CHAPTER 17

"Are you okay?" Dexter asked.

"Am I okay?" Eric forlornly responded. "I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I'm barely living," Eric listlessly added.

Dexter called Eric to get an update about his search. Luther had been hassling Dexter for updates since he was the only one who has a contact with Eric. What Dexter found out, however, was startling. He sensed that something was wrong on how Eric answered the phone. He was not sick physically but it was as if he was tending a pain and it was obvious that it was in his heart. Though Eric was having problems since arriving in Bremerton, the distress tone in him was odd for Dexter.

Dexter respected Eric. No, scratch that. He wanted to be like him. Not only because of his talent but also how he carried himself at events and at the station. Of all the people in the station, Eric is the only man whom Dexter found mysteriously unique. He even considered him as the perfect guy in being a DJ. The one who's always calm and swift with his voice and action.

"Do you need help?"

"I don't need help. I need her."

"If you're desperate enough in having her, what the hell are you doing here? Why won't you fight for it?"

Dexter already understood whom Eric was referring to. He had heard their story several times whenever they have drinks at Ally's. He knew everything from their passionate meeting to their heartbreaking separation. He knew the reason of the sudden disappearance of Eric. He had always consoled him with it whenever Eric started to talk about it. Dexter had kept on reminding Eric that it was not his fault and that he had no choice but have to do it.

"How can I if everything's out of my hands? Why would I fight for it if she has a good life? I would just wreck what she has now. I sensed the happiness in her. She has a son and soon the father would be her husband. I would not be selfish and hurt other people."

"You're not a martyr either. Fighting for something that you truly desire is worth every risk and danger. Sure enough, people may get hurt but it's also the same with them. They wanted to form a lasting bond because they felt that they're ready to face the consequence. They're not afraid to be hurt in the end," Dexter explained.

Eric kept silent. He tried to absorb what Dexter said. He realized that he has a point. It was not often that Dexter would talk with much sense in serious conversation. Eric was used to Dexter's jokes that he had forgotten the times when Dexter became serious in his talks. In terms of advice and struggles in life, he was always silent. He couldn't even last in a humorless conversation.

"You have to build the world that you wanted to live in. Don't live in despair. You wouldn't want to blame yourself in the end for not giving it a try. Breathe the air of the present not the past nor the future," Dexter added.

"What are you saying?"

"You should take action now or forever be silently burdened."

"If being burdened would be the exchange of her happiness, so be it. I have caused her enough pain. I wouldn't want to add more. I would accept my fate of sorrow if it would be for her sake."

Eric has always believed in sacrificial love. If he has to let go of his desire for the sake of happiness of the one he loves dearly, he would willingly do it even if the cause would bring so much pain on his part. He has done it before and he would do it again as long as he has to. He had always been selfless, one of his traits that Melody has loved before.

"Do you still love her or not?"

"I wouldn't be like this if I didn't love her. Of course, I do love her!"

It was past eleven in the evening. All of the people in their house were already asleep. The only noises that could be heard are the chirping of crickets and the barking of the neighbor's dog. The moon was clear and the stars were dancing brightly as they give light from the window of the bedroom of Eric. He stood up from his bed and started walking silently to have a better reception of the call. He slowly opened the front door and sat on the porch of their gentle house, witnessing the kind of scene that made him believe before that all could be right with the world.

"Then you should fight for it. Never mind the principles and promises. Love conquers everything. If you truly love her, then fight for what you feel."

"I already made my decision. It's just that I can't move on from it."

"That's the problem. You can't move on because your heart and your mind are in a clash. Your mind is telling you to stop and move on while your heart is telling you to fight for it. Regret always lasts forever. Whatever you do to avoid things, sooner or later, it would unveil itself in a fashion that you would have it heavier. It may slip from your mind one day but true love will always be there no matter what you do."

"I can't do anything. I wouldn't be able to see her anymore."

"Why not?"

"I was able to give the book yesterday. Well technically, I asked someone to give it to the daughter. That is the reason I already flew back. I'm in Newport now until my vacation ends. I couldn't handle the pressure anymore."

