ryan asked as he continues to browse the pages of the book.

"None! I went back to the bookshop this afternoon and it may take time to find the name of the person who sold it to them," Eric explained.

Do you think that it's just a prank of the previous owner?" Dexter asked and the rest of them were cynically staring at him. "I'm just saying. It's still possible. Right?" he added.

"And I'm the writer of Romeo and Juliet. Don't you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?" Lea sipped some of her soda.

"Didn't you feel the longing of the father to reach out to his daughter? It's so real!" she added.

"That's my point in allowing you to read it as well. There seems to be a voice wanting to be sent to the addressee."

"I felt that too," Ryan agreed while Lea and Dexter nodded. "But what can we do? There is no clue. You just have to wait for the result of the bookshop search," he added.

Dexter suddenly stood up and snatched the book from Ryan, "I have a brilliant idea."

"What?" they asked.

"Why not read the letter later on your program and show the book on the camera." Dexter smiled. "It would be hitting two birds at the same time. We would be able to get more listeners by the touchy letter and probably get more information about the letter. Am I brilliant or what?" he added.

"That seems to be a good idea, the first coming from you," Ryan complimented.

"Come on! I always have brilliant ideas here." Dexter was always laughed at for his bizarre suggestions during meetings or even their get-together at the bar.

"No! Are you out of your mind? I won't breathe a word of it especially on a radio program. No matter what the reason is, it is still a personal story. I won't tell a soul." Eric shook his head.

"I am in my mind." Dexter sat and took a bite of the bread. "Just imagine some of the listeners might know who this Yam is or who wrote it. They could help us in our search for clues," he reasoned. Dexter has a point. The radius of their audience is not limited in the Cincinnati area. It goes beyond Ohio State even though it's not a national radio station. However due to the modernization of the station, they can even go live visually through their website and reach even the other side of the world.

Eric took some time thinking. "It's a personal letter and besides, Luther would not allow it. We will just put ourselves into trouble. Surely, he would be mad enough to chew nails!" he rebutted. Luther Beasley is the station manager of the place. He has the longest tenure at the radio station. Yet, he listens to the voice of Lea and Ryan every meeting and conference. He is quite approachable but the kind of manager who wants every program to be inch-perfect.

"There would be no problem with Luther. We can talk to him. Is that right, Ryan?" Lea said.

"Yeah!" Ryan answered.

"But…" Eric hesitated, "It's still a personal letter," he added.

"That's correct. However, the moment you bought the book, it's already your property. If the previous owner didn't want anyone to read it, he should have just torn it but he didn't. Maybe he wants it to reach the ears of his daughter," Dexter rationalized.

"You have a point. Fair enough. But still… Anyway, let me think about it." Eric stood up and asked the book back from Dexter. He was still hesitant on reading it during his program. Sure, it will melt down many of the hearts of the listeners. Some may even send their own letters to their loved ones. It's no doubt that the message would make plenty of people to listen to the program. Still, he was cautious that some of the listeners might take it as offensive for them reading a private letter. No matter what the circumstances are, Eric knew that the letter is still a personal letter despite the reason given by Dexter, it is still a letter addressed not to the public but to the daughter.

Though Eric stood on his ground not to publicly read it on his program, yet part of him wanted to read it for the sake of message of the letter wanting to be sent to the addressee. As time draws to a close, as his decision-making is getting near, he is pressured. He is now the owner of the book. It's his decision. Would he read the letter or not?

After an hour, his program started and still didn't plan to read it publicly. Until minutes before the end of his program, Dexter, who was in the control room, stuck a paper on the glass window for him to read. It says, "Last chance! Help the voice of the letter!" Eric was struck by what he had read. He felt once again the voice pleading to be sent.

"And we're back. That was a hit song in the 70s composed and performed by Sir Elton John entitled, Your Song. Did you know that "Your Song" was inducted in the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1998? I bet some of you didn't know that. It was truly a wonderful love song by Sir Elton John," he said as his program continued.

In the nick of time, he reached out for the book from his bag. He's taking the chance and challenge of publicly reading it. It's a chance since this might be the best way to find out about who this Yam is or who the father is. It is also the same time a challenge since he knew the possible consequences of publicizing it. He hoped that he would have a cat in hell's chance of finding a clue somewhere.

"As we're in our last segment of the program, I would like to read something for all of you. It touched my heart and surely it would indisputably touch your hearts as well." He showed the book to the camera.

