CHAPTER THE GREAT BATTLE PLAN

That day after I left for work my parents also set to work. My mom calling all relatives to inform them I agreed and my dad registered me in all the matrimonial sites he could find. And proving my parents recipe of how long it took to prepare a perfect wedding wrong (all those time limits was shit anyway. I knew mom was just randomly throwing numbers at me so that I would shut up) a call came few weeks later.

It was from an agent who wanted to know whether there was a girl looking for a suitable match. The call lasted for some 10 mint or so by which some 'decisions' were made.

A# I was not supposed to go for work on Saturday as there was a family coming to see me.

Even though there will be a lot of other family's who had paid to see me at hospital. But who cares. I'm some sort of circus animal either take a ticket and see me at the hospital or see me free at home where you'll get extra chai and snacks. Wow!!

B# This guy is well educated and the family seems well off.

So if he looks good too, my parents are going to be clean bowled. Even if he is not that good looking I doubt they would even spare a second thought unless another educated, wealthy, good looking guy shows up.

C# they're in some way our very distant family.

Great I'm getting married to my cousin from all the male population on earth!!

"What sort of a doctor are you? Don't you know if you get married to some one from your own family then the children born could have some very serious health issues?!" Neha yelled over the phone

"You think I don't know. I tried convincing my mom picking this as an excuse to get out of it but she's sooo adamant. It seems like we are only linked by my cousin rose getting married to his cousin or something." I said massaging my now throbbing head

"That's the cousin we tried to push in to the stream right?" She asked

"Not WE.." I stressed correcting her remembering the last time Rose came to visit

The one and only time she came to visit!!

"It was you who wanted to drown her for telling Den smelled like rat shit. And ya that's her. Ohhhh I wish I had not talked you out of it. That fool just keeps getting me into bigger and bigger mess. Rose got married why aren't you marrying?.... Rose got pregnant why aren't you pregnant?.... Rose just jumped of a cliff why are still alive..... bla bla bla bla" I ranted getting irritated by each passing second

"Ha ha ha. Chill bro every family has this rose that they compare their kids to. No big deal. So are you going to marry this guy?" She asked seriously

Even though we are miles apart I could imagine the type of face she would be holding now. Her forehead would have that crease line which shows up when she's all consentrated on something. She's probably biting on the the end of a pencil or screw driver without even noticing. And her cell phone will be on speaker at the far end of her working table.

Neha fears radiation might shrink her brain capacity. So she never talks directly unless it is a land phone.

"Neha you know that I don't want to get married. But I'm scared looking at the speed of the things happening. Mom told me that it would at least take 2 years or more." I said feeling trapped all of a sudden

"It looks like they got lucky with what they wanted." She said and I knew she was smirking at the other end

"God what am I going to do?! I wish this was all a dream." I said more to myself than her

"Now just calm down Ok." Neha said trying to save me from a panic attack

"You know there is nothing that can't be fixed. I might not be good at many things. But getting people to run is one of my few talents. I can give you a few tips if you want but I warn you that this is no child play once you use these tricks there will be no going back---"

And so after some discussion over a late night call Neha and I came up with the best plan ever. I was sure at one point the secret intelligence services had started to tap into our phone call because the way she was planning things you would think we were planning some terrorist attack. Anyways on Saturday morning with a smile that my mom misunderstood to be shy. I set to work. Neha's plan had 4 levels of action.

Level 1#   first impression is the best impression.

Just make it as worse as possible without giving it out to your parents.

Level 2#   showing attitude.

Just give shortest answers to their questions. Act like your not at all interested. Check the time frequently, act impatient or yawn in between.

Level 3#   the unforgivable.

No one will like people talking bad about their parents. For boys mom's are a weak spot. And I assure you if you make any sort of comment in this region. He will never even look at you anymore. And this is our last resort don't do it if you don't want to be hated for life.

Level 4#   the heart broken bride.

Act all innocent, sad and heart broken when they reject the proposal

And for the grand climax the superb dialog "I will never ever ever stand in front of another guy like that, ever!!" this dialog along with a bucket of tears should do the trick. And neither mom or dad would come up with a proposal for a while at least.

With everything so clear and smooth I was sure I had nothing to worry about. So preparing for level 1 I replaced sugar in the tea with salt. One sip of that tea and I knew no one would want more. But the strength of my luck was so much that not even a drop reached anywhere near their mouth. The nearest they could reach was till the shirts collar. Didn't you get it.