Immediately after replacing the note with the letter, Eric flew back to Ohio. He didn't know where to go. He wanted to be in silence and home is the only place he could find peace. Since he could not yet work, he chose to stay at their house in Newport together with his grandparents and his sister than to stay in his condo in Cincinnati.

How long had it been since he'd stayed at their home for moments of silence? He had never felt better in any other place than in their home. His grandparents and sister would always leave him in peace whenever they perceive that he needed to be alone. It was where he can reflect on things properly and in the end, would have a newfound self-consciousness on the issue at hand. Yet, this time, it didn't help at all. A day had passed since his arrival and a day more before the wedding of Melody back in Bremerton. He still found himself bothered for leaving things as they were in Bremerton. It wasn't about his search for the daughter. It was about him and Melody.

Then again, Eric thought, the last thing he wanted was to talk the confusion out of his system. It was much better to let it simmer with the help of time. It also took him time with his previous reflection on his father's death. He'd wished that before going back to Cincinnati, he could leave all the doubts behind and be fresh for work. But for now, it would be impossible. He had been nursing the pain since he left New York five years ago. He wasn't able to let go of the past and wouldn't be able to in the present and in the future.

"Don't say you can't do anything because you can do something. It's only in the mind. If you really want to do something, you can make it happen."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I really don't want to do anything at all."

"If I were you…" Dexter stopped as someone interrupted him. "I have to go. Something came up in the technical room. See you soon."

After the call, Eric didn't enter the house right away. He glanced up the stars and started to remember the times he had with Melody. Among them was the time when he and Melody walked on the starry nights street of New York after their first day where he thought that Melody would be the mother who would raise well his kids in the future.

He had regretted what he did before. If there were a way to return to the time he left, he would have first explained to her the need for him to disappear. He had remorse of not doing so. Moreover, the only reason he didn't go back then was that he felt that if ever he would say his goodbye, he wouldn't be able to leave at all.

Then tears started to fall from his already swollen eyes.

On that same evening, as the fog thickened into a soupy mess, where the garden of the hospital could be seen from the window, Mr. G. C. has been narrating all that he has seen and heard during the event at the CARE Center. He even mentioned to Mr. Clements that Eric was the host of the event. Both men have predicted that Eric would be there to continue his search but didn't expect him to be the master of ceremony.

Then Mr. G. C.'s phone rang. Although it was an unknown number, he still answered it, thinking that it could be an emergency.

"Hello!" the person on the other line greeted.

Mr. G. C. wasn't able to answer at once. He wasn't sure if he was right in his thinking on who called. He wanted to confirm if the voice he heard was that of Elizabeth. He had talked with her several times whenever Mr. G. C. goes to the Center to represent Mr. Clements. It was the first time though that Elizabeth has called her.

Usually, if the CARE Center wanted to invite Mr. Clements for an event, they would send an invitation card and call afterwards for confirmation. But it won't be Elizabeth despite being the President of the Center. She would assign Dawn with the confirmation details and calls.

"This is Ms. Longley," she added.

"Well, hello Ms. Longley! Is there something I can do for you?" Mr. G. C. curiously asked.

"I know it's late. Well, I'm just wondering if you're with Mario? I mean Mr. Clements."

Mr. G. C. sensed a hesitant voice in Elizabeth. He didn't know why she called but he knew it was something important. Would it be the day that Mr. Clements has waited for all his life? He hoped so.

"Yes! I'm with Mr. Clements. Would you like to talk with him?" he hastily offered.

Mr. G. C. didn't want to waste such opportunity. Whether it was fate that made a way for Elizabeth to call or not, such chance, Mr. G. C. thought, wouldn't come often. Fortunately, he was at the hospital. He was, actually, about to leave and let Mr. Clements rest. Then the call happened.

Mr. G. C. immediately whispered to Mr. Clements while covering the headset with his hand. "It's Ms. Longley."

Mr. Clements was shocked and tried to clear his mind if he heard Mr. G. C. correctly or not. He sat on his hospital bed as Mr. G. C. assisted him in order for Mr. Clements to speak clearly. He didn't know what to do. "Which one?" Mr. Clements wanted to know if it was Elizabeth or her daughter, Melody.