"It's a letter of a dying father. I can't find the right words to describe it so let me just read it." He browsed the book to the spot of the letter. Meanwhile, Dexter started to play a melancholic instrumental to give it a richer flavor to the ears of the listeners.

Dear Yam,

I'm sorry! I'm sorry for the many things that I wasn't able to do. I was not a good father. I can't even be called a father. I was a lost soul with no idea on where I was going. Yet, it was too late when it came to me to stop and go back. It was too late when I realized that I have bitten more than what I could chew. It was too late when I found my compass and map.

You might be wondering what I'm talking about. Well fifteen years ago, I found out that I was going to be a dad. I was both thrilled and terrified. You were already five years old then. I didn't know that your mother was carrying you after we met and made love in my small apartment along the icy street of Winnepeg, Canada. She buried her head in the sand, knowing that I wouldn't be a good father to you. I had loved your mother to death. It was like a fantasy in my mind where we didn't care what people say about us. Yet, I was the only irresponsible in our love. I was a mess that time, no sense of direction. I was just a happy-go-lucky having your mother at my side. I thought that nothing could separate me from your mother. She has accepted and loved me as I was. The sense of forever seems to be reachable when I was with her.

It was too late though. I was the only one thinking about such whimsical illusion and the wish is father to the thought. Your mother left. She went back to her family and never contacted me again. Until one day, I received a letter from her. She revealed to me that I have a lovely daughter, the fruit of our love. Yet, I wasn't allowed to see her since you were already having a great life. She told me that she was happily married with another man who treated you as his own. She was afraid that if I disclose myself to you, I might cause you pain and problems. She was afraid that sooner or later, I would find out about you and cause trouble. She begged me to refrain myself from you.

Never in a million years would I put you in danger. That is why I obliged to your mother's request without hesitation. It pains me a lot though. I felt I have been stabbed to death. I have a daughter that I couldn't embrace in my arms and couldn't see blowing her birthday cakes. I have a daughter that I couldn't even witness her transformation into a lady. Frequently, I've always dreamt about your wedding day and imagined filling it with tears as I walked you down the aisle before giving you away to the luckiest man in the world. It stings me a lot that I won't be able to do so. Yet, I could take all those pains as long as I know you would grow into a great woman you are now.

I tried to change. Believe me, I did try but it took time. It wasn't until my mother died. It was only then that I started to move forward. When I was alone in the world, it was then that I realized I have to grow up. I built myself from scratch until I made myself known into the world. I had the luxury that many people wanted in the world. Yet just having money as a companion didn't give me the happiness that I wanted. It was you who I want. To be able to see my only daughter is all I desire. But still I have to keep a promise, a promise of distance, a promise I would commit a million times more just to protect you.

My body is weak now. I went to my doctors yesterday. I was diagnosed of having stage two-colon cancer. They said that it's still curable but I happily accept now my death. There is no sense of security from my illness, no person to comfort my agony. The feeling of wanting to see you is my only sense of living and of being strong. I no longer feel the fear of death and the anxiety of trying to be someone else. I experience an exhilarating sense of buoyancy. At the same time I still feel isolated, lonely because my subjectivity couldn't reach it's totality, seeing you and being with you.

I'm not saying all these things to be able to see you or to forgive me. I know that what I did is unjustifiable. I was not a good father nor was I even a father to you. I know I don't even have the right to call you, Yam, as your mother calls you. Yet, if God permits I would hold you forever in my heart until the day I die for you are my only buried treasure in life that I could never see, the jewel in the crown that I can never have.

Signed,

Your Dad

Eric closed the book and remained silent for some seconds until the instrumental background died down. "That's the letter. Well folks! It's time to wrap it up. I'm your DJ EJ in Ohio. And for all you listeners out there, have a blessed night! Here is a song by Eric Clapton entitled, Tears in Heaven." He clicked the switch and just remained in his seat for a couple more seconds.

Dexter broke the silence, "So are we going to Ally's or what?" he said through the microphone of the control room connected to the magic room.

They went out to give way to the next pair. Eric was like a jelly. He was still bothered if what he did was right or wrong. Until they reached Ally's, Dexter tried to explain to him repeatedly that it was for the best. Yet, Eric felt uneasy by what just happened. He gambled on the ghost of a chance on getting a positive result from what he did. Whatever the case, it already happened. He just has to stand by it and see what happens next.