Fall: ...And Inevitability That Which Begets; Despair PT. 5/5

I felt pain whenever I moved, saw grey wherever I looked, and heard their voices whenever I listened. So, in the end, my only real comfort was the smell of food, bringing in the only warmth I recognized.

"…Food?" I pushed my hair out of the way to see a girl humming to herself, cooking some food on the stove.

She turned to me, a small smile on her cute face. "Don't worry, this'll warm you right up big bro Depra!" She winked at me before continuing to cook, her auburn hair swaying back and forth.

She's, cooking? For me? I gritted my teeth, clenching my fists tight. Why? I didn't deserve it, I deserved nothing, nothing but the feeling taking root within me, clawing its way through everything I thought was "progress."

I felt pain near my shoulder, and I looked to see Hiro, who had placed my hand on it. "Hey, I brought someone here to see you."

He motioned for me to get up, walking back towards the front of the house. I reluctantly followed, shuffling my way across the kitchen to the front door, where I saw the last person I could possibly want to see.

"Why, are you here?"

She looked at me with her regal purple eyes, an understanding within them; no, that was wrong, no way anyone could understand the hell that is myself.

"Why, are you here?" I asked again, and she just shook her head, her hands grabbing each of mine, and I felt an unrecognizable warmth flow through me.

"I'm here, because you need me." She said, a smile arising on her face, and I felt the necklace around me get undone, falling into Hiro's hands.

"I don't deserve it," I murmured, looking away from her eyes.

"I say you do, so looks like you're stuck with me then huh?"

I growled, about to yell at Pandora before I saw her face, filled with the utmost seriousness. She brought my hands to her chest, her eyes mesmerizing me as they always did.

"I'll say it again; no, as many times as it takes."

"I'm here, because you need me."

No voices overtook my hearing, no greyness around her being, no pain as she touched me, it was all pure and heartfelt.

"Your Fault."

And that's why it hurt so much.

"Your Fault."

And that's why I was grateful.

"Your Fault."

And that's why, I truly hated myself.

I could only nod at her words, and I let her lead me back into the kitchen, where a steaming bowl of tomato soup with grilled cheese awaited me, just as it did at lunch time.

Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I threw up earlier when I was walking away from Lachesis' house. I can't remember, since the voices overtook me then.

"Here, eat this," Pandora said, holding a slice of grilled cheese with some tomato soup soaked into it. She pressed it towards my mouth, and I opened it, biting down onto the delicious warmth I just had earlier today.

"What do you think?" I turned to Luna, who was glancing at the two of us, poking her two index fingers together.

"It's good." I mumbled out, and a smile of relief broke through on her face.

"Glad you like it! Eat it all, okay?" I nodded, and she smiled at Pandora, nodding at her before going into the living room, where Hiro was sitting on the couch.

"Hey, let's hurry up and have you eat, okay?" Pandora said, and she continued to feed me, a light smile on her face as she did so.

When I had finished eating, she squeezed the hand she didn't let go of, her regal purple eyes looking into my own.

"Let's go upstairs, alright?" I let her lead me upstairs into the bathroom, where clothes had already been laid out for me, probably by Hiro. She hesitated, looking down at our interlocked hands before looking back at me.

"I'll be fine," I murmured, and she nodded. As she released my hand, I could hear the laughter, the voices, and YOURFAULT's return, and by the time she closed the door to the bathroom, I couldn't even hear that.

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"He's worse than I thought."

Pandora was waiting outside the bathroom door when I came up to see her, and I nodded, pursing my lips in angst.

"It's why I called you yah know. You were probably the only other thing that could help him you know."

I leaned against the wall next to her, looking up at the ceiling. "You know, you can talk to Luna if you want. I didn't tell her you were coming, so she's pretty shocked I know you. She thought I was stalking her or something."

She chuckled. "Yeah, I wouldn't put it past you."

"Hey, I'm not one to do that," I said, crossing my arms. "Besides, I decided when she started school that I would let her make her own decisions and friends. I would never interfere with something as precious as that."