"It's Ms. Elizabeth Longley," Mr. G. C. answered while giving the phone and the wireless headset to Mr. Clements.

Slowly, Mr. G. C. placed the headset on Mr. Clements' right ear. "Hello Lizzy! Should I call you Elizabeth now?" Mr. Clements greeted.

Mr. G. C. understood how important the situation was. This was the day that Mr. Clements waited for eighteen long agonizing years. He then signaled at Mr. Clements that he would wait outside, with his hand pointing at the front door as he started walking out. Whatever the result of this conversation will be, whether Mr. Clements' wish would be fulfilled or not, Mr. G. C wanted to give Mr. Clements some space.

"Lizzy's fine. How're you feeling? I heard that you're sick." Elizabeth didn't know how to get the conversation started. It was not her usual persona to start a talk with any man. It might be Mr. Clements who's on the other line but it has been a long time since they have talked. It's not that she's uncomfortable with him. It's just that her moves as always were measured, including her words and Mr. Clements knew it very well.

"I'm fine, stronger than ever. I'm still active with my business. As you know, there's no time to waste in the kind of field that I'm into," he defensively said.

Mr. Clements obviously lied. Not because of his ego. Not because he wanted to be invited at the wedding if ever. Rather, it was more of not wanting Elizabeth to worry about his condition. If there was one thing that he regretted the most in his past, it was being insensitive by not recognizing that it was only Elizabeth who was taking all the pressures and problems they were having before.

Surely, Mr. Clements wouldn't be able to change the past. He understood that no one would be able to. Yet at the very least before his lifetime reaches his end, he would like that Elizabeth would be able to see the difference from the old Mr. Clements to the present. He knew it might not have anymore bearing with where they are, he still hope that at the very least, her view on her would change.

They may not have talked for years but Elizabeth knew instantaneously that Mr. Clements was lying. She sensed the change in his voice from the energetic to the fragile tone. It was not actually just his voice. She hasn't forgotten the habit of Mr. Clements whenever he was lying. He becomes talkative in a manner of being so defensive in his statements. They may have been away with each other, but Elizabeth still remembers everything.

Instead of pressuring him to tell his true condition, she just jumped into the reason why she called. "I'm sorry!" Elizabeth paused as she was trying to compose herself.

Mr. Clements didn't say a word. He knew what Elizabeth said was just the start. He waited for more as he always does whenever she speaks with him before.

"I wasn't totally honest with you the last time we talked in Texas. Ah, how would I say this? Our daughter's name was not actually Miriam but Melody. Selfishness struck me. It just hit me hard. I was afraid that if you would know the truth, it would be easy for you to see her. Despite asking you to promise me not to see her, in my heart I just wanted to see how far would you go to see her. I know it was wrong but at that time, I didn't know what to do except to protect her even from you. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that." Elizabeth's heart sank as she expressed herself. She had cried her eyes out since that day. There were even times at night when she looked a bit down in the mouth.

"You weren't wrong with what you did."

"Huh?" Elizabeth was bothered with what came out from Mr. Clements' mouth. She was expecting him to be angry at least. She has prepared herself for whatever he would say. But she wasn't prepared by what she heard.

"I actually knew everything. I found out the truth just a month after we had that talk. I knew as well that you weren't married at all. You might be wondering why I didn't go after both of you when I found out that you lied. I would be lying if I would say that I was grinning from ear to ear because the truth is, I got a face like a wet week-end! When I was already sober from my misery, I realized that I was already too late. Seeing you both with a smile on the pictures I received from the people that I have sent to look after you, made me feel that my time was up. I don't have any more right to show my face in front of you both. The time that I have wasted was simply beyond the pale."

"Oh Mario!" Elizabeth was saddened beyond words.

For a minute, no one between them tried to say a word. They were absorbed by what both have said. Elizabeth wanted to console Mr. Clements but she can't find the word to do it. She was still lost at what she had heard from him. Mr. Clements, on the other hand, felt that he has to apologize for what he did but was caught up with the pain that was coming out from his heart, which he had been tending for a long time.

