My newly found resolution
44.
They were utterly still trying to blend with the furniture of the living room. They didn't blink, they didn't breathe. After a moment, I had to look in their direction to make sure I wasn't alone. Both of them were sitting on the couch facing me with their hands touching but I was sure they weren't even aware of the need to touch each other. Was it for reassurance? How I longed to do the same with my mate. Just that thought was painful. It felt like a wound tugging at my heart.
"Explain that again?" Dad said with his velvet-leveled voice with fury lurking beneath. His stillness held a lingering threat of violence. I let out a shaking breath. What happened tonight forced me to make a decision about my future. What Seth told me sent shards stabbing into my very soul. I was sure they wouldn't understand. But it was what I wanted.
"I need to get back to school and also need to train my powers," I said slowly. He narrowed his eyes at me. It was the only movement on his stone face. Mom just stared, unblinking. I hated it when they showed they were human anymore. The house was chilled. Goosebumps rose all over my arms.
"Are you still drunk?" Dad's whispered. I was. But that wasn't the point. I wanted to meet Jacob's efforts. I wanted to make him proud. I had to do it for my own sake. No more fooling around. No more being stupid and doing stupid things just to grab his attention.
"Edward!' scolded Mom. She sighed and relaxed in her seat breaking the illusion of a perfect statue. "I was also thinking about it. She can't just be lazy around the house. The same goes for me," Dad's head sprung towards her in a blur, his eyes wide with surprise.
"Is that some kind of conspiracy?" he sounded disgusted. Mom rubbed the space between her eyebrows smoothing the creases as tension built up.
"Edward," she exhaled. "If this is all I'll do for eternity then I'll get bored very soon. Playing the perfect housewife is already taking its toll," she faced me. "Renesme is right. She needs to think about her future. I've tried to push it away but that's only fooling oneself. She needs help," she turned to me. "I went through terrible times when your father and I had trouble in our relationship," she paused and averted her eyes as if reliving that episode. "It was before you were born," a shadow covered Dad's face, his jaw tensed. "I don't want you to go through the same pain," her gaze met mine.
"Why not try homeschooling," Dad suggested. Both Mom and I frowned at him.
"Says the man who had studied all over Europe," Mom commented, Dad clicked his tongue at her. I was happy that the tension had settled and we could talk like normal human beings. But I always forget that we weren't normal. We never had. It was all an illusion. They were doing everything to keep hold of that illusion—the perfect family. But we were not. I was not their teenage daughter going through puberty. I was an old soul in the body growing too fast with the knowledge I couldn't grasp. Powers I couldn't comprehend. I was ageless. Yet, I couldn't explain it. The moment I lay my eyes on Jacob, I knew. I even had awareness and memories of being inside Mom's womb. So why do I suppress who I really was for the sake of normalcy? To please them? They seemed so attached to this simple life away from others. Hiding in the shelter of an illusion.
"Are you sure about it, honey?" Mom got up, her movement fluid as she moved closer. Mom will forever be this pretty young woman. She kneeled in front of me and grabbed my hands resting on my lap, in hers. My heart slammed inside my chest. Deep down in a far corner of my mind, I could feel his presence. I knew he could sense me too. There was a faint warmth wrapping around my heart like arms embracing me. I eased into my seat. It was painful to be so far away as much as it was painful for him. Jacob.
"Yes," I let out a deep sigh. I met her dark red eyes. They were sad and concerned. "Yes, I do," I felt like I was taking a huge step onto a path that led to him. A rough and hard path with many obstacles.
"Ok, then," Mom gave me a tight smile.