Pandora's regal purple eyes glanced at me, looking me up and down. "You're not as overprotective as I thought."

I laughed at that statement. "Oh, it wasn't an easy decision to make. If you met me two years earlier, you would know why. But we're getting off topic. I didn't come here to talk about me."

She nodded. "Yeah, he really is bad."

"I also didn't come here to talk about him either, although it deals with him in a way," I said, sighing. "No, I came to talk about you."

"I thought you already did that when we met," she said, scowling.

"No, not about that either. It's honestly not too important, I was just wondering if you wanted to have a sleepover with Luna."

"Why would I do that when Depra's like this?" she said, and I could feel her anger welling up.

"Hey, I have to think about everyone here. What're you gonna do after tonight? Spend every waking moment with him?" Silence, and I exhaled sharply through my nose. "In the end, the best thing for him is to get used to the fact that this'll be his new normal for a while."

She whirled around to me, pressing me against the wall, her pupils shrinking in anger. "And what? Leave him to fend off for himself!?"

"I'm not saying we leave him like this. All I'm saying is, I have no way to help the guy out," I started, gritting my teeth and clenching my fists. "I have no way of helping him, and he's been like this for so long, and I can still do nothing!"

Her pupil's widened as she listened to my words. "I've been searching for a way to help, but I don't know where the hell to even begin! I know nothing about his condition, even with me knowing what his ability is; I've done countless hours of research, experiments, brain scans, blood tests, and none of that tells me a goddamn thing about how to help my friend, nothing at fucking all!"

She took a step back, her hair covering my face. "So, believe me when I say I don't wanna leave him worse off than I've known him, but what choice do I have, huh? I just, I just…" I trailed off, slumping my shoulders down as I looked back up at the ceiling.

I just wanna help him, in whatever way I can.

I heard the water turn off in the bathroom, and I collected myself, taking a deep breath.

"I'll be in my room, but think about what I asked, okay?" She nodded, and I walked back to my room, doing all that I could to prepare my friend for what was going to be the hell that his normal life.

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I took a short shower, the hot water unable to warm me up as I tried to let it soak into me, before getting out, dressing myself in Hiro's pajamas.

As I brushed my teeth, I saw the bathroom door open, and I felt a warm, soft hand wrap around one of mine, and I heard the laughter, the voices, and the YOURFAULT's disappear.

"Better?" Pandora asked, and I nodded.

"Thank you."

"Your Fault."

I finished brushing my teeth, and let myself be led by Pandora once more, before she stopped, frowning as she looked at me.

"Where are we sleeping?"

We. That word stuck out to me the most. I grit my teeth, shaking my head at her words. I didn't deserve a we. Not in the past, not in the present, and certainly not in the goddamn future.

"No, we are," Pandora said firmly, and we both stared each other down until Hiro came out from his room.

"You two lovebirds fighting already?" No one laughed, and he sighed, scratching his hair. "I'll sleep with Depra, and you can sleep with Luna, Pandy, got it?"

"But-!"

He shook his head, glancing at me. "What do you wanna do?"

"I'll sleep alone."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, sleeping with me it is. I already set everything up, so you can sleep on my bed or on the spare mattress, up to you." He motioned for Pandora, and she hesitated once more, glancing down at our hands.

"Please, I'll be alright," I said, and she nodded, giving me a smile before she followed Hiro downstairs, leaving me alone with the voices, the laughter, and the YOURFAULT's.

I walked into his room, collapsing onto the spare mattress, the pain in my body starting to ebb away as the voices grew louder.

"Of course you can do it! If you can't, then that makes you useless trash, right?"

"Everything, all of it was for you! SO WHY DON'T YOU GET IT!?"

"So, what will you do, Major?"

I curled up into a ball, the laughter growing as I tried to sleep it all away.

But the one thing that stuck with me, the one thing I could feel that was truly my own, was the cause of all this brought on all this pain.

Yes, my newly remembered, true second regret of my life, bringing the count to three.