Elizabeth realized that their conversation would only go deeper if she wouldn't divert it with other things. She then tried to change the atmosphere of the conversation and so she expressed,

"She's getting married tomorrow!"

"I'm also informed about that." Mr. Clements smiled. "She had grown into a fine lady and a great mother at the same time."

Elizabeth wasn't stunned by what she heard. She knew that Mr. Clements may have been keeping his promise but she knew that he has eyes on them. Elizabeth didn't take it negatively. Instead, she saw it as an effort on how much Mr. Clements wanted to see and be his daughter.

"Would you like to see her and be the man to walk her down the aisle?"

Mr. Clements wasn't sure if he heard Elizabeth right. It was what he had longed for. Yet, he hates to admit it that he wouldn't be able to. Distance was no problem. Plane ticket was not an issue. His money could solve those things easily. But there was something that his money couldn't give. His health. He would die before he could reach Bremerton. Positively, he was getting stronger but it wasn't enough for him to travel. As his doctors warned him, the moment he goes out of the hospital, they would not be able to guarantee his safety even with the best apparatus with him. Hell, he also knew that Elizabeth and Melody would only erupt in anger if they found out that he travels despite his current condition.

"I wanted to but…" Mr. Clements remembered what he told her at the start of their conversation that he was stronger. He didn't want to lie but he still doesn't want her to worry about his condition.

Before Mr. Clements could finish what he was about to say, Elizabeth interrupted. "I know your condition. Eric told me. If only I could ask her to postpone it just for you to be able to make it when you're strong enough, I would."

"Don't do it. I wouldn't want her to postpone her dream wedding just for me. She has prepared well and waited for so long just for that day to happen."

"What should I do then? I don't know what to do anymore." She took breathing spell to figure things out. "I know! Why don't you talk with her tomorrow before the wedding," Elizabeth suggested.

"Tomorrow? Should I just talk with her after the wedding? I don't want to ruin her day," Mr. Clements proposed.

"We may not be vocal with each other about things especially involving you but as a mother I can feel her desires and longings. I know she wanted to talk with you before the wedding. It would even make her day complete if not, perfect."

Mr. Clements felt a relief from what he heard. It was as if, he could die in peace just from what he just heard. He was expecting that Melody wouldn't recognize him even as a stranger because of not being with her by her side. From what he has just heard from Elizabeth, a ray of hope illumined his heart. It was now from impossible to feasible.

"I'll just call you tomorrow before she prepares for the wedding. I would just call this number of Mr. G. C. if it's alright with you?" she added.

"Yeah!" Mr. Clements couldn't believe that his wish was starting to come about. "Thank you and I'm sorry!"

"You should rest. Take care of yourself! Bye!" Elizabeth ended the call.

Elizabeth was at the porch of the house. She didn't want others especially Melody to hear her. Before she made the call, she actually waited for everyone to sleep. She wouldn't be able to say a word if there was still someone awake.

Instead of entering the house, she remained at her seat and was just staring at the quietness of the street. She couldn't believe what she just did. A window of heart just opened where she felt the air of calmness entered. There was no regret on what she just did. In its place, she felt a sigh of relief in every part of her body.

Elizabeth, in her moment of reflection, heard someone asking, "Are you okay?" She right away knew who was the person even without looking in the direction where the voice came from. It was Nana. Elizabeth had the feeling that Nana was still awake.

"I'm okay!" Elizabeth panted. She coughed and wiped the water from her face. "Do I look not okay?" She swiped at her nose with a tissue.

"Was that Mario?" Nana asked. She knew who it was. Nana was the shoulder that Elizabeth cried on after she returned from Winnipeg. She has been the ear that listened her groaning. She has been the arm that cuddled her soul. Nana was by Elizabeth's side when she could feel the pain striking her whole body and sending flashes of fire throughout her heart. Nana never blamed her for what happened to her nor left her. She simply stayed by her side and supported her in ways she could.

Elizabeth simply nodded.

"Come inside. You should take a rest as well. We still have a tiring event ahead of us tomorrow," Nana encouraged.

At Nana's words, they both entered